THE LOST WEEKEND
1945, Paramount Pictures, Directed by Billy Wilder, Screenplay by
Charles Brackett
WICK
You better take this along, Don. It's going to be cold on the
farm.
DON
Okay.
WICK
How many shirts are you taking?
DON
Three.
WICK
I'm taking five.
DON
Five?
WICK
Yeah, I told them at the office I might not be back until
Tuesday. We'll get there this afternoon. That'll give us all
Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. We'll make it a long wonderful
weekend.
DON
Sounds long, all right.
WICK
It'll be good for you Don, after what you've been through. Trees
and grass and sweet cider and buttermilk and water from that well
that's colder than any other...
DON
Wick, please, why this emphasis on liquids? Very dull liquids.
WICK
Sorry, Don.
DON
You know, I think it'd be a good idea if we took along my
typewriter.
WICK
What for?
DON
To write. I'm gonna write there. Get started on that novel.
WICK
You really feel up to writing?
DON
Why not?
WICK
I mean, after what you've been through.
DON
I haven't touched the stuff for ten days now.
WICK
I know. I know you haven't Don. Where is the typewriter?
DON
In the living room, in the closet, kinda towards the back.
WICK
Are you sure it's in the closet? I can't find it.
DON
Well look by the desk.
WICK
Isn't it under your bed? Did you find it?
DON
Oh sure, sure here it is.
WICK
And here's some paper. Tell you what we'll do, we'll fix up a
table on the south porch and nobody'll disturb you, i'll see to
it. And maybe Saturday we can run down to the Country Club.
DON
I'm not going near that Country Club.
WICK
Why not?
DON
Because they're a bunch of hypocrites and I don't like to be
whispered about; Look who's here from New York. The Birnam
brothers or rather the nurse and the invalid.
WICK
Oh. Stop it Don. Nobody there knows about you.
DON
No? The minute we get off the train the alarm is sounded: The
leper is back, Hide your liquor.
WICK
That's Helen. I'll take it. Helen.
HELEN
Hello, Wick. Where's Don? I'm glad I made it. I was afraid you'd
be gone. Presents. The new Thruber book, with comical jokes and
pictures. A nice quiet little double murder by Agatha Christie.
Cigarettes, chewing gum and darling, have a wonderful time. And
don't forget, lots of sleep, lots of milk...
DON
Lots of cider, lots of ice cold water from the well. I know.
HELEN
Bend down. And now I must be going. I've missed ten minutes of
the concert already. So long Wick.
DON
What concert?
HELEN
Carnegie Hall. Barbirolli conducting. They gave me two tickets at
the office.
DON
Who are you going with?
HELEN
Nobody.
DON
Nobody? What are they playing?
HELEN
Brahms' Second Symphony, something by Beethoven, somehing by
Handel and not one note of Grieg.
DON
Sounds wonderful.
HELEN
Goodbye, boys. See you Monday.
(00:05:00)**
**
WICK
Tuesday.
DON
Wait a minute. Wick, I just had a crazy idea.
WICK
As for instance.
DON
Who says we have to take the three fifteen train? We could go on
the six-thirty.
WICK
What are you talking about?
DON
Well, I just thought we could take a later train and Helen
wouldn't have to the concert by herself. She's got two tickets,
hasn't she?
HELEN
No, no. I'm not going to upset any plans. You're going on that
three fifteen.
DON
Oh. Now Helen, it's so silly! A whale of a concert and an empty
seat next to you.
WICK
No, Don. Everything's all set. Now they'll be at the station to
meet us and dinner'll be waiting.
DON
Put in a call that we're talking the later train and have dinner
at nine o'clock, we'll be in bed by ten.
WICK
Nothing doing. We're going.
HELEN
Wick is right. And don't worry about that empty seat. I'll find
myself a nice handsome South American millionaire.
DON
There you are. Did you hear her. Besides, we'd have to break our
necks anyway to catch the train.
HELEN
It's five to three.
DON
You see? Oh, don't be so stubborn Wick.
WICK
All right. Go ahead.
DON
Just a minute. I'm not going.
WICK
Then what are we talking about?
DON
Well, I want you to go. You and Helen.
WICK
Me and Helen?
DON
That's the idea. Who likes Brahms, you or I?
WICK
Since when don't you like Brahms?
DON
I'll just stick around here and finish packing. Take a little nap
maybe.
WICK
Nonsense. If anybody goes...Helen's your girl.
HELEN
There's something in that, Don.
WICK
And what's more, I don't think you should be left alone.
DON
I shouldn't?
WICK
No.
DON
I oughtn't be trusted. Is that it?
HELEN
Really, Don.
WICK
After what you've been through...
DON
After what I've been through, I couldn't go to a concert. I
couldn't even face the crowds. I couldn't sit through it with all
those people. Besides, I want to be alone for a couple of hours
and kind of assemble myself. Is that such an extraordinary thing
to want?
WICK
Don't act so outraged, would you mind?
DON
All right. Anything else?
HELEN
Please, boys.
WICK
Come on, Helen.
HELEN
You'll stay right here?
DON
Where would I go?
HELEN
Then you'll be here when we come back?
DON
I told you, I'm not leaving this apartment.
WICK
You've told us a good many things, Don.
DON
All right, if you don't belive me, why don't you tak emy key and
lock me in like a dog.
HELEN
(to Wick) We've got to trust Don. That's the only way.
WICK
Sorry, Don. (to Helen) Let's go Helen.
HELEN
So long, Don.
DON
So long.
HELEN
Bend down.
WICK
What's this?
DON
That? It's whiskey, isn't it?
WICK
How did it get there?
DON
I don't know.
WICK
I suppose it dropped from some cloud. Or someone was bouncing it
against this wall and it got stuck there.
DON
I guess I must have put it there.
WICK
Yes, you must.
DON
Only I don't remember when. Probably during my last spell, maybe
the one before. I don't know. (to Helen) Don't look at me like
that, Helen. It doesn't mean a thing. I didn't know it was there.
Even if I had, I wouldn't have touched it.
WICK
Then you won't mind.
DON
Mind what?
WICK
Now, you trot along with Helen.
DON
Why? Because of that? You think I wanted you out of the apartment
because of the bottle? I resent that like the devil, and if
there's one more word of discussion, I don't leave on your
blasted weekend.
HELEN
Let's go, Wick. (to Don) You'll be good. Won't you, Don, darling?
DON
Yes, Helen. Would you just stop watching me all the time, you
two. Let me work it out my way. I'm trying, I'm trying.
HELEN
I know you're trying, Don. We're both trying. You're trying not
to drink and I'm trying not to love you.
WICK
Call the farm Don and tell them we're taking the six-thirty.
DON
Sure.
WICK
So long. (to Helen) Come on, Helen.
HELEN
Should Wick...
WICK
He'll be all right.
HELEN
What if he goes out and buys another bottle?
WICK
With what? He hasn't a nickel. There isn't a store or bar that'll
give him five cents' worth of credit.
HELEN
Are you sure he hasn't got another bottle hidden someplace?
WICK
Not anymore, he hasn't. I went over the apartment with a fine-
toothed comb. The places he can figure out!
(00:10:00)**
**
DON
Who is it? WHO IS IT?
MRS. FOLEY
Mrs. Foley. Come to clean up.
DON
Well, not today. Does it have to be today?
MRS. FOLEY
I ought to change the sheets, and it's my day to vacuum.
DON
Come on Monday.
MRS. FOLEY
All right, Mr. Birnam. Is your brother in?
DON
No, he isn't
MRS. FOLEY
What about my money? Didn't he leave my money?
DON
What money?
MRS. FOLEY
My ten dollars. Didn't he leave it?
DON
Probably. And where would he leave it?
MRS. FOLEY
In the kitchen.
DON
Where in the kitchen?
MRS. FOLEY
In the sugar bowl.
DON
Just a minute. I'm sorry, Mrs. Foley. It isn't there. He must
have forgotten.
MRS. FOLEY
Oh, Putt! I wanted to do some shopping.
DON
You'll get it Monday.
MRS. FOLEY
All right Mr. Birnam.
DON
Two bottles of rye.
BROPHY
I'm sorry, Mr. Birnam.
DON
What are you sorry about?
BROPHY
Your brother was in. He said he's not going to pay for you
anymore. That was the last time.
DON
Two bottles of rye.
BROPHY
What brand?
DON
You know what brand, Mr. Brophy. The cheapest. None of that
twelve year old, aged-in-the-wood chichi. Not for me. Liquor is
all one, anyway.
BROPHY
You want a bag?
DON
Yes, I want a bag.
BROPHY
Your brother said not to sell you anything even if you did have
the money to pay for it, but I can't stop anybody, can I? Not
unless you're a minor.
DON
I'm not a minor, Mr. Brophy and just to ease your conscience, I'm
buying this to refill my cigarette lighter.
FRUIT MAN
Yes, sir. Thank you.
DON
Good afternoon, Mrs. Deveridge.
DEVERIDGE
Hello, Mr. Birnam. (to her companion) That's that nice young man
who drinks.
DON
How is my very good friend, Nat, today?
NAT
Yes, Mr. Birnam.
DON
This being an espeically fine afternoon, I have decided to ask
for your hand in marriage.
NAT
Look, Mr. Birnam...
DON
If that were to be your attitude, Nat, I shall have to drown my
sorrows in a jigger of rye. Just one, that's all.
NAT
Can't be done, Mr. Birnam.
DON
Can't? Let me guess why. My brother was here, undermining my
financial structure.
NAT
I didn't tell him nothing about the wrist watch you left here, or
your cuff links.
DON
Thank you very much, Nat. Today, you'll be glad to know, we can
barter on a cash basis.
NAT
One straight rye.
DON
That was the idea. Don't wipe it away, Nat. Let ;me have my
little vicious circle. You know the circle is the perfect
geometric figure. No end, no beginning...What time is it?
NAT
Quarter of four.
DON
Good. We have the whole afternoon together. Will you let me know
when it's a quarter of six. It's very important. I'm going to the
country for a weekend with my brother.
GLORIA
Hello, Mr. Birnam. Happy to have you back with the organization.
DON
Hello, Gloria. (to Nat) I wish I could take you alond, Nat.
You...and all that goes with you. Not that I'm cutting myself off
from civilization altogether. Now of course there arises the
problem of transportation into the country. How to smuggle these
two time bombs past the royal guard. I'll roll one bottle in a
copy of the Saturday Evening Post, so my brother can discover it
like that. And I want him to discover it, because that'll set his
mind at ease. The other bottle...Come here. That one I'm tucking
into my brother's suitcase. He shall transport it himself,
without knowing it, of course. Then, while he's greeting the
caretaker, I'll slide it out and hide it in a hollow of the old
apple tree.
(00:15:00)**
**
NAT
Aw, Mr. Birnam, why don't you lay off the stuff fora while?
DON
Well, I may never touch it while I'm there. Not a drop. What you
don't understand, all you you, is that I've got to know it's
around. That I can have it if I need it. I can't be cut off
completely. That's the devil. That's what drives you crazy.
NAT
Yeah. I know. I know a lot of guys like that. They take a bottle
and put it on the shelf. All they want is just to look at it.
They won't even carry a corkscrew along, just to make sure. Then,
all of a sudden, they grab the bottle and bite off the neck.
DON
Nat, one more reproving word and I shall consult our lawyer about
a divorce. Now don't forget, quarter of six. My brother must find
me home, ready and packed. (to Gloria) Shall we dance?
GLORIA
You're awfully pretty, Mr. Birnam.
DON
I bet you tell that to all the boys.
GLORIA
Why, natch. Only with you it's on the level.
DON
Yeah. Sit down.
GLORIA
No thanks. Thanks a lot, but no thanks. There's somebody waiting.
DON
Him? I bet he wears arch supporters.
GLORIA
Oh. He's just an old friend of the folks. Lovely gentleman. He
buys me dimpled Scotch.
DON
He sould buy you Indian rubies, and a villa in Calcutta
overlooking the Ganges.
GLORIA
Don't be ridic.
DON
Gloria, please, why imperil our friendship with these loathsome
abbreviations.
GLORIA
I could make myself free for later on, if you want.
DON
No Gloria, I'm going away for the weekend. Some other time.
GLORIA
Any time. Just crazy about the back of your hair.
DON
Nat, weave me another.
GLORIA
You'd better take it easy.
DON
Oh. Don't worry about me. Just let me know when it's a quarter of
six.
NAT
Okay.
DON
Come on, Nat. Join me. Just one little jigger of dreams.
NAT
No thanks.
DON
You don't approve of drinking?
NAT
Not the way you drink.
DON
It shrinks my liver, doesn't it, Nat? It pickles my kidNeys. Yes.
But what does it do to my mind? It tosses the sandbags overboard
so the balloon can soar. Suddenly, I'm above the ordinary. I'm
competent, supremely competent. I'm walking a tightrope over
Niagara Falls. I'm one of the great ones. I'm Michelangelo
molding the beard of Moses. I'm Van Gogh, painting pure sunlight.
I'm Horowitz, playing the Emperor Concerto. I'm John Barrymore
before the movies got him by the throat. I'm Jesse James and his
two brothers, all three of them. I'm W. Shakespeare. And out
there it's not Third Avenue any longer. It's the Nile, Nat. The
Nile and down it moves the barge of Cleopatra. Come here. Purple
the sails, and so perfumed that the winds were love-sick with
them; the oars were silver, Which to the tune of flutes kept
stroke...
HELEN
Maybe he's at Morandi's or Nat's bar, or that place on Forty-
second street?
WICK
What difference does it make?
HELEN
You're not really going, Wick.
WICK
I certainly am.
HELEN
But you can't leave him alone. Not for four days.
WICK
Yes I can.
HELEN
Oh. For heaven's sake, Wick. If he's left alone, anything can
happen! And I'll be tied up at the office every minute. All
Saturday. All Sunday. I can't look out for him. You know how he
gets. He'll be run over by a car. He'll be arrested. He doesn't
know what he's doing. A cigarette might fall from his mouth and
he'll burn in his bed...
WICK
Oh, Helen. If it happens, it happens. And I hope it does. I've
had six years of this. I've had my bellyful.
HELEN
Wick, you can't mean that.
WICK
Yes I do. It's terrible, I know, but I mean it.
HELEN
For heaven's sake, Wick...
WICK
Who are we fooling? We've tried everything, haven't we? We've
reasoned with him, we've babied him. We've watched him like a
hawk. We've tried trusting him. How often have you cried? How
often have I beaten him up? We scrape him out of the gutter and
pump some kind of self-respect into hims, and back he falls, back
in, every time.
HELEN
He's a sick person. It's as though there were something wrong
with his heart or his lungs. You wouldn't walk out on him because
he had an attack. He needs our help.
WICK
He won't accept our help. Not Don. He hates us. He wants to be
alone with that bottle of his. It's all he gives a hang about.
Why kid ourselves? He's a hopeless alcoholic.
DON
The cloud-capp'd towers; the gorgeous palaces. Nat! The solemn
temples, the great globe itself...
NAT
Mr. Birnam, you ought to go home. It's late.
DON
Yea, all which it inherit shall dissolve...
NAT
You ought to be home, on account of your brother.
DON
Who says so?
NAT
You said so. On account of you're going away somewhere, don't you
remember?
DON
What time is it?
NAT
Ten past six.
DON
Well, why didn't you tell me?
NAT
What do you think I've been doing for a half an hour? Hey, hey,
your change.
(00:20:00)**
**
WICK
Taxi! Taxi! (to Helen) I'll give you a lift as far as Grand
Central.
HELEN
No thanks. I'm gonna wait here.
WICK
You're crazy.
HELEN
Because I won't give up? Maybe I am.
WICK
Let go of him, Helen. Give yourself a chance.
HELEN
Goodbye, Wick.
LETTER
Don Dear:
*
*I waited for you to come home.
Please be careful. Get some
sleep. Eat. And call me, call me, call me, Helen
**
NAT
Hi. I thought you was going away for the weekend.
DON
Petes sake, what are you doing? Come on and give me a drink!
NAT
Right with you, Mr. Birnam. I'm just fixing myself some lunch.
DON
Well, stop it and come on and give me a drink, for heaven's sake.
Come on, come on!
NAT
Okay.
DON
Can't you hurry it up a little?
NAT
Here you are, Mr. Birnam. That young lady stopped in last night,
looking for ya.
DON
What young lady?
NAT
The one with the leopard coat.
DON
Yeah?
NAT
Yeah. She was acting like she just happened to drop in, but I
know she was making the rounds after you.
DON
What did you say to her?
NAT
I said you hadn't been in for two weeks.
DON
That's good. I can't let her see me. Not now while I'm "off" like
this.
NAT
Why don't you cut it short?
DON
Don't talk like a child. You can't cut it short! You're on that
merry-go-round and you've got to ride it all the way, round and
round, till the blasted music wears itself out and the thing dies
down and clunks to a stop.
NAT
Hey, how about you eatin' some of this?
DON
Take it away.
NAT
You gotta eat somethin' sometime.
DON
Just give me another drink.
NAT
Mr. Birnam, this is the mornin'.
DON
That's when you need it most, in the morning. Haven't you learned
that yet? At night, this stuff's a drink. In the morning, it's
medicine.
NAT
Okay if I eat?
DON
A little to one side. Nat, are you ever scared when you wake up?
So scared the sweat starts out of ya, huh? No, no you. With you
it's simple. Your alarm clock goes off and you open your eyes and
brush your teeth and read the Daily Mirror. That's all. Do you
ever lie in you bed looking at the window? A little daylight's
coming through, and you start to wonder: is it getting lighter,
is it getting darker? Is it dawn or dusk? That's a terrifying
problem, Nat. Because if it's dawn, you're dead. The bars are
closed and the liquor stores don't open till nine o'clock, and
you can't last till nine o'clock. Or it maybe Sunday. That's the
worst. No liquor stores at all. And you guys wouldn't open a bar,
not until one o'clock. Why? Why, Nat?
(00:25:22)**
**
NAT
Because we gotta go to church once in a while. That's why.
DON
Yeah, when a guy needs it most.
NAT
What happened to those two quarts? You polish them off last
night?
DON
What two quarts?
NAT
The two bottles you had.
DON
That's right, I did have two bottles, didn't I? I hid one of
them. I've still got it. I'm a capitalist, Nat! I've got untapped
reserves. I'm rich!
NAT
If you had enough money, you'd kill yourself in a month.
GLORIA
Say, Nat, was there a gentleman here...(to Don) Hello, Mr.
Birnam. Didn't you go away for the weekend?
DON
Apparently not, Gloria.
GLORIA
Was there a gentleman here asking for me?
NAT
Not to my knowledge there wasn't.
GLORIA
Well, he was supposed to come around twelve o'clock. He's from
Albany.
DON
Another friend of the folks?
GLORIA
More a friend of a friend of the folks type. A fellow called me
about him. Wants me to show him the town.
NAT
Like Grant's Tomb for instance?
GLORIA
But def.
NAT
Hey, ain't it amazing, how many guys come down from Albany just
to see Grant's Tomb?
GLORIA
Sometimes I wish you came from Albany.
DON
Yeah? Where would you take me?
GLORIA
Lots of places. The Music Hall, then the New Yorker Roof, maybe.
DON
There is now being presented at a theatre on Forty-Fourth Street,
the uncut version of Hamlet. Now, I see us as setting out for
that. Do you know Hamlet?
GLORIA
I know Forty-fourth Street.
DON
I'd like to get your interpretation of Hamlet's character.
GLORIA
I'd like to give it to you.
DON
Dinner later, I think. Nothing before. I want you to always see
Shakespeare on an empty stomach.
GLORIA
Not even a pretzel?
ALBANY
Could I have a glass of water?
NAT
Why, sure. What'll it be for a chaser?
ALBANY
This is Nat's Bar, isn't it?
NAT
That's what the man said.
ALBANY
I'm looking for a young lady, name of Gloria. (to Gloria) Are you
Miss Gloria?
GLORIA
Who, me? No, I'm not. I just live with Gloria. She's not here.
ALBANY
She isn't?
GLORIA
No, she's sick. She went to the hospital. Ruptured appendix.
Middle of last night. Went like that! It scared the life out of
me.
ALBANY
Oh, that's terrible.
GLORIA
Goodbye.
ALBANY
Goodbye. Could I have a word with you?
GLORIA
No thanks. Thanks a lot, but no thanks.
ALBANY
Oh. You're welcome, I'm sure.
GLORIA
Don't mensch.
DON
Nat!
NAT
Comin'.
DON
Now, Gloria. Wasn't that rather rude to send that nice man all
alone to Grant's Tomb?
GLORIA
When i've got a chance to go out with you? Don't be ridic.
DON
Oh, is our engagement definite?
GLORIA
You meant it, didn't you?
DON
Oh. Surely, surely.
GLORIA
Well, I've gotta get a facial, a fingerwave, the works. Right
now. You're going to call for me, aren't you? And, if so, what
time?
DON
What time do you suggest?
GLORIA
How about eight?
DON
Eight's fine.
GLORIA
I live right in the corner house. You know where the antique shop
is, the one with the wooden Indian outside? They got the Indian
sign in me, I always say.
DON
I'll be there.
GLORIA
Second floor, front. Oh, Mr. Birnam, all I got is a semi-formal.
Will that be all right?
DON
That'll be fine.
GLORIA
So long, Nat.
DON
Last one, Nat. Pour it softly, pour it gently, and pour it to the
brim.
NAT
Look, Mr. Birnam, there a lot of bars on Third Avenue. Do me a
favor, will ya, get out of here and buy it somewhere else.
DON
What's the matter?
NAT
I don't like you much. What was the idea of pulling her leg? You
know you're not going to take her out.
DON
Who says I'm not?
NAT
I say so. You're drunk and you're just making with your mouth.
DON
Give me a drink.
NAT
And that other dame...I mean the lady. I don't like what you're
doing to her either.
DON
Oh, shut up.
NAT
You should've seen her come in here last night. Lookin' for you
with her eyes all rainy and her mascara all washed away.
DON
Give me a drink!
NAT
That's an awful high class young lady.
DON
You bet she is.
NAT
How the heck did she ever get mixed up with a guy who sops it up
like you do?
DON
That's the problem, isn't it. That nice young man who drinks, and
the high-class young lady, and how did she ever get mixed up with
him, and why does he drink and why doesn't he stop? That's my
novel, Nat. I wanted to start writing it out in the country.
Morbid stuff. Nothing for the Book-of-the-Month Club. A horror
story. The confessions of a booze addict, the log book of an
alcoholic. Oh, come on, Nat, break down, will ya? Do you know
what I'm going to call my novel? The Bottle...that's all. Very
simply, The Bottle. I've got it all here in my mind. Let me tell
you the first chapter. It all starts one wet afternoon about
three years ago. There was a matinee of La Traviata at the
Metropolitan.
(00:32:51)**
**
ATTENDANT
Did you forget something?
DON
No. Just going home, if it's all right with you.
ATTENDANT
Say, this isn't yours, is it?
DON
It certainly isn't.
ATTENDANT
That's what it says though...Four seventeen.
DON
I don't care what it says.
ATTENDANT
The checks must have got mixed up.
DON
Maybe they did. Find me my coat. It's a plain man's raincoat and
a derby.
ATTENDANT
Are you kidding? Do you know how many plain men's raincoats we
have on a day like this? About a thousand.
DON
Well, let me get back there. I can find it.
ATTENDANT
No. Please, that's against regulations, sir.
DON
I am not going to wait here until the end of the performance.
ATTENDANT
Well, you can get your coat tomorrow.
DON
Tomorrow?
ATTENDANT
Yeah.
DON
Look, man, there's something in the pocket of that coat.
I...Well, it so happens I find myself without any money and I
need that coat. And I need it now!
ATTENDANT
Listen, if everybody went in there digging through those
coats...There's regulations. There's got to be regulations.
DON
Then, what do you suggest?
ATTENDANT
Wait till the other party arrives, then swap.
DON
I want my coat.
ATTENDANT
As far as I'm concerned Mister, that's your coat.
DON
You're a great help. (to Helen) That's my coat you've got.
HELEN
And that's mine, thank heaven. They mixed up the checks.
DON
They certainly did. I thought you'd never come.
HELEN
Well you couldn't have waited so long.
DON
Only since the first aria of the first act. That's all.
HELEN
Do you always just drop in just for the overture?
DON
Goodbye.
HELEN
Oh, oh. Just a minute! Oh, my umbrella if you don't mind.
DON
Catch.
HELEN
Thank you very much.
DON
I'm terribly sorry.
HELEN
You're the rudest person I've ever seen. What's the matter with
you?
DON
Oh, just rude I guess.
HELEN
Oh, really. Somebody should talk to your mother.
DON
They tried, Miss St. John.
HELEN
My name's not St. John.
DON
Well, St. Joseph then.
HELEN
St. James.
DON
First name Hilda or Helen, or Harriet, maybe?
HELEN
Helen.
DON
Alright, Helen. I also know that you come from Toledo, Ohio.
HELEN
You do? How?
DON
Well, I've had three long acts to work you out from that coat of
yours. Initials, labels...Alfred Spitzer, Fine Furs, Toledo,
Ohio.
HELEN
Maybe I should have explored your coat.
DON
But you didn't though.
HELEN
Didn't have time.
DON
Good. My name is Don Birnam.
HELEN
How do you do?
DON
Well, how do you like New York?
HELEN
Love it.
DON
You intend to stay long?
HELEN
Oh, sixty years, perhaps. I live here now. I've got a job.
DON
Doing what?
HELEN
Time Magazine.
DON
Oh. Time Magazine? Then perhaps you could do something for me.
HELEN
Yes.
DON
Could you help me become Man of the Year?
HELEN
Delighted. What do you do?
DON
Yes, what do I do? I'm a writer. I've just started a novel. As a
matter of fact i've started several. But, I never seem to finish
one.
HELEN
Well, in that case, why don't you write short stories.
DON
Well, I have some of those. First paragraph. Then there's one-
half of the opening scene of a play which takes place in the
leaning tower of Pisa. It tempts to explain why it leans. And why
all sensible buildings should lean.
HELEN
They'll love that in Toledo.
DON
Oh, by the way, are you coming here to Lohengrin next week?
HELEN
I don't know.
DON
Because if you are, I'm not going to let this coat out of my
hands.
HELEN
Don't worry.
DON
Oh, but I do. You know, to be really safe, we should go together.
HELEN
We could.
DON
Are you in the phone book?
HELEN
Yes, but I'm not home very much.
DON
Well, I'll call you at your office.
HELEN
Editorial Research. If Henry Luce answers, hang up.
DON
All right. Would you like a taxi?
HELEN
No, thanks. I'm taking the subway.
DON
Oh, very sensible.
HELEN
As a matter of fact, I'm going to an extremely crazy party on
Washington Square. If you'll like, I'll take you along.
DON
Oh. Thank you very much, Miss St. James, but I have to see a
friend uptown.
HELEN
Oh. Goodbye, Mr. Birnam.
DON
Goodbye.
HELEN
Who threw that?
DON
It fell out of my pocket.
HELEN
Do you always carry those things?
DON
Well, no. You see...that friend of mine, the one uptown, he has a
slight cold and I thought I'd take this along and make him a hot
toddy.
HELEN
Well, see that he gets a hot lemonade and some asprin.
DON
I shall.
HELEN
Goodbye.
DON
Bye. Oh, Miss St. James!
HELEN
Yes?
DON
What kind of a party was that you asked me to?
HELEN
A cocktail party.
DON
Invitation still stand?
HELEN
Of course. Come on.
NAT
Okay. So they go to that cocktail party and he gets stinko and
falls flat on his face.
DON
He does not. By this time, he's crazy about that girl by then. He
drinks tomato juice. Doesn't touch liquor for that whole
week...for two weeks, for six weeks.
NAT
In love, huh?
DON
That's what's going to be hard to write. Love is the hardest
thing in the world to write about. It's so simple. You've got to
catch it through details, like the early morning sunlight hitting
the gray tin of the rainspot in front of her house. The ringing
of a telephone that sounds like Beethoven's Pastoral. A letter
scribbled on her office stationery that you carry in your pocket
because it smells of all the lilacs in Ohio. Pour it, Nat! He
thinks he's cured. If he could only get a job now, they could be
married and that's that. But it's not Nat. Not quite. Because one
day, one terrible day.
NAT
Yeah? Go on.
DON
You see, this girl's been writing to her people in Toledo. They
want to meet the young man. So they come to New York. They stay
at the Hotel Manhattan. Their very first day, she's to introduce
him to her parents. One o'clock. Lobby of the hotel...
MR. ST. JAMES
Just walked in for a simple haircut. No, that wasn't enough, not
for New York. They gave me a shampoo, scalp massage and a
manicure. Thought they were going to tear my shoes off and paint
my toenails.
MRS. ST. JAMES
I had a lovely morning. Just did a little window shopping. Didn't
want to get all tired out.
MR. ST. JAMES
On account of meeting that young man? Now, Mother.
MRS. ST. JAMES
Who did you get a haircut for?
MR. ST. JAMES
Wonder what's keeping Helen.
MRS. ST. JAMES
She'll be here.
MR. ST. JAMES
This Birnam fellow went to Cornell, didn't he?
MRS. ST. JAMES
I believe so.
MR. ST. JAMES
But he never graduated. I wonder why. How old is he?
(00:40:01)**
**
MRS. ST. JAMES
Thirty-three.
MR. ST. JAMES
He has no job. As far as I can find out, he never had one. I wish
Helen wasn't so vague.
MRS. ST. JAMES
Maybe he has a little money. Some people do, you know, Father.
MR. ST. JAMES
He ought to have a job anyway.
MRS. ST. JAMES
He's a writer.
MR. ST. JAMES
Writer? What did he write? I never heard of his name.
MRS. ST. JAMES
Now Father, relax. You always expect the worst.
MR. ST. JAMES
I hope he realizes that Helen's our only daughter and we ought to
know a few things about him.
MRS. ST. JAMES
Those'll all come out...his background, his prospects, his church
affiliations.
DON
Hotel Manhattan? Would you please page Miss Helen St. James? St.
James. Yeah, she's in the lobby. Helen?...Don. Darling, I'm
terribly sorry but I won't be able to get there for a while. Will
you please go ahead and have your lunch and apologize to your
parents...Oh, nothing serious. I'll be there. Goodbye. (to Wick)
Turn off that light.
WICK
Don?
DON
Turn it off!
WICK
For heaven's sake, Don. I thought you were with Helen and her
father and mother. What happened? Come on Don.
DON
I couldn't face it.
WICK
Couldn't face what? Didn't you go to see them?
DON
Certainly I went. One o'clock sharp. I saw them all right. Only
they didn't see me.
WICK
How was that?
DON
Such nice, respectable people. I couldn't face them Wick, and all
the questions they'd ask me. I just couldn't do it. Not cold. I
had to have a drink first. Just one. Only the one didn't do
anything to me.
WICK
So you had another and another. Oh, you poor idiot, Don. Won't
you ever learn with you, it's like stepping off a roof and
expecting to fall just one floor?
DON
Will you call her up Wick? Tell her something. Tell her I'm sick.
Tell her I'm dead. Will you call?
WICK
Yes, I'll call.
DON
You know she must have written them a lot of nice things about
me. What a gentleman I am. A prince.
WICK
Which hotel is it?
DON
The Manhattan. Mr. and Mrs. Charles St. James of Toledo, Ohio.
WICK
Get up, Don. (to Helen) Just a minute, Helen.
HELEN
Hello, Wick. Is Don here?
WICK
Don? No.
HELEN
Any idea where he could be?
WICK
Wasn't he meeting you?
HELEN
Oh, he was supposed to meet us for lunch, then he telephoned he'd
be late. Mother's beginning to think I just made him up. Do you
suppose something happened to him?
WICK
Nonsense.
HELEN
Oh. But surely he'd have called back; if her were all right.
WICK
Where did he call you from?
HELEN
I don't know.
WICK
I think I have got an idea. He called from out of town.
HELEN
Out of town? Where?
WICK
Philidelphia.
HELEN
What's he doing in Philadelphia?
WICK
Well, there's an opening on the Philadelphia Inquirer, the book
section and Don wrote them, he wired them and I think this
morning he just took an early train.
HELEN
Oh. Why, he didn't tell me a word about it.
WICK
I, I'm not supposed to tell you either. He wanted it to be a
surprise.
HELEN
He did?
WICK
Yes, he, he probably couldn't meet the right people right away,
missed a train. You know how it is.
HELEN
Oh, it would be just wonderful if he got the job and started
working. Or would it, Wick, with him in Philadelphia and me in
New York? Don't ever tell him I said that though, will you?
WICK
Of course not.
HELEN
I can never understand why somebody like Don, a person with such
talent, such flashes of real brilliance...Maybe I'm a bit
prejudiced. What are you doing, Wick?
WICK
Nothing.
HELEN
Where did that bottle come from?
(00:45:00)**
**
WICK
It just rolled out.
HELEN
From under the couch.
WICK
Yes, Helen. You know it's my guess that Don caught an early train
and...
HELEN
Is that Don's bottle?
WICK
What makes you think that?
HELEN
There was a bottle the first time we met.
WICK
There was?
HELEN
Fell out of Don's pocket.
WICK
That was for me, Helen. This one's mine too. You might as well
hear the family scandal. I drink. Don thinks I drink too much. I
had to promise to go on the wagon. That's why I hid the bottle so
he wouldn't see it.
HELEN
Oh. I'm so sorry, Wick. I shouldn't have started asking
questions. It's really none of my business.
WICK
Forget it, Helen.
HELEN
I better be getting back to the hotel. Don's probably there
already. And don't worry, Wick, I won'T mention a word of it to
him.
WICK
Thank you, Helen.
HELEN
Bye.
WICK
Bye.
DON
Helen. I'm sorry, Helen. I can't let you go. Not like this.
HELEN
Don!
WICK
Shut your mouth, Don. (to Helen) I'll take you downstairs.
DON
Thanks very much for your Philadelphia Story, Wick. Nice try.
That looks so silly on you.
WICK
Don't listen to him.
DON
You don't even have to. Just look at the two of us.
HELEN
Yes. What is all this covering up?
WICK
All that happened is that Don was nervous at the idea of meeting
your parents and so he took a couple of drinks.
DON
Come on, Wick, she'd have found out sooner or later.
HELEN
Stop it, both of you. Don's a little tight. Most people drink a
little. A lot of them get tight once in a while.
DON
Sure. The lucky ones who can take it or leave it. But then there
are the ones who can't take it and leave it either. What I'm
trying to say is I'm not a drinker. I'm a drunk. They had to put
me away once.
WICK
He went to a cure.
DON
Which didn't take. You see, that first time we met, I should have
had the decency to get drunk, just for your sake.
HELEN
For my sake? We're talking about you. (to Wick) Is it really that
bad, Wick?
DON
Yes, it is.
WICK
Can't we go over this tomorrow, Don, when you're feeling more
like yourself?
DON
Helen's heard the facts. That's all there is to it.
HELEN
Yes, I've heard them and they're not very pleasant. But they
could be worse. After all, you're not an embezzler or a murderer.
You drink too much and that's not fatal. One cure didn't take.
There are others.
WICK
Of course there are.
DON
This has a familiar ring.
HELEN
But, there must be a reason why you drink Don. The right doctor
could find it.
DON
Look, I'm way ahead of the right doctor. I know the reason. The
reason is me. What I am. Or, rather, what I'm not. What I wanted
to become and didn't.
HELEN
What is it you want to be so much that you're not?
DON
A writer. Silly, isn't it? You know, in college I passed for a
genius. They couldn't get out the college magazine without one of
my stories. Boy, was I hot, Hemingway stuff. I reached my peak
when I was nineteen. Sold a piece to the Atlantic Monthly.
Reprinted in the Readers' Digest. Who wants to stay in college
when he's Hemingway? My mother bought me a brand new typewriter,
and I moved right in on New York. Well, the first thing I wrote,
that didn't quite come off. And the second, I dropped. The public
wasn't ready for that one. I started a third and a fourth...only
by then, somebody began to look over my shoulder and whisper, in
a thin, clear voice like the E-string on a violin. Don Birnam,
he'd whisper, it's not good enough. Not that way. How about a
couple of drinks just to set it on its feet, huh? So I had a
couple. Oh, what a great idea that was. That made all the
difference. Suddenly I could see the whole thing...the tragic
sweep of the great novel, beautifully proportioned. But before I
could really grab it and throw it down on paper, the drinks would
wear off and everything would be gone, like a mirage. Then there
was despair, and a drink to counterbalance despair, and one to
counterbalance the counterbalance. And I'd sit in front of that
typewriter, trying to squeeze out one page that was halfway
decent, and that guy would pop up again.
HELEN
What guy? Who are you talking about?
DON
The other Don Birnam. There are two of us, you know: Don the
drunk and Don the writer. And the drunk would say to the writer,
come on, you idiot. Let's get some good out of that portable.
Let's hock it. Let's take it to that pawn shop over on Third
Avenue, it's always good for ten dollars, another drink, another
binge, another bender and a spree. Such humorous words. I tried
to break away from that guy a lot of times but, no good. You know
once I even got myself a gun and some bullets. I was gonna do it
on my thirtieth birthday. Here are the bullets. The gun went for
three quarts of whiskey. That other Don wanted us to have a drink
first. He always wants us to have a drink first. The flop suicide
of a flop writer.
WICK
All right, maybe you're not a writer. Why don't you do something
else?
(00:50:00)**
**
DON
Sure, take a nice job. Public accountant, real estate salesman. I
haven't the guts, Helen. Most men lead lives of quiet
desperation. I can't take quiet desperation.
HELEN
But you are a writer. You have every quality for it. Imagination,
wit, pity...
DON
Come on, let's face reality. I'm thirty-three, I'm living on the
charity of my brother. Room and board free. Fifty cents a week
for cigarettes. An occasional ticket to a show or concert, all
out of the bigness of his heart. And it is a big heart and a
patient one.
WICK
Now, Don, I've only been carrying you along for the time being.
DON
Shut up, Wick. I've never done anything, I'm not doing anything,
I never will do anything. Zero, zero, zero.
HELEN
Now you shut up. We'll straighten it out.
DON
Look. Wick has the misfortune to be my brother. You just happened
to walk in on this. Now if you know what's good for you, you'll
turn around and walk out again and walk fast and don't turn back.
HELEN
Why don't you make some coffee, Wick? Strong, three cups.
DON
Look, Helen. Do yourself a favor. Go on, clear out.
HELEN
Because I've got a rival? Because you're in love with this? You
don't know me, Don. I'm going to fight and fight and fight. Bend
down. All right.
DON
That was three years ago, Nat. That's a long time to keep
fighting, to keep believing. She knows she's clutching a razor
blade but she won't let go. Three years of it.
NAT
And what? How does it come out?
DON
I don't know. Haven't figured that far.
NAT
Want me to tell ya? One day your guy gets wise to himself and
gets back that gun. Or, if he's only got a buck then, he goes up
to the Empire State Building, way up on top and then...or he can
do it for a nickel, in a subway under a train.
DON
You think so, Nat? What if Helen is right, and this guy sits down
and turns out something good...but good...and that pulls him up
and snaps him out of it?
NAT
This guy? Not from where I sit.
DON
Oh, shut up, Nat. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it now.
It's all there. You heard it.
NAT
Yes, Mr. Birnam.
DON
That's why I didn't go away on that weekend, see, so I can be
alone up there and sit down at my typewriter. This time I'm going
to do it, Nat. I'm going to do it.
NAT
Maybe you will.
DON
Thank you, Nat. Am I all paid up?
NAT
Yes, Mr. Birnam.
DON
Goodbye, Nat. I'm going home. This time I've got it. I'm going to
write.
NAT
Good luck to you.
**
BOOK TITLE PAGE
THE BOTTLE A Novel by Don Birnam To Helen - With All My Love
DON
You had another bottle, you know you did. Where did you put it?
You're not crazy. Where did you put it?
MATCHBOOK
HARRY'S AND JOE'S Where Good Liquor Flows 13 W. 52nd St. NY
(00:55:26)**
SONG
It was so beautiful, so wonderful, the stars above us shone, we
were alone, we were alone...
DON
Check please.
WAITER
Right here, sir.
SONG
The time was right, the moon was low, I held you tight, how could
I let you go, It was so beautiful, so wonderful, so gorgeous, so
divine...
SONG
And you were mine...
WAITER
Yes sir?
DON
Another gin vermouth, please.
WAITER
Yes, sir.
SONG
Mmm, you were mine... Nightime found us, happy nights around us,
Church bells ringing, day is done, They'll be ringing when we've
won, Evenings blessing, you and I caressing, Music, moonlight,
melody, Only there for you and me, It was so beautiful, so
wonderful, so gorgeous, so divine, And you were mine, And you
were mine, It was so beautiful, so wonderful, the stars above us
shone, We were alone, we were alone, The time was right, the moon
was low...
DON
Thank you.
SONG
I held you tight,
DON
Where's your wash room?
SONG
How could I let you go,
WAITER
Over there, sir.
ATTENDANT
Hows about a carnation for your buttonhole?
CUSTOMER
No thank you.
ATTENDANT
Thank you, sir. (to Don) Wash your hands?
DON
Thank you.
ATTENDANT
All rightie, sir.
DON
Would you wipe my shoes?
ATTENDANT
Yes, sir.
SONG
Each little rose, held me at nose, I love you, love you, Every
little beat that I feel in my heart, Seems to repeat what I felt
at the start, Each little sigh...
ATTENDANT
Carnation, sir?
DON
I already took one.
ATTENDANT
You did?
DON
For a very kind lady.
ATTENDANT
Yes, sir.
SONG
Just to see you, hear you...
DON
Thank you.
ATTENDANT
Thank you, sir.
SONG
Brings joy I never knew, But to be so near you, Thrills me
through and through, Ooh, Anyone can see what I wanted you kiss,
It had to be but the wonder is this...
WAITER
That's him.
SONG
Can it be true...
WAITER
That's the man.
HEADWAITER
You were sitting here, sir?
DON
I beg your pardon.
GEORGE
You took this lady's bag, didntcha?
HEADWAITER
All right, let's have it.
DON
Of course.
GEORGE
Somebody call a cop.
M.M.
No, George, no. It doesn't matter as long as I have the bag.
GEORGE
Well, look in it. Maybe he took something.
DON
Ten dollars, to be exact.
GEORGE
Why I ought to kick your teeth in.
M.M.
George, George! He's drunk.
HEADWAITER
Come on. Get out of here.
WAITER
How about the check?
DON
That's why I had to borrow from the lady. I didn't have enough.
I'll come back and pay the rest.
HEADWAITER
Don't you show your face in here again ever. Mike!
WAITER
Mike!
HEADWAITER
Take him out of here.
SONG
Somebody stole the purse, Everybody, Somebody stole the purse
DON
I assure you, I'm not a thief. I'm not a thief!
SONG
Somebody came and...he didn't even...
(01:02:08)**
**
DON
Stop it, Helen, stop it, stop it. I'm all right. I just can't
talk. Please, stop it. (to himself) You'll never make it. You'll
never make that hock shop. It's a block and a half away.
(01:04:23)**
**
DON
This isn't Sunday, is it?
WOMAN
Huh?
DON
I asked is this Sunday.
WOMAN
No, Saturday. Why?
DON
But, it's closed. Nothing else is closed.
WOMAN
Somebody passed away, most likely.
MAN 1
What's the matter with you?
DON
Why are they all closed? They're all closed, every one of 'em.
MAN 1
Sure they are. It's Yom Kippur.
DON
It's what?
MAN 1
It's Yom Kippur, a Jewish holiday.
DON
It is? What you talking about? Then what about Kelly's and
Gallagher's?
MAN 1
They're closed too. We've got an agreement. They keep closed on
Yom Kippur and we don't open on St. Patrick's.
DON
That's a good joke. That's funny, that's very funny. (to Nat)
Nat.
NAT
Yeah, Mr. Birnam? What do you want?
DON
Let me have one, Nat. I'm dying. Just one.
NAT
I thought you was home writin' that book.
DON
They're playing a trick on me. A dirty trick, Nat. Give me one.
I'll pay it whan I can. Only just don't let me die here.
NAT
No credit, and you know it.
DON
All right it's charity. I'm begging you. Give me one.
NAT
Yeah, one. One's too many and a hundred's not enough. That's all.
DON
Oh, come on Nat, come on. I'll let you have my typewriter.
NAT
I'm no writer. You're the writer.
DON
Please Nat.
NAT
Now go, go away. I mean it. Get outta here.
GLORIA
Who is it? Who is it?
DON
It's me.
GLORIA
Why, Mr. Don Birnam, as I live and breathe! Only if you're comin'
for our date, you're a little late, aren't you, Mr. Birnam? And
if you're comin' to apologize...no thanks. Thanks a lot, but no
thanks.
DON
Gloria...
GLORIA
Save your saliva. I've had enough of you. Def, but def. What do
you think I am? I break a business date. I buy me an evening
purse, a facial, a new hair-do. Well, maybe you can do that to
your ritzy friends. You can't to me, understand?
(01:10:01)**
**
DON
Gloria.
GLORIA
Okay, what do you want, Mr. Don Birnam Esquire?
DON
I need some money.
GLORIA
You what?
DON
Could you let me have some money?
GLORIA
Say, you out of your mind? Don't be ridic. Get out of here. Make
with those stairs, go on! I waited half the night like it was the
first date I ever had. The other half I was crying. How much
money?
DON
Could you let me have ten or five, or something?
GLORIA
I'll see. You look awfully sick, Mr. Birnam. Have you got a fever
or something?
DON
I'm all right now.
GLORIA
Thank you a lot. You do like me a little, don't you, honey?
DON
Why, natch, Gloria. Natch.
GLORIA'S MOM
Gloria, who have you got out there?
GLORIA
Coming.
GIRL
It's a happy, happy, happy day...
DON
What's this place? Hey, you, what is this place? I'm talking to
you.
BIM
Good morning, merry sunshine. How's your head?
DON
Where am I? What is this place?
BIM
This? This is the Hangover Plaza.
DON
What hospital is this?
BIM
Alcoholic Ward. How's your head?
DON
It aches.
BIM
Thought you had a fracture till we looked at the X-rays.
Everything in one piece. Just a slight concussion.
DON
Why did they put me in the Alcoholic Ward?
BIM
Are you kiddin'? We took a peek at your blood. Straight
applejack. Ninety-six proof.
DON
What day is it?
BIM
Sunday. Are these yours? You and the colored fellow were being
undressed at the same time. They fell out of somebody's pants.
DON
They're mine. Are you a doctor?
BIM
I'm a nurse. Name of Nolan. They call me Bim. You can call me
Bim. What's your name?
DON
Birnam.
BIM
What kind of Birnam?
DON
Don Birnam.
BIM
Where do you live?
DON
Two-o-nine East Fif...what do you need that for?
BIM
For the post card.
DON
What post card?
BIM
To your folks, so's they'll know where honey-boy is and can pick
him up when he's feeling better.
DON
No address.
BIM
Okay. We'll get it out of the phone book, or the directory, or
your wallet.
DON
Look, no postcard. Understand? Nobody's going to pick me up.
BIM
The management insists. If we let you guys go home alone a lot of
you don't go home. You just hit the nearest bar and bounce right
back again. What we call the Quick Richochet.
DON
Look, I'm as well as you are. I can get out of here right now.
BIM
Think so?
DON
Where are my clothes?
BIM
Downstairs.
DON
How do I get out of this place?
BIM
Right through there.
GUARD
Well, where do you think you're going?
DON
To get my clothes.
GUARD
Got you discharge?
DON
My what?
GUARD
Your release?
DON
I'm all right. Let me out.
GUARD
Get back there, go on.
DON
Keep your hands off me.
BIM
Birnam! Come here, Birnam.
DON
Is this a jail?
BIM
Well, this department...side of a halfway hospital, halfway jail.
DON
Listen, Bim, in my clothes there's five dollars. That's all for
you if only you won't send that post card.
BIM
Nothing doing.
DON
I don't want anybody to know.
BIM
Your folks might as well get used to our little post cards.
DON
What are you talking about?
BIM
There'll be more of 'em. You'll be back.
DON
Oh, shut up.
BIM
Listen, I can pick an alky with one eye shut. You're an alky,
you'll come back. They all do. Him, for instance, shows up every
month, just like the gas bill. And the one there, with the
glasses, another repeater. This is his forty-fifth time. Big
executive in the advertising business. Lovely fellow. Been coming
here ever since nineteen twenty-seven. Good old prohibition days.
Say you should have seen the joint then. This is nothing. Back
then we really had a turnover. Standing room only. Prohibition!
That's what started most of these guys off. Whoopee! Now be a
good boy and drink this.
DON
I don't want it.
BIM
Better take it. Liable to be a little floor show later on around
here. Might get on your nerves.
DON
Floor show?
BIM
Ever have the D.T.'s?
DON
No.
BIM
You will, brother.
DON
Not me.
BIM
Like to make a little bet? After all, you're just a freshman.
Wait'll you're a sophomore, that's when you start seeing the
little animals. You know that stuff about pink elephants, that's
the bunk. It's little animals. Little tiny turkeys in straw hats.
Midget monkeys coming through the key-holes. See that guy over
there? With him it's beetles. Come the night, he sees beetles
crawling all over him. Has to be dark, though. It's like the
doctor was just telling me, "Delirium is a disease of the night."
Good night.
(01:17:26)**
NURSE
Get the restraints and get the doctor.
DOCTOR
Get him to the violent ward.
NURSE
Over here doctor. Violent ward, get the elevator.
(01:20:31)**
**
DEVERIDGE
Good morning.
MILKMAN
Shhh.
DEVERIDGE
Anything wrong up there? Anything wrong? Are you all right?
HELEN
Oh. I'm fine, thank you.
DEVERIDGE
Have you been there all night?
HELEN
I've been waiting for Mr. Birnam.
DEVERIDGE
Mr. Don Birnam?
HELEN
Yes. I suppose he stayed over night with some friends. He has
some friends in Long Island.
DEVERIDGE
Now, now. What kind of story is that?
HELEN
I beg your pardon.
DEVERIDGE
I'm his landlady. I know what goes on in this house. I know Mr.
Don Birnam. I knew all about him the first week they moved here,
five years ago. Heard those bottles rattle in the garbage can. I
know all about you. You're Helen St. James. Your working on the
Time Magazine and you're his best girl. Well, I also know he's
not staying with any friends in Long Island, he's off on another
toot and you know I'm darned right. Now come on down and I'll
make you some breakfast.
HELEN
I don't care for any breakfast, thank you. Nor do I care for that
kind of talk, even supposing you're right.
DEVERIDGE
Which I am. I could have kicked him out fifty times. The last,
when two taxi drivers dumped him into the entrance hall out cold
on the floor. With all my tennants going in and out and children
leaving for school.
HELEN
Please, please.
DEVERIDGE
Well, I didn't put him out. Not as long as his brother could pay
the rent. You couldn't help liking him anyway. He's was so good
looking. He had such nice manners. He always had a little joke.
HELEN
Stop talking about him as if he were dead.
DEVERIDGE
Best thing for you if he was.
DON
I want a quart of rye. Quick.
PROPRIETOR
Care if I take off my coat first?
DON
No. No cracks, no questions. Just a quart of rye.
PROPRIETOR
Be two fifteen.
DON
Come on. I need that liquor, I want it, I'm going to get it,
understand. I'm going to walk out of here with that quart of rye,
one way or another.
(01:25:56)**
**
DEVERIDGE
Miss St. James?...He's back. He's upstairs, this is Mrs.
Deveridge. Yes, he's back. Up in the apartment. I heard him
yelling.
HELEN
Don, open the door. Open it, please. Don, won't you let me in? I
know you're there. Please, open the door. Don, don't you hear me?
I want to help you. Don, I won't go away. Do I have to go down
and get the janitor with the pass key to let me in?
DEVERIDGE
Dave! Dave!
DAVE
Yes, Mrs. Deveridge?
DEVERIDGE
Come on up with the pass key. Come on, come on, come.
HELEN
Thank you very much.
DEVERIDGE
You'd better let us come too. You can't go in there alone.
HELEN
I'll be all right, thank you.
DEVERIDGE
Come Sophie. Let's go.
HELEN
Don, darling.
DON
Go away, Helen.
HELEN
I'm here to help you, Don.
DON
No, no.
HELEN
Look at you. You want to get up, Don. Put your arm on my
shoulder. You'll have a bath and I'll help you shave and you'll
eat and sleep, and when Wick comes back everything will be all
right.
DON
No, Helen, don't look.
HELEN
What's the matter, Don?
DON
That wall.
HELEN
What wall?
DON
The mouse and the bat.
HELEN
Mouse and the bat?
DON
Yes, that hole in the wall right behind you.
HELEN
There's no hole in the wall, Don.
DON
Yes there is.
HELEN
No, there isn't.
DON
Yes.
HELEN
Don please, look for yourself. Come on. Come on Don, please look.
You see? Everything's gonna be all right. I'll stay right with
you.
DON
It's little animals. It's always little animals. That's what Bim
said.
HELEN
You're not making much sense Don.
DON
You know what Nat said about the ending? Like this. Or like that.
Like this or like that.
HELEN
Don! Don! Where are you going, Don? Don.
(01:30:40)**
**
HELEN
All right, Don. Give me the pawn ticket.
DON
No scene, please.
HELEN
No scene. Just give me the pawn ticket.
DON
Look, I don't want you to go in there and claim it now. It would
look queer.
HELEN
You're ashamed of what the pawn broker will think, is that it? It
doesn't matter what I think.
DON
Wick'll get you back your coat.
HELEN
You couldn't have taken my bracelet or my pay check? It had to be
that coat?
DON
You mean the one that brought us together? Stop being
sentimental.
HELEN
Oh, I have Don, I assure you. It's finished. It's dead. For three
years they couldn't talk me out of you. I was the only one that
really understood you. I knew there was a core of
something...well there is a core, and now I know what it is. A
sponge. And to soak it full you'll do anything that's ruthless,
selfish, dishonest.
DON
I asked you not to make a scene.
HELEN
Then give me the ticket.
DON
No, Helen, not now, please.
HELEN
I don't want the money. You can get as drunk as you like for all
I care.
DON
Thank you.
HELEN
A gentleman was here a while ago. How much did you give him for
that coat?
PAWN BROKER
Why?
HELEN
Well, I want it back. It's my coat.
PAWN BROKER
It's your coat?
HELEN
Oh, it's all right. He had my permission. How much did you give
him?
PAWN BROKER
He didn't want any money. He wanted to swap it.
HELEN
Swap it? For what?
PAWN BROKER
Oh, something he hocked here a long while back.
HELEN
What?
PAWN BROKER
A gun.
HELEN
A gun?
PAWN BROKER
Now if you want that coat I can a...
DON'S LETTER
As for the survivors, dear old Wick, I'd recommend no flowers,
and few good jokes. Goodbye, Don.
DON
What is it, Helen? What's the matter?
HELEN
Nothing. Dave gave me the keys, I didn't think you were here.
DON
What do you want here?
HELEN
It's just that the rain is worse and I couldn't get a taxi. I
thought perhaps I could borrow a...a coat under the
circumstances.
DON
Sure. How about my raincoat?
HELEN
Funny, that we should wind up after all these years just as we
met, I with your raincoat...
DON
And I with your leopard coat. I always got the best of the
bargain. Goodbye, Helen. What are you looking for?
HELEN
Well I thought perhaps, maybe you might have something for my
hair.
DON
Would you care to wear my black derby?
HELEN
Any old thing, any old scarf.
DON
All right. Here you are.
HELEN
Thank you.
DON
So long.
HELEN
Do you know Don, there was still some whiskey left in the bottle
after I cleaned up last night.
DON
Was there?
HELEN
Wouldn't you like to know where I put it?
DON
Nope.
HELEN
Don't you want a drink, Don?
DON
No.
HELEN
Here it is, right here. Why don't you have one. Just one.
DON
What are you up to?
HELEN
Nothing. I'm just ashamed of the way I talked to you, like a
narrow-minded, insensitive, small-town teetotaller.
DON
I told you, I don't feel like a drink. Not now.
HELEN
Come on, Don. Just one. I'll have one with you. I'm in no hurry.
This is my easy day at the office.
DON
Look Helen, there are a few things I want to put in order before
Wick comes.
HELEN
Let me stay please.
DON
No.I don't want to sound rude but, I'm afraid you'll have to
leave now.
(01:35:05)**
HELEN
Here Don.
DON
You're very sweet. Goodbye. Don't let me bend for nothing.
HELEN
You need this, Don. Drink it. I want you to drink it. I'll get
you some more. I'll get you all you want.
DON
What kind of talk is that?
HELEN
It's just that I'd rather have you drunk than dead.
DON
Who wants to be dead?
HELEN
Stop lying to me.
DON
Give it to me. All right. Now go! No fuss, please. No calling the
neighbors. It won't do any good, I promise you.
HELEN
I won't. You've made up your mind. But could you tell me why?
Why?
DON
Because it's best all around, for everybody. For you, for Wick,
for me.
HELEN
But that's not true. We love you, Wick and I.
DON
All right. Then for me. Selfish again.
HELEN
That's a sad final word, Don.
DON
Look at it this way, Helen. This business is just a formality.
Don Birnam is dead already. He died over this weekend.
HELEN
Did he? What did he die of?
DON
Of a lot of things. Of alcohol, of moral anemia, of fear, of
shame, of D.T.'s.
HELEN
Oh, that Don Birnam. And now you want to kill the other one.
DON
What other?
HELEN
There were two Dons. You told me so yourself. Don the drunk and
Don the writer.
DON
Let's not go back to a fancy figure of speech. There's only one
Don, he's through.
HELEN
Don.
DON
I'm all right, I have enough strength left...
HELEN
I know you have. I can see it. Don't waste it on pulling a
trigger, Don.
DON
No, let me get it over with or do you want me to give you another
one of my promises that I never keep?
HELEN
I don't want you to give me your promise, I don't want you to
give your promise to anybody but Don Birnam.
DON
It's too late. I wouldn't know how to start.
HELEN
The only way to start is to stop. There is no cure besides just
stopping.
DON
Can't be done.
HELEN
Other people have stopped.
DON
People with a purpose, with something to do.
HELEN
You've got talent and ambition.
DON
Talent. Ambition. That's dead long ago. That's drowned. That's
drifting around with a bloated belly on a lake of alcohol.
HELEN
No it isn't. You still have it.
DON
Quit trying to stall me Helen. It's too late. There's no more
writing left in me, it's gone. What do you expect, a miracle?
HELEN
Yes, yes, yes! If I could just make you...
DON
Who is it?
NAT
It's me, Mr. Birnam.
DON
What is it, Nat?
NAT
I got somethin' for you, Mr. Birnam. I hope I ain't intrudin.
DON
What is it?
NAT
You know when you had that accident? Afterward I found this
floatin' around on the Nile. She writes pretty good. I oiled her
up a little. And I didn't oil her up so you can hock her.
HELEN
I'll take it, Nat.
NAT
Hello, Miss.
DON
Thank you, Nat.
NAT
How are all them lilacs in Ohio?
HELEN
Well Don, here it is. What do you say now?
DON
Say about what?
HELEN
This. Someone, somewhere, sent it back. Why? Because he means you
to stay alive, because he wants you to write. I didn't ask for a
big miracle.
DON
Write! With these hands? And a brain that's all out of focus?
HELEN
It'll clear up again. You'll be well.
DON
And I'll be sitting there staring at that white sheet, scared.
HELEN
No you won't. You've forgotten what it feels like to be well.
DON
What am I gonna write about? What?
HELEN
What you've always wanted to write. Where was the page I found?
"The Bottle. A Novel by Don Birnam," What was that to be?
DON
About a messed-up life. About a man and a woman and a bottle.
About nightmares, horrors, humiliations, all the things I want to
forget.
HELEN
Put it all down on paper. Get rid of it that way. Tell it all, to
whom it may concern. And it concerns so many people, Don.
DON
Yeah.
HELEN
I'll fix us some breakfast.
DON
We have quite a supply of milk. You'll notice I didn't even find
a first line.
HELEN
Course you couldn't write the beginning because you didn't know
the ending. Only now...Only now you know the ending.
DON
I'm gonna send one copy to Bim, one to the doctor who loaned me
his coat, and one to Nat. Imagine Wick standing in front of a
book store. A great big pyramid of my books. A Novel by Don
Birnam. "That's by my brother, you know."
HELEN
That's by my fellow. Didn't I always tell you?
DON
I'm going to put this whole weekend down, minute by minute.
HELEN
Why not?
DON
The way I stood in there, packing my suitcase...Only my mind
wasn't on the suitcase, and it wasn't on the weekend, nor was it
on the shirts I was putting in the suitcase either. My mind was
hanging outside the window. It was suspended just about eighteen
inches below...And out there in that great big concrete jungle, I
wonder how many others that are like me. Poor bedevilled guys, on
fire with thirst. Such comical figures to the rest of the world,
as they stagger blindly towards another binge, another bender,
another spree...
THE END