Darien: A shmuck named Nietzsche once wrote: "Anything done out of love is beyond good and evil." Now, here's the thing. I love my job. So what does that make me?
(Pilot)

Eberts: He's a Catevari.
Darien: Is that a sexual position or an Italian opera?
(The Catevari)

Darien: In his very first story, Sherlock Holmes met his match. Her name was Irene Adler, but as Dr. Watson points out, she was always The Woman. The woman who eluded him, the woman who got away. For Sherlock, it was a mystery. For me, it was elementary.
(Ralph)

Darien: How the hell does this Agency get its cases?
Hobbes: Agency? What Agency?
Darien: The top secret one you work for. You know, the Agency that chases terrorists one week and then shuts down the next 'cause the copier broke and they're too cheap to service it.
(Ralph)

Darien: You gotta fix me.
Claire: Did you break yourself already?
(Ralph)

Darien: The Scottish philosopher, Balfour, said that "Destiny is the scapegoat we make responsible for our crimes." He was probably right, too. This philosophy, known as determinism, was best summed up by Doris Day with the words "Que sera, sera." Now, I'm not saying she was right, but if it was between Doris and the Scottish dude, I'd party with her any day."
(Tiresias)

Scarborough: I'll need a lock of your hair.
Hobbes: I ain't got much of it left here, old man.
(Tiresias)

Darien: I think it was a Brit named Sir Robert Walpole who coined the phrase "All men have their price." I happen to agree. Although my point of view on the matter has changed... I used to think my price would always be money, or diamonds, or gold. Imagine my surprise when I realized my price has become a needle in the arm. Don't get me wrong -- I still have expensive taste: Your tax dollars paid millions for me to get that needle.
(Impetus)

Darien: I don't know anything about her. For instance, does she have a name?
Hobbes: The, last name, Keeper.
(Impetus)

Darien: Hey, is this a good time for my big entrance?
(The Devil You Know)

Virkailija: Mr. Lawson's right, he's obviously more competant than me. I had an invisible agent, and I didn't even know it.
(The Devil You Know)

Darien: Liz's motto for goodbye was always "Faster's better." Kinda like tearing off a band-aid. Of course if the wound beneath hasn't healed yet, nothing helps except time. And time leaves a big nasty scar we call the past. And that's the hardest prison to break free from, 'cause most of your life, you can't even see the walls.
(Liberty and Larceny)

Kate: You wouldn't understand, it's high tech.
Darien: What a coincidence, so am I.
(The Value of Secrets)

Darien: We were on a mission, and I cornered some guys, and they knocked you off a fire escape and then you fell on your head.
Hobbes: I don't remember that.
Darien: That's because you fell on your head.
(It Hurts When You Do This)

Darien: The day everything went to hell started like any other -- with a morning. Sun shining, blue sky. Since most of my life's spent in a storm, I've grown to appreciate the calm that comes before.
(The Other Invisible Man)

Hobbes: What are you doing? This is about what she knows, you're divulging what we know.
Darien: Hobbes, we don't know anything.
Hobbes: She doesn't know that.
(The Other Invisible Man)

Hobbes: He's just ticked off 'cause he's a sequel.
(The Other Invisible Man)

Hobbes: I know what I'm doing, I have crime scene experience. Excuse me!
Darien: So do I, okay?
Hobbes: I'm talking about after the fact.
(Reunion)

Virkalija: You know what your problem is, Fawkes?
Darien: Yeah, I got a gland in my head that doesn't belong there.
(Reunion)

Hobbes: Hey... everybody knows my name.
Darien: Yeah, they say in the secret agent handbook that's not a good thing.
(Cat & Mouse)

Darien: Well, this is new. I get to be my own airbag. (Darienin mielipide Hobbesin hankkimasta pakoautosta)
(Cat & Mouse)

Virkailija: The Chameleon.
Eberts: A world-class terrorist that has filled the void left by Carlos the Jackal.
Darien: Oh really, what void is that? Bad guy named after an animal?
(Beholder)

Virkailija: Eberts! Get this invisible man in here!
Eberts: But Sir, I, I don't know what he looks like.
(Ghost of a Chance)

Hobbes: You know, according to Menso, I'm a genius.
Darien: It's Mensa.
Hobbes: Whatever.
Darien: Are you telling me you belong to Mensa?
Hobbes: Well, not officially...
Darien: But in your heart, where it really counts.
(Flowers for Hobbes)

Darien: I gotta tell ya, sometimes I really wish I spoke mad scientist... 'and then... a genius... is born....' MUAHAHAHAHA!
(Flowers for Hobbes)

Virkailija: Hobbes, where the hell were you?
Hobbes: In a place you'd never understand.
The Official: Well, you were there too long. Now you're late. Make a note.
(Flowers for Hobbes)

Hobbes: What's going on? What's taking you so long?
Darien: Well guess what, they don't have a file marked 'killings by people who never met'.
(Per Chance to Dream)

Jones: Will you stop it with the Three Stooges act?
Darien: We don't do them.
Hobbes: Not that we wouldn't like to.
Darien: But we're only two guys.
(Per Chance to Dream)

Eberts: Can you both speak a little slower?
Hobbes: No, you gotta listen faster!
(Per Chance to Dream)

Darien: The Surgeon General has recently declared that taking me apart would be hazardous to my health. Did you get the memo on that?
(Frozen in Time)

Hobbes: Sir, when you say your most valuable agent...
Virkailija: I mean Fawkes.
Hobbes: What are you smirking at, Eberts?
Eberts: Nothing, Robert.
(Diseased)

Darien: Die, cuckoo clock, DIE!!!
(Diseased)

Virkailija: Stop throwing people through windows.
Hobbes: He started it!
(The Lesser Evil)

Darien: Thoreau said, "We are paid for our suspicions by finding what we suspected." That's why paranoia can't protect you. 'Cause no matter how much you think they're out to get you... you have no idea.
(The Lesser Evil)

Darien: Greek mythology says that "Whom the gods would destroy, they first made mad." Now, you see, I was never sure whether 'mad' meant crazy or angry. Either way, the gods were working pretty good on me now.
(Money for Nothing Part I)

Darien: I feel like a eunuch in harem.
(Money for Nothing Part I)

Darien: Is there a problem, officer?
Hobbes: Yeah, there's a problem, you're psychotic!
(Money for Nothing Part II)

Claire: Are you sure he wasn't wearing thermal glasses?
Darien: Not unless they come in a new and improved contact lens version I'm not aware of.
(It's A Small World)

Hobbes: Bobby Hobbes, F&G...
Darien: Hey, check it out, I think I see a chipmunk over there who cares.
(Legends)

Darien: Hobbes' specialty is canine rituals.
(Legends)

Darien: Quicksilver. For men.
Claire: Use it at the risk of your sanity.
(Legends)

Hobbes: Sometimes, rarely, but on occasion, my partner is a genius.
(The Camp)

Hobbes: I've got a bad feeling. I've seen this before.
Darien: When you were in the CIA?
Hobbes: No.
Darien: FBI?
Hobbes: No.
Darien: NSA?
Hobbes: I was never with them. Chuck Bronson movie, Death Wish collection. I've got them on DVD.
(The Importance of Being Eberts)

The Official: Shut up, Hobbes.
Hobbes: That kind of attitude is just a roadblock on my journey to recovery, chief.
(Going Postal)

Eberts: I want chicken and sausages and someone to love me!
(Going Postal)

Hobbes: Leave it to you to out-depress a cemetary.
(Brother's Keeper)

Darien: Why does the weather get like this every time someone tries to screw with the boundaries of science?
(Brother's Keeper)

"Kevin": Claire, where are we?
Hobbes: How does it know your name?
(Brother's Keeper)

SWRB guy: You know, Fawkes, this really isn't your battle.
Darien: It isn't? Damn... Could you take me to my battle?
(Insensate)

The Official: In fact, it's kind of nostalgic.
Hobbes: Nostalgic, sir? Being slapped by young British women?
(Germ Theory)

Darien: I was quoting Allianora.
Hobbes: I was correcting the quote.
Darien: Don't correct my quote.
(The Choice)

Darien: Your Fat Guy told my Fat Guy, and then your Fat Guy’s nerdy assistant told my Fat Guy’s nerdy assistant.
(The Invisible Woman)

Darien: Forgive me Father for I'm about to sin.
(Possessed)

Arnaud: They draw the Quicksilver directly through the mammaries. Highly effective... and strangely erotic."
(Enemy of My Enemy)

Darien: Okay, Mr. Smug, I'm only gonna ask this once because it sounds stupid: where are the cows?
(Enemy of My Enemy)