Due to increasing products liability litigation,
beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers.
WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may make youthink you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol is a majorfactor in dancing like an idiot.
WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause youto tell the same boring story over and over again
until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause youto thay shings like thish.
WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead youto believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol may leave youwondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol may make youthink you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause youto roll over in the morning and see something really
scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol is the leadingcause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol may create theillusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than
some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead youto believe you are invisible.
WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead youto think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause aninflux in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and
sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol may actuallyCAUSE pregnancy.