In spite of the creaking bones and intermittent groans, the two old men slipped relatively quietly
along the darkened streets of Scyros. "Tell me again why we're doing this Iolaus?" grumbled the taller one.

" Sh!  Sh! Sh!! Man, you have never learned to talk at a normal volume.  Sheesh!"

"Well, maybe it's because I'm trying to compensate for your lousy hearing, Oh Golden Deaf guy,
and don't shush me, I was in the business longer than you.  Humph!  Who do you think invented stealth?"
Autolycus whispered as they neared the court archives' door. "Get down!  Oh, wait, if you get down,
your knees won't let you get up.  Sorry, I forget you're elderly sometimes."

"Just a minute, wise guy, I'm barely in my 60's, my knees are fine,  I have a 36 year old wife,
who has no complaints I might add, and it's Golden Hunter,you idiot.  We wouldn't even be here
if it weren't for you.."

"Oh puhleeze don't start again with that.  You are just not going to leave it in the past, are you? I came back,
for Hera's sake! I almost died in that castle, but I let Hercules bring me back to Scyros to save your scrawny
neck from the chopping block. And here I am now, in some dark cold ally, because you're
embarrassed at some youthful indiscretion," Auto whispered as he reached for his pick hidden in his
...(Author's note: In the interest of National Security, it is best not to reveal the hidden location of Auto's tools).

"Okay, I understand the memory going with all your hardening arteries, but let me refresh your
revisionist history here.  I did NOTHING wrong," Iolaus saidthrough clenched teeth.  "Remember...
you surrounded by cutthroats....me rushing in to your defense...the box thrown at me...you run through
the woods...leaving me to take the fall?  Sheesh!  You still are some piece of work,  and hurry up...it's
cold out here.  Lysistrata has a nice boar stew waiting for me at home."

"So your teenage daughter marries a guy who wants to be some kings head weasel...," Auto paused as
he lightly nudged the door open.

"She's 17, and he's going to be Captain of the King's personal guard, not a weasel, and be careful, you
almost tripped over that stool.  You may be able to pick a lock, but your eyesight is shot,  King of Cataracts.
Leipephilene's husband is a good man, even if he is only 21. It's an honor to be considered for that
position so young, and we can't let your thieving kill that chance," Iolaus whispered as they made their
way through the archive.

"Well, Golden Hemorrhoid, you were acquitted...remember me..almost dying...lying on the floor, broken and.."

"Wait!  Here....this is where the scrolls are kept.  I think the ones we're looking for are this way, and it's
Golden HUNTER," he groused as he nudged Auto out of the way. "Besides, the acquitting part never
made it into the records.  Dirce teased me with it decades ago.  The scrolls just tell  the verdicts and
the punishment.  I refuse to let those two kids suffer because of my past, even though, mind you, they'd technically
be suffering for your past."

"All right, already...Geezalonikas Louisalonikas...would you like a little feta with that WHINE.  I'm
helping...I'm helping.  Hey, what's this?  Oh, wouldn't Lysistrata just love to see this?!  'Then Dirce
pressed her soft full lips against the welcoming mouth of the Golden Warrior as his hands rommthithmhphe.'
pitouie  Ack.. keep your hand off my mouth...I was just getting to the good part," he smirked wiggling
his eyebrows up and down.

"Oh man!  I'm innocent!  And why can't they get it right?  Hunter, hunter hunter!"

"Yeah, right, whatever."

"I AM...The only kiss we shared was in full view of her father, Hercules, the council...," Iolaus
continued nervously.

"Hey, I believe you, oh Golden Gigolo...I believe you. Hey,  how much do you think this little piece
of literature  is worth?"  Auto said holding it out of Iolaus' reach.

"Just look for the archive, and she'd better never see that!  Oh, here it is...The Erebus Test.  I can't believe
I went through all of that, and I wasn't <swat>.."

"Ow"

"even..<punch>"

"Hey, those are  my ribs you're crumpling that scroll on!"

"Guilty...<swat>!"

"You know, you're killing brain cells everytime you hit me on the back of my head.  And I just might
forget and give Lysistrata this tasty scroll," Auto warned.

Suddenly,  footsteps were heard charging down the hall.  "Get your Golden Rear in gear, bucko!  Let's
get outta here!"  They ran for the woods as quickly as they would have 30 years ago, only to find no one
was following them.  "Well, now looks like I've gotten you out of another fine mess, Ol' buddy," Auto laughed.

Iolaus supported his hands on his thighs as he bent over trying to draw more air.  His head snapped up, and he glared at the thief.  "Old....Buddy? I ...don't...think..so."

"Well, let's see, I wonder what else is in this scroll.  You know, Iolaus, Golden Farmer, Old Pal...I've been looking
to settle down, stop my roaming, and start a family.  Does Lysistrata have a younger sister?  You know,
because you could introduce us, and heck...we could be brothers-in-law.  And I've been thinking of starting my own security firm...we could be partners, yeah, partners.  Your good name, my still incredible good looks, get Herc to give us a little testimonial, and we'd have it made.  What do you say, Iolaus?"  Auto  grinned as he tapped the scroll on the palm of is hand.  "We could call it Golden Punter Security."
 

Iolaus plopped down on a tree trunk and groaned, "Hunter..Hunter...Hunter."

"Yeah, whatever, well good deal.  Now, I'll just tuck this away for safe keeping," Autolycus said as he tucked the scroll into..(Author's note: Once again the National Security thinly).

"Okay, King of Perv's.  Just tell me, that was too easy back there.  How on earth did we get away with it?"
Iolaus asked looking up to the grinning thief.

"Well, it's obvious.  My skills, ever kept honed and ready, served us well.   Once a King, always a King!" he
chimed in.  "Now, what's this about boar stew?"

Meanwhile:

"Did they get it, Mother?" King Milos asked as he walked into the musty old archives.

"I believe they did, Son. Now, Phyla's will have no trouble with you appointing him.  You can tell him
the good news tomorrow, and dear, make sure you ask him to bring his lovely wife with him to the castle
next time.  I hear she comes from a good family,"  the Queen Mother said with a sigh.

King Milos grinned and nodded as he took her hand.  "Just  minute, son.  I wanted to find that scroll
I was writing.  I had it over here earlier today.  Oh well, I suppose it will turn up." Queen Dirce took her
son's arm and walked out the door.