I would say that having faith (along with motherhood and marriage) has been one of the greatest challenges I have encountered in my life. Faith requires not only hard work and dedication, but also endurance, patience and will power. Now, I think we all agree to have faith in "something"-take for example the chair you're sitting in right now. When you sat down, maybe you didn't double check that the chair was still where you left it when you pulled it out. You had "faith" that the chair would still be there, and you sat. That's not the kind of faith I'm talking about.

I am talking about faith in God. The Bible says (Heb.11:1)"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Trusting in Him, and allowing Him to work, not in our time but in His. Faith is what Noah had when he built the ark. By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land... but the Egyptians drowned (Hebrews 11:29) I believe we can always see God, in the people around us, and the living things around us (the birds, the trees, the sky, rainbows, flowers...), but at the same time, we can't SEE God. We cannot physically touch His face, or crawl into His lap when we are in need of comfort. We can't wrap our arms around Him when we are needing a hug, or cry on His shoulder when ours dreams have been shattered, or our hearts broken. This, I'm sure you'll agree, is a challenge.

I think my greatest challenge of faith came during my parents divorce when I was 8. My mother took my sister and I to church every Sunday, to bake sales and flea markets, and to whatever other function the church might have. She used to tell me that if I prayed for something that God would listen and He would answer. So, when my parents divorced, I prayed and prayed with all my heart that my father would come home, that they would get back together and have this picture perfect family that I was dreaming of. Years went by, I still prayed for my dad to come home.... but he never did. After about 7 years of earnest praying, I finally got angry at God. Yes, I did. I told Him I was angry, too. "You didn't listen to me, you didn't answer me. Don't you love me? Don't you want me to be happy? WHERE ARE YOU?" Still no answer, and I gave up on God.

More years went by, I grew up (ok, I thought I was grown up) and further away from the Lord, still angry and hurt by not getting an answer to my hearts biggest and deepest prayer. I had my son, Zachary, and one day, as I was standing outside, a woman from my lamaze class stopped on the side of the road to talk to me. This developed into the most fulfilling friendship I have ever had. She invited me over, and slowly got around to the subject of God. I pretended to be a most devout Christian, faithful to my Lord. Then one night on the phone I told her how angry and hurt I still was (11 years after that first prayer). I told her that He never answered me and she said the most profound thing.

"He answered you. The answer was 'No.'"

"What??!!" Yes, that was in fact the answer I had gotten. No. One simple word. It didn't mean He didn't love me, or that He wasn't there, or that He had forgotten me. He had simply said "No." "Sorry, Dawn, but this is not what is good in your life. Remember that I can see much farther than you, and I do not want to hurt you. The answer is 'No.'" In the same manner that we tell our children no, so had my Father told me no.

I became closer to Him after that moment in my life. It was crucial for me to meet this woman, and for her to explain the many things that she did to me. It was God's way of opening a door to me. Whether or not I walked through the door was up to me. I did. I had given up on God, but He had not ever given up on me. (Psalm 66:20 "Blessed be God, which hath not turned away my prayer, nor his mercy from me.")

God doesn't intend for us to walk alone in this world. He doesn't want for us to be lonely or afraid (Psalm 9:10 "And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, has not forsaken them that seek thee)He wants us to rely on Him through Faith. Faith that while we can't SEE Him, He is still with us. Faith that--even though the answer we might get from prayer is 'no'--He still loves us.

Nothing you have ever said or done is "unforgivable" in His eyes. I gave my mother so much shame as a teenager, that I didn't think I could ever be forgiven. By her, let alone by God. But, like a mothers unconditional love, so does God love us. The most amazing thing about God's love to me is that when he saved me, he forgave me for all the things I HAD done, all the things I AM DOING, and all the things I WILL do. Past, present AND future. He doesn't pick and choose what he will forgive you for.

When Jesus was nailed to that tree in Calvary, God put the "sin of the world" on his head. Not just certain sins. All of them.(Eph 1:10 "... to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ") Every last one, down to that negative thought I had this morning, or the groan of resentment that came from having to get out of my warm bed to fix a cup of water for one of my children, OR the dirty look I gave the person in the car beside me for not moving fast enough. Those are things that we hardly ever think about much less consider a "sin". When most people think of the word "sin" they think of murder, or stealing, or adultery. Not God. When He thinks of the word "sin" He thinks of everything unloving, unkind, spiteful, vengeful and resentful. Remember the 10 commandments? They didn't just include murder, lying or adultery. They included lying, loving our neighbors and honoring our father and mother along with murder, stealing and adultery. What an interesting concept. He actually MEANT those things? Yes, He did.

BUT, we can all be forgiven for being human. God knew we couldn't live up to His holiness. That is why Jesus came here, born of the flesh, to live a sinless life and die with all of OUR sins(John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life"). So that we could be forgiven. When I get to the gates of Heaven, Jesus will stand in front of me and He will hold my "book of sins" out to God with a blood red stamp on it which will read "PAID IN FULL".(Romans 4:25"He [Jesus] was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.") Praise God! I have not led a perfect life. I have not been, nor will I ever be a perfect daughter, sister, mother, wife, friend. But I am FORGIVEN! The peace that comes along with that knowledge is unbelievable. If you are carrying a burden that feels unforgivable, and you don't know the Love and the Peace of being forgiven, wouldn't you like to? You don't have to leave your house, or your computer. You don't have to wear a sign, or dye your hair. God's gift of eternal life does not cost a thing. Remember, it has already been "paid in full". The only requirement is an open, trusting heart. If you have that, then say a quick prayer. Admit that you have sinned and that you are a sinner, acknowledge that you cannot get to heaven on your own (Eph.2:8-9 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, lest anyone should boast"), ask for forgiveness (Psalm 86:5"For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.") and invite Jesus into your heart and into your life(Jas 1:21"...humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you"). What a relief, to know that you are no longer alone! And best of all, your sins are now Paid In Full.

If you've gotten this far in this page, let me say thank you for reading it all. It didn't start out as a testimony, but it looks like that's what it ended up being.

If you were a saved person before reading this, I hope that you have experienced from reading it, a renewed sense of faith, and trust in God's promise of everlasting life and forgiveness.

If you were not saved and now are, Praise God! I hope you are feeling less alone, and much peace and comfort in the loving circle of our Father's arms. Let me be the first to say, the road can be long, obstacles will still stand in your way, but you will no longer tackle them by yourself.

If you are not yet saved, may you rethink the direction you are headed. I believe that God gives each of us the opportunity to come into His shelter, and I pray that you don't pass yours up too many times before it is too late.

 

I would love to hear your story! I think it is important that we as Christians form a strong bong-both in daily lives and on the internet, as we all know that none too soon, we will be shunned, and the testaments will be fulfilled.

Let us always be... in His Grip--

Dawn