Senility Prayer

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,

the good fortune to run into the ones I do,

and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2.My wild oats have turned into Oat Bran.

3.I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

4.Funny.... I don't remember being absent minded.

5.All reports are in.. life is now officially unfair.

6.If all is not lost, where is it?

7.It is easier to get older, than to get wiser.

8.Some days you're the dog, some days the hydrant.

9.I wish the buck stopped here, I sure could use a few.

10.Kids in the backseat cause accidents.

11.Accidents in the back seat cause.... KIDS.

12.It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

13.Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom (or on the phone!)

14.If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.

15.When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

16.It's hard not to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

17.The only difference between a rut and the grave is the depth.

18.These days I'm thinking a lot about the hereafter. I go somewhere for something, and when I get there, I wonder what I'm here after!