Babysitting Trunks part 4

By ice queen

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ, I do not own the X-Files, I do not own practically anything in this story, and I'm not making any money off of it. But... The story itself is mine. And I claim Penguin rights.

Authors rant: If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman? If I'm alive then will you be there, holding my hand?

Warning: If you think that you know what to expect you need to read more of my stuff! Oh, and this will make no sense at all if you haven't read part 3. That really was a warning!

"Now Mr. Piccolo, why don't you tell us something about your childhood?" They were in a small, cramped room with Piccolo sitting in the middle on a cheap wooden chair. A large light was shining directly in his eyes and two over-weight officers were looming (Or at least attempting to,) over him, shooting questions one after another.

"Look, I already told you everything. My father, the devil, spit me up right before he died and I've been trying to kill Goku all of my life... But then Radditz came, then Vegeta... And Frieza... And some androids, so I got a little distracted."

"So you've been trying to kill Air, but you got distracted by vegetables? Stop playing with us Green Man and give us the straight story. You're an alien man who came to earth and got addicted to crack, aren't you? Don't lie to me, I've seen the movies!"

"WHAT?!!!" ************************

Hey George! (I love using that name:) This is the new guy. Name's Trunks, say's he's always wanted to be a security guy! Get a load of that!" George looked up from where The Acme Hour was playing on one of his screens and raised his cup of Irish coffee to them in greeting.

"Nice to meet you." He said to the new guy, looking him over analytically. Young... Probably out to save the world. George had been like that once. "Grab a chair, kid. I'll give you the lowdown on the whackos that you'll be keeping in line. There's one that's a hoot! Claims that his best friend is a talking cat!"

Trunks just smiled shyly and brushed his bangs out of his face. ***************

"I TOLD YOU! I AM NOT CRAZY!!!! What part of that sentence do you not understand?" He was yelling through the little hole in the door, his only link to the outside world. He backed up and started running towards it, his tightly wrapped shoulder aimed directly at its center. He was going to ram that door open or die trying. ~SMACK~ right into the padding. Yajarobie fell backwards, his balance greatly compromised by the straight jacket that he wore.

"LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!" He screamed.

The door creaked open and a nurse looked down at him pityingly. "It's time for your daily medication, Mr. Yajarobie. And if you be a good little boy I might let you play with the others."

He sat there silently, a stubborn look stamped on his face. She turned around and motioned for the two Thugs behind her to give her a hand.

"You can't do this to me! I'm one of the world's defenders! I deserve some respect!"

"Yes Mr. Yajarobie, you've told us all this a million times before." The nurse said in that overly cheerful voice that all of us know and despise.

"And if you weren't such a ditz then you would have listened!" ****************

They were about to blame the death of JFK on him when there was a knock on the door. Two formally dressed people came in, flashing large ostentatious badges.

"I'm agent Moulder from the FBI, and this is my partner agent Sculley. We've come to talk to your, uh... alien." The tall, slightly stoned looking male said. He was staring at Piccolo as if he were the Holy Grail.

"What are you looking at, Baka? Haven't you ever seen a green man before?" Piccolo asked him irately.

No... No I haven't. Why do you speak English when we're in Japan?" Moulder asked him, curious.

"Because the evil chick writing this fanfic can't speak Japanese."

"Oh." ***********************

"And this is where we keep their medication. Every day they get one of these little plastic cups. Your job is to make sure that they take it instead of feeding it to the squirrels." There in the center was a small cup marked 'Yajarobie.' Trunks smiled to himself. He knew that his mother's accidental hallucinogenic experiment would come in handy some day. He tuned back into what his guide was saying.

"If they start singing about the real Slim Shady, don't worry. He's just their latest hero. Last months hero was Lady Une off of Gundam Wing. We do like to encourage them in finding normal, respectable people to look up to." Trunks secretly wondered if the nurses were hitting the medicine cabinet as often as the patients were.

"Well, I'll just leave you here to get acquainted with our patients! Have fun!" She walked away rather quickly, leaving an evilly grinning Trunks behind her. He walked over to the pill containers and sprayed a fine mist on Yajarobie's pills. He re-pocketed his small spray bottle and waited for the fun to begin. ********************

"So... How long have you been on earth?" Moulder asked casually. Sculley was still stunned to silence by the sight of a seven-foot tall green man.

"All of my life. Look, both you and I know that you're going to cut me up and look at my insides, so why don't we quit this ridiculous chatter and get it over with?" Piccolo sat back with a Humph, and crossed his arms over his chest again. Both agents' mouths dropped open.

"Are you saying that you want to be cut up?" It was the first thing that Sculley had said the entire time.

"I'm not looking forward to it, if that's what you're asking. But it doesn't matter because I can regenerate whatever you take off." Piccolo was starting to get irritated with these simple-minded humans.

"Regenerate?" The two agents looked at each other blankly. ******************

"BWAHAHAHAHA! They don't know about regeneration! I bet they haven't even heard about Saiyans! Stupid Americans!" (I'm sorry, but if it makes you feel better, I'm American, too.) He was really trying to keep quiet in his hiding place in the air vent, but it was getting more difficult with every stupid question asked. He looked down at his mini camcorder, he really hoped that he had enough film to get all of this; it would keep him entertained for months. ******************

Yajarobie was sullenly standing in line with all of the crazy people, waiting for his medication. "This better not take much longer, or I'm gonna Ki blast this place to Hell, oops, I mean another dimension." Suddenly a guard came up to him and handed him his cup.

Yajarobie didn't even glance up as he swallowed the pills. "It's about time." He complained.

"Sorry." The guard said, and walked away. Yajarobie walked over to one of the overly stuffed chairs and was about to sit down when he noticed that the chair was already occupied. Normally that wouldn't have stopped him from taking it, but this time the occupant wasn't human. It was a six foot tall Penguin holding a glass of ice tea. (Any of you seen Billy Madison? If you have, you'll know what I'm talking about.)

"Get out of my chair Penguin, before I blast you to the next dimension." Yajarobie threatened. The Penguin just lifted his glass to him and shook his head. "I warned you, you stupid Penguin." He raised one arm and aimed.

The entire room was staring at him in shock. Well, all except for one who was laughing his head off. (No, it wasn't M. Trunks. That would have been too obvious.) "I told you that the Penguins were invading! But did you listen? Nooo! Said I was crazy and threw me in this loony bin. Well look who's laughing now!" One of the nearby thugs knocked him out with his ever handy bonk stick, then he went over and tried to restrain Yajarobie. It took five of them to finally get him in hand. They were pulling him backwards to his padded room as he shouted threats at the invisible Penguin.

"This is your fault, you stupid Penguin! I swear that I'm going to kill you for this!" He grew silent when one of the nurses stabbed him with a sedative needle. He looked up at the nearest Thug. "You see him, don't you? Stupid Penguin took... My... Chair. Sigh" and he was out like a light. **********************

Trunks looked down at the medication, hiding his malicious smirk. ** First step... Check. Now on to step two. ** He handed over the last cup and walked back to the security room. He was going to need George's help, of course, George would never know about it. **********************

"Did you hear that?" Piccolo asked from out of the blue.

"Hear what?" Sculley asked, cautiously. Piccolo got up from his chair abruptly, causing Sculley to automatically reach for her gun, only to have her actions waved off by Moulder, who was looking curious.

Piccolo walked over to a vent duct and suddenly ripped it off of the wall. C. Trunks came tumbling out of his hiding space, his camcorder landing on the floor and shattering into a million pieces.

He looked up at three very irate adults-well two irate adults; Moulder was too busy laughing his head off to be irate. "Um... Hi!" He said with his most innocent smile. "I was just cleaning the vents! Gotta go!" He made a run for it, but Piccolo had him by the collar before he could make a clean get away.

"I should have figured you had something to do with this, brat." He was dangling C. Trunks in the air by his jacket collar. Everybody else in the room was silent, wondering what exactly was going on.

"It isn't my fault! I swear! The me from the future said that he was a better prankster then I was and were having a competition to find out. His target is Yajarobie." C. Trunks spilled the entire story in a matter of seconds.

"Yajarobie, huh?" Piccolo suddenly smiled, tossed Trunks over his shoulder and ki blasted a hole out of there. They were gone before the FBI agents could blink.

"Um, Moulder? Why don't we go back to America? At least there the aliens are sane."

"Oh... all right." *****************

"So this is all a competition, huh?" Piccolo asked C. Trunks. "You almost had me sent to India just to prove that you're better then yourself. I ought to tan your hide. The only reason that I'm not going to is that Bulma will most definitely have a better punishment lined up for you. Now lets go see what your other half has lined up for that obese weakling." (WAAAAHH! I just couldn't force myself to do it! Don't hate me, please? I promise to do something mean to him later!) ******************

"Would you get me out of here? SOMEBODY! PLEASE! THE PENGUIN IS HITTING ON ME!" He threw a dirty look at the Penguin who was lounging on the floor dressed only in a towel and a smile.

"This is all your fault, you stupid Penguin! Now they really think I'm crazy!" He was pacing back and forth as he ranted. He would have been gesturing with his arms but he was once again tightly wrapped in his straight jacket.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" He yelled out his little door hole. "THE PENGUIN'S STARTING TO LAP DANCE! ARRRGGGHHHH! GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!" (I must be a little crazy myself. Oh, and try not to visualize, it's a really scary image.) ************************

George was watching the monitor with a baffled look. "What IS he doing? I don't see a Penguin!" He looked up as M. Trunks walked into the room.

"Hey! You got to see this! Remember the guy that I said had a talking cat for a best friend? Well he thinks that there's a Penguin in his cell, lap dancing!"

"Really?" Trunks asked, casually, as he sat down in one of the swivel chairs. "I wonder why?" He grabbed one of the day old donuts from off of the desk and shoved it into his face. A half-Saiyan's gotta eat, you know! "Hey, George? Where exactly are the tapes from this thing at? You know, the ones that have already been taped on, in case something happens and you aren't here." George grinned, and launched into an in-depth discussion of the computer system. It was one of his favorite topics. *******************

"I've located his ki. It's just west of here." Piccolo turned slightly and headed off in the aforementioned direction. He was paying little to no attention to Chibi Trunks, who was thinking furiously about a way to turn this situation to his advantage. As Piccolo got close enough to see exactly where the Ki signature was coming from he stopped in mid air.

"Could you tell me what your counterpart is doing in an insane asylum? I knew that he was a little messed up, who wouldn't be with a father like Vegeta, but I didn't think it was that bad!"

"Oh, he's probably keeping track of Yajarobie. At least that's what I would be doing." C. Trunks replied absently. ** Now, if only I could get away from the green giant and find a phone. **

"What's Yajarobie doing in an insane asylum?" *****************

"Now it looks like he's making out with the Penguin." George said. "I thought that he didn't like it!" They were sitting there munching on some chips that they had gotten out of the vending machine, giving a play-by-play on the intricate relationship between Yajarobie and his invisible Penguin.

"Nah, he was just playing hard to get." Trunks gulped down the last of his soda and burped. **This could actually be an interesting job prospect. It's almost as interesting as hanging out with the Z sensei. Of course, they really ARE insane... ** His line of thought was interrupted by Piccolo blasting a hole into the front door.

The large green man had C. Trunks tucked under his arm like a football, and a smirk on his face.

"How much of the show have we missed?" He asked casually, tossing C. Trunks lightly on the ground. C. Trunks scurried off in search of a phone.

"Not much. Yajarobie just started to make out with his invisible penguin." Trunks said. He looked over at George who seemed to be hyperventilating.

"D-Do you know this guy Trunks?" He stammered.

"Oh, yeah. Piccolo meet George, he's the head of security. George, this is Piccolo, he's from the planet Namek." Having finished the introductions he turned back to the monitor. Just in time to see Yajarobie start to waltz with his invisible friend. Piccolo bared his fangs in a mock smile. George fainted.

"Does that happen often?" M. Trunks asked curiously.

"Not often enough." Piccolo said. They both went back to watching Yajarobie without another comment. ***********************

C. Trunks dug through his pocket for his trick coin. He shoved it into the slot on the payphone and started dialing the number his mom had made him memorize by heart, then covered his mouth with his hand to muffle his voice.

"Hello, is there a Mr. Vegeta there? He's not? Well, could you leave a message for me? Tell him that his oldest son is hanging out with that no-class Green Man. Don't worry, he'll understand. Thank you, Goodbye." He hung up and pulled the quarter back out with its special little string.

"One more call." He grabbed the white pages and started flipping through them. "Found it!" He dialed. "Hello? Is this the KKK? There's an alien over here. No, he isn't black... He's green. What? You'll be right over? Okay. Bye." Now it was time to sit back and enjoy the show. *****************

To Be Continued...

Sorry this one is taking so long. The only time that I can find to write is from midnight to one. So if something doesn't make sense, blame it on sleep deprivation. Hey, I think I'm going to wrap this one up pretty soon and start on another H.F.I.L. story. If there are any dead characters that I haven't mentioned yet that you would like to see tell me. Hey if any of you've seen the Pokemon movie could you tell me if Ash died? 'Cuz I got me an idear. See you next time!

C. Trunks: Kill Ash! Kill Ash!

IQ: That is not a nice attitude mister. Am I going to have to send you to your room?

C. Trunks: Look who's talking ice. You're the one who wants to torture him in hell.

IQ: Your point being?

C. Trunks: Never mind. Go to bed already! Your brain is starting to go into neutral.

IQ: 'K, Night ya all! See ya... next...(Yawn) Time. (Crashes over.)

C. Trunks: Aw great! She's snoring! Ice! Ice! Oh well. Bye guys! Thanks for voting for me! I promise that she'll do something really mean to my dad... That is, if I can wake her up.