Happy Hour

Vegeta, Piccolo, Krillin, and Yamucha dragged Goku to a local bar. They tricked Goku into going cause they wanted him to get drunk for once in his life. They also figured it would be pretty amusing to see, even though they are planning to have a few drinks themselves...

Goku: This apple juice tastes funny...

Vegeta: Shut-up and drink, Kakarot. ::forces Goku's head back and pours the liquor down his throat::

Goku: ::gags:: what are you trying to do, choke me?

Vegeta: hmmm... not today. ::pulls out a voice recorder and turns it on:: Note to self: Try poisoning Kakarot with tainted alcohol. Heh, heh, heh. ::turns off recorder, then turns it on again:: Heh, heh, heh, heh.

About an hour passes and Vegeta, Goku, Piccolo, and Yamucha are all pretty drunk.

Piccolo: Hey, *hic* bartender! Gimme another!

Male Bartender: I think you've had enough, sir.

Piccolo: ::grabs male bartender by the collar:: I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

M Bartender: Erm, yes, sir. ::pours a drink with plenty o' vodka::

Piccolo: ::snatches the drink and downs it::

Krillin is the only one not drunk. As a monk, he doesn't really drink and Piccolo, Vegeta, and Yamucha just brought him along to be the designated driver. (Actually, Krillin wanted to get drunk too, but FUNimation told me I had to at least have a designated driver since "Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Drunk." I told them to go screw themselves, but then there was this whole mess with threats toward my family, and my bank account was mysteriously emptied, and then all these people showed up with guns...)

Krillin: Um, are you sure you don't want to go home now, guys?

Goku: *hic* Why?

Krillin: Well, it's kinda late and-

Goku: Oh, shut the *hic* up, Krillin. Stop being a party pooper.

Vegeta: ::puts arm around Goku's shoulder:: You know, Kakarot, *hic* you aren't such a bad guy. I mean, you can be pretty stupid sometimes but-

Yamucha: ::grabs a random guy from the stool beside him:: What did you say about my momma?

Guy: ::gets scared, cause he recognizes these guys from the fighting tournaments:: I didn't say anything, I swear!

Yamucha: ::stares at the guy real hard for a few moments:: I thought so. ::drops guy::

Guy: ::falls on his butt real hard:: OW!

Vegeta and Goku, who've had enough alcohol to supply a frat house for a couple decades, have their arms around each other's shoulders and are now singing a drunken version of "Why Can't We Be Friends?"

V & G: WHY CAN'T WE *HIC* BE FRIENDS

WHY CAN'T *HIC* WE *HIC* BE FRIENDS

After a while both Saiyajins broke down into a fit of giggles and fell off the barstools and onto the floor of the tavern.

Krillin: Yikes! Are you guys okay?

Vegeta and Goku only responded with drunken laughter

Yamucha: (to the female bartender) You know, I *hic* used to have a girlfriend who looked a lot like you...

F Bartender: Really?

Yamucha: Yup. Blue hair, although it used to be *hic* lavender before she dyed it...

Krillin: Bulma dyes her hair?

Vegeta: ::gets up, sways a little:: Are you kidding, Cue Ball? ::steps over Goku to walk over to Yamucha and Krillin and almost trips over him:: Of course she *hic* does.

Yamucha: Yep. Guess she didn't like lavender.

Vegeta: Nah. Now she *hic* dyes it cause she started getting gray *hic* hair since she was twenty.

Yamucha: ::turns back to girl:: Anyway, yeah, blue hair like yours, about the *hic* same height, huge knockers...

Vegeta: ::walks up to Yamucha's face:: What was that?

Yamucha: I'm just saying Bulma's *hic* real pretty and all.

Vegeta: ::huge smile:: Yeah, she's a *hic* real knockout, ain't she?

Yamucha: And an animal in bed!

Vegeta: I know it! *hic*

Goku: ::gets off floor and plops onto a stool:: Man, *hic* this is the best *hic* apple *hic* juice I've ever had...

Krillin: Er, Goku... We haven't been entirely honest with you...

Goku: What *hic* are you trying to say, *hic* Krillin?

Krillin: Well...

Piccolo: It's not apple juice, It's Jack Daniels... ::turns to male bartender:: with vodka?

M Bartender: Yup.

Piccolo: ::turns back to Goku:: With *hic* vodka.

Goku: You mean you guys *hic* purposely got me drunk?

Piccolo: A more accurate term would *hic* be "totally hammered", but yeah.

Goku: Oh, okay. ::downs his full glass of Jack Daniels and vodka:: ::a pleasant smile crosses his face::

Krillin: Oh, boy...

Vegeta: ::sits on stool next to Yamucha:: You know, Yamucha, I used to *hic* think you were a total asshole player...

Yamucha: Yeah?

Vegeta: What do you *hic* mean "yeah?" That's *hic* what I think.

Yamucha: Oh. *hic* Can I ask you a question?

Vegeta: *hic* Sure. Fire away. ::downs a drink::

Yamucha: What do you see in *hic* Bulma anyway? ::downs a beer:: I mean, she's loud, annoying, *hic* stubborn, doesn't care about a *hic* thing you say...

Vegeta: ::thinks for a moment and smiles:: Yeah. She's a real bitch, huh? ::looks at Yamucha::

Yamucha: ::looks at Vegeta::

Both: ::burst into laughter::

Krillin: ::surveys the scene:: This could get bad... Uh, guys? GUYS!

Piccolo: What, *hic* Baldy?

Krillin: I think that's enough for everybody tonight. Maybe we should-

Piccolo: ::grabs Krillin by the collar:: I'LL TELL YOU WHEN *hic* I'VE HAD ENOUGH! ::lets Krillin go and sits down::

Krillin: ::gulps:: This is getting out of hand. I better call Chi-Chi and Bulma

Fifteen minutes later...

Bulma and Chi-Chi walk in. Vegeta and Yamucha have their arms on each other's shoulders and are singing, Piccolo is threatening the bartender, and Goku is up on the bar doing the Macarena. Krillin is sitting at the end of the bar watching and shaking his head.

V&Y: Why do you build *hic* me up, build me up

*hic* Buttercup, baby

Just to let me *hic* down

And *hic* mess me around

Piccolo: ::has M Bartender by the collar:: I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH! GIVE ME SOME VODKA, PUNK, OR I'LL SEND YOU TO THE NEXT DIMENSION!

Vegeta: Hey, that's *hic* my line... Y M C A!

Yamucha: It's fun to stay at the...

Goku: Ey, Macarena!

Krillin: Dende, help me...

Chi-Chi: ::walks over to the bar:: Goku! What are you doing?

Goku: ::stops with his hands behind his head:: The *hic* Macarena, sweetie... wanna join in?

Chi-Chi: Get down here now!

Goku: ::jumps off bar and flies face first into the floor::

Chi-Chi: ::kneels down beside him:: Goku!

Goku: Zzzzzzzzzzzz....Zzzzzzzzzzz

Bulma: Vegeta, what are you doing?

Vegeta: What the *hic* hell does it look like?

Bulma: It looks like you and Yamucha are doing the electric slide.

Vegeta: What's it to *hic* you?

Yamucha: He *hic* learned it real fast. Hey, Bulma, how *hic* come you never told me you dye your hair to hide the gray?

Bulma: WHAT?! ::glares at Vegeta::

Vegeta: *hic* What?

Bulma: I told you to never tell anyone that! What do you have to say for yourself?

Vegeta: ::quiet for a moment::

Bulma: Well?!

Vegeta: ::smiles:: Bulma, *hic* you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Bulma: Huh?

Chi-Chi: Piccolo, you have to help me carry Goku to the car.

Piccolo: I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

Chi-Chi: What the hell are you talking about?

Piccolo: I...uh...

Chi-Chi: Just help me you stupid Namek.

Bulma: Vegeta, come on. I'll take you home.

Vegeta: But your ex-boyfriend was gonna teach me the chicken dance.

Yamucha: You start out by-

Bulma: Shut- up Yamucha! I'll bet it was your idea to drag them all here!

Chi-Chi: Why did you guys come to this bar anyway?

Yamucha: What do you mean?

Chi-Chi: This is a GAY bar, stupid!

All the men in the bar: ::turn to them and wave:: Helloooo!

Yamucha: It is?

Vegeta: A what bar?

Bulma: Gay, Vegeta. A gay bar.

Goku: ::wakes up:: What's wrong with a bar of happy people?

Piccolo: Doesn't make a difference to me. I'm asexual.

F Bartender: A sexual what?

Piccolo: ::jerks around suddenly to face F bartender:: I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

Yamucha: That's funny. Chaozu said that he and Tien come here all the time...

Bulma: Oh, Kami. Look, I'll take Vegeta and Yamucha home and-

Yamucha: ::confused expression crosses his face:: You want a threesome?

Bulma: NO, YOU MORON. I'll take you to your apartment and Vegeta back home! Chi-Chi can take Goku home, and Piccolo will just have to fly to wherever he sleeps.

Piccolo: The Holiday Inn?

Vegeta: ::slaps Bulma on the behind harder then he should:: That's *hic* my girl. Always thinkin'.

Bulma: OW! ::gets annoyed:: That's it. Let's go! NOW.

Vegeta and Yamucha follow her out the door, singing Livin' La Vida Loca.

Vegeta: HER LIPS ARE DEVIL *hic* RED...

Yamucha: AND *hic* HER SKIN'S THE COLOR MOCHA...

Chi-Chi and Goku follow.

Goku: But Chi *hic* Chi, I don't understand. What's wrong with happy people?

Piccolo wobbles out and takes off in to the air, slamming into the brick wall of the apartment building across the street. He slides down the wall and lands into a dumpster. The dumpster's lid falls closed on top of him, and his snoring echoes in the metal trash container.

Krillin: Well, I guess all's well that ends well. ::starts to leave::

M Bartender: Uh, sir, the bill? ::holds up a bill for $3,000::

Krillin: ::opens wallet:: There goes Eighteen's mall money for this month...