| Part 2 I shouldn't have come here, I thought. Seeing him only makes me feel that pain again, as intensely as during that last fatal night. All these past months I had tried my best not to follow Daniel, not even listen in to his thoughts, but more than once I caught myself at trying -- almost involuntarily -- to reach to out to him telepathically. Just to make sure Daniel was all right and not running into some sorts of trouble like he so often did. Nothing but sham explanations, I had to acknowledge -- as if Daniel couldn't look after himself! Surely, this was not the first time that Daniel had left me, but this time it seemed he had left me for good. And indeed, he had good causes to avoid ever coming near me again, lots of them. Reason and common sense told me to accept my lover's decision. After all, this was - most likely -- only for Daniel's best. And I so much wanted him to live. But at the time there was this voice in my head that didn't stop calling out: "And what about me?" Daniel's sudden absence was harder than I had imagined. Daniel had been my link to this modern era; he had not only introduced me to the technical marvels of this age, but had taught me about its soul. How could I have otherwise understood such strange phenomena of modern times like Women's Liberation, the Civil Rights Movement, genetic engineering, environmental pollution or any number of other odd occurrences. Daniel could discuss to no end the implications of Watergate, the repercussions of the North-South conflict, the ethical consequences of generating test tube babies or any other issue that stirred his interest. But apart from that, I realized with growing amazement, Daniel had become my reason for living. I needed Daniel more than I had ever thought. From the back of my mind little episodes unfolded such as the night when Daniel had tried to explain me how to program a VCR and the damned thing simply wouldn't work; even reading the manual at preternatural speed didn't help much in that case. Tears of laughter were running down Daniel's cheeks when I stated in all earnest that it would "positively work now" upon which the machine positively devoured the video cassette forever and Daniel almost collapsed under uncontrollable fits of laughter. Oh Daniel, caro mio, when had I last heard you laughing like that? Or one evening when Daniel came home with a collection of the latest records directly heading for the stereo set, rolling his eyes, moaning: "Not again those Gregorian Chants! Wake up, Mr. Coven Master, these are not the crypts of Les Innocents! Bet you've never heard of David Bowie? My God, with some matters you're such an absolute beginner ..." "An absolute beginner? So you think I need some -- teaching, Daniel?" I teased him from the comfort of my Charles Eames lounge chair. "Definitely," he answered, his violet eyes sparkling with delight, taking my hands and pulling me up to him. "First of all, it's time for some dancing lessons. Come on, don't give me that phony sombre look. Tonight I want to go with you to Studio 54 and have some fun!" Ah yes, Daniel, you made me indeed forget the horrors of the crypts and the bleak loneliness of those years after Louis and I separated. You've taught me to laugh. And the only thing I've taught you in return is to cry. So why go to exhibitions, movies, theatre plays, discotheques, casinos when there's no one there to share this with me? Why read a book or a newspaper article when there's no one there with whom to discuss it? Of course, I could have tried finding someone to replace Daniel. Seducing mortals had always been so heartbreakingly easy, they would fall for me before I had even opened my mouth. But if I couldn't have Daniel, I wanted to have no one. And worse enough, Daniel had not only been my lover, but also my only confidante. With whom could I talk now, actually talk? Lost in time were all I had once felt affection for. Marius. Lestat. Louis. Better not dwell upon it, I would instruct myself then, struggling to ignore that horrifying sense of vertigo that at such moments threatened to sweep me off my feet, engulf and drag me down into the dreadful fathomless maelstrom that is my past. Since Louis had left me on the banks of a river one ill-fated evening about a century ago, I didn't hear from him again. Louis, a pale shadow in the darkness, gradually vanishing into nothingness. And Lestat lying in the rubble foundations of his old house, lost in strange dreams, that reckless shining prince among the living dead, these days nothing more than a miserable husk of his former self, a rat-catcher, would he ever wake again from his sleep? And Marius, ah Marius, nothing more than a precious fragile memory of fading gold and glory and kisses like roses. Enough of these ghosts of the past! Enough! Would that time devoured these phantoms forever, that greedy mouth of time that now threatened to swallow Daniel. But there was no way to avoid it. So just look at him one more time, I thought desolately. Steal one last kiss. Again, I wanted to stretch out my hand, but found that I simply couldn't. In a sudden flash I remembered our first night together. Daniel, that night in Rome ... It had been late September, when the days begin to grow short again, with the warmth of the day still hanging in the streets and people even at that hour still sitting outside in the espresso bars and restaurants, enjoying the last loose ends of summer. As soon as the darkness had descended on the roofs and cupolas of the Eternal City I rushed to the Excelsior where I had lodged Daniel the night before. When I entered the luxurious suite Daniel had been asleep like this, apparently still exhausted from what had been happened the night before in the ruins of ancient Pompeii, when I had let him taste my blood for the very first time. But when I sat down on the bed, Daniel suddenly opened his eyes cracking a sleepy smile at me: "Is it really you? Or am I still dreaming?" Gently tracing the contours of Daniel's face but barely touching him, I whispered: "Would you wish it was a dream?" "No," Daniel answered calmly. "I've been dreaming of you all summer. You've haunted me, day and night. But the longer I hadn't seen you the more my memories of you were loosing colour. And all of a sudden, I could hardly remember your face. I was so shocked then. It was as if I had lost something infinitely precious, a secret treasure." Smiling again, he gently laid a hand on the side of my face. "You feel almost warm ..." I nearly flinched, closing my eyes, holding my breath -- when had someone last touched me this way? Lovingly. Tenderly. Daniel sat up, quickly withdrawing his fingers. "What is it? You don't want me to touch you?" Oh, Daniel, I thought, you have no idea how it is to have you near me. You're so warm, the blood pulsing through veins is like life itself, delicious, rich and strong! "Don't," I answered softly placing his hand against my face again. "Please. Unless it's not awkward for you." "No, it's not awkward -- on the contrary ...," he whispered hoarsely, eyeing me from top to toe, enraptured. "I still can't believe it. That I'm here -- with you. I thought you were gone and I would never see you again." "You don't mean to say you missed that demon that followed you wherever you went?" I retorted somewhat ironically, although it was a miracle for me as well, to have him here, so close to me. "Yeah, I did, "Daniel breathed, his fingers trembling slightly as he cupped my face with both hands. "I missed you, although I didn't know why." "And now you know?" Only a tiny space separated his lips from mine, my thoughts tumbling and twirling around wildly. Ah, Daniel, this is madness! I know I'll regret it. We'll both regret it, but it's too late already ... "Yes. Now, I know". Your eyes, I thought. This vibrant lavender blue is a mystery to me, Daniel, I could lose myself there ... "But you don't know who I really am," I choked. "You have no idea what a monster I became under the catacombs of this very city. I have done things ..." "I'm sure you have, but -- I don't care," he answered, embracing me, his hands moving down my spine and drawing me down on him. "Not, now". And then it was as if a cyclone swept us away and were lost, lost in kisses, his lips on mine, his body under me. Feverishly his hands tore at my clothes, striving to explore my body, driving me insane, that delicious scent of him, that warm and pliant flesh I felt hardening under my touch. He seemed to know instinctively what I secretly desired. Of course, he couldn't even pierce my most resilient flesh, but when I felt his lips on the curve of my neck, his tongue languorously caressing my skin, teasing me, tempting me, it was as if liquid fire melted my limbs from within. "Daniel," I broke off breathless, raising my upper body so that I could better look at him, while our hips still touched, touched and stirred, each of his little moves making me feel how keenly he desired me. "Are you sure you want this? Once we get started there may no way back." "There was no way back for me since that moment the door closed on Louis and me. Although ...," a fleeting smile rushed over his face. "I might have escaped if I hadn't run into you in Lestat's old house. When I saw you there I had the living proof I was searching for that I hadn't dreamed all this. Ah, it was such a triumph for me when I spotted you in the dim light down in the hall, a ghost--like appearance that suddenly materialized before my eyes, ephemeral, blinding me with its unearthly splendour ..." "You were like in a fever then and so afraid ..." "I'm still afraid, you ... you devil with that face of an angel!" He ran a hand through my hair, brushing the long curls out of my face. "But I'm not sure what I fear more -- that I might die in your arms or never see you again." He looked at me for the longest time, his eyes enigmatic, dark with yearning. Waiting. "So?" I asked straddling him and cocking my head to one side to watch him - what a sight he was, this slender young man, like a surfer he looked, sleek muscles, a slight tan, like someone who spends his days aimlessly in the shade, that laidback attitude. "So, what are you waiting for?" he teased me. Ah, his blood, circulating heatedly in his veins, his heart racing at a high-speed pace, his thoughts an incoherent swirl: "Want you, want you, you demon ..." Too late, I swore to myself. I would never let him go again! Pulling him close I drew his t-shirt over his head and gathered him in my arms. He sighed and said -- as if he could read my thoughts: "I am yours, Armand. I won't run away from you any longer." "As if you could have ever escaped me, my boy," I smiled. "I deliberately made it easy for you," he smiled back, casually starting to unbutton my shirt. "You must always have the last word, don't you?" "Of course, I do," he chuckled. "You must think of other ways to shut me up". An easy task this, slowly I began kissing him again, passionately, and even more vigorously while we were hastily disposing of our remaining pieces of clothing. My thirst for him became almost unbearable when I felt his warm naked flesh against mine. I could have drunk him down right at the spot, but I wanted to take Daniel slowly, deliberately. I wanted him to call out my name while we made love. I wanted him to die in my arms -- the only death you can ever survive as a mortal ... |
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