The so far of it....

<<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>> ...enough ...it has been enough: It has been more than enough

Trace my blood across my hands
Watch it fall forever
And turning black it will land
Upon this page I never
Wrote
I never screamed
But still you have heard me


September 24, 2004

<<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>> In a time where there were no words to speak we were. Created with differences, but planned to be the same. We are all the same. We are all going the same direction. There are many ways to arrive, but we are going. This is unstoppable. We are..only human.

A Place We Are
Only to look thorough your eyes
To see for you when you will not
I would kiss you
And gladly I would die
In a moment upon your hands thereafter
If only then to know
It has been passed on
That I have not been wasted

I want so much to be nothing
To exist as nothing
Only to manipulate what I have seen
To slowly creep into the hiding places
Left open for no one

So much is there we have not known
Our lives trancend deeply
Cut back by time
Drawn nearer to the point of finality

Still I want to be nothing

The noise
deafens
keeps us apart
Noise blocking out our familiar
Ourselves are not meant to hear so much
To be listened to in such strange ways
When what is heard is only what is made

There is nothing other
The beginning knows all
We will find the end
Time forces upon us answers
Pushing to our destinations
Building sublime climaxes etched in stone
It is cold
so cold
Ice has begun to cascade
Tearing our flesh as we fall
now our blood flows free

We are caught
Frozen in time
Traced on the walls of eternity
Only trails of our downwards flight
Noise surrounds us
echoing screams
But still are we now

in silence


September 24, 2004

<<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>> Hey. I suppose its not entirely all bad. Not that I will ever stop thinking of you. Or missing you. But its alright.. I'll make sure it will be. You made me good at that. At so many things. And there will be a day, one perfect day. And then you will know. What it is you've done for me. What it is you've made me. Our lives weren't made to be perfect, but its crazy how close we came. One day.

Forever (is never long enough)
My baby
If I could bring you back
It would be a lifetime too late
I watched you go
And a peice of my world went with you
It was lost that day and has not been near since

If only I could hold you again
Feel your breath on my face
To hold your eyes and know
That there would never be more pain
That there was going to be a tomorrow
That was that much better than today

What keeps me hanging on
Is the gift you bestowed in my soul
Our worlds were not apart
I was with you
I was in you
Became you
Closer than I could imagine
Looking back
On the memories that chase through my mind

I would remain for eternity
Comfortably numb in this world
If only I could be with you
But I know my hope is forgotten
The choice was not given to be made

Just as we were together
Now we stay apart
Two things cannot remain as one in this world
For as long as it would take
To make us complete

But I can wait
I can wait until my end
When I will fall again
More deeply this time
With so much more to give

To remain with you
Forever looking in the same direction
The day will come
I'll take you higher
Create a new world
And we will fly



<<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>> Often I write without any thoughts inside my head. I have come to know this feeling as emptyness. As standing before a large chasm into which I am about to fall. All that is left for me now is faith. Nothing is left that is real. Nothing is left that is unchanged. There is beauty, more beauty in this freedom than I can hope to describe. But there would be no beautiful things without something with which to provide comparision. Both must be expereinced to appreciate the former. Often I wish to be free of these contradicitons that carry themselves upon me. I am gifted and I am lost. I am created to die. Although my time here has been limited for reasons. So I may return the gift of life in my death perhaps. Just as my birth changed a life, so will my death. We are all given ways with which to live. My way to live is my own. What I realize now is that it has never belonged to me. I want so many things. I want to experience life. But in the end, if I have experienced life for only myself it will have made no difference. What I need and what I want are fortunately not so far apart. Although I have only one goal. This I will learn about for much time to come after my death.

Departed Beauty
I cry for it is beautiful
To see myself in the reflection
Of a knife
Of a mirror
Hanging apart on a wall

Life has stored away
In keeping for a better existence
Where it might be
Only to be rejoiced

So much longs to touch the inside
To clear out the space
And remain empty
Cut open
To know myself and another
As we were
As we are one

Everything is there that is left
Nothing has been disclosed
The world forgets promise each day
A dawn rises
A sun sets
The morning dawn breaks upon a new day
One more day I must live
Without knowing of the beauty
I have felt
That lies inside

See my hope
Touch my heart
And it will be yours
For nothing is mine to give
It has already been belonged
I have already belonged to you

But wait for me now
Watch over what I will be
As I have watched so many others
In a life past living

Let me find it
Let me find life
I have not known

Let me learn to hear and speak
Of something amazing



<<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>>

This was written sometime in grade twelve for an assignment we has to do, a poetry anthology. I had one last poem to do so I made this up quickly...it caught a few of my thoughts at the present moment...I had recently seen a documentary about the lives of past people and how they had lived and got to thinking that between now and then not much has changed, at least not what really is there. Material changes, I don't think patterns in life ever go that far from how they began. I really just caught this poem off the top of my head, just breif thoughts while finishing up in the morning before dashing off to class and as a rule being late. Its not as powerful as I would hope, but I didn't put so much into it.

An Interlude, Prior the Event

Sit and write this
Not because you are able
But because you want to
Do so because you can
And let the becomings make you willing

Do not faulter at common pinnacles
For always there is another to be reached
With both benefit and reward

Free your voice
Speak an unspoken word
Crawl into unkempt places
And once removed
Do not brush off the earth
See your roots
But never imagine yourself as greater than an ancestor
For methods are only changing
And lingering is thought

Be open but not foolish
Keep your face up for as long as you may
For another still waits to see it

You are alvie
Do what you will with it, but remember
Always
This has been given to you
You are granted freedom
And are nothing to say you will not be great



<<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>>

...in the beginning...there was pessimism
Cherish

As cherished little babies grow
Try begin to notice
How the world goes by
And as they spend their time
They begin to see
How the world does not fancy them
That it does not care
And they understand
That once shame is bestowed it is not quite so easily betaken
As it might have been beforehand
Apart from everything learnt
That tears shed amount
To nothing

They hope for their own to grow without shame
Or unheeding wounds that heal unending
Although it is their mistake
That they rpoduce more like themselves
In choice and action, unknowing
To fend off the remains of what has been and what will come
To be as everything is
A part of the entirety
All connected, all defective



<<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>>

Progression to a crazed teenager...who cannot be with something or without...
On the Ground

A shadow move untouched
Noticed but unmonitored
Reaching out

Stretched in pain
Crumpled in anger
In desire of wanting
In passion of needing

Yet being denied


Awaiting
Until a time passes
Where all else ceases to move


Overrun by ache
Of near death
Insane
And driven past a point where
Nothing else has mattered

Without a second though
Towards another
A direction is taken
Though the path unforged
The light is cut
And brought to darkness

Shielded by its own device
Made to exist
Where nothing else can

A ghost of attempt
A trace of survival
The element which ties together image and reflection
In a looking glass on the ground



<<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>>

...and now it seems a revolution has come to pass...
Around the Sun

I've been there too
Where time stands still
I've seen your world
With disconnected eyes
Where few dare go
And fewer still remain
To learn survival is false
I know something uncompromised
Strong enough to drive me through
When times are tough and light forbidden
And I notice that the sun revolved
Around creation that has come
Folded in places and stretched to limit
That which can and cannot be
Where such mystery is held by the unknown
That uncompromised truth
Once pure in nature
Recreantly taints and transcends



<<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>>

...a gift now bestowed....
Worth

Sublime and translucent
Time locks herself in a secret room
Dissolved hours are stolen as we discover the key
Falling backwards through past chances, unlocked

So close are you
That I can feel your heart beating inside my chest
Its rhythm which gives me purpose
That fabricates a faith to believe

Beauty is still to be found in this world
And laying still I find myself
Grasping at words that do vast injustice
To what has become

In separation, my soul surrenders
Allowing itself to be touched
If only for a breath
To boast that perfection has been once known

If I were to do nothing but listen to you
Begin to hear the words inside my head
Speak and for a fleeting moment
Come to know myself in pure freedom

Would I be alright?
For how can one such as yourself
Be content with me?

(the main and just of it...I can only help you get to where your meant to be.)


<<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>>

Poetry;;

Fabric of Life
I am an abstraction
Out of an endless nowhere
An intricate anguish both translucent and sublime
The summoner of shades
The veil of desires

Settling into a small dark silence
I move through a stately calm
Weaving otherworld verse
Soulful as time unfolds around me

With no discernible change in expression
Solitude fills the room with a profusion of sorrows
Isolation eroding my will to go on

All things come full circle
Disturbing and pursuing my soul
Filaments of emotional traumas
Twined into the fabric of my life

I close my eyes
And drift into a dream remembrance
Precious moments retreat into memories
Becoming subdued sculpted images blending into nothingness
Breathing erratic gusts of flickering thoughts

Something cold and unseen touches my shoulder
A deliberate silent echo
Spirits spelled to dance
Wavering on the edge of my awareness
Dark movements of shadows changing shades with each diversion of prayer

A time must come when all this must converge
This perplexing connection with otherness

But will all this be revealed to me?
And do I even have the right to know?




<<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>><<<<>>>>