More than anything its to scream. To scream silently without making a noise, without speaking a word. I am here. I am alive. There is something sickly intoxicating about the slight of blood. Blood that slides from your skin and drops away from your body. Its relieving to let it go. To just let go and forget to hold on. So much is hidden in our daily lives. What is fortaken is the fragility of life, the fragility with which we are held together. Often in spearation, in being apart we learn about what it means to be alive. We have no examples, no paths set before us. There is truth as well as lies. It is up to us to take a chance and discover what is right for our meaning to be complete. Our blood is hidden inside us, much the same as our characters are not revealed until pushed to be relieved from themselves. To bleed is to see the world apart from itself. To sit atop a ledge and look down below and see what is there. Blood is in all of us. Few choose to let it show.

Its just one of those feelings...randomly..that pop up. It feels so much like dying. To be alone in the world. I feel so alone. I feel so worthless. So unwanted. So useless. Like I don't matter; like I never have mattered. I don't like to take life seriously but I'm an extremely serious person. I need to know that I can make a difference. But more than that I keep feeling this terrible pull. I feel like I'm being ripped into tiny shards, smaller and smaller until I disapear. Maybe this is what I want. I want to disapear. Although there is too much greatness out there for me to lose hold of life altogether. If I devote my life to making other people better than me is this a good thing? It doesn't feel that great while I'm doing it, while I'm making things phenominal for someone else, but once its done it does have its rewards. Until I find another situation where I feel drawn to do it again. I'm just sick of it I guess.