Beautiful Shinigami
Chapter Five 
by Ina-chan
First Posted Online: September 7, 2004
History: Inspired by Bryan Fuller's "DEAD LIKE ME" series

People always say that there are certain revelations that can only occur during a specific time. Like in funerals, for example. When you die, whatever kind words or thoughts that people had about you will be revealed and be shared. It can be said the same about gossip and things that people will never say in front of your face. But overall, people are generally kind. And everyone says the same thing.

People talk about how kind, and caring, and wonderful you are... and how awful it was that you were taken away too soon. You could be the worst person who could have walked the earth, but in your funeral, people will always find something nice to say about you.

That’s why the events that happened afterwards completely took me off guard. In some ways, it was a little confusing. Then again, I don’t know anything about Yuki-san at all. Everyone has been so nice and kind to me, so it was probably my fault for assuming that all Shinigami acted the same way.

Or maybe perhaps for a moment, I just hoped that he would act the same as you...

“Ano...Yu---” I started to whisper

“Don’t call me that in public,” Yuki-san suddenly hissed under his breath before I could finish my sentence

It was just so surprising. Just moments ago, Yuki-san seemed very kind and comforting. But the moment we stepped inside my grandfather’s house, he suddenly acted strange. And now, as we sat together at one of the secluded corners of my aunt’s living room, Yuki-san was aloof... and cold. I couldn’t believe that it was even possible for a person to switch their emotions on and off so quickly! Then again, Yuki-san was not an ordinary person.

And much later on, I would find out for myself that he was not an ordinary Shinigami either.

But at that moment, I felt trapped. Even though Yuki-san was sitting right beside me, and I was surrounded by a lot of the people I knew when I was still alive...

Never in my life had I ever felt so alone.

The people in my funeral were mainly relatives from my father’s side – most I’ve only met once or twice in my short lifetime. I spotted my aunt looking busy and harried, taking care of guests, and my cousins socializing with their friends. I know Hana-chan and Uo-chan were already supposed to be around here somewhere, but I haven’t seen them anywhere yet. My Aunt must have hidden my grandfather somewhere. Chances are, he probably wasn’t even told about my death yet. There were several students from my class offering their condolences as well.

But it wouldn’t matter even if I went up and talked to those people. In their eyes, I would just be another stranger. That doesn’t help me at all to do what I was supposed to do in the first place. That part of the reason why Yuki-san was so upset earlier when Hatori-san gave him his assignment.

Apparently, Kagura-san was supposed to do that before bringing me back to the group. It probably would have been easier in a way, since I would technically still be a ghost and be free to move around my old house as I please. But it wasn’t Kagura-san’s fault that we skipped protocol. I didn’t want to go to my funeral... but obviously, it doesn’t work that way.

“You need to have closure with your old life before you can continue on with the next,” Yuki-san stated before we entered the house. His voice was laced with such finality that I couldn’t help but wonder if he was talking from experience. Though the thought seemed rather absurd! Yuki-san looks like he’s around my age, after all.

“Did you do what you wanted to do in your funeral?” I asked before I managed to curb my curiosity

The question obviously caught Yuki-san off-guard as a surprised expression briefly flashed across his face. Though I wasn’t really sure... it could have been my imagination. The next thing I knew, I was shrinking back again as he looked down at me with this serious gaze and a grave voice, that I couldn’t help but literally stand in attention to listen to exactly what he had to say

“Never reveal who you really are to any of the living. Most especially to anyone connected to your past. To play things safe... as much as possible, DO NOT make contact with ANYONE connected to your past.”

“Why?” My heart instantly sank, upon realizing that despite having a physical body it was just as useful as being invisible

“It’s a serious offense,” Yuki-san replied firmly. Once again, that strange expression overshadowed his features, “And such offenses have serious consequences.”

He didn’t go further on elaborating “what” it is or “who” will cause it... but “how” he said it was enough to elude that it was more than just a warning. Coming from Yuki-san when he has his scary serious face, it sounded suspiciously a lot more like a threat. Picking up the cues from the others from this morning, I decided that staying in Yuki-san’s good side was definitely a very good thing over the alternative.

“Stop squirming, you’re bringing attention to yourself,” Yuki-san chided, as if an annoyed mother talking to her misbehaving child, “And don’t slouch. You’re not a child.”

“Y-yes!”

And it was obvious, a few minutes later that I wasn’t doing a very good job at it. All I really wanted to do at that moment was hide in another corner, curl up into a ball, and cry. But I tried to straighten my back as best as I could and swallowed hard to keep the tears that were pooling in my eyes from falling. However, I wasn’t able to prevent an errant sob from escaping from the confines of my throat.

I instantly heard that hitch on Yuki-san’s breath just before he muttered something inaudible under his breath with that annoyed tone of his that I’m quickly becoming familiar with. This time, I wasn’t able to hold back the tears that were burning its way from eyes.

“I’m... soh...sorry,” I sobbed. I didn’t know what else to do. Yuki-san was definitely getting angrier by the minute and it was my fault. Why did I have to die and be a trouble to everyone else? Why did Mother die for that matter? It wasn’t fair! None of this was fair! Never in my life had I wished for more than anything than having her by my side than this moment. Or even for just the comforting feeling that you were nearby for that matter...

“Oi? Is everything all right in here?”

I looked up, startled and saw Uo-chan through my blurred vision, looking at us disdainfully... Well... actually, looking at Yuki-san disdainfully to be exact.

“My sister is just feeling a little sentimental about our poor late cousin,” Yuki-san replied coolly, as he handed me his handkerchief, “It’s perfectly normal to cry when you’re grieving in a funeral, isn’t it?”

“Cousin? Tooru never mentioned having cousins other than the idiots living in this house,” Uo-chan raised an eyebrow as she eyed the both of us critically

Which was true! I felt my heart lodge painfully in my throat and panic building up within me. I was glad to see Uo-chan talking to me again... but I didn’t expect it to be in this circumstance. I didn’t have any other cousins other than my aunt’s who were living with me and grandfather. Uo-chan will find out who we really are, and something terrible will happen and it would be my fault!

“I---” I began, through my sniffles

“We’re from the other side of the family,” Yuki-san immediately interrupted without missing a beat.

Uo-chan’s eyes widened in surprise at Yuki-san’s words... MY eyes widened in surprise in at Yuki-san’s words. I never met anyone from Mother’s family, but seeing Yuki-san match Uo-chan’s glare with his own condescending gaze... I felt like believing what he said, myself.

“Hmph! It figures. With that nasty attitude of yours, you’ve got to be from THAT goddamn family!”

“Excuse me, what exactly is that supposed to mean?”

“Ano---”

“You abandoned Kyoko-san and Tooru-kun at the time they needed a family the most.”

“W-wait---“

“You have some nerve to show up now.”

“We have every right to be here.”

“Yuk—uh---oniisa...”

“My ass! If you’re looking for forgiveness, it’s too late for that! You can’t amends to the dead!”

“That’s----“

“There is neither any need nor you have any business waving other people’s dirty laundry in public,” Yuki-san countered in a quiet tone, not backing down from Uo-chan’s challenge

Uo-chan was already red with anger. Things were quickly spiraling from bad to worse. I didn’t know what else to do but cry harder, “STOP IT! Stop! Please... don’t fight... Don’t fight at a time like this... I... I... I just wanted to say goodbye... That’s all. Eventhough it’s too late, let me say goodbye properly.”

It was just too much.

It was really very painful to be here.

But somehow, in the chaos between them, I managed to say aloud what I felt from the beginning --- since yesterday from the hospital when I saw Uo-chan and Hana-chan arriving by taxi. I was afraid to do it all this time, because it was really very painful just thinking about it. But seeing Uo-chan angry like this... I finally understood that I really needed to do it. Somehow, I have to find a way to say goodbye and reassure her... and Hana-chan... and Grandfather... that I was going to be okay.

“It’s nice to know that at least someone from Kyoko-san’s family actually has a heart,” Uo-chan finally said with a gruff voice. I looked up at her to find the kind expression that I was used to seeing her wear looking back at me, “If you want, you can come with me and I’ll bring you someplace where you can say your goodbyes.”

I wiped my tears with the back of my hands and nodded.

“BUT HE’S NOT INVITED!” Uo-chan quickly added, shooting an angry glare at Yuki-san

A chance to spend some time with Uo-chan! For the first time in two days, I actually felt a real smile tugging on my lips. My heart leapt with joy at the thought as she started to walk towards the direction of the stairs.

“Rookie.”

Oh, no.

I felt whatever happiness I felt quickly drain away at the sound of Yuki-san’s voice. I slowly turned toward him nervously, expecting to see a look of displeasure on his face, only to be once again taken aback. Though his face was the picture of stoic calmness, his eyes said a different story... it was almost as if he looked worried---fearful.

“Be careful and don’t forget what I told you,” His soft voice was almost a whisper, with no hint of the coldness he showed earlier. In fact, it sounded a lot more like it was full of... concern. Once again, I’m struck by how beautiful he looked when the contours of his face softened into a gentle expression, “I’ll wait for you.”

“Y..yes...” was all I could answer as I watched him stand up and start to walk towards the direction of the back yard.

“Are you coming?” Uo-chan called out to me before I can muster another thought on Yuki-san’s sudden bizarre mood changes. So I simply pushed it aside for the moment and concentrated on what I was supposed to do here in the first place...

******

An old man sat at the corner of the open engawa, drinking in the peace and serenity of the backyard. He had been there for a while, sitting very still and very quietly as if he were part of the woodwork that one would probably not notice that he was even there in the first place.

The hushed noise from inside the house was too overwhelming. His daughter has yet to tell him of what he has lost, but he didn’t need her words to know what it was. While the people around him assumed that he was not aware of anything that was going on because of his frequent lapses of confusion, he knew nonetheless. He had already lost so many people in his life. This was just another painful addition to the collection.

Perhaps it didn’t dawn to him completely yet. Perhaps he didn’t want to face it himself. Perhaps he just wanted to numb the pain for a little while longer... whatever his true reasons were, sitting by the calming serenity of the quiet backyard where she used to sit by him to idly watch the clouds on the clear skies over a hot cup of tea was a comfort.

/”Mrooew?”/

His thoughts were pulled back into reality by the sound of the small animal’s questioning tone. A young calico sat across the backyard, watching him. He recognized it as the stray neighborhood cat that his grand daughter had adopted. It usually frequented their house daily for the treats that his grand daughter usually had ready for it. He gave the cat a sorrowful gaze, “I’m sorry.”

/”Mroooew?”/

The cat simple cocked its head to one side as if to say that it didn’t understand his answer, before its ears perked up in alert and turned to towards the direction of what caught its interest. The old man followed the creature’s gaze and found a young man, donned in dark clothes, standing there as if surveying the view of the yard.

The old man frowned, a little peeved that one of the guests had managed to invade his sanctuary without him even noticing. But whatever annoyance he felt turned into curiosity as the young man suddenly hopped down from the elevated wooden floor and crouched down on to the ground on one knee, his fingertips just barely touching the ground. He couldn’t clearly see what the young man was doing, but the silence of the yard was enough for him to hear the young man utter almost inaudible words that sounded like prayer spoken in a language that he didn’t recognize.

/“Mrooeew!”/

The cat instantly leapt a few meters back as soon as the last word was spoken, as if scalded by the ground it was standing on. The cat hunched back as if in annoyance as it eyed the young man in anger, before starting to pace back and forth. It acted as if it there was a glass wall in front of it, and preventing it from crossing through.

“Sorry about that,” The young man said to the cat apologetically, “but I can’t risk any chances.”

The old man’s eyes widened at the sound of the younger man’s voice. The face of whom the voice belonged to looked different, but he knew that it was him. A memory flickered from the back of his head and flooded him with disjointed visions of a promise made in his past. He didn’t know if he should feel overjoyed or scared at his realization... but whatever that emotion really was, it brought him a deep sense of relief.

After all, it’s not everyday that one encounters an old friend returning from the grave.

“Risk what chances?” The old man finally called out, “Of someone finding out that Death is in his backyard?”

The young man froze at the sound of the old man’s voice. The old man smiled. Knowing the young man, he was probably scolding himself for being careless. The old man watched as the young man slowly got up and brushed the dirt from his pants. The young man then turned and faced the old man with an impassive expression.

“It’s been a while.”

“Yes,” The old man replied small sad smile, “I’ve been waiting for you to come back for me for a long time.”

“Sorry, I’m here for an entirely different reason.”

“I see.........” The old man closed his eye, his greatest suspicion confirmed, “Is it... because of my grand daughter?”

“Yes.” The young man replied stoically

“Was it you who took Kogoro-san yesterday as well?”

“Yes.”

The old man looked at the young man intently before continuing, “It seems that you are keeping true to your promise.”

“A promise is a promise.”

“How did Kogoro-san take it when he saw you again?”

“He wasn’t very happy.”

The old man laughed at that, “He was the most skeptical. And he was the last one, wasn’t he?”

“No. There’s one more.”

“I see... you would go as far as that, but you won’t come for me.”

“It’s not your time.”

“A man is not supposed to outlive his children... or his grandchildren for that matter.”

“Someone will come for you when your time comes.”

“Someone? Why not you?”

“We had no such promise as I had with the others.”

“I see... and I suppose it’s too late to ask for that favour now.”

“Yes.”

“Is it all right to ask for another favour from you? For old time’s sake?”

“You may ask, but granting it would be another story.”

The old man let out another amused laugh, “You haven’t changed at all! Still stingy as ever.”

“I will grant it if it’s a promise that I can keep. For old time’s sake.”

“Fair enough. All I ask is that... Will you watch over her for me? My grand daughter. She tries very hard and sometimes she looses focus on looking at the bigger picture. Promise that you’ll take care of her for me until she’s ready to go to wherever she needs to go on her own.”

The young man stared at the old man, clearly surprised at the request, but said nothing. The old man started to feel despair gnawing at him once again. He could sense it. The young man’s internal struggle, he didn’t understand what it was... but if this young man was anything as he remembered in his past, he would not make a promise that he could not keep. There was nothing else he could do but hold his breath and wait for the answer.

“Very well. I will do what I can, Sensei.” The young man finally stated formally with a polite bow

The old man laughed, completely relieved, “I’m honoured. But somehow, hearing you call me that almost seems blasphemous.”

“I’ll watch over her like she is my own sister.”

“As her grand father, I don’t know if I should be pleased by your answer,” The old man continued with amusement, “But I’m grateful nonetheless. I know now that she’s in good hands.”

“Grampa?” His other Granddaughter called out as she made her way toward him, “What are you doing here?”

“Just talking to an old friend,” The old man replied

The young woman stepped forward and quickly looked around only to find the empty yard, “But there’s no one here.”

“Ah, I suppose he isn’t,” The old man replied simply, as he closed his eyes and returned to drinking in the peace and serenity of the back yard. The young calico, its attempts to cross the invisible barrier forgotten, stretched out its front pawn before settling into a content ball with a big yawn.

******

I never thought I would feel like a stranger in my own room. But as I sat there on my bed, watching Uo-chan sit on the opposite side of my bed, flipping through a small photo album that she found lodged between the books on my desk, it actually felt as if it was me who was the one invading her privacy. We were sitting together for a quite a while, simply enjoying the silence between us.

“I’m sorry about Hanajima,” Uo-chan finally spoke. Hana-chan has politely declined to meet with me and has disappeared and continued to hide somewhere in the house. “Everything that happened has been especially hard for her. Tooru was our first friend. She’s probably our only real friend.”

I could only nod in agreement, not trusting my voice to speak. It hurt to know that Hana-chan still won’t come and talk to me. But I suppose, after causing her so much grief, it would be too much to ask. Right now, I’m still busy nursing a greater regret than my own selfish desire to be with my friends--- that I never had the chance to say aloud that I felt the same way about them. They were the first people my age, who didn’t bully me or treat me like a charity case.

“To be quite honest, I had an ulterior motive for approaching you,” Uo-chan stated, “There’s something about you that Hanajima is scared of... and Hanajima being scared is probably a sign of the apocalypse. I also wondered if it was a coincidence back then about your brother. He seemed to be always around the café where I work whenever Tooru was around. Now that I think about it... I guess it kind of make sense now.”

“Eh?” I could feel beads of sweat on my forehead. Yuki-san’s lie worked a little bit too well for my liking. I can’t help but feel a bit nervous. After all, it meant lying to Uo-chan... and knowing from experience, I’m a terrible liar.

“So Kyoko-san’s family was somehow trying to contact Tooru without being too obvious,” Uo-chan looked at me, as if searching for confirmation

“Ah...” Was all I could manage to say. Play it safe, I suppose.

“Then I have to ask you to apologize to your brother for me,” Uo-chan said, taking my vague remark as an affirmative, “I know I was needlessly rude... and no offense, but your family pisses me off. Abandoning Kyoko-san and Tooru like that. You weren’t even there to help them all this time, after knowing that Tooru’s father died. Tooru and Kyoko-san went though a lot! It’s just unforgivable what Kyoko-san’s own flesh and blood did.”

“But I’m sure they don’t think of it that way,” I blurted out, almost defensively. I bowed down my head as Uo-chan shot me a surprised look, not wanting to meet her eyes as I continued. I knew that if Uo-chan saw me eye to eye when I spoke, she would see right through me, “I... I didn’t know them very well. I only met Mo... my aunt... a few times... without anyone else knowing... But from what I remember was that she was very kind. I don’t think she’s the type of person who would hold such a grudge, no matter how big. If my... my cousin Tooru was raised by her, I’m sure that she would feel the same way.”

I paused, waiting for Uo-chan to react to what I just said. When she didn’t say anything, I took my chance and looked up to face her before continuing, “I’m sure that where ever they are now, they don’t want you to feel any sort of grudge either. I’m sure that Tooru would want you to know that she’s somewhere safe. She’s probably not happy because she can no longer be with you and everyone who she loves so dearly. But I’m sure that she has people around her to take care of her. She’s fine. So don’t be angry, or worry, or be sad... because she’s going to be okay.”

Uo-chan simply continued watching me with a silent and unreadable expression on her face. For a moment, I felt a little scared that I said too much. But at the same time, I felt relieved. Even though it’s just with Uo-chan, at least I was able to give her my message. All I could do now is simply hope that she would accept it and don’t take my actions as something completely out of line.

After what seemed like an eternity, Uo-chan finally let out a sigh and spoke, “I don’t know why. But somehow, hearing you say that puts me at ease. I suppose I should be happy that there are members of Kyoko-san’s family who are the same as Kyoko-san. For a moment, it almost felt like it was Tooru who was speaking to me.”

There was nothing else for me to do but to once again, burst out crying upon hearing her words, out of happiness... relief... sadness. Uo-chan quickly grabbed a box of tissue and offered it to me. I managed to mumble a thank you as I dabbed my eyes and wiped my nose.

“Was there anything else that you wanted aside from saying your peace?” Uo-chan asked in a gentle tone as she made a quick referring to my room, “Now would be a good time, before Tooru’s aunt starts to clear away her things.”

My eyes widened at what she meant. The thought didn’t even occur to me. I didn’t have much, but every single trinket in my room had a special sentimental significance. My chest started to hurt at the idea that my aunt would most likely simply store them or give them away. Yuki-san’s warning blared loudly in my head, so there was no way for me to take everything now was there. Then again, there was no harm in taking a single item to remind me of my old life, was there? My eyes wandered around the room until it fell on my desk. All at once, I knew the one single thing that I would take with me if I were given the choice.

“I don’t have any pictures of them,” I finally said, “If it’s okay, I wouldn’t mind taking a photograph of my aunt.”

Uo-chan’s expression softened upon hearing my request and finally broke into a familiar smile, “I’m glad to hear that. I believe you now.”

“Eh?” I looked at her, a little bit confused

“I’m sorry, but I still wasn’t being completely honest with you,” Uo-chan explained as she stood up, walked towards my desk and took the framed picture of my mother in her hands, ”You said the right words, but I still couldn’t find myself to believe that you’re really from Kyoko-san’s family. It just seemed impossible. If you said that you wanted something valuable, like jewelry or something like that, I probably would have thrown you out myself.”

“I wouldn’t...” I began. The thought didn’t even occur to me! Though I couldn’t help feeling a bit relieved that Uo-chan was testing me like that. Right to the very end, she was determined to protect me.

“You’re actually asking for something that’s much more valuable than all the jewelry and money in the world,” Uo-chan explained as she handed the photograph to me, “But I think Tooru would have wanted you to keep it.”

“Thank you,” I whispered as I held my mother’s photograph close to my chest

“And here, take this too,” Uo-chan said as she handed the photo album that she was flipping through a while ago, “It’s probably not the same as getting to know her yourself, but at least you’ll get to see snippets of her life.”

“Thank you,” I managed utter, as my tears threatened to choke me again

“If you want, you could also see me and we could talk about Tooru once in a while,” Uo-chan offered helpfully

I bit my lip, wanting to jump at the offer. But once again, Yuki-san’s warning blared loudly inside my head. I reluctantly shook my head and gave my best friend a sad smile, “I don’t think that’s a good idea... but thank you.”

A slight twinge of disappointment passed quickly through Uo-chan’s face. But she quickly recovered, as if already expecting my answer. With a heavy heart, I stood up and bowed politely before leaving the room.

It was a bit disappointing, needless to say, that I wasn’t able to talk to Hana-chan or my Grandfather or my aunts and cousins. To tell you the truth, I don’t think I would have had the strength to go through it again. It still felt sad, and the sense of loss was still there. Yet, at the same time, there was also a sense of feeling a bit uplifted. Like a small load was lifted from my shoulders. I never thought attending a funeral could let you feel that way. I suppose attending my own funeral was a revelation by itself.

******

As soon as the other girl left, the young woman shoved her hands into her pockets and let her gaze wander around her bestfriend’s room with a long sigh. Then silently she made her way to closed the walk-in storage closet and sat on the floor, closing her eyes and resting her head tiredly against the closet’s sliding door. She waited for a little while longer before attempting to whisper, “What do you think?”

Her question, of course was answered with...

Silence.

It was really more of a rhetorical question. She didn’t expect an answer. But at she thought she would at least try. That girl... whoever that girl really was... really did say the right things. Though she could still sense that the other girl was not telling the whole truth, despite it all, she believed her words. It had to be the truth. She wanted it to be the truth.

“The room feels so empty now,” She commented aloud

Again, all she met was silence...

She couldn’t understand it, but the moment that girl stepped out of the room... Tooru’s room simply became just an ordinary room. Tooru’s things became just ordinary things. It almost felt as if the essence of that was Tooru left with that girl. When she was watching that girl leave the room, she wanted to stop her... to chase her... but if she did that... it would be... unfair --- to that girl and to Tooru’s memory. It hasn’t been a week, and there she was, eyeing a replacement for her best friend.

“I didn’t get her name anyway.”

When she came here, all she felt was a bitter numbness--- which suited her just fine. Not feeling helped her go through the motions. Not feeling allowed her to move. But now... after hearing all that, she had a dawning realization. It’s amazing what can be revealed to a person in such a short time.

She realized that if she just lay still in the quiet that her senses felt heightened. How the house’s air conditioning system has made the air around her bitterly cold. How she could hear every single beat of her heart and every single breath from her lungs. How she felt the pain in her chest radiating throughout her body with every thump, and how every intake of the icy air burned her lungs.

She realized how painful it was to be alive.

That the only way for her to temporarily soothe that ache inside her was to try to expel that pain deep inside her chest, out her throat, through her mouth with a loud pained wail. And the only way to ward away the cold and gain comfort was to have the owner of a comforting a pair of arms, who was hiding in the walk-in closet, to emerge from the dark and throw those warm arms around her to share her grief.

******

I didn’t realize how late it was until I came down from my room. The orange rays of the early evening sun were already starting seeping through the windows. The guests have started to dwindle down to a few familiar faces. It was only then that the length of time we stayed in my Grandfather’s house struck me. We came here at mid-morning, and I was a little taken aback to realize how late it was.

I found Yuki-san standing by one of the living room bay windows, watching the sun set. The last time I remembered seeing him was after Uo-chan took me away when he said that he will wait for me. But that was hours ago! I felt panic rising within me, once again. Yuki-san must be getting angry and impatient now, after waiting for me for so long.

I suppose that was the reason why I didn’t go to him right away, and why I chose to stand where I was to watch him and find out exactly where his mood was at that moment.

But as I stood there and silently watched his figure bathed in the blinding light of the setting sun... I can’t help but let my mind wander back to you. At that time when I first met you, when you stood in front of that hospital window... when you turned around to look at me with that startled look of surprise etched on your beautiful forgotten face upon realizing that I was watching you.

Though this time, my memory of you was a little strange. Instead of hiding your face and walking away, you took a step closer to me and looked deeply into my eyes, searching for an answer to your question. So this can’t be just a memory. It had to be real, right? You are really standing in front of me after all this time, right? “Are you ready?”

“Yes,” I replied almost breathlessly

“Good,” You answered with a small smile, “Then let’s go. It’s already late as it is.”

My eyes widened, suddenly feeling a bit nervous. Somehow, it seemed rather unreal that you would actually invite me to come with you. But nonetheless, even as I stood frozen to where I was in disbelief, my answer managed to find its way out, “Yes.”

So you stood there in front of me, smiling that gentle smile of yours. And I stood there smiling back. I held my breath as you stepped even closer until we were almost face to face. You then reached out and cupped my face in your hands and...

“Stop daydreaming, and let’s go.”

I blinked and found Yuki-san’s annoyed face towering over me. I instinctively pushed myself out of his grasp with loud yelp, and hugged my treasures closer to myself, trying to calm down the rapid beating of my startled heart. Yuki-san let out a patient sigh and started to walk away. I had no choice but to follow him with my head down like a reprimanded child. We walked together in uncomfortable silence. What else was there left for me to do? He was either hot or cold. On top of getting scared, I was getting tired of guessing. Silence seemed to be the happy medium at the moment.

“Were you able to do what you wanted to do?” Yuki-san’s quiet voice finally broke the calm

I raised my eyes cautiously before answering. He was looking ahead, his profile once again calm and gentle. With a sigh of relief, I raised my head completely to face him as I held my pictures closer and nodded, “Yes.”

“Good,” he turned to me and briefly gave me a gentle but sad smile, before looking back ahead, “The answer is no.”

“Eh?” I blinked at him, puzzled

“I didn’t get to finish what I wanted to close in my funeral,” Yuki-san replied a-matter-of-factly, as he started to walk half a stride faster

“You didn’t?” I gasped in surprise as I hurried after him, “B-but why? Didn’t you go to your funeral?”

“I didn’t have one,” He answered, as he frowned with a strange far-away expression on his face, “They couldn’t accept that I died too.”

I didn’t understand what he meant. And somehow, it felt awkward talking about it more. So nothing else was said after that. At least until we reached Shigure-san’s house.

To tell you the truth, I don’t think I will ever understand how Yuki-san’s thinking works. But, you know what? I think it was at that point, after seeing him smile and then look so sad... I think it was just about that time that I resigned myself to this new life ahead of me. It seemed a bit overwhelming, just thinking about it. On top of learning to be a Shinigami, and figuring out how to deal with Yuki-san without having a nervous breakdown... there’s also my personal mission of finding you as well.

But I figured I’ll just take one day one step at a time and solve the enigmas around me one puzzle at a time. Eventually, all these mysteries will reveal themselves to me on their own. And since Yuki-san seems to be the most tangible of the three at the moment, I might as well start with him.

In a way, Yuki-san on his own was already a mystery waiting for his revelation.

End of Part Five
Return to Chapter Four  
Continued on Chapter Six 

AUTHOR’S SQUAWK:

Now this chapter went way too longer than I intended. . But that's still kewl! There's no real notes here, other than to acknowlege my thanks to RJunkie for helping me out with her constructive criticms! Yes... she will do anything to manipulate me into giving her the ending she wants... Heh-heh. But seriously, RJunkie is the best! She tells me straight out when I'm straying with my characterizations. So you guys don't be afraid to tell me what I'm doing wrong! . Thank you to everyone who is continuing to read this! And JM, let this be another incentive for you to finish your tasks! .

Ja!
Ina-chan