Beautiful Shinigami
Chapter Eight
by Ina-chan
First Posted Online: December 29, 2004
History: Inspired by Bryan Fuller's "DEAD LIKE ME" series

            He was alone.

            The bustling city with its tall looming edifices, the piercing scream of the siren, the roar of engines swooping in the air above like mechanical angels of death, the muffled explosions of bombs raining from the sky, the smell of burning wood, electrical wire... and human flesh. During that dark and dreadful time, it was second nature.

            Supposedly.

            When the chaos was cleared, people would come out tentatively from their hiding places and proceed to pick up the pieces left behind by their recent brush with death.

            But this time, when the familiar siren rang and the familiar mechanical angels roared... there was only one loud thunderous explosion. When he opened his eyes, he was greeted by a vast empty wilderness where the bustling city once stood... and silence.

            “Hello,” A young voice called out from behind him

            He spun around and saw a boy... or a girl... he really couldn’t tell. The stranger was sitting casually atop a pile of concrete that used to be the post office, wearing a simple summer yukata. It was rather absurd seeing someone wearing that at a time like this. The stranger would be at most, the same age as he was, if not younger.

            “You’re dead, you know,” The stranger stated a matter-of-factly  

            Somehow, he already knew. The bomb fell from the sky and he died in a bright flash of white light. And this was hell or limbo or some other world.  

            “No, this is still Japan,” The stranger said, as if reading what was in his mind.  

            His eye widened in horror as he gaped back at his surroundings. He couldn’t trust his voice to speak, so he simply stood there in silence. From the bits and pieces of the puzzles entrusted to him, he deciphered enough to predict that this was going to happen someday. Even his ‘gift’ warned him that something was going to happen the moment he stepped in the city, but he chose to ignore it. Somehow, he knew that the enemy had a terrible weapon. He just didn’t realize that it already existed. Call it arrogance, or Japanese pride... while they humoured him, no one took him seriously. Not that he blamed them... he, too, could not get himself to believe it.  

            They were invincible. They were a people descended from Gods.  

            A huge pang of guilt pierced through his entire being at the realization of his failure. On top of his pride, he put his personal desires over his duty. Because of his choice... so many people have died.           

            “Oh, don’t worry about it,” The stranger said again, sensing his internal monologue, “They didn’t feel a thing.”  

            He spun around again and suddenly found himself staring at his reflection on the stranger’s gray orbs. He stepped back in surprise and instinctively tried to push his new companion away... only to see his arms pass through the stranger’s body.             

            “I told you, you’re dead. Depending on your outlook on life, you may not as lucky as the others,” The stranger laughed in complete amusement, before changing into a more serious tone, “But if you really believe that all this was your fault, then come with me and become a Shinigami. That way, you can also atone for your mistake.”  

            He didn’t understand what the stranger was saying at all. He didn’t understand what was happening. He didn’t understand any of this at all. All he knew was that he was confused and scared... and alone. Above his pride and above his guilt, that was the one thing he hated in the world.    

            To be alone.  

            So he closed his eyes and nodded in silent agreement.  

            “I’m glad,” The stranger broke into a warm smile as a hand slowly reached out to caress his cheek, “I’ve been waiting for you all this time... my beautiful doll.”  

            A sudden wave of panic rose from inside him as he felt those cold fingers touch him. He couldn’t breathe. It felt as if a vise was squeezing the air out of his lungs. So he opened his eyes with a loud gasp...  

            ...and found himself sitting up on his futon, inside his room, the cheerful morning rays seeping through the shades of his windows. He took several deep breaths, trying to control the involuntary tremors running through his body. But no matter how much he tried to calm himself... that inexplicable nagging anxiety continued to gnaw on his frayed nerves. Without another thought, he got on his feet and made his way down to the kitchen to get something to calm him.  

            Only to find another type of agitation in the form of a perverted Dog reading the morning paper sitting by the table in the common room...  

            “Look at what the cat dragged in,” Shigure grinned with a rustle of his newspaper, “We were wondering what time you were going to get up. Ha-san wasn’t pleased that you weren’t up in time for our morning assignments.”  

            ... and a rather loud over-affectionate Boar suddenly hugging him from behind.  

            “Kyou-kun...” Kagura froze and her voice trailed worriedly as she still felt his involuntary trembling  

            “I’m fine,” He replied in half-hearted annoyance, but not bothering to brush her away. As much as he hated to admit it, being held was very comforting right now... even if it was Kagura.  

            “Did you have another dream?” Kagura inquired as she gently led him to sit down at his place in the table  

            Kyou let out an uncommitted sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair, “Has anyone called yet about that damned rat?”  

            “Hnnn? Why don’t you just admit that you’re worried?” Shigure intoned mischievously, peeking at the younger man from the edge of his newspaper, “It’s been less than 24 hours that Yuki-kun is separated from you, and you’re already dreaming about him.”  

            “THE HELL!!! DON’T SAY STUPID THINGS LIKE THAT!!!” Kyou fumed, his battle aura literally bursting in flames  

            “But still,” Kagura interrupted, rubbing Kyou’s back to calm him down, “It has been quite a while since you had a dream that’s affected you like this... What did you dream about?”  

            Kyou frowned at her comment. Despite her personality flaws, Kagura was the only one who was really in-tuned to whatever goes through his mind. It’s not in perfect synchrony like with... some other people... but she seem to have a special extrasensory perception when it comes to things relating to him. It was rather unnerving. Nonetheless, it did help a little to tell someone about your bad dreams. He lowered his gaze, and pretended to find the jizu around his right wrist more interesting before speaking, “I dreamt about the first meeting with that person.”  

            Kagura’s hand froze at his words and Shigure instantly lowered his newspaper in surprise. Kyou didn’t miss the meaningful looks that passed between the other two occupants of the room.  

            Without missing a beat, Shigure stood up and cheerfully made his way out of the room, “Well, I better get going. My appointment is within an hour, so I’ll leave you kids alone for a bit. Don’t destroy the house while I’m gone!”  

            “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!?!” Kyou yelled back indignantly. He instinctively started to get on his feet to chase the older man, when he felt Kagura’s grip on his arm tighten to prevent him from leaving. He turned to face the girl irritably, but stopped with a start upon seeing the expression on the girl’s face.  

            Instead of her usual playful, childish, clingy disposition, there was an uncharacteristic air of fear around her. Her face was lowered, her bangs hiding her eyes. She clung on to him as if he would disappear if she let him go.              

            “Oi, what’s with you?” Kyou murmured uncomfortably, an obvious hint of worry lacing his voice  

            Kagura simply shook her head silently and clung to his arm even tighter. The boy opened his mouth as if to say something in annoyance, but stopped himself in mid-sentence and gave in to a defeated sigh as he looked at the clear sky through the open engawa.    

******

             Last night, I had that dream again. Remember the strange one I told you about many times before? When I was little, I had this very strange dream that was a little scary. Well, it was scary but it wasn’t really a nightmare. But still, I was so scared that when I woke up, I was paralyzed with fear. I didn’t tell Mom, because after saying it aloud, it seemed very silly to tell her. I don’t want her worrying over me because of something so useless. That’s why I told you. I knew, even though you’re not here with me, that you were somehow listening. Mom used to call you my special imaginary friend. Even so, telling you was very comforting.  

            I dreamt that I was driving a runaway car downhill with my little brother sleeping at the back seat. It’s kind of funny thinking about it now... since I neither knew how to drive a car, nor have a little brother. I was so small, my legs can’t even reach the pedals. I didn’t know how to stop it as it zoomed down a hill. Trees and people and dogs and houses were zooming past us. At the bottom of the hill, there was a big wall. The car was going faster and faster and I didn’t know how to stop it.  

            But the funny thing about it was that it wasn’t because of the feeling that I was in danger that paralyzed me with fear in that dream. It was the idea that I was responsible for a helpless and innocent person sitting at the backseat. And that person’s fate depended entirely on my decisions and actions.  

            To be quite honest, it didn’t hit me at first. I didn’t realize that the dream was very gradually becoming some kind of self-fulfilling prophesy. When I was alive, and even now that I’m dead... I’ve always found myself surrounded and protected by strong people. I’ve always depended on their strength... My mother, Uo-chan, Hana-chan... So, I never really worried about having people depend on me. Needless to say, finding myself on the driver’s seat still scares me.  

            “Are you sure it’s okay to leave Yuki-san alone?” I asked worriedly for possibly the hundredth time as I walked after Machi-san, the woman who helped us the night before. Leaving him alone while we went out for groceries seemed rather... well... wrong! “He might be in a lot of pain.”  

            “Three broken ribs, a dislocated hip, and a cracked spine...” My new companion listed non-chalantly, “Yes. He’s in a lot of pain.”  

            Sweat beaded on my forehead as Machi-san reminded me of the reason why we were out shopping for groceries. Not that Yuki-san will need any medical attention. I suppose it was more for my sake than his. I was getting nervous that Yuki-san had become stone silent and even more brooding when I tried to tend to his needs. In turn, I started fussing over him even more. But the more I fussed, the more irritable Yuki-san became.    

            I suppose now that I’m looking back at it, I knew that I was making things worse... but I couldn’t stop myself.  After all, I should know by now... as Machi-san pointed out... that Yuki-san would rather cut his tongue off before asking for anyone’s help. But still...  

            Well... As for Machi-san... She was far from my image of a strong person. But after meeting Yuki-san, I learned that outer appearances can be very deceiving. I was very glad to have her around. After the incident, Machi-san knew exactly what to do. It was a bit of an effort, but between the two of us, we managed to haul Yuki-san into her apartment.  

            “More than 20,000 feet from the ground. It’s lucky that’s all the injuries The Leader ended up with,” Machi-san continued blandly as she browsed through an aisle of instant ramen, “It’ll be a bigger pain if he died. It takes forever for his body to revive.”

             Another bead of sweat pooled at my forehead, upon remembering my first encounter with Yuki-san. Yes. It would be very difficult bringing him home in the train in the afternoon, if he’s dead... in the literal sense.

             “You seem to know a lot about Yuki-san,” I commented curiously, attempting to change the subject

             The other girl shrugged as she dropped a few packets of instant food into the basket I was carrying, “He’s the leader of my old unit. That’s all.”

             “You were a member of The Council?” I blurted aloud, my eyes widening. I never thought that I would meet someone from that part of Yuki-san’s past so soon!

             Machi-san blinked at me blankly, possibly hinting her puzzlement at my reaction but said nothing.

             “Some members of my unit spoke highly of your group,” I explained sheepishly, “Seeing how good Yuki-san is, I imagine that The Council must be an elite group or something.”

             “Elite group?” The other girl smirked before breaking into a peal of amused chuckling... It was rather eerie seeing her laugh, to be quite honest. She was laughing, but the bland expression on her face didn’t change, “The Leader was the heart of The Council. When Akito demoted him as punishment, the unit couldn’t function without him.”

             Eh? Demoted? Punishment?

             “The Leader was the only one who can cross over to external affairs. The Council disbanded was put in ‘on on-call’ duty since,”  Machi-san droned on as she turned at the end of the aisle to cross to the next section

             “I don’t understand,” I called out as I hurried after her once again, “What do you mean by ‘on-call’ duty?”

             “We only work when The Plague Unit’s expertise is needed,” Machi-san blurted, dropping a small bottle of soy sauce into the basket, “Though Plague Units haven’t really been that active since penicillin.”

             EH!?  “Yuki-san was the leader of a Plague Unit?!?!?” I couldn’t help yelling out in surprise, causing several strange looks to be directed to our way. I instantly brought both hands to my mouth and meekly hunched my shoulders

             But Machi-san took no heed of my sudden outburst. In fact, she didn’t react at all. Though I didn’t completely realize it at that time, I think I was slowly realizing that ever since I’ve met Machi-san, I’ve never seen a single expression cross her face.

             “The Leader was the Plague Unit,” Machi-san stated bluntly as she turned to face me completely, “That’s how he earned his nickname.”

             “The Rat,” I whispered, feeling a little bit pleased with myself as I unraveled one of Yuki-san’s mysteries.

             For some reason, I thought a tiny hint of a smile seemed to tug at the corners of Machi-san’s lips at that. But she turned away to dump a can of peaches into our growing collection of groceries before I can be sure if she did or didn’t.

             “Anou... Machi-san...” I began slowly and uncertainly as I eyed the pile of instant food in my basket. I didn’t want to impose since I was only a guest, but based on the type of food stuff that she was putting in our basket, I could already tell that it was going to be... not so appealing, “What do you want for lunch? Perhaps I could help...”

             The other girl shrugged again and pointed to the instant ramen in my basket, “Lunch.”

             Oh my! That’s not healthy at all! I could feel more beads of sweat pooling at my forehead upon hearing her answer. I simply can’t continue on with a clear conscience, knowing that Machi-san isn’t eating properly. Though, her eating habits were probably better than Yuki-san’s. The least I could do is make a good meal in exchange for her hospitality!

             “Ah, well, Machi-san... then please allow me to make lunch for you! It’s the least I can do for all your help,” I stated with great conviction, “Just tell me what you want to eat and I’ll do my best to prepare it!”

             Machi-san blinked again, possibly hinting her surprise at my announcement. She started at me for a few moments before shrugging.

             “I’ll do my best!” I chirped back excitedly, taking her response as a yes.  I immediately went to work. Only to stop as I realized something, I know I shouldn’t have asked, because it did seem rather rude. But... because Yuki-san’s not around to interrupt...

             “Anou... Machi-san?” I turned around innocently, “You don’t happen to know Yuki-san’s favourite foods, do you?”

             Machi-san gave me a strange look. It was probably the first expression to cross her face other than stoic dead-pan-ness, though she didn’t seem to question the reason why I asked. Instead she took the can of peaches from her basket and seemed to weigh it significantly in her hands before replying, “He doesn’t eat. Not during the past ten to fifteen years I knew him.”

             EHHHHH!?!?!?!!!

             “T-ten? F-fifteen years?” I echoed, completely in shock. I may not have been a Shinigami for as long as Yuki-san... or even Machi-san... and everyone else... But not eating for that long is definitely not healthy! Even if you’re dead!  Mother enjoyed food! No matter how bad your day was, the smells, sight, and taste of a good meal is always comforting. I was brought up to enjoy food, and I enjoy watching other people enjoy the food I make. How can anyone stay sane and not eat? Maybe that’s the reason why Yuki-san is so... so... not so nice.... all the time? I definitely have to do something to get him to eat and enjoy eating again!

             “Honda-san,” Machi-san’s voice interrupted my thoughts

             I look up at her only to step back in surprise upon seeing a disapproving line furrowing over her forehead.

             “Don’t. You’ll just get disappointed,” Machi stated, her voice soft and gentle, despite the expression on her face, “You’re not his type.”

             This time, it was my turn to blink in surprise, not quite understanding what she meant. That’s the second time that someone told me something like that. Once again, my curiosity started to get the better of me. I know that everyone in my unit said that to alleviate my fears back then.  After all, what girl wouldn’t be nervous at the sudden circumstance that you would be spending most of your time with a stranger, right? Everyone... even Yuki-san, in his own way... have been looking out for me like I’m their baby sister.

             But hearing it from Machi-san... it seemed rather... different. That unreadable expression on her face makes it almost seem like she’s talking out of experience... OH DEAR!

             “Anou... Machi-san? I don’t want to pry... but...” I started nervously, “Were you and Yuki-san...?”

             The other girl’s face instantly flushed in embarrassment. Her stoic mask instantly dissolving at my question. At that moment, Machi-san actually looked like a normal school girl who’s secret crush was suddenly revealed to the whole world.

             Eh? That was strange... At that exact same moment, I felt my heart skip a beat upon seeing her reaction.         

            Machi-san shook her head, “No...”

             She says. But, I can tell from her silent cues that it wasn’t because she was short of trying.

             It was then that a genuinely sad expression shadowed over her face, “It was very hard to compete...”

             What was that? That skip in my heart became a sudden tremor when she said those words. An inexplicable urge to step forward and pry even more suddenly came over me. It’s almost as strong as that feeling that prodded me on to continue searching for you.

             “Beef sukiyaki,” Machi-san suddenly stated before I could summon any words

             “Eh?” My momentum lost, it was all I could muster

             “For lunch,” Machi-san stated in the familiar bland manner I’ve grown accustomed to. It was obvious that any further attempts to pry would be unwelcome, “I want beef sukiyaki.”

             I don’t know how, but I somehow managed to hide my disappointment and forced my lips to curl into a smile. It would seem that any more answers to what mysteries Yuki-san hides would stop there temporarily. I don’t know how it happened. But for some strange reason, my feeling with trying to decipher Yuki-san’s past was starting to get muddled with my search for you. I don’t know why I felt that way, but somehow, it’s starting to feel like finding out Yuki-san’s secrets would eventually lead me to you.

             It’s strange, isn’t it? If you think of it in a logical way, it doesn’t make much sense at all. It makes as much sense as that car dream I have.

             Then again, it could just be my pride. It could be that something in me was slowly changing and I still didn’t realize it. I didn’t think much about it back then, after all you never do see the big picture if you’re still stuck in the middle of the situation. But then again, as I’ve been quickly learning from Yuki-san...

             ...being told what you are and what you’re not or what you can and can’t do is never fun. 

******

            “Stop it! I don’t want to hear you saying such lies again!”

             The little boy flinched instinctively at the sound of his mother’s harsh voice. He hated it when she got angry like this. But he wasn’t lying. It was all true. He needed to make them understand before it’s too late... why won’t people believe him? “...but... it’s not... it’s not a lie...”

              “ENOUGH! Don’t say another word to embarrass me!”

             “Obasan, please...”

             “Take that child away from here before I do something I’ll regret!”

             “Yuki, come along...”  Her voice was uncharacteristically firm as she tugged on his arm to lead him out of the garden... away from his mother’s wrath. She doesn’t call him by name or in that tone, unless it was very important. Despite his mental protests, he allowed her to pull him away. She didn’t stop until they were in the safe-haven in his room, where the older girl gently led him back to his futon and tucked him in, “You shouldn’t have gotten out of bed. And you shouldn’t upset your mother like that. Everyone’s already worried as it is.”

             “But I’m not lying!” The boy continued insistently, pausing to allow a round of coughing to pass, before looking up at the older girl hopefully, “I did see them! They were following the car.” 

             “They’ll be fine. There must have been some trouble at the roads from the typhoon. They’ll be back very soon. And when they come back, we’ll sit together for dinner. We’ll have sukiyaki and you can have my share of the beef,” The girl said reassuringly as she ran her fingers affectionately through the little boy’s hair, “Right now you need to have some rest. You’re still running a fever.”

             “You believe me, right?” The boy whispered, staring at the older girl intently, “They exist...”

             “My poor Ototo-kun. You gave us quite a scare. But its okay now, you’re safe,” The older girl whispered back, “There aren’t any monsters around to hurt you anymore.”

             “Nee-sama... will you stay with me?” The little boy sighed softly as he closed his eyes contently against the girl’s comforting touch

             “I promise I’ll be here to protect you while you sleep,” The girl replied gently, before starting to hum a soft lullaby

             He vaguely remembered the tune, though he’d already forgotten the song a long time ago. Occasionally when he falls asleep and the gods permit his nightmares to pass, he would hear it clearly in his dreams. Even with that circumstance, hearing it, nonetheless, has always been a comfort. He’d allow sleep to drift into his consciousness, only if it meant dreaming of hearing that song again... 

 The familiar sound of water boiling over the pot, along with the other sounds and smells of cooking reached his senses, pulling him from the depths of blissful unconsciousness. With an inward sigh of defeat, he allowed unwelcome wakefulness to take hold of him... only to find himself surprised at the realization that the humming did not leave with his sleep. He slowly sat up to find his apprentice busily attending to the portable stove perched on the table.  

Sensing his movements, she turned to face him with that silly smile, “Yuki-san! I’m sorry... did I wake you?”  

He didn’t reply. Instead, he slowly got on his feet to test his progress over his injuries.  

“Ah! Can you stand up now?” She called out in concern as she started to move towards him  

“I’m fine,” He replied curtly before she could reach him.  

“Yuki-san... about earlier...”  

“Don’t worry about it.”  

Without another word, he plodded out of the room and headed towards the communal sinks at the end of the hall and turned on the faucet to wash his face. He didn’t really understand why... but something was inexplicably irking him since that morning. And that girl’s efforts to help him only irritated him more. Now that dream... He hasn’t had that dream for a long time.

 “Idiot”

 Yet, another girl who irked him...

 “Don’t stick your nose in other people’s business,” He stated in a tone that sounded more like a warning

 “You don’t deserve her compassion at all,” Machi continued, ignoring him completely, “You’re as selfish as ever.”

 “You’re as stubborn as ever.”

 “She was really worried.”   

 “That’s her business.”

 “She’ll get mad if she found out that you made another girl cry.”

 “.........”

 “She made beef sukiyaki for lunch. Don’t make people cry over you anymore.”

 With that, she walked past him and back into the apartment. As he reached out and turned off the faucet, it was only then that he noticed the trembling of his body. He frowned and glared at his hand. The inexplicable feeling like he misplaced something but can’t remember what it was, overpowered his entire being.  He hated this. He hated being reminded like this. He hated being weak.

 “Yuki-san?”

 He spun around and found that girl standing a few steps back, head bowed and fidgeting with her fingers apprehensively. There was no doubt about it. He could read her clearly like a book. She was like everyone else. She was afraid to approach him but still she comes. They were only together because of necessity.  She knows that he would only push away her every effort to be friendly. But why...

 “Anou... Lunch is ready. It’s uh... beef sukiyaki.... eto...”

 Why does she continue to stand there? He didn’t want her there. He most particularly didn’t want anyone to see how weak he really was. But why won’t she stop?

 “It’s not very good when it gets cold...”

 /She’ll get mad if she found out that you made another girl cry./

 “...and my Mom used to say that it’s not healthy to travel with an empty stomach... anou...”

 “I’ll have some of the broth.”

 “Eh?” She looked up at him in disbelief as if to confirm if what she heard was right.

 “Our train is leaving in two hours. Let’s have some lunch before it gets cold,” He stated as he walked passed her to get back to the apartment

 “Y-yes,” She replied, still looking a little bit shocked as she hurried after him.

 The atmosphere of the apartment felt almost familiar. The smell of hot food, the sound of idle table conversations, the hot soup warming his hands... it all seemed similar to a long forgotten dream. From the corner of his eye, he saw her watching him as he took a sip of broth from his bowl. The bright smile of approval that she made... it was hauntingly familiar. The trembling of his hands ceased. He didn’t understand.

 He wanted to embrace all of it...

 He wanted to run away from it...

 /Don’t make people cry over you anymore./

 He didn’t understand any of this at all.

End of Part Eight
Return to Chapter Seven  
Continued on Chapter Nine 
 

AUTHOR’S SQUAWK:   

Thank you to all of you continuing to read and support me in writing this fic! But I have some important news re: reading further chapters of all my works in ff.net.

Due to a problem I have with FF.net, I decided that this will be the last update I will do for this fic posting here From now on, please check the Fruitsbasket section in Mediaminer (Mediaminer.org) for all other updates.  Gomen, FF.net won’t allow posting direct links to other sites.  Eventually, I will take down all my fanfics from FF.NET and archive them in my own website, or another fanfiction server elsewhere. Until then, please check out Mediaminer or e-mail me for details.

The story behind this is that... one of my fics (“Seven Minutes in Heaven”) was listed in a C2 community, of which a malicious member who has something against the owner or the community itself, reported all the fics in there as violating rules set by ff.net. FF.net administrators deleted all the fics in that community without even checking if the accusation was true or false. Of course, that fic, and all the fics in that C2 community did not violate any rules. All my inquiries to administration were ignored. FF.net administrators can’t be bothered with complaints from non-paying members, I suppose. I briefly decided pulling out all my fics and boycotting FF.NET, but it will be unfair to you guys who supported me all this time if I left without saying a word.

All the fics I already posted in FF.NET will stay temporarily until I find/create a more permanent and stable place to archive them. I will update all my unfinished fics with at least one more chapter with this same message at the author’s note before I stop updating the fic completely. At least, as of now, Beautiful Shinigami will no longer be updated here.  If FF.Net decides to delete any more of my fics, I will not re-upload them. I will also not re-upload “Seven Minutes in Heaven” here. All my fics are available in my Mediaminer account.

Again! Thank you for your support! And if you still want to read anymore of my fics... I’ll see you in Mediaminer!

Ja!
Ina-chan