What's Left Unseen
Fifth Testimonial 
by Ina-chan
First Posted Online: June 6, 2004
History: Ina-chan's first experimental attempt on using POV testimonials to tell a story using FURUBA characters 

Maybe it really is part of our curse... that inability to attain even that simplest form of happiness. Nothing is more painful than the realization that despite all our hopes to believe in it and all our attempts to change it, it will always end up like this.  

Just as how Akito predicted we would.  

I was surprised when I first heard of it. Though to tell you the truth, I was actually more disappointed than surprised.... even if it may seem not like it. Shigure even commented I was rather cold and emotionless when he saw my reaction when he first told me about it. Then again, as a medical practitioner, I have trained myself to keep an emotional distance between myself and my patients. The patient/care-giver syndrome is a very messy relationship complication to indulge in. Though, I have to admit, it has been rather difficult since all my patients are more than just patients.  

They're also family.  

Drawing the line between Hatori the Souma Family doctor and Hatori the Souma Family member has been... complicated. Even more so when it involves my relationship with the other jyuunishi.  

Most specially if it involves Yuki.   

No...It wasn't just because Yuki is the rat, or the fact that in my early days as the Souma Family physician, Yuki was almost a frequent patient as Akito. In many ways, Yuki is somewhat the little brother I never had. Perhaps, I put it in mind subconsciously, because Yuki is Ayame's younger brother. Shigure would probably never admit it aloud, but I believe that he feels the same way. After all, he and Kyou have the closest blood bond to Yuki and Ayame, of all the jyuunishi. While he may act like he had his own secret agenda, his actions betray the fact that he does care for the well being of his younger cousins.  

As for Yuki... well...  

Despite the reputation of the rat of the zodiac, Yuki has always been proof that legend does not necessarily translate into reality... not entirely at least. When he was younger, Yuki had his share of mischief and streaks of rebelliousness as boys normally do. But Yuki was really a kind and gentle boy with a good head on his shoulders... and he grew into an equally kind-hearted, sympathetic, and sensible young man.  

Even as a child, Yuki used to agonize over the simplest things. It was true that he terrified of Akito. But the truth of the matter is, he was really more afraid of what everyone else thought of him. I suppose it was the burden of holding everyone's high expectations as the result of being "blessed" by spirit of the Rat Zodiac. Everyone outside the circle, in fact, even most of the jyuunishi only saw Yuki's perfection. I understand his burden, to a certain degree. I understand that need to maintain that image of "perfection" to meet everyone's expectations. Though I was still far luckier than Yuki, for I don't hold the same familial status as him.  

While the younger jyuunishi were much too young to truly  understand, I'm sure that they sensed it anyway. It was obvious from how the adults treated Yuki's presence with revered tolerance... when he is not excluded from activities that were far below his station, that is. Though to be fair, it wasn't entirely our fault that we came to see Yuki that way. Yuki was isolated most of the early years of his life either from illness or from his parents' and Akito's whims, so none of the jyuunishi got to know him. And as much as I hate to admit it... Yuki's arrival hurt the elder jyuunishi's pride. The Rat, after all, was God's favourite and had status and power almost equal to that of God.  

That almost iconic image of Yuki didn't completely dissolve from my eyes until that one time. In fact, it didn't occur to me that Yuki was just a normal little boy, a normal and very fragile little boy to be exact, until I saw a glimpse of his vulnerability from that incident at the garden when he was seven years old. When the image of that revered, lordly, cunning and conniving rat shattered into a helpless little boy, barely being able to let out his useless pleading to spare his friends' memories through his heartbreaking sobs. His small arms clutched tightly on the pants leg of my school trousers, his generous tears soaking clear through, as he unabashedly pertained a servile posture that was definitely not befitting to that of a person who has a familial status almost equal to that of God.  

Maybe it was also because of guilt why I felt such a responsibility over Yuki.    

Nonetheless... it was really years later, when I truly saw the whole picture for the way it truly is... when I started taking apprenticeship in preparation for taking the role of the Souma Family physician. It was only then that I truly understood how fragile Yuki really was.

[exerpt from a referral letter for patient XXXXX XXXX]

[ Thank you accepting my request for a psychiatric consultation re: XXXXX XXXX. I would also like to express my appreciation in keeping this case in the utmost confidence. XXXXX XXXX is a 14-year-old male, with a long childhood history of pneumo-bronchial infections secondary to severe asthma. Other than that, complications to patient's physical condition has been historically unremarkable. Patient also has a history of exhibiting somatic symptoms as per related to anxiety induced stressors which also exacerbates his bronchial spasms. Due to reasons still unknown, patient is currently showing symptoms of sporadic catatonia, mutism, and anorexia. Though there is still no marked deterioration in his physical status, successive blood work results has already shown early signs of...]

     Souma Tetsuo was still the Souma Family's physician at that time. He was not a member of jyuunishi circle himself... or has had any immediate family members touched by the curse. Yet,  he has been treating members of the Jyuunishi circle for as long as the Souma Family can remember... and he remained our family's physician until his retirement. He claimed that he had already witnessed the birth of three generations of Jyuunishi in his lifetime. Though by the time our circle has arrived, his workload decreased from taking care of the family to only that of the Jyuunishi, mainly due to his advancing age and his own deteriorating health. Despite that, his skill and wisdom as a doctor remained unaffected.  

     So, at that time... when he had to ask an old trusted colleague for help with Yuki... it was only then that I truly realized that despite the curses and legends attached to us... that we were still mere mortals. I'll never forget the feeling of helplessness I felt within those short three months when the perfect image of God's favourite son, once again, dissolved to that of a small and very mortal ordinary 14-year-old boy...  not eating, not speaking, sleeping almost at all hours, and when awake... unable to do anything else other than huddle in fetal ball at a dark corner of a bare room like a frightened mouse and stare mutely and unseeingly at some phantom image outside his window.    

    Only a handful of people truly understood exactly how close we were to loosing Yuki that time. If I didn't stumble upon that referral letter by accident, I probably wouldn't have known how desperate the situation really was. Right up to this very day, only Yuki knows the real reason behind his nervous breakdown. We had our suspicions... specially after he started to improve dramatically when he was removed from the Main House. When Honda-kun came to our lives, it was really only just then when Yuki's true recovery began.  

    While Honda-kun has helped him overcome a lot of his personal demons, I don't believe his inferiority complex ever disappeared. I believe, that was the real reason why "that particular incident" happened. Even though, they both truly love each other... it was really just a matter of time before things fell apart. Akito, himself, foresaw it. Perhaps, that was the reason why he allowed "the other incident" pass without any repercussions.  

    Then again, who am I to talk? While Yuki had his personality flaws, he was still a hundredfold braver, stronger... foolish.... than myself. "The other incident" was proof of that. I never thought that I would feel frightened... and proud... at the same time until that precise moment. It was probably less than a minute, but it felt like an eternity. The seconds that ticked by as we awaited Akito's reaction after Yuki sat in front of Akito and announced his intentions for his future. While it was suicide to tell Akito point-blank what he really wanted to do, Yuki wanted Akito to know, nonetheless. So Yuki painted the picture clearly to him.  

    Needless to say. Akito was not pleased.

[exerpt from ER clinical notes for patient XXXXX XXXX]

[Received 19-year-old male @ 2130 hrs. Superficial laceration over left eyebrow, hematoma extending from left temporal area to left maxilla from what appears to be a blunt force to the side of the head. Sent for emergency CAT scan to r/o hemorrhage. Witness reported patient loss of consciousness for approx. 5 minutes after the incident. Patient was drifting in and out of consciousness upon arrival to ER. When conscious, patient responds appropriately, oriented x3, PERLA normal, v/s stable...]

    Yuki was lucky. He challenged God's wrath and simply got away with a mild concussion, eleven stitches, a black eye, and a very bad headache. Still, he was successful in making his intentions clear, as well as his consequences of what would happen if Akito chose to take his anger on Honda-kun. It was a risk that could have blown back on his face right then and there. But to my surprise, Akito gave in and reluctantly gave his blessing two weeks after that. Though, not without having the last word about the futility of Yuki's wish.  

    At that time, I almost couldn't believe how easy it seemed. In fact, hiding what really happened from Honda-kun was more difficult. The less she knew, the safer she was. And Kyou came to the surprise rescue, claiming that "the other incident" was simply an unfortunate accident during sparring practice. That excuse was rather laughable, really. Nonetheless, we were fortunate that Honda-kun was preoccupied with other matters in her own family to really question what happened.  

    That was why I was surprised and disappointed. After fighting so hard... after everything they went through... only to realize that Akito was right.  

    In a way, the whole situation did seem like some kind of divine karmic retribution. At least that's what Yuki said after "the other incident". I don't think he knew that this was how it would happen, but we all knew that it was a matter of time before the proverbial strand of hair will break to let the dagger drop. We just didn't expect that when the dagger fell for its deadly blow, there would be innocent people who would get injured as well.  

    That's probably the real reason why Yuki felt responsible for what happened to Kagura in the first place. It was after "that other incident" that weakened Akito's hold on us... particularly with the younger jyuunishi. Yuki escaping Akito's wrath that gave Kagura the courage to do the things that she did. It started with a few casual one-time dates set up by her friends.

     Akito knew about it... but for some strange reason, and to everyone's surprise, he didn't do anything.

      Then it slowly snowballed to more than one-time casual dates...

 [excerpt from police report for case XX-XX-XX-XXXX ]

[At 2115 hrs, received a 119 call from XYZ Academy made by 3 students from the school, Mr. S, Mr. R, and Mr. D, due to reports of public disturbance in the grounds. Possible gang related violence/mugging with one casualty. Arrived @ 2130 and found the three students and two teachers, Ms. K and Mr. E, at the scene. Mr. E suffered serious injuries and was immediately taken to ABC Hospital. Ms. K appears to be physically unharmed but was found in a state of shock. None of the students admitted to have seen the cause of the incident...]

     When we received that call from the police, I thought my heart stopped. Akito has been quiet all this time regarding Kagura's activities. For sure, this was one thing that Akito will never allow to pass. Every single thing that happened under Akito wrath flashed before my eyes. Yet despite what she did, and the impending scandal... Akito didn't do anything. He knew about it. He was told about it.... yet, no summons were made... no punishment was given. Akito simply turned his back and walked away without a single word.  

    It was then that it became completely clear. Akito had imposed the worst punishment that a member of the jyuunishi circle can receive.  

    That is, during the time of her greatest need...  

    ...God abandoned her.  

    And Kagura fell into a deep pit where no one can reach to help.

[excerpt from ER clinical notes for patient XXXXX XXXXXX ]

  [Patient is a 23-year-old female, slender build, dressed appropriately, with labile affect, alternating between periods of tearfulness and catatonia. Patient is also exhibiting mutism and anorexic symptoms, possibly due to trauma. Oral fluid intake for the past 24 hours has only been approximately 90ml. Continued on 1200ml N/S intravenous infusion @ 2ml/min for dehydration, total fluid intake for the shift has been 620ml. Continued on close observation for safety of self. Also scheduled for psychiatric consult in AM...]

    Shigure handled the damage control entirely. While Shigure may have mostly given the impression that he was a laid-back, good for nothing... Shigure's real talent is his uncanny gift for spin-doctoring. He took it upon himself to take care of all the legal issues, so that I could concentrate more on helping Kagura. Needless to say, "that certain episode", was really what started this whole predicament.  

    As for Yuki, he took full responsibility for all that happened... for introducing Kagura to his professor... for not noticing Kagura and his teacher's relationship... for causing Akito's reaction. It was a stupid notion. Yuki had no control over how Kagura, or how his professor, or how Akito would act. But still...  

    Perhaps it was because he, too, once walked the path that Kagura was treading, so he knew exactly what to say and what to do in order to reach her. Maybe Honda-kun's stubbornness rubbed on him. Whatever his real reasons were, it was obvious that he was not doing it for entirely the right reasons. Nonetheless, it was really Yuki who helped Kagura the most.  

[excerpt clinical notes for patient XXXXX XXXXXX ]

[Patient remains withdrawn and isolative, but responds appropriately when spoken to. Mood is stated to be "fine" but affect remains blunt and downcast. Patient continues to refuse any discussion pertaining to that incident, and remains guarded when talking with writer. Appetite is still poor, but she seems to be responding positively to a family member's presence. Family member has been visiting almost everyday. Patient had no complaints of medication side-effects, since last increase three weeks ago. Patient also reported having only 4 anxiety/panic attacks since last week.

 Plan:

 1. Increase Celexa to 20mg PO qHS

2. Continue with Lorazepam 2mg PO/SL PRN q2hr for anxiety, maximum 4doses/24hr

3. Continue weekly 1:1 sessions

4. Plan for family meeting next Wednesday]

     Kagura was never very good in hiding her emotions. Of all of us, she was probably the most open and most honest about her thoughts and feelings. If she liked you or disliked you, you would know it... she would let you know it. Her ability to impulsively move forward, without thought or care of the consequences...It's one of the traits that I've always admired in her. In a way, she's a lot like Honda-kun. Though Honda-kun may not be as expressive or aggressive as Kagura. Nonetheless, Kagura always bounced back from each problem with a big smile. We've come to expect it...  That's probably why, Kagura usually dealt with disappointment and depression within closed doors... so that none of us would see that side of her that she can't mask behind a genuine smile.  

    Relatively speaking, Yuki and Kagura and had been pretty close since they were children. Well... at least closer compared to Yuki's childhood relationship with the rest of us, that is. Despite Kagura's polarizing nature, once she has decided that she "likes" you, she has been indiscriminate with showing her affection. After all, she was unstoppable with expressing her love for Kyou in the past.  

    Nonetheless... I should have seen it coming a mile away.

     I was so pleased with Kagura's recovery, that it blinded me from noticing anything else. It was no secret that Honda-kun was having problems of her own. While everyone has tried their best to be supportive with Honda-kun's problems... there is really so much that we can do for her without overstepping our boundaries. While we considered Honda-kun as part of our family, her family's opinion of us was not necessarily the same. Neither Yuki nor Honda-kun said anything about it, but I have a feeling that Yuki has been having a hard time with Honda-kun's family. Regardless of how things turned out in the end, most specially Honda-kun's living situation during her high school years, it would seem that the Hondas never warmed up to us beyond civil tolerance. The fact that we still have some "secrets" to keep did not help raise whatever doubts or suspicion they held toward us.

     The only person who seemed to accept us wholeheartedly was Honda-kun's grandfather... which doesn't really hold much ground considering his fluctuating cognitive stability. While the Hondas seem to have taken Yuki and Honda-kun's engagement with awkward acceptance, Yuki's efforts to endear himself to the Honda-kun's family has not been met warmly. In the end, Yuki... and all of us... were forced to simply stand idly in the sidelines, waiting for Honda-kun to ask for our assistance whenever she needed it. Anything more would be an invasion of their private family affairs. But knowing Honda-kun, specially with the complications involving Kagura, she would be more likely to sell her soul to the devil rather than burden us with her problems.

     It seems redundant to say it now... but it was clear that  there were more factors at play to "that particular incident" other than Yuki's guilt. For the longest time, Yuki has been waiting for someone to need him to play that 'prince to the rescue' role. Then along Kagura, who accidentally fell into that convenient damsel in distress role. In a way, it seemed to have started out as a situation wherein it was merely a matter of conveniently using up misspent affections. It would have been easier if that was really the case.

     However it may have started, or how surprising, or how disappointing, or how much we hoped that this time, this happiness would finally be eternal... we can't deny the fact that what happened, had happened. Just like how many incidents similar to this... had happened before. Maybe because of our cursed condition, we unknowingly created a curse of our own. That inability to know how to hold on that simplest form of happiness even when it is already within our grasp. It's painful. It's painful to realize that no matter how hard we try, it would somehow end up like this.  

    Just as how Akito predicted that we would.

End of Fifth Testimonial
Return to 4th Testimonial  
Continued on 6th Testimonial 

AUTHOR’S SQUAWK:

 Finally! Finished this particular chapter! It was really hard trying to get into Hatori's head. Of all the jyuunishi, he really should be the one that should be the easiest for me because I'm also a dragon and I work in the same field as him in real life. But he's so hard to figure out! I hope I portrayed Hatori in a way that seems convincing.

 Anywayz... I'm very pleased to announce that his fic is definitely nearing to an end! ^_^. The next chapter is the beginning of the storyline climax! If things go the way I planned, There will actually be only 3 or 4 more chapters and a closing "epilogue" by Shigure. Well... Shigure started the story, so it should be only appropriate that he ends it.

 BTW, the "119" number is not fictional. That's the "911"  emergency response number equivalent in Japan.

 Thank you to everyone who has been patient with this fic. I know it's hell waiting for updates and thank you so much for your encouragements and support. for you guys who haven't read the earlier chapters, this fic is available in both FF.NET and Mediaminer.org. Anywayz....Comments and criticisms @ ina_chan@yahoo.com

Ja!
Ina-chan