-Disclaimers: Title belong entirely to Gabriel Garcia, just borrowing it for the sake of the story. Buffy, Spike, Whistler and all the memories belong to Joss and his crew, all other characters are entirely mine. Lyrics Bon Jovi's Always.

-Summary: Series set 100 yrs after "the gift", Season five finale. This is part AU and futuristic. Spike has been alive for 100 hundred years after Buffy's death. Whistler comes to him to let him know that Buffy has been summoned to fight a new evil, therefore she will be brought back to life and needs a "guide". When Buffy wakes she finds that the only one to cling to is the only person that has survived since the time she was alive. This is a B/S fiction.

-Rating: Overall rating of series is R.

-Spoilers: I will mention everything that has happened through "The Gift".

-Distribution: The only people that have permission to post these series are those who already store my fic and have asked me for permission, if you want to post it please ask me I'll be happy to let you, I just want to know where my fic goes. Poem : Emily Dickinson.

-Author's Note: I adore Feedback, so please let me know what you think of the story so far! bih80reviews@yahoo.com

-Special Thanks: Trish for BETA reading this and her awsome feedback, Karla for listening to me rant, and One Good Day group may you be blessed with many chocolate covered naked Spikes! Thanks for all the reviews!

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"Is all that we see or seem, but a dream within a dream?"

Edgar Allen Poe

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The romeo is bleeding, but you can’t see his blood.
It’s nothing but some feelings, that this old dog kicked up.

"She fell in love with you." Buffy stated as she entered Spike's office. She had gone up to her room after Spike had decided it was better for her to just read Dawn's journals instead of him reliving all those memories. Memories that still brought pain so fresh and so raw, pain that had made him retreat into himself.

He didn't look up form the paperwork he was doing but his jaw tightened visibly and uncomfortably.

There was silence as she studied him and he let her look. His face seemed different than what she remembered. His lines weren't so harsh, now it looked as if he had been sculpted out of pain, suffering and loneliness.

"It must have been terrible for you....." she said in a sad low voice.

He paused what he was doing and gently placed his fountain pen down, leaning back on his large leather chair he lifted his gaze to look at her. She was clutching one of her sister's notebook, those some notebooks he had once thought to be his greatest possessions.

There was a look of hurt and repression in his eyes, one that she had never seen. Never had he looked so human, so capable of emotion, so vulnerable. But he quickly shielded his window and didn't let her in on his grief.

"T'was," he whispered not meeting her eyes.

She watched him play with his hand for a while and noticed that he no longer painted his finger nails. He said nothing more and the silence between them was growing uncomfortable.

"It stopped at age twenty-five." Buffy said after a while.

"She got married at twenty-five," he said rising from his seat and walking to the open window.

"I know......but when....I mean did she have children,.....when did she...." Buffy said through a muffled voice. She had been crying for the past couple of hours as she read through her sister's sad writings. There were so full of emotions, so full of grief that it pained her to continue reading but she did anyway, she didn't stop until she reached the day before her wedding day where she had cried herself to sleep.

"Die?" He asked from his place. She approached him silently never adverting her eyes from his broad muscular back that was seen through his light cotton shirt.

She stopped a few feet from him and looked at him with pained eyes.

"Yes," she whispered unable to say it louder, maybe the quietness will make it whispers in a dream, maybe the silence in the room would blow the words away and make them disappear. But it didn't, they're still there, and the only thing the silence does is laugh at her. A venomous, hissing laugh that chills her to the bone.

"She was forty-one." Pause "She couldn't have children, guess the monks forgot to give her a reproductive system, the bastards." he said with toxin dripping from his voice.

"What did she die of?" Buffy asked but not really wanting to know. It was too surreal, it was like reading pages of an ancient book, finding destinies between the pages.

"It wasn't really death,........at the end,......." he swallowed. "She was becoming so wise,...as if the 'key' part of her wanted to break from the confinements of a human body. She grew thin, very quickly. But there was no suffering. I couldn't bear it if there was any suffering, would have killed 'er myself if she would have been in pain. But it wasn't like that,.....it was more of drifting like a drift to sleep, a peaceful sleep." He gave her a non-humorous laugh. "Reminded me of Yoda. Just simply.....vanished. It was her time. The powers had called her and where she laid stayed a shiny shimery green light. For years that light watched over me. It was like feeling her presence with me all the time."

He hung his head. Memories were not supposed to be dug out, but kept in the confinements of the human heart.

It’s been raining since you left me,
Now I’m drowning in the flood.
You see I’ve always been a fighter,
But without you I give up.

"I've never talked about her death to anyone.....until now." He said in a hushed tone.

He turned his body to face her. She looked more at peace than he was. Perhaps he had placed her in one of her catatonia trances she used to drift to.

"Are you ok?" he asked, knowing that this must be killing her.

Buffy studied him for some time. There was a time in her life were Spike was the most confusing man in the planet, but for some reason he was as clear as glass in that moment.

He had lived her life.

Lived and suffered for it at the same time. Because it only took one moment to fall in love with her and he was doomed to care for each of her friens, watching them die, one by one, and being left all alone.

"For some reason......it's ok." There was a lump in her throat. "Like I know they're ok. I feel as if,.....I've been with them for a long time. Like I haven't missed them."

He gave her a small smile. "It's your soul." he stated knowingly.

She gave him a questioning glance.

"You see." he said walking up to her and placing his cold hand on her chest to gesture his point. "The soul knows. It has been with them for the past years."

"You mean like with them in heaven?" she asked confused.

He nodded.

"It knows, it knows that where they are, and it knows it's a better place than this wasteland." he said taking his hand away from her chest, she instantly wished he hand't, there had been a comfort in his touch. A cool warmth that reminded her of a time long ago....

"So it has accepted it," she said nodding.She thought for a moment. "It doesn't make me less lonely."

He smiled and turned back to the window. "No it doesn't."

Now I can’t sing a love song,
Like the way it’s meant to be.
Well, I guess I’m not that good anymore,
But baby, that’s just me.

She studied him again. She found herself doing that alot, almost like trying to figure out who he was.

"How have you made it," she asked tentatively.

He took a deep unnecesary breath.

"That's when Whistler found me." he said lightly.

"Angel much?" she asked giving him a small smile.

But he didn't respond to her small joke and she shrunk back in self-consciousness.

"In 2056, the Council was destroyed. WW III had just ended..."

"World War Three?" Buffy asked astounded.

He nodded and continued. "It was a basic power struggle like your classical war. The battle field was England, and well the concept of the council was lost. The slayer then, Margarite was 'turned', sired by my once love-Drusilla, who is now a pile of dust by the way." he said as he walked to sit on the leather chair.

"So, she was a bitch on wheels, perky lil' thing. But bad ass, if you know what I mean. I went back to England to see what was left of my country and I ran in to the shit. She was completely gone, I could sense the darkness around her, pissed as hell at the world and more powerful than any vampire I've met. She wanted to kill 'William the Bloody', but like you know I am not that easy to kill. She challenged me, I resisted, but she tried anything to get me to fight her, to prove who was better. The last straw was killin' Dru in front of me.......So I killed 'er." he said noncaringly but if Buffy knew Spike at all he must have been a mess.

He continued. "Once she was dead at my feet, Whistler materialized right in front of me and thanked me for my favor to the powers."

He smiled remembering that day.

"I almost killed 'im that night. But he begged me to follow 'im to the ruins of the council. I, havin' nothin' better to do, followed 'im. Once inside, the destruction around us was so......terrible. Demons had gotten there before the end of the war. There were mutilated corpses of the watchers all over the place. He took me to this 'altar' looking place and told me this is were Slayers were born. I reminded 'im that they had mothers and such, but he explained that this is were their souls were made. After he said that Hansel and Greatel appeared, those were the new oracles, and told me of my destiny. I laughed at them at first, but the clan can give a bloke a very convincing headache.

They explained that the balance needed to be kept until the next slayer arrived and that was my job. Someone, a pacifier, needed to exist to maintain peace while there was chaos, to train the new slayers, to set them on their paths, to guide 'em in the old ways. So that's what I do. I am the peace between slayers. That has been my reason for un-living. I've met and trained every slayer since 2056." he finished looking at her.

She was looking at him wide mouthed and dazzled.

And I will love you, baby - Always.
And I’ll be there forever and a day - Always.
I’ll be there till the stars don’t shine,
Till the heavens burst and the words don’t rhyme.

"You're the council?" she whispered.

"In embodiment, yes. No more stuffy men that drink tea, just me and the army that is me," he said lifting his arms as to show himself off. "Me and the players."

"The Players?" she asked confused as she raised her brow in question.

"Well it goes back down to you, you're a legendary slayer, you know. I have my girls molded after your style. They live to the age of about thirty one." he said proud of himself. "If they live to be thirty two-they get to retire. My rules. My world," he paused standing up. "The Card Players, as they are known, is molded after the original Scoobies. It's a group of Six of the very best of what we need. They are only called when needed, but we generally kick ass when it comes down to it."

"You put these human's lives in danger?" she asked concerned.

He laughed lightly. "No, you don't understand. The world knows 'bout us, demons I mean. In 2075 things changed, when WW IV ended and the world was and currently is controlled by one world order. We are the special forces. Their jobs, the card players, are the most sought after positions in the planet. We have three open hell mouths at the moment. One in Tokyo, South Africa, and Bogota. Therefore we have three slayers."

"WHAT!!??" she asked standing up looking at him as if he had gone mad.

"Relax, slayer. The world is bit more full of mayhem and destruction than it was in your time. Humans know about demons and such, known since mid-century."

"Was that the cause of WW IV, the discovery and acceptance of demons?" she asked sitting down.

He nodded. "At the end, a peace agreement was made and the two worlds combined to one. Now demons walk free upon the earth along with humans. That and plus the changes in the atmosphere only allow the sun to shine for five hours of the day. The rest is perpetual night."

She saddened. This was all too much for her, she felt as if though she had stepped in some type of Star Wars dream and was never going to wake up.

"But,....technology, it seems to me it hasn't changed all that much."

"Well the government has control over that, since 2033." he said. "So unless you work for the government, you're stuck in 2030. Which was not very different than what you recall, after Bill Gates went bankrupt and all."

"But the things that you have,....."

"I work for 'em. I get my assignments directly from operations."

"You mean like the case you went out for last night?" she asked.

He nodded lighting up his cigarette.

"So why are we going to Bogota?" she asked regarding him. He was all business, this was his battle field.

And I know when I die, you’ll be on my mind.
And I love you - Always.

"Tatiana died two days ago, the hellmouth is without a slayer. So I need to get you re-instated, place you with Sammy and be on my way."

His words felt like acid on her stomach, and she knew she had paled. He was just leaving her, as if she were another 'case', just another assigment!

"You're leaving me there?" she asked horrified.

He stopped and looked at her, she looked scared. "That's my job, pet."

She nodded in realization. This has gone far enough! She thought.

"Right, your job....do me a favor Spike and don't pretend to care."

She got him angry, she could see it in the tightening of his law. Well it was about time to get some type of a reaction from him!

He walked up to her, glaring all the time. "You think I don't care," he asked her bluntly.

She laughed bitterly at him. "Care? You don't know what it is to care! You walk around so high and mighty that you don't see past your own nose and your car. Tell me, when was the last time you cared for some other than yourself and your cause? Stop with the damn cryptic illusions and your damn diplomacy! You say the council is over and things have changed but I see it shinning through your eyes."

His eyes narrowed as he approached the upset woman before him.

Now your pictures that you left behind,
Are just memories of a different life.
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry,
One that made you have to say goodbye.

"If you are so different from the council then why weren't you there with your slayer? Ha? Perhaps she would have lived five more years, five more months, five more fucking days! " she finished hissing.

"You know why they die," he spat out as he approached her.

"And I also know why they live," she cried out to him, couldn't he see!?

"You have no idea what you're talking 'bout," he said, deciding to walk away.

"Perhaps I do," she stated with tears in her eyes from her spent up anger at the entire situation but most of all at him.

"Do you, now? By all means enlighten us with your valley-girl-intelligence," he said extending his arms out in mock resignation.

She glared at him poisonously.

"You're incapable of love," she said. He looked at her as if he were to hit her.

What I’d give to run my fingers through your hair,
To touch your lips, to hold you near.
When you say your prayers try to understand,
I’ve made mistakes, I’m just a man.

Her bottom lip trembled as tears ran down her cheek. "That's the reason isn't it. I was right about you all along." she laughed bitterly. "What fool I was to think, that day in my house,........that you gave a fuck." she whispered. "Maybe that's why you didn't love my sister. She was better of not knowing the monster you really are!"

With that, his hand came out and back slapped her across her face knocking her across the room and landing with a thud on the floor.

He stalked up to the fallen Slayer and pointed his finger at her. "I loved her more than you ever did." he hissed at her, his eyes more narrow than she had ever seen them.

"I died for her!" Buffy cried out through her tears.

"I stayed with her,.....until her dying day," he cried out making all the veins in his neck rise swollen.

She brought her hand to her face, trembling from the hard blow. "Then why won't you stay with me?" she whispered looking up at him. "I once said to myself that you were a complicated man. But now I know how greatly I was mistaken. You've made a web out of your life. You're but a shell of the man I once knew, the man I knew was capable of love and sacrifice. The man I knew had more life in him than any other creature I've known. And here you stand behind your cause and your empty morals, behind your calling and your destiny. I fear that these one hundred years of solitude have destroyed the man I once cared for. The man I.....died to save the world for. I suppose I died in vain," she said never leaving his eyes.

She stood up with her hand on her cheek and walked out of the room grabbing her sister's diaries form the table and hugging them to her chest.

Spike stood there panting and in complete and horrific shock. He was confused. He had not been confused in a long time, he could hardly even remember the feeling of being confused.

But he recognized it when it hit him and shame ran through him as he realized what he had done. He hung his head down in resignation when he heard the slamming of her door.

Spike counted to ten and decided best to go after her, after all they had to spend time together, he might as well be in her good graces.

If you told me to cry for you, I could.
If you told me to die for you, I would.
Take a look at my face, there’s no price I won’t pay.
To say these words to you.

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Buffy was sitting on her large bed watching the servants place all the clothing in her bags. Spike had bought her enough clothes to last a lifetime. She should have seen it then. It was his only known way to apologize.

It was his way of sayin 'Sorry I can't stay with you, pet. I really don't care 'bout you anymore, so here is Macy's, have a nice life.'

She heard him open the door and refused to look at him. She still couldn't believe that she had let him hit her. She should have punched him back, but she knew her words did much more than her fist could ever do. And he deserved it good and true.

He looked at her, she was huddled in the bed ignoring him completely.

Well there ain’t no luck in these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try,

He sighed.

"Dejenos!" (Leave us.) he said to his servants. Poala and Jermina scurried off to give them privacy.

Buffy saw them leave and stood from the bed and walked out onto the balcony.

She placed her hands on the railing and took in the perpetual nights air.

The stars still shone and told tales of eons ago. The view from the hacienda on the hill side reflected the view of the small town. It was breathtaking.

Houses were lit all around the country side and it looked like fireflies in the night. Hundreds of them scattered throughout the dark green hills. It was a cloudless night. Filled with stories to tell and adventures to take.

Somewhere out there were a couple in love, a mother played with her children, a father worked hard for the money, demons created destruction.

This was her world now, a world she did not know but still loved. There were still children to save from the constant night, werewolves still roamed on nights with the full moon, and mayhem and destruction stayed just beyond the horizon. But not here. Not in this peacefull hill with its valley, not in this cloudless nights, where lovers slept and mothers loved. This was the world she fought for and this man she hated at the moment was her only window to the life so buried in her veins.

She had wanted to much to be just a girl, a normal girl.

But her spirit said otherwise. Her calling ran in her blood, like a chanting that does not stop until fulfilled. As if she only lived truly when conquering the forces of evil. That with every kill there was one less creature of the night threatening the good of man kind.

But now, they were all creatures of the night, walking in a world she could only begin to imagine. A world were there was no longer black and white. A world were demon and human walked hand in hand. In love.......

He watched her from the door frame. The wind was blowing and the chill of the march night was in her skin, making droplets of goose bumps stand at end.

Her golden hair flew in the light wind giving her a surreal appearance and for once since his life got confusing, he truly accepted her being alive.

This was the woman who unknowingly and unwantingly changed him.

We can pack up our old dreams and our old lives,
We’ll find a place where the sun still shines

Because of her he was able to care, to care so much it hurt. But love was pain. And pain had thought him well, guard your heart, don't shed a tear for a grain of rise, don't let people see the shadows in your eyes. He had buried his humanity so deep it hurt to think about bringing it back.

If he accepted his grief, it meant the weakness in him. And it was love what had made him weak once and he sure as hell was not going back there. This life had taken too much effort. Too many vendettas to play, too many people knew his name. They knew of the heartless killer who roamed the earth in search of evil.

William the bloody has been replaced and all traces of the brown haired, insignificant had vanished, taken by the night and her embraces.

All that remained was Spike, el pacificador.

"When you died........I felt my world cave." he started walking up to her and standing next to her, grasping the railing. "There was this......pain. A pain so deep and hurtful that it burn right through me. Every time I closed my eyes I saw your body, there, lying on the pile of bricks and debris. A martyr. A bloody hero. That day I stopped living. You had been everything to me. My purpose, my annointment, my love. but there you laid. Broken and beaten at the end. You might have killed Glory, but it was her who took you away.

For years I needed someone to blame, someone to torture, someone to kill. And all I found was me. I realized that up to that point your life ended because of me. At the end of the day, it had been me. Say it was I didn't run fast enough, say it was I didn't fight hard enough, say it was I didn't love enough, whatever it was it was me. Me and my inability to protect Dawn.

So I made myself a promise. I wanted to live. I wanted to torture myself for eternity knowing that it was because of me that you were in a cold grave and Dawn was alone. So I lived with hatred for myself. And with every pang of hurt, blame, and pain I felt alive. Knowing that because of me, the woman I loved could never have the life she so wanted."

He had failed to notice that she was looking at him now, tracks of tears were morrowing her beautiful face.

And I will love you, baby - Always.
And I’ll be there forever and a day - Always.
I’ll be there till the stars don’t shine,

She reached out a tentative arm and touched his shoulder lightly.

He looked at her, his eyes filled with indescribable pain.

"It has been one hundred years since that night, yet the pain is still as raw. Yet here you are, making me as mad as usual and sympathizing with you as much. So I ask you one question. I am not here to tell you that I love you, or please forgive me, or any nancy-boy thing like that. What I am asking you is what you know the answer to. What lives inside every chosen one."

He looked at her long and hard.

"Do you want to be a Slayer once again? I am not telling you that this is your duty, that this is your calling. I am asking you what is your soul crying out to? Do you still want to dance?" he asked almost in a whisper.

Her gazed never left his as she finally gave in. This is who she was, this yearning was buried in her soul and there was no denying it or running away from it.

"I don't want to be a Slayer once again.......I've never ceased being a Slayer. The slayer is me, it's who I am, not some additive to my soul, not some dark part of, but me as whole," she said understanding herself for the first time.

He sadly smiled and brought his right index finger to her forehead. "Then it shall be done." he whispered.

She felt the burning sensation curse through her body as a green glow emanated from his hand. It was not pain but enlightenment. Then memories flooded her mind, how to fight, how to run, how to kill, it all came back to her at once.

He withdrew his finger feeling the Slayer in her awaken and smiled at her.

"Welcome back, Slayer. Nice nap? What do you say we go do what you do best?" He asked walking out of the balcony.

"And what is that?" she asked confused.

"Kill some nasties."

Till the heavens burst and the words don’t rhyme.
And I know when I die, you’ll be on my mind.
And I love you - Always.

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