Part 5

Spike knew that something was horribly wrong as soon as they got near enough for him to see the front of his crypt.

"What the bleedin'........."

He took off at vampire speed, leaving Buffy and Willow as if they'd been standing still.

Willow shook her head. She liked Spike, she really did. But sometimes he could be such a pain. Like now, she mused, as she saw that there was a bustle of activity around his crypt and there he was, in the thick of it, waving his arms around like a big baby.

She grinned. He 'was' awfully cute.

Then, as they got closer, she saw Tara, loaded down with something in a box and standing petrified as the blonde vampire seemed to be yelling at her.

She took off at a run, pulling her arm from Buffy's grasp as the tiny blonde tried to hold her back.

Buffy looked beseechingly up at the sky. "Why me?" Then she sprinted after her friend.

Willow got there first, and just as she was about five feet away, Spike vamped and snarled into Tara's face, causing the shy girl to let out a little yelp of fear and shrink away from the vampire, who grabbed the box out of her arms.

With no thought to her anger and how it might affect her action, Willow waved her arm in a wide arch from where Spike was still standing toward a stand of trees some distance away, sending him flying backwards at high speed.

She didn't even pause to see where he landed, as she hurried to Tara's side.

Buffy had just caught up to the rest as Spike went sailing past her so fast that she almost didn't catch the dirty look on his face, which was still vamped, meaning that he was extremely pissed off.

"What the hell happened?"

She slid to a stop and helped Willow sit Tara down on a tombstone.

The girl was visibly upset and trying not to cry. She'd never had Spike leap at her like that, with his eyes flashing gold and his fangs showing, and she hoped she never did again.

"I’m s..sorry!! It’s was just a box of junk that Xander said was trash. I didn’t mean anything wrong!"

Willow hugged Tara, and stood back up, whirling to face Buffy.

"If this is how it's gonna be, I think Tara and me had better beg off this camping trip! It's not much of an idea, anyway!"

Buffy stared at her best friend in amazement, blinking. Willow had never talked to her in that fashion, at least not over a simple misunderstanding.

And for Spike's sake, that's what this had better have been.

She looked down and saw that the box contained some photos of herself, and bits and pieces of her clothing, including some underwear.

She thought he’d gotten rid of all his ‘shrine artifacts’ but she could see why Xander, who deep down was still a bit jealous, had tried to toss the box out while ‘crypt keeping’.

She opened her mouth to retort and shut it again, whirling in the direction that Spike had gone. She'd heard a sound, like a wounded animal, or worse, a wounded Spike.

Sure enough, the blonde vampire came out of the little stand of trees a few feet away, clutching his right arm to his side, and walking in an unsteady fashion.

As soon as he saw that Buffy had spotted him, he groaned, and dramatically grabbed a small tree for support, his head hanging downward as if unable to go any further.

As Buffy ran to his aide, Willow and Tara saw Spike peep out at them from under his eyelashes, before groaning again.

The two witches exchanged knowing glances.

"Oh brother." Said Tara.

"Yeah, ham it up much?" Said Willow.

For a moment, Buffy was scared to death because she saw blood, and then as she realized that the vampire was still standing there in one piece instead of a pile of dust, she relaxed.

"Spike? Are you ok?" She moved his duster aside and pressed her hand to his shirtfront, to assess the damage.

Her hand came away sticky, with a piece of a tree branch clutched in it that had been lodged shallowly in his chest.

"Oh my God!"

She glanced back Willow's way, and frowned. Some ground rules were going to have to be set about magick in general, before something awful happened to someone. If it did, Buffy knew that Willow would never be able to live with it.

Spike felt bad about what he was doing, but Willow was becoming way to powerful, and he needed an edge. He'd only jammed the tree limb under his skin a bit, where he'd suffered a whack landing on a sharp rock back there.

It would be a dirty trick, but he felt she deserved it, after his last unscheduled flight.

As he and Buffy arrived at the crypt, Xander and Anya came out the door, both of them loaded with odds and ends of dust covered, broken furniture, some of which, probably hadn't seen the light of day since the original owners had moved into the crypt.

Spike hobbled stiffly up to the first laboring figure and snarled into a space between a lamp and a broken chair.

"Drop it!"

Xander did. The junk landed at his and Spike's feet and the two eyed each other, Xander clearly bluffing, while Spike was deadly serious.

Buffy ran up to ward off further trouble. She'd had enough excitement for one day, and she still had a witch to lecture about the fine line between chastising and killing one's friends.

Spike remembered to wince in pain, for extra points. He continued to glare at the boy.

Xander had been taking it easier on Spike of late, mainly because he didn't want to chance being a snack, but also because he had a grudging respect for the vampire and even liked him at times.

He fully realized what it meant to have the vampire around them all, without a chip in his brain to prevent his feeding on them. He knew what restraint that must take, and had come to admire Spike for the changes he'd made in his unlife.

But he'd let Spike suck him dry through his big toe, before he'd ever tell him that.

"Junior! Hope you don't mind. We were just clearing out a few of your more useless, dirty, less than expensive articles of.......crap."

Spike smiled coldly.

Xander swallowed, and stepped back a bit.

Anya dropped the wooden box she'd been carrying and it landed with a thud at their feet, a rusty railroad spike landing on her toe.

"OUCH!" She sat down and rubbed at her foot, glaring up at the vampire.

"Who the heck keeps something like that, anyway?"

Spike never broke his stare at the boy.

"Careful there, Pet. Thing's got memories attached to it...."

Xander glanced down at the rusty piece of iron, and back at Spike.

"I'll just bet it does. Careful, An, honey, that thing is probably covered with some poor sucker's DNA."

Anya looked at it and shrugged. She seen a bit of that in her day, so big deal.

Buffy pulled Spike away from Xander and looked at her friend in dismay.

"Would someone mind telling me just what you all are doing? You can’t just clear out all Spike’s stuff without even asking!"

At that moment, Dawn shot out of the crypt squealing in fear and everyone turned to the new attraction.

"Help!" She squeaked, and ran behind Buffy and Spike.

As they all stood and watched, Buffy's exact double, wearing nothing but a pair of silk boxers and a smile, ran up to them, her grin growing wider as she saw Spike, who tried in vain to hide but found that Xander had moved aside leaving him completely exposed.

After that, Xander stood frozen to the spot, gazing at the Buffy Bot's naked chest with rapt attention.

Anya stepped forward and smacked him upside the head.

"Xander! Get in there and dust something!" She pointed to the crypt.

As he complied, and walked toward the crypt, he cast one more wistful look at the bot's perky breasts. It just wasn't fair. First Spike gets a toy with all the accessories, and now he has the real thing.

The one thing he really wanted to dust right now was not in the crypt.

Buffy had a sense of passing time.

"OK, this is all very interesting. But we need to get ourselves situated underground without drawing 'quite' so much attention to ourselves, got it?"

She looked the ‘bot right in the eye, and pointed to the crypt.

"Get in there, ‘skirt girl’, and I won’t even ask why you are wearing Spike’s underwear!"

Her replica ignored her, until Spike looked sternly at it. "Get along with you, then. There’s a good girl."

"Oh, Spike. I’m SO glad you are home!"

The bot gave him an embarrassingly loud kiss on the lips, turned, and trotted back to the crypt as told by her master.

The Master Vampire. The highly embarrassed Master Vampire.

Spike looked guiltily down at his Slayer, wondering if his ass was about to be kicked, or if she'd just put it off, and save it for when she needed something to yell at him for.

If he was extremely lucky, she’d forget all about him, and go straight to wondering why Willow had reactivated the thing in the first place…

Willow, keeping an eye on the proceedings, was hoping just the opposite. She’d done it for fun, and because she could. Period.

Buffy, however, was lost in the thought that she’d just, in a way, flashed her breasts to all of her friends.

She made a mental note to talk to Willow about one more little thing, but was more interested in Spike's injuries from his tree trimming incident.

She drew him closer to her and hugged him.

Spike felt doubly guilty now, but was used to handling quite a load of that, and smiled down at her.

"Don't worry, Pet. It's just a scratch."

"And an inch to the left and deeper, and we wouldn't be talking about it right now, would we?"

Buffy patted his cheek, turned, and called Willow, beckoning her over to where they stood.

Dawn, sensing a private conversation, stayed put, but Buffy waved her after Xander, and she joined Tara and Anya at the door of the crypt.

Willow knew she'd overdone it, but she'd reacted out of fear.

She would never intentionally hurt Spike since he had convinced her he posed no threat, but she had felt that Tara was being bullied. And the shy girl had been through more than enough of that kind of thing from her own kin.

As she walked up and stood in front of Buffy and the vampire, she saw there was blood on Buffy's hands and spied the rip in his shirt.

"Oh golly! Did I.......I mean, I must have caused that, but I never meant to hurt you, really, Spike, you believe me, don't you?"

Spike had her, now. If Buffy believed that Willow had nearly staked him, it would be a lot easier to control her, and in the long run, he could really milk the guilt for all it was worth.

Buffy put out her fist and turned it palm up, opening her fingers to reveal the piece of bloody wood that she'd been holding. She held it right under Willow's nose.

Spike smirked. All that was left was to reel her in…

And then it happened. The witch began to cry.

Big tears rolled down her face and it screwed up unattractively, and then to his complete horror, she put her face in her hands and sobbed aloud!

Spike's face was a comical study of dismay and disgust.

Then, his own eyes began to itch suspiciously, and he stepped up to Willow, putting one arm around her shoulder.

"Oh, here now! We'll have none of that.....stop, please stop,......if you don't stop your bloody crying........Red, please, it was just a scratch, I scarcely felt it, really......Oh, BLOODY HELL!!!"

He knew he'd hate himself in the morning, mainly because he was a vampire and would be stuck under ground with a bunch of humans, but he couldn't stand Willow's tears a second longer and knew he cared too much for her friendship to pull a fast one on her.

He set her away from him as she wiped her eyes on her sleeve, and looked at Buffy, to gauge her reaction as he spoke the words that would probably damn him to Xander Hell.

"It never touched me, Red."

Willow sniffled once, and heard his words. "Huh?"

"Just trying to um.....teach you a lesson, that's all. I stuck that stick into a hole a rock made....you didn't nearly dust me. Now stop the waterworks, please!"

Spike took her shoulders in his hands and leaned down, closer to her face.

"Turn me into a toad, and I'll bloody hop away."

Buffy's mouth was hanging open. She hadn't had time to go from concerned girlfriend to mad Slayer yet, but Spike knew that it wouldn't be long.

Willow, to Spike's surprise, smiled shakily at him and reached out to pat him on the shoulder.

"It's ok, Spike. I'm just relieved that you're not hurt, and that I didn't nearly 'kill' you...."

Spike felt a stab of unease at that last, but breathed a sigh of relief as the witch turned away and walked back toward the crypt.

He turned to face Buffy with what he hoped was a repentant expression, and staggered backward as her fist hit him in the nose!

"Back to the old drawing board." He said, lying where she’d knocked him on the ground. He watched as Buffy stalked off to join the others.

Willow met Tara at the door. The shy witch smiled at her lover's expression.

"So how'd it go?"

"Piece of cake. You were right, he was faking it." They slapped hands in the air and entered the crypt.

Buffy, right behind them, was considering reorganizing her plan to include a de-invite spell that would prevent Spike from entering his own home.

She slammed the door on the stone crypt so loudly, that Spike felt the vibrations on the ground where he still lay, several feet away.

He winced, and took his fingers from his nose, checking them for blood, which as usual, was flowing copiously.

"It's been awhile now, you stupid git, since you riled her up this much."

He decided that it was really quite peaceful, there in the grass.

Which was fortunate, because he might end up sleeping the rest of the night there, and he speculated as to whether or not the shadow of a grave stone would keep the sun’s rays from burning him to a cinder in the morning.

Part 6

Spike stuck his fingers in his mouth and cleaned them of the blood from his ill-fated nose.

Suddenly, two neat, shiny shoes appeared in his peripheral vision, and he turned his head to see that they were on feet, his eyes then traveling upward until they rested on a face, which was glaring down at him with great disapproval.

The perfect end to a perfect night.

"Sod off, Watcher." Spike just lay there, hoping that he would.

"I most certainly will not. I'm not happy about being asked to come here, but I shall not shirk in my duty to Buffy when she is in need."

Spike pointed at the crypt.

"Party's that way. But you don't need to stay too long....no one's feelins' will be hurt if you leave early, like. I know how you old people are about gettin' plenty of sleep."

Giles started to retort, and then peered curiously down at the vampire.

"I say, Spike....why are you lying here on the ground like this? And as for sleeping, I hope that your bloody crypt isn't too drafty. I just got over a cold and should be drinking a hot cup of tea even as we speak."

Spike felt a chill that didn't come from the earth on which he rested.

He closed his eyes, and sighed, saying tiredly. "Watcher......are you planning to stay in my crypt with the rest of the bloody herd?"

"That is the plan as I understand it, yes. Now 'why' are you lying there? Why don't you get up, man, this is extremely unseemly of you."

Spike just stared up at the stars, which were beginning to thin out as the dawn approached.

"Because, Watcher, if I get up, I just may have to EAT someone."

Giles took a step back. Perhaps he had incorrectly assessed the vampire’s current state of mind.

"Oh, well, I .....um....Just do as you like, then, Spike. We'll all be inside, when you feel better about.....whatever it is."

The ex-librarian beat a hasty retreat to the crypt, grabbing the end of a heavy crate with his name on it and dragging it behind him with an agility and speed that belied his age.

Spike lay there on the ground, contemplating whether or not to catch his first sunrise in well over a hundred years.

And then he started to giggle. The giggle became a full-blown roar of laughter, and he rolled on the ground clutching his sides for several minutes, until the crypt door opened and Buffy stuck her head out.

"Spike! Get your ass in here right now!"

Spike only laughed harder.

The Slayer approached him warily. His laughter bordered on nutso, and it was giving her the wiggins.

As she came to stand over Spike, the vampire reached up and dragged her down on top of him, and began kissing her so hard that she forgot all about the impending sunrise and ground herself against him, happily.

>From the door of the crypt, Xander and Giles stood, watching.

Xander shook his head in disgust, and then eyed the paling sky.

"Hey, 'G Man', five bucks says he goes up in flames in about ten minutes."

Giles looked wearily at Xander.

"I will 'not' ask you again, to 'stop' calling me that. And you're 'on' ."

The pair had indeed burst into flames, but of the passionate variety, and as the 'fire' began to spread, they became quite still on the grass, kissing each other deeply one moment, and then looking into each other's eyes the next.

Spike broke a particularly juicy kiss to speak into the shell of her ear, running his tongue inside it as he did so.

"I'm sorry, Luv. I’m sorry that I was evil."

His apology would have had more impact if he hadn’t worn the ever-present smirk.

Buffy kissed an imaginary dotted line down his chest until she reached his stomach, then the waistband of his jeans, before replying to him.

"It's ok, baby. You just couldn't help yourself."

She kissed back up to his lips again, which disappointed him horribly and he smiled into her mouth.

"Really?" That’s my sweet, gullible girl.

Buffy reached down and caressed his balls through the fabric of his jeans, and he sucked un-needed air in a hiss that was heard all the way to the crypt.

Giles closed his eyes and sighed, turning his head away from the sight of his Slayer groping her former worst enemy. Far be it from him, to ever question the methods of his charge, but at times he wondered about her sanity.

Xander was just trying not to look at all, but was clearly both fascinated and disgusted, and besides, he had money riding on this deal.

Then, both men winced in sympathy, as Buffy gripped Spike’s favorite parts in a less than loving manner, and the vampire froze, not moving a muscle.

"Luv? Is everything alright then?" He winced, in spite of himself.

"For now. But if you ‘ever’ try to pull a stunt like that on any of us again, it will be a long time before you see these ."

Buffy let go of his crotch, and raised her shirt up to her chin, exposing her breasts to him, knowing that Giles and Xander were behind her, and would only see her back.

When he reached up to fondle her, she slapped his hands away.

"Do you get the picture? Are we good?"

Spike sighed. He was definitely Slayer whipped.

"I get it. We're good. Good together, as well, and if you'll come down here, I'll show you just how good I can be."

He leered up at her, the tip of his tongue between his teeth, his blue eyes dancing with mischief.

Buffy grinned down at him, as she straddled his wiry, muscular frame.

""You'll be good and roasted, if we don't get inside."

She pulled him up by one hand, laying one last kiss on him, which made him wish they didn’t have a crypt full of company waiting for them.

Meanwhile, Giles and Xander looked on in dismay. The arguing had dwindled down to nothing, and now, even the sight of fried Spike would be denied to them.

"He didn't burn. Pay up." Giles stuck his hand out for the fiver.

"OKAY, here. Take it. How long would I have kept it anyway, with Spike around?" He handed the Watcher his money.

His eyes lit up, and he looked at Giles, grinning.

"I can’t remember, but did I tell you that the Sex Bot is here, too?"

He knew full well that the Watcher was unaware of that fact.

The older man whipped off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Oh dear Lord." He mumbled.

They both stepped back and watched as Buffy and Spike went into the crypt, staring at each other like they'd been separated for months.

Neither spared a glance for Xander or Giles.

Xander made a face. "Eww. That's just so.....icky."

"Quite." Giles sighed, as he and Xander entered the crypt and shut the door behind them.

****************

Willow stood and stared, in awe of her surroundings. There was a whole world under the crypt. The cavern stretched off into the distance until a bend in it's tunnel like shape obscured her seeing any further.

"Wow! This is better than the Bat Cave."

Tara came to stand beside her. "Yeah, but I think the caped crusader kept his place a little cleaner than this one."

Willow snickered. "Well, sure, but he had Robin, his faithful sidekick to do all the work."

"Actually", said a voice which caused them both to jump, "Robin didn't do the cleaning, that was Alfred, his butler."

Spike stood there in the gloom, smiling at the two witches, who both tried to look as if they'd known he was there all along.

"And while I'm feeding you vital info, I might as well tell you that you need to stay closer to the group. This is far enough back that it's not properly lit."

Willow grinned at the vampire. "Oooh......Spike's afraid of the dark."

"No, but the torches don't light it well enough to keep the bats away, and I never did like ’those’ little buggers much."

Before he had finished speaking the two girls had hurried back toward the main 'room' and the rest of the group.

Spike grinned. He might not like being invaded, but it had it's good moments. Then he noticed that Willow was carrying a cage with a rat in it, and walked briskly after them.

"OY! Wait up Red!"

Willow turned to look at him as he caught up to them.

"Sure you aren't afraid of the dark?" She quipped.

"What the hell is that bleedin' vermin doin' here?"

Willow lifted the cage, and she and Tara looked in at the rat, smiling fondly at it as the creature stood up on it's legs and squealed at them.

Willow shot Spike a dirty look. "She isn't vermin, she's a friend."

Spike snorted. "Each to his own, Red, but I'm not eatin' that thing."

Tara gasped and Willow looked shocked.

"What gave you such a horrible idea, Spike, this is AMY.....when I said she's a friend, I meant that she really IS a friend, ok? I used to go to school with her and so did Buffy!

Spike squinted in at the rodent, which didn't care for his scrutiny and fled to the rear of it's cage in fear. It knew a predator when it saw one.

"So these little mistakes of yours go further back than I thought, then?"

He smirked.

Willow muttered under her breath that if Spike wasn't careful he might be involved with another mistake, and walked away, talking in soothing tones to the rat.

Tara watched until her friend had rejoined the group in the main chamber, and turned back on Spike with a hint of fire in her eye.

"Spike, this has got to stop. Willow cares about you, and you hurt her feelings again."

The vampire looked down at the shy witch, and as he gazed into her eyes, he saw the love and pride shining there for her lover, and sighed, as he fished around in his duster pocket for a pack of cigs.

"I'm sorry, Tara. I don't suppose the 'I'm evil' speech will work in this case?"

He patted his pockets again, and then checked his jeans.

"No, it won't. Willow is under a lot of stress right now, and your comments just pile up on top of everyone else’s until it's too much for her, sometimes."

Tara glanced back to make sure that Willow was out of earshot.

"I'm worried about her. She's getting too powerful, too fast. And I'm not sure it's of the good."

Spike was only half listening, because he'd realized that he was out of cigarettes.

"Sod it all!!"

At Tara's testy look, he smiled.

"I heard you, and I don't think you need to worry about Red. She has both oars in the bloody lake."

As they began to walk toward the group, which Spike was doing at a snail's pace to put off the inevitable, Tara's face wore a guarded expression.

"I hope you're right. I hope she doesn't get in over her head."

Spike put an arm around the girl, causing her to blush and look nervous, as they joined the others.

"Don't give it any more thought. She'll be fine."

Buffy, her nose in one of Gile's books, looked up from where she was seated on a crate, and frowned.

"Who'll be whatzit?"

She had put the book aside, and pulled from the crate next to her a large envelope which seemed to be full of 8x10 glossy photos of a scantily clad woman.

HUH?

She darted a look at the name on the packing crate, which clearly said, GILES, and her eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

Spike left Tara to a questioning Willow and came to sit beside the tiny blonde, bumping her over with his hip.

Buffy swiftly stuck the photo she’d been ogling at back into the envelope, and smiled innocently at Spike, while shooting a thoughtful look in the Watcher’s direction.

Spike pretended he hadn't noticed, and then swiftly grabbed the envelope before the Slayer could stuff it back into the crate.

"What I said, was, I wouldn't be eating Willow’s stupid, bloody rat."

He held the package out of her reach, and snatched out a photo, perusing it in surprise, and not a little admiration, expressing the later in a low whistle.

The face was purposely in shadow, as if the subject didn’t wish her identity to be known. Spike could certainly understand that, as some of the pictures were very naughty.

He looked closer. "Very nice, although her tits are a bit small, but you only need a handful, right Buffy?"

Buffy’s glare had changed to something slightly deadly, but even though she quivered with anger and embarrassment, she stopped grabbing at the package, hoping that no one had been listening.

But he would pay for that last, later, in private. Oh boy, would he be paying up.

Spike looked at her, his face quivering with suppressed laughter.

"Slayer! I'd have never thought it of you. Looking at dirty pictures, you nasty little thing."