My Twin Angels Matthew and Ryan

By Sharon

My pregnancy started out so joyously. My husband and I had tried for 5 years to get pregnant to no avail. We had been put on Clomid and did the BBT charts. I was diagnosed with PCOS and Endometriosis. After taking a year off, we decided to go see a reproductive endocrinologist and discuss our options. I was put on repronex (an injectable hormone) and we did insemination. The first month was a bust. I ovulated one egg and pregnancy did not occur. I was very disappointed because I felt pregnant. To add to the disappointment was the revelation that I had developed cysts and had to be put on birth control in order for them to dissolve. This meant having to wait a few weeks before trying again. I cried the whole way home from the hospital.

Our next cycle seemed much easier. I had to have less injections and ultrasounds. I ovulated 3 eggs and had the insemination done. I remember clearly being absolutely sure it had not worked. I didn't feel pregnant at all. Randy and I went on vacation. I remember seeing some spotting about 9 days after the insemination and I cried because I knew my period was coming. As a result, I decided to forego the prenatal vitamins, drink caffeine, and ride rollercoasters. I knew I was not pregnant.

After coming home I thought it was odd that I had not started my period yet. I called the RE and they recommended I come in for a blood pregnancy test. I knew it was just a formality. I took the test and later received a phone call from the nurse "I was very very pregnant". I couldn't believe it. My response was "are you sure?" After that I went in for an ultrasound and there before my very eyes were 2 of the most beautiful hearts beating for Randy and I to see. I couldn't believe it. We were having twins! The next week I started bleeding and was very scared that I was miscarrying but an ultrasound showed the babies were fine.

After that, I really enjoyed the pregnancy. I loved going out in public showing off my huge belly. I loved it when people would ask me when I was due, expecting me to say tomorrow, and I told them I was only 4 months pregnant but I was having twins. I loved the special attention. Everything was going great. At 20 weeks, I noticed more mucousy discharge and some feelings of pressure. I called the doctor just as a precaution and she had me come into the hospital as it was before office hours. They checked the babies heartbeats, which were excellent, and did an internal. My bed was immediately slanted down and I was admitted to the hospital, my cervix was dilated 3-4 cm and membranes were bulging into the vagina. I remember being so scared and my initial sadness came from realizing I would miss Thanksgiving and Christmas because I would be in the hospital. I thought that I would be fine if I were on bedrest. I was put of Magnesium Sulfate and antibiotics but the cervix continued to dilate. At one point, Matthew was halfway through the cervix and we feared the worst. His frantic kicking put me through emotional agony. I wanted so much to save these babies. The doctors held out hope that they might possibly be able to save Ryan if Matthew were born. They would clamp the cord and hope for the best. After 2 weeks of being on bedrest in Trendelenburg and having been on stadol, demoral, and morphine to kill the pain, Matthew and Ryan were born. My water had broke after having thrown up all night. Matthew was born dead. Ryan lived for a few minutes and then died. What heartbreak! They were so beautiful and big! Matthew as in the 88th percentile for size and Ryan in the 97th.

It was so hard to understand. We miss them so much. The night after their funeral we got a sign from them. The car in front of us, on the way home, had a license plate that read MATTRYAN. To me it was as if they were saying "we're okay" and we love you. Both babies were born on November 11, 2000. I miss them so much and pray to them often. They have helped us out so much already. I hope to be back writing about a success story.

If you would like to talk, or if you would like to see Matthew and Ryan’s personal memorial page, feel free to contact me at SharonM723@aol.com