*******

Epilogue

Liz had driven Max's Jeep back to the airport only to realize that she had missed her flight back home. She quickly left a voicemail to Carter and took a cab back to the Crashdown. Her parents had been worried as to her whereabouts but Liz didn't want to discuss her weekend. She assured them that she was fine, packed her overnight bag and made it to the airport on time for the next flight to Boston.

She didn't remember Max leaving. The last thing she remembered was making love to him and feeling him like she had never felt anyone before, not even her own child. She had been about to ask him about this new level to their connection when everything went black. She had woken up alone.

She knew he hadn't wanted to go. She couldn't explain how, but she had felt it when he had made the decision to stay.

They found me. I love you. I'm sorry.

She also couldn't explain how she remembered him saying that when she couldn't remember anything else, but it didn't make it any less real. He hadn't gone of his own free will. She could only hope that he would be able to make it back. She had meant what she had said. She would leave Carter to be with him.

She hadn't been exactly sure why she had travelled to Roswell that weekend until she had seen Max. Then everything had become crystal clear. Things she had buried deep inside of her came back to the surface. For the first time ever she had admitted to herself that Max was the one she had wanted all her life, above anyone else, even Carter. For the first time ever she had acknowledged the moment of doubt she had had before marrying Carter. The one that she had blamed on pre-wedding jitters at the time. But now she knew. In the back of her mind, she had always known that she was connected to Max. That he was the one she should be with. How else could she explain that she had felt his soul calling out to hers that weekend, how else could she justify getting on a plane and travelling thousands of miles based on a just a feeling? It was as though a part of her had known that it would be the last time she would see Max.

As soon as the thought formed in her mind, Liz pushed it away. It would be the last time she would see Max for a while. He had to come back. She didn't think she could go on if she didn't believe he would come back.

***

Somehow Max had known that she would have given up everything just to wait for him, and he had made her promise not to leave her life based on the promise of a maybe. So Liz went back to what she knew in Boston. Love with Carter was what it had always been; nice, familiar, comforting. Every day, Liz could see why she had fallen for him. He was a good father, a great husband. A good man.

Sensing that something was troubling her upon her return from Roswell, he had given her space, never invading but always letting her know that he was there for her should she ever choose to open up to him about the events of that weekend. She never did.

The nicer Carter was to her, the more Liz thought she should feel guilty for cheating on him but she never did. She refused to admit it even to herself, but sometimes she felt like she was cheating on Max by going back to Carter. She knew it was completely ridiculous but it didn't change her feelings. Carter was just as perfect for her as he had been the day she had married him. He was what she thought she had wanted forever. But he wasn't Max. And now that she had had Max, she knew that no one else would ever be enough.

Often, she would look out the window and think about him, wondering where he was and what he was doing. For some reason, she always preferred to do this at night. There was something about the stars that made her feel closer to Max. Sometimes she thought that she could feel him. Some nights she thought she could feel his stress, his anxiety, as if he was preparing to go into battle. Some nights she could feel his loneliness and she just knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was thinking about her. She would close her eyes and relive some of their moments together, but the odd thing was that she would sometimes see herself as he saw her rather than her own memories of him that filled her.

***

Liz felt her hopes come crashing around her when she saw the spot of blood on her underwear. She had only been a couple of days late but that had been enough to send her imagination into a frenzy. Never mind how she would have explained it to Carter but she wanted Max's baby. She had never wanted anything so much in her life, except maybe to be with Max again. She thought about how she had made a point that night not to use any birth control. She didn't think Max had realized it; his mind had been in the moment, never on the possible consequences. He wouldn't have gone through with it if he had let himself think of the consequences, Liz knew that. But she had, and she couldn't help but feel like fate had cheated her once again by not giving her Max's child.

Liz put her face in her hands and cried.

***

One night, maybe a month after she had last seen him, she felt a burst of pride and she just knew that his child had been born. She hadn't realized that Tess was that far along. She hoped that wherever he was, and whatever they had him do, he had been able to be with Tess for the birth of their child.

***

About a week later, Liz woke up from a disturbing dream in the middle of the night. She couldn't go back to sleep after that so she quietly walked into her daughter's room and watched her baby sleep. It was the only thing that never failed to calm her down.

As she sat in the rocking chair by the crib, she tried to put together the fragments of the dream she remembered. Max had been there, as well as a couple of others Liz had recognized to be Tess and Max's sister, Isabel. They looked different than she remembered them from high school.

Max looked different than when she had last seen him, too. His hair was a bit longer, he had dark circles around his eyes, like whatever he was doing was taking a toll on him.

Tess was holding something, and Liz realized it was their baby. A beautiful boy who had Max's dark hair and long eyelashes.

They were in some kind of room. The place they were in was immense, with high ceilings. They were brought in front of someone she couldn't see but Liz had the distinct impression that it was someone important. And that whatever they were saying to Max and the others, it wasn't good. That's when she had woken up.

She put the rocking chair in motion. She closed her eyes and pushed the images of the dream away. She didn't like the unsettling feeling of dread that came with them. Instead, her mind filled with a familiar image that haunted her. It would pop up in her head often, and at the most unusual times. She had little control over it but she always welcomed it. It wasn't quite a fantasy; it was more like a memory flash of something that had really happened. Except she knew it wasn't.

She knew it wasn't because she and Max had never been married. They hadn't lived in a little blue house with a yard, and a dog, and four beautiful dark-haired children. And yet it felt real. She could feel the sun shining down on her skin. She could feel the breeze blowing through her hair. She could feel the water droplets as the children ran through the sprinklers.

She remembered it as well as she remembered Max's parting words to her when she had been unconscious, even though she had never heard them. Do you have to have lived something to remember it?

She opened her eyes and the fantasy was no longer only in her mind. She could see the children in the room with her. She could hear their laughter as they chased one another. She could see Max looking at her from across the room. Her welcoming smile froze on her lips because rather than the love she always associated with him, she could now feel his despair.

And then she knew. When her heart stopped and her blood turned to ice, she knew. She realized that the fantasy had taken life in front of her at this precise moment because that's also what Max was thinking about. She was seeing her and Max's most cherished dream with perfect clarity at this precise moment because it was what Max wanted to remember from this life. As his own was taken away, Max was thinking about her and the family they never had a chance to have.

Then she heard him, as clearly as if he had really been standing next to her.

I love you. I've always loved you.

She loved him too. So much. She hoped he could feel that. She would give anything in that moment just to make sure he could feel that.

She felt the ghost of his touch on her skin. The feel of his hair under her fingers.

Suddenly her daughter woke up and started crying.

Liz could feel her own tears staining her cheeks.

Max was dead.

The End.

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