Rating: Suitable for all ages

Pairing: Jesse's POV

Spoiler/Notes: Post-Graduation

MUSE #7 – Saliva – Leather – Fur – Masquerade

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Jesse Ramirez walked into his apartment and dropped his keys on the kitchen table. He carefully put down the box he was carrying and moved back into the vestibule to take off his shoes. He quickly checked his voice mail and saw with no surprise that he had no new messages. His social circle was rather limited these days.

It had been almost two years now that Isabel and the others had left him behind for good. Twenty-two months. Not that he was counting. He didn't need to. It seemed everyone did it for him.

He was tired of it. The sympathetic looks, the understanding nods. Everyone trying to make easier the fact that his wife had, for all intents and purposes, dropped off planet Earth.

He missed her. It would be a lie to say that he didn't. But on some days his whole relationship with Isabel seemed more like a dream, more like something he could almost remember when he woke up in the morning rather than what his life had actually been like for 11 months almost two years ago.

She had been gone longer than he had known her.

Jesse got a beer from the fridge and looked at the box that had been delivered to his office that morning. It was relatively small and wrapped in brown paper. He guessed it was probably a shoe box.

He had known who it was from immediately. That's why he hadn't opened it in his office. It would have been careless. Or so he liked to tell himself. The truth was that he didn't want to open it. He was afraid of what could possibly be inside. What if the Special Unit had caught up with his friends? For all he knew, there could be six fingers in there.

He took a sip from the bottle in his hand and thought about the past couple of years. Soon after the group had left town, he had himself moved to Boston. He needed to get away from Roswell and he had known that if Isabel ever looked for him, she would do so in Massachusetts.

The story of the aliens' disappearance had not made the national news. Jesse imagined that the government had wanted to avoid a world- wide panic. But despite the Air Force's damage control, the disappearances of six people had raised many questions and even more speculations. Isabel Evans-Ramirez, her brother and four of their friends had skipped town right after graduation. Some people thought it had to do with the speech Max Evans had made during the ceremony. Something about him coming out of the closet and his family not being willing to accept him and his lifestyle. His friends had left with him in a show of support.

Other rumours said that the group was responsible for the destruction of the Edwards Air Force Base. Some said that the kids had been forced to enter the witness protection program. Protection from whom varied depending on who you asked.

There were even rumours that they had been abducted by aliens.

Yet, whatever people thought the story behind the disappearances was, it was irrelevant in the end. The result was the same. Jesse Ramirez was alone.

He was sick of it.

Sometimes he was angry at Isabel for getting him into this mess and lying to him about it for months. Sometimes he was angry at fate for taking away the woman he had married. But most of the time he was just sick of the masquerade and wanted Isabel back. He wasn't safe here. He would never be. It had been naive of Isabel to think that she was protecting him by leaving him. He was under constant surveillance by the FBI. He saw them from time to time, trying to look inconspicuous, hiding behind a newspaper or walking in front of his apartment building five times in one hour. When you lived in the last building on a dead-end street, you noticed that kind of things.

He walked to the table and put his beer down. He picked up the box and moved towards the couch. He ran a hand over the back of the sofa. Isabel had picked it right after Max and Michael had destroyed his old one in their fight to determine the rightful King of Antar. Jesse sighed. It was around the same time he had found out about Isabel's out-of-this-world origins. They had been at odds for weeks. So much time wasted.

He sat down. He looked at the box resting on his knees for a long time before finally deciding to open it. It contained some photographs and a letter buried under tons of packing peanuts.

He hesitated a moment before picking up the photographs. They had been taken the previous Christmas. Jesse smiled as he looked at Isabel's radiant face. Being on the road had apparently not slowed the Christmas Nazi down. She was carrying a large box filled with canned goods and toys. He assumed she was delivering a Christmas basket. She was wearing a green coat and he could see strands of red hair peeking out from under her fur-lined hood.

Jesse felt a bout of melancholy. She was obviously happy.

The second picture was a candid shot that had been taken without Max's and Liz's knowledge. Max had his arm around Liz and they were both looking up towards the sky. Liz was pointing at something and laughing. Max's smile was easy and relaxed. Jesse couldn't remember ever seeing such a happy expression on his brother-in-law's face. He was about to move on to the next photograph when something caught his eye. Max and Liz were wearing matching wedding bands.

It didn't surprise him one bit. But the longing he felt looking at the photograph almost bowled him over. He wanted it to be him and Isabel in that picture. He had never missed his wife more than he did in that instant.

He quickly discarded the photo and peered at the next one. Maria was holding a candle and her mouth was open There were people around her, also holding candles. They were singing Christmas carols, Jesse figured. Something was embroidered on her breast pocket. A name, Jesse realized, after looking at it more closely. He got up and took a magnifying-glass from his desk. Sitting back down on the couch, he looked at the name again. Rita. Whomever these other people were, they knew Maria as Rita. He took a quick glance at the others in the picture and was about to move on when something stopped him.

Michael Guerin was standing behind Maria, holding a candle and apparently singing as well. Jesse chuckled as he wondered how on Earth Maria had blackmailed "Fred" into joining the chorus.

The next picture was the whole group standing in front of a huge Christmas tree. Jesse looked at the background, trying to find some clue that would help him pinpoint his friends' location, but they had been smart. All he could see was a Christmas scene that could have taken place anywhere in America. He couldn't even tell if the snow was real or not. He focused his attention on the subjects of the photograph.

Max and Liz were holding hands, still looking deliriously happy. Jesse shook his head, a small smile on his lips. The Christmas setting made the sugary couple seem in its element but he wondered how the others had stomached being around them all the time, especially on what turned out to be their honeymoon.

Michael was standing next to Max and Jesse could see Maria's head rising playfully above Michael's left shoulder.

His eyes lingered on Isabel for a moment. The hood was no longer on her head and he could see that her hair was now just below her shoulders, and dyed a fiery red. He quickly glanced at the other girls. Maria's hair was still a chestnut colour, close to how she had looked when she had left. Liz's hair was as straight and long as it had ever been. They hadn't needed to disguise their appearance. Isabel was a red-head because she wanted to be. Jesse frowned slightly. She didn't look bad. It was just that he had always known her as a brunette.

His eyes moved to the mantle where their wedding photo was displayed, and then to Isabel's graduation picture next to it. Her hair had been blonde then.

His argumentative lawyer side pointed out to him that Isabel had dyed her hair for the first time after Alex died as a way of reinventing herself and that maybe she was doing the same thing now. Jesse tried to shake the feeling that Isabel was moving on. His wife liked change, that's all. It had nothing to do with him.

Turning his attention back to the photograph, he moved quickly over Kyle Valenti. He didn't want to think about the Sheriff's son or about the fact that Kyle was the only single guy in a group where the only other single person was Jesse's wife.

Jesse's stomach dropped when realized that he had just thought of his wife as being single. Did he consider himself a bachelor as well? He looked at his left hand and turned it, letting his wedding band catch the light. A thought occurred to him and he quickly turned back to the photo. He looked for Isabel's hands, but she was wearing mittens. He felt a burst of anger. Why was she hiding her hands? At that moment, he was feeling an almost desperate need to know that she was still wearing the ring he had given back to her the last time he had seen her.

There were still a few more photographs but he put them aside in favour of the letter. It was only a couple of paragraphs long and written in Isabel's flowing handwriting.

It didn't say too much in case, Jesse assumed, it fell into the wrong hands. Jesse read it carefully. The beginning made him scowl. Isabel made it sound like they were at a Club Med or something.

Jesse

We are having a great time out here. Everyone is well and we are keeping busy. We miss all of you and hope we can see you again soon. If you can, please forward the photos to our families and let them know we are doing fine.

What was he, a delivery service? Jesse sighed impatiently, feeling used. Why not send it directly to their families if the parcel was meant for them?

Jesse tried to calm down the anger that was starting to boil inside of him. He knew it was unjustified. Isabel wasn't using him. It was just the whole situation that was finally getting to him. Besides, she had sent the box to him. She trusted *him*. That had to mean something.

I also included something for you. I know you will understand. Just know that everything I ever said to you was true and I only have your happiness at heart. Be safe. We are.

Iz

Jesse's brow furrowed. He didn't recall ever calling his wife Iz. That was the pet name her brother and friends had for her. She had always been Isabel to him.

Somehow the meaning hidden in these two letters was screaming at him louder than anything else in the letter. What had she included for him? Did she mean the picture with the Christmas basket?

He went back to it and looked at it once more. He swallowed when he noticed that she was not wearing mittens in that photograph. And that her fingers were bare.

Despite the fact that Isabel had assured him she had his happiness at heart, he couldn't help his sudden trepidation. He rummaged in the box some more. This couldn't be it. There had to be something else in there for him.

He cast aside the bubble wrap and packing peanuts until his fingers came into contact with a small leather pouch. His breath caught in his throat as he closed his hand around it. He took it out of the box and stared at it for the longest time. Finally, slowly, he moved to untie the ribbons that was holding it closed. He emptied its content into his hand.

Isabel's wedding ring was mocking him from the palm of his hand. He tried to swallow again but he had no more saliva. His mouth was as dry as the New Mexican desert where he had last seen it. He stared at it in disbelief. Light caught the metal, sending glitters of gold all across the room.

How was it possible that such a tiny ring could cause such a big hole in his heart? He tried to get his breathing under control and to ignore the way his eyesight had blurred. He put the ring back in the pouch and picked up the letter again. He unfolded the pale yellow sheet slowly. He willed his eyes to focus on Isabel's neat handwriting, but he had to wipe them more than once before the words finally made sense. "I know you will understand."

He understood that she was leaving him but he would never understand why. He hadn't felt the need to move on, why should she? Why was she giving up on him? They could be together again, if she would only let him. He wouldn't be in more danger with her than he was here by himself. Life on the road, even as a fugitive, was more appealing than all the concerned glances he was getting from people calling themselves his friends.

He threw the leather pouch back in the box and picked up the photographs again. He was overcome with jealousy as his eyes fell on a second photo of Max and Liz. Why was Liz allowed to go with them and he wasn't? Why was Maria? He flipped to the last picture. Why was Kyle?

He examined the last photo. It was another candid. Kyle was completely unaware of the camera. And of the rest of the world, apparently. Kyle was staring at Isabel like she was the most precious thing in the world. Jesse knew the feeling well. He had felt it himself more times than he could remember. He had even seen in on Kyle's face more times than he cared to admit.

But it wasn't until he saw his former wife looking back at Kyle with a matching expression that Jesse Ramirez's world came crashing down as he finally understood that the choice of moving on is not always yours.

The end.