Rating: Suitable for children

Pairing: M/L

Spoiler/Notes: S1, between "The Balance" and "The Toy House"

Author's Note: I used some lines from "The Balance" and paraphrased one from "Into the Woods". Songs are "Wonderful Christmas Time" by Paul McCartney and "I Want an Alien for Christmas" by Fountains of Wayne. No infringement is intended.

*******

Liz sat at the Crashdown counter, taking advantage of the lull between the lunch and dinner crowds to catch up with the last of the school work they had to hand in before Christmas break. Maria was cleaning the counter, humming "Let it Snow" under her breath.

"Liz, you can relax. A+ is the highest grade you can get, you know."

Liz put her pencil down and looked at Maria. "I know, but if I want to get into Harvard, I have to work extra hard."

"What will I do all by myself at the Community College when you're over on the East Coast?" Maria asked. "Help me out here, settle for a B average. Then maybe we can both go to Las Cruces or something."

Liz smiled despite herself. They had this conversation periodically ever since 5th grade. She turned back to her work. "Besides, the silence here is deafening. I need something to keep my mind off--" Liz stopped herself before she could spill to Maria. Her best friend didn't yet know about Max taking a 'step back'. "To keep my mind busy," she finished lamely.

To stop hearing Max's voice in her head telling her that they don't belong together.

Liz gritted her teeth and tightened her grip on the pencil. She could do this.

"If the silence is bothering you, I can help with that," Maria said. Before Liz could divine her meaning, Maria had walked to the jukebox and pressed a few buttons.

"The DeLuca Christmas Classics!" she announced with a wide grin.

Liz felt herself relax. There was no one like Maria around Christmas time. She had never met anyone who liked Christmas as much as she did. Liz decided to try and enjoy her best friend's holiday cheer. Things were probably not as dire as they seemed. It's not like it was the first time she was single during the holidays. In fact, she had always been single during the holidays. It's just that when Max had kissed her on her balcony just a few days ago, she had thought that this year maybe they would spend the holidays together. That she would get to kiss him under the mistletoe like she had always wanted to do, not just steal glances at him during work if he happened to come and hang out at the Crashdown during the school break.

Feeling herself spiralling out of control toward the little pity-party she had been throwing herself, Liz tried to concentrate on the sound of Christmas bells coming from the jukebox.

The mood is right
The spirit's up
We're here tonight
And that's enough
Simply having a wonderful Christmas time

That song never failed to put a smile on Liz's face. It was as though someone had taken everything good about Christmas and put it in musical form.

She finished her homework quickly and sighed with relief at the feeling of a weight being lifted off her shoulders. Now she wouldn't have to worry about school until January. And that was in a whole different year!

Liz giggled at her own silliness and got up to help Maria clean the restaurant. She looked at the clock and saw that they had a least another hour before things started to get busy again.

She grabbed the mop from the back room and dragged it around the tables. They hardly ever had snow in Roswell but for some reason she couldn't quite explain, the floor was always dirtier in the wintertime.

A new song came on the jukebox and Liz stopped short. She felt her heart tighten. Off all the Christmas songs in the world... And here she had been doing so well!

This year for Christmas
There's something I'd really like
So if you're up there somewhere Santa
Please don't bring me another bike

"Maria, do we have to listen to this song?" she asked.

"It's a DeLuca Christmas Classic," her best friend replied. "You've been singing this song for weeks, Liz. You said you could finally relate to the lyrics!"

The words resounded in the empty restaurant.

I want an alien for Christmas
Bring me an alien this year
I want a little green guy
About three feet high
With seventeen eyes
Who knows how to fly
I want an alien for Christmas this year

Liz sat down on a stool and tried without success to keep her eyes from filling up with tears. She had managed to avoid crying since Max's speech and she didn't want to start now.

Maria was right, Liz had been extra excited about this song these past few weeks. She thought that this could become hers and Max's Christmas song. It was all she had wanted for Christmas this year, to be Max's girlfriend.

And now he had gone and destroyed that dream. A tear fell down her cheek.

Seeing that something was obviously wrong, Maria walked to the jukebox to shut it off before coming back to her friend and putting her arm around Liz's shoulder.

"What's wrong honey?"

Liz shook her head quickly, denying that anything was wrong.

"Don't give me that, Liz! What's going on? Did Max do something to you?"

Liz bit her lips and started crying in earnest.

"What did he do? I'm gonna kick his Czechoslovakian ass!"

"Maria, I don't want to talk about it." Liz's voice was shaky and she tried to take a deep breath.

"Did he break up with you? It's so like these aliens to be insensitive to the meaning of Christmas!"

Liz shook her head. Technically, since Max had never asked her to be his girlfriend, he couldn't break up with her. But her broken heart begged to differ.

"I'm going to go up to my room and take a nap, okay? I'll be back for the dinner rush."

She let Maria hug her and tried to smile. She quickly climbed the steps to her home, thanking the stars that her parents were away this afternoon. That way she wouldn't have to explain why a) she had left the restaurant in the middle of her shift and b) she was a complete mess.

She closed the door of her bedroom behind her and moved to the window. She had intended to go sit out on her balcony but quickly changed her mind when she was assailed by memories. That was where Max had kissed her for the first time and where he had stomped on her heart, all in the space of a few days.

"Sometimes you have to take a step back to see what's really going on. Maybe that's what we both really need to do right now...find our balance again."

Find their balance. She hadn't lied to Max, she really did believe that they had found it. And she wanted so much to believe that he felt that way too. Being with him felt so... right. There was no other way to describe it. It couldn't possibly be one-sided. She had to believe that they were not together only because he was scared. Hadn't he said as much? "I'm just as scared as you are."

Liz had to admit, especially in light of what had happened to Michael in the cave, that she was scared of what being with Max meant. But the pain in her heart that she was now trying to deny told her something even more important.

She was even more scared of being without him.

*******

"Max! Have you seen the inflatable snowman?"

Max had been sitting at the kitchen table for over an hour trying to finish his homework but all he could see was Liz's face, her big, wet eyes pleading with him not to go, not to break her heart.

Did she know how hard it had been for him to walk away from her? Did she know he had had to break his own heart, too?

"MAX!"

"What?!" he shouted back, more than a little annoyed.

"The snowman!"

"I don't care, Isabel," he said, going back to his homework.

"What?" Isabel stopped dead in her tracks in the kitchen door. "I must have heard you wrong. It sounded like you said you don't care about Christmas."

Max glared at her but didn't answer.

"You promised to help me," she reminded him.

"I'm doing homework, Iz. I think it's a bit more important."

Isabel sighed loudly but found that she couldn't argue. She also had homework to do. She figured maybe if she did them now, at least they'd be out of the way and she could really throw herself in all her Christmas activities.

She grabbed her schoolbag from the hallway and sat in front of Max. He ignored her while they both finished their homework.

About an hour later, Max closed his last book. "I'm starving," he declared.

"Mom and Dad won't be back until later," Isabel said. "Do you want to go out to eat?"

Max hesitated. "Maybe we could order in?" He really didn't feel like going out. In fact, if he had his way, he would crawl into his bed and not get up until Christmas.

"I need to pick up a few more decorations. We could get take-out."

Max had learned the art of compromising with Isabel and knew that this was the best he would get. He put on his jacket and soon they were on their way. He parked the Jeep on Main Street. Most of the stores Isabel needed to go to were within walking distance. He dutifully followed her as she got more lights, more ornaments for the tree and a couple of 3-feet high red plastic candles, "to put on either side of the front door." Max helped her carry the bags.

"Is your Christmas shopping finished?" his sister asked.

"Yes. I have everything," Max said. He was particularly proud of that fact. There were still a few days to go before Christmas but he had learned his lesson the year before. Everything was bought, wrapped and even decorated.

"You have something for everyone? Are you sure?"

Max smiled. "Yes, Isabel. I have one for you and I hid it somewhere you won't find it."

Isabel's eyes shone but it wasn't why she had asked.

"Did you get Liz something? It's your first year together, it's important to get her the right gift."

Max's face fell. "I do have something for Liz," he said.

Noticing his expression, Isabel said, "Are you worried that it's not the right thing? Because I can help you get her something nice."

Max shook his head. "It's the perfect present," he said. And it was. He just wasn't sure if it would be appropriate to give it to her now, considering.

Isabel frowned. "Well, if you're sure."

They walked towards the Jeep and put the bags and packages in the back.

"I need food," Isabel declared. Max followed as she started walking but stopped when he realized they were headed for the Crashdown.

"Where are you going?" he asked her.

Isabel looked surprised. "To the Crashdown."

"Why?" Max asked. He put his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet.

"Because I'm hungry and you refuse to eat anywhere else?"

Max shrugged. "We can go somewhere else, I don't mind."

Isabel frowned. "What happened with Liz?"

"What do you mean?" Max really had to try and perfect the innocent act. It never fooled anyone.

"I mean, you got all funny when I asked about her present and now you won't go into the Crashdown. Something is definitely up."

Max was getting annoyed. "Does everything have to be about Liz?" he asked.

"No, but you obviously never got that memo," Isabel replied, opening the door of the restaurant. It wasn't crowded and Max noticed with a mix of relief and concern that Liz was nowhere to be seen.

Maria was on them instantly. "What did you do to her?" she accused him before the door even had a chance to close behind him.

"Why?" Max asked, not sure he wanted to know.

"Because she broke down in the middle of her shift and ran to her room, that's why!" she said.

Max looked around Maria at the door leading to the back room, as if somehow that would tell him more about the condition Liz was in.

"Is she alright?" he asked miserably.

"No, she's not." Maria peered at him closely. "And I would venture to say, neither are you. What the hell happened, Max?"

Max looked at the closed door again. What had he done? Now Liz hated him. He only wanted them to take a step back, figure out what they were doing before giving in to the all-consuming feelings Liz engendered in him. He had never meant to hurt her.

He looked at his sister. "Get me whatever. I'll wait for you in the car." With that, he turned around and walked out.

*******

Liz felt better after taking a short nap. She had had time to reflect on the situation and had made progress toward making peace with it. All Max had asked for was more space. He had even implied that it might be temporary. She was willing to give that to him. That's what friends were for, right? Once he stopped being so scared of being with her, he would realize what she knew: it was even scarier being apart.

And if he never did, well... she would be fine with it. They could always be just friends.

She went back to the restaurant to finish her shift, reassuring Maria that she was feeling much better. Liz suspected that Maria was keeping something from her but no amount of prodding got the information out of her friend.

After her shift ended, Liz changed into her regular clothes and went for her last round of Christmas shopping. She only had a few things left to pick up: some scented oil for Maria, a card to send to her aunt in Florida and maybe a little something for Alex.

Oh. And she had to pick up the gift she had special-ordered for Max.

Liz sighed as she made her way along the crowded sidewalk. She wasn't sure what to do about Max's present. She had bought it a few weeks ago, back when they were still just friends. After he had kissed her, she had put in an order to have it slightly modified, so it didn't qualify as a "just friends" present anymore. It was more of a "hopefully boyfriend-girlfriend soon" present.

Could she still give it to him?

*******

It was only a few more hours until Christmas and Max was in the front yard of his house, helping Isabel with her last-minute Christmas decorations. Well, "helping" her was not exactly right. He and Michael were mostly following whatever orders she gave them. It seemed that ever since school had ended a few days ago, all he had done was assist Isabel in her quest for the perfect Christmas. He didn't really mind; it helped keep his mind off Liz.

Max hadn't seen Liz since that night on her balcony and after what Maria had said, he wasn't sure she would ever want to see him again. He missed her more than he could explain. There was this ache in his heart where she usually was. But if she needed time away from him, he would give it to her. He needed them to slow down, but hopefully she wouldn't want them to screech to a halt. He had always somehow known it but it was becoming more and more obvious to him; he needed Liz like he needed air. He couldn't lose her completely.

"Focus, Max!" Isabel brought his attention back to her by clapping her hands in front of his face. She looked around her. "Where's Santa?"

"Probably in the North Pole, loading up his sleigh as we speak," Michael said, sounding bored out of his mind.

Isabel gave him a sarcastic look. "Funny," she said. She pointed to a red vinyl arm sticking out from behind a bush. "There he is! Michael, would you inflate Santa please?"

"You want me to blow Santa Claus?" Michael asked, infusing just the right amount of disgust and disbelief in his voice. Max couldn't help but snigger.

Isabel waved in the air. "Just use your powers," she said, clearly missing the double entendre.

"You're the boss," Michael said. He grabbed the vinyl Santa, and after making sure that no one could see him, he put his hand over it. The jolly old man inflated rapidly.

"Now, put him next to the sleigh," she indicated. She turned around. "Max! Make yourself useful!"

"What do you want me to do?"

"The snowman is crooked. Make him straight."

Max looked at the three snowmen standing left of the path leading to the front door. They were gently swaying in the wind. They all looked fine to him. How was he supposed to know which one she meant? He walked over there and pushed on each snowman a little. He turned to Isabel.

She looked at the snowmen, then at him. "If you don't want to help, just say so!"

"As a matter of fact, Isabel, I do have stuff to do inside," he said.

"Nonsense. We're almost done. That's good, Michael," she said, turning toward their friend. Santa was now standing next to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in front of his sleigh.

Michael and Max stood side by side, looking in growing disbelief as Isabel went around the decorations one more time. "Lights, check. Christmas candles, check. Snowmen..." she glared at Max and pulled on the arm of the littlest snowman, "... check. Santa, check. Sleigh, check. Presents..." She turned to the guys. "You two, go in the jeep and bring me the boxes that are in the back."

Max and Michael slowly moved toward the jeep and looked inside. Sure enough, six or seven brightly colored, giant boxes were sitting on the back seat.

"You gotta be kidding me!" Max exclaimed.

"Be careful with that!" Isabel called without looking up, as she made room on the sleigh for the presents. "The bows better not be crooked!"

Max picked up a few boxes and started walking toward the sleigh. "All hail the Christmas Nazi," he said under his breath.

Michael chuckled. "Good one! I think that one's gonna stick." He was carrying the rest of the presents. They walked up to Isabel.

"Maxwell," Michael said. Max looked at his friend. There was something strange in his tone. He turned to look at what had caught Michael's attention.

Liz was standing on the sidewalk, pulling on her long green scarf. Max shoved his pile of boxes on top of Michael's and jogged to her.

"Liz! Is everything alright?" He looked her over carefully. She looked a little tired, but not as bad as he had imagined after what Maria had told him. But of course, that had been a few days ago already.

"I'm fine, how are you?"

Max gave her a small smile. "Hanging in there," he said. He didn't want her to think that being apart from her was a piece of cake. She seemed to understand that, for she returned his smile.

"What are you doing?" she asked curiously.

Max turned to see Isabel and Michael carefully placing the presents in the sleigh. Well, Isabel was careful. Michael was barely restraining himself from just tossing everything in there. "Oh. We're helping Isabel with her Christmas decorations."

"She must really like Christmas," Liz mused with a sly smile.

"You could say that," Max answered, smiling too.

"Look," Liz said, turning serious. "I know what you said to me the other day, and I don't want to embarrass you or anything but... whatever happened between us, we're friends, right?"

"Of course we are!" Max answered quickly. There was so much need in her eyes and for the first time, Max had an inkling that maybe he was as important to Liz Parker as she was to him. He knew she liked him well enough and there had been things she had said before that had made him hope there might be something between them; but it was her expression right now that told him that maybe they just might have a future together. "We'll always be friends," he added. He hoped she could read in his eyes what he really wanted to tell her. And one day, we'll be more than that.

Liz nodded. "And as your friend..." She pulled a small golden box out of her pocket and gave it to him. "Merry Christmas, Max."

Max looked at her, surprise etched on his face. He made no move to take the box from her hand.

"I don't have your---"

"It's okay, Max," she interrupted him. "You don't have to give me anything. It's not like we're a couple or anything."

"Liz..." he said. There was so much he wanted to tell her, starting with how wrong he had been to break up with her before they had had a real chance to even start. Or how much he did want them to be a couple.

"Just take it," she said. He could see that she was already struggling not to cry and it broke his heart. He took the box from her and opened it. Inside it was a pocket knife. He picked it up and looked at the inscription. MAX & LIZ 4 EVER.

"Thank you," he said sincerely. "I'll cherish it always."

"It means that we'll be friends forever," she said, a little self-conscious. There was so much hope in her eyes, so much vulnerability.

Max couldn't resist. He took a step forward and took Liz in his arms, hugging her tightly. "You'll always be my favorite girl," he whispered into her hair. "Whatever happens, remember that."

There were definitely tears in her eyes now and Max worried that maybe he had made things worse when he was only trying to make them better. That step back, it wouldn't - couldn't - be forever. He knew that now, had probably always known it. But he needed to figure out a way to keep everyone safe before surrendering to the inevitable. Surrendering to Liz.

He pulled back from her. "Wait here," he asked, and he ran into the house. He went into his room and started rummaging through his closet for Liz's present. He knew it was somewhere in there. He looked unsuccessfully for a few minutes, until he remembered that he had moved it to his sock drawer. He crossed the room quickly. Finally, his hand closed around the small box. He turned toward his door and was surprised to see Michael standing there.

"Liz said to tell you that she had to go," Michael said. "Some family gathering that they're driving to."

Max ran past Michael and back outside. He stood on the sidewalk and looked up and down the street. Liz was nowhere to be seen.

"You just missed her," Isabel said gently. She noticed the box in her brother's hand, wrapped in red and silver. "Maybe you can give it to her on New Year's?" she suggested.

Max nodded. He slowly walked back toward the house.

"Merry Christmas, Liz" he whispered to the night sky. "I promise, I'll make it up to you one day."

The end

Part 5 - Christmas 2000 - Merry Christmas, Mom

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