My thoughts on Panacea

Contains spoilers... and uncharacteristic bitterness, I should point out. Blame it on the nightmares.

Okay. I can deal with what happened in the last 5 minutes. Sure I can. It's a TV-show right? I can deal with that.

Okay. Who am I kidding?

I expected the worst. I really did. I had the tissues, blankie and teddy behr, per Carrie's suggestions. I even added comfort food just in case. It was worse than I thought. I knew what happened to aliens when they died, we saw it with Nasedo and the Skins, but somehow I didn't expect Max to turn into a little pile of dust. My God. I actually yelled "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" at the TV when Valenti put his hand out to touch him and he disintegrated. That in itself is not new, I always have this one-way conversation with the TV when Roswell is on, but that "no" was so unexpected, even by me, it made me jump. And, yes, I know I'm crazy.

I thought I could deal with Max turning into a little pile of dust. Turns out I can't, really, so I'm just gonna ignore this very pertinent fact for now, okay?

I thought I was fine when I went to bed. I had this very nice conversation with my good friend Carrie, which covered everything from why Alex was 16 for a year and a half (a very interesting theory of mine involving a Jason Behr Calendar and buckets of drool) to "where do missing socks go when you do the laundry?", so I thought I would fall asleep with no problems. Nope. Didn't happen. Anyone else had that "slow motion old Max falling on the floor" vision every time you closed your eyes? Yep. And nightmares, too. Am I taking this show too seriously?

Remember when they asked Jason how he wanted the show to end and he said, "Max dies"? I thought it was funny at the time. I don't anymore.

Max didn't appear on-screen until the second act. That's the longest ever. If you're gonna... do what you did to Max at the end of the episode, can we at least have more than 6 minutes worth of screen-time? Damn.

Where were Steve and Fly? On second thought, judging by what happened to Monk, I'm glad they weren't there. Steve has the wife and kids, remember.

Beth? California? No boyfriend? Um... Liz? I thought I was the one in denial. Taking some time to think away from everything is nice, but you don't have to deny who you really are. And you need the discipline? Really? Then how come you break, like, 3 rules the first night you are there? This is one of the very few times when I don't get the character's motive for doing something. I see why the writers may have thought that the whole "let's send Liz away to Vermont so she and Max are apart a little longer" storyline was a good idea (let the record show I disagree), but I still don't really get Liz's reasons. Well, I sorta do, the whole "figure things out on my own" thing, but the more I think about it, the less sense it makes to me.

"Quick thinker". Yeah. The headmistress is no match for someone who's had two years experience of dodging FBI agents and evil aliens :)

Killing Monk as a test was mean. I wonder how Michael will react when he finds out that his friend was killed because he couldn't heal him. And that Max ultimately paid for that. Assuming he did die. ("Max-can't-be-dead" is my new mantra)

Somehow, when I think Morgan Fairchild, I don't think Roswell. And vice-versa. Strange casting choice.

"Was he tall or short or fat or thin?" must be written textually in the Sheriff handbook, because that's exactly what Laurie Dupree said the police kept asking her after she was abducted last season.

"Doesn't sound like there's a lot to go on," said Kyle. Jim had that absolutely priceless "That's stating the bleeding obvious somewhat, isn't it Kyle" expression on his face. Well, he would have if he were British. I guess it was more of a "Duh!" expression *lol*

Max!! Jason gets paid this week after all! "I don't care about [what happened in the desert] I miss you." Sigh.

How extremely depressing is it that even the thought of being near Max brings the evil alien powers? (I decided that they were evil since they are keeping them apart). She was fine until Max said that she could come home. Sigh. I don't want to think about that anymore for now. It's depressing and shall remain buried in a box with what happened to Max later.

Do you realize that if things stay that way (insert a "Max-can't-be-dead" here), the very last image Liz will have of Max is him with tears in his eyes and her shutting the window? (I'm still not over that, as you can tell) Think about that for a moment. That's EOTW depressing, people.

Billy was kind of useless, wasn't he? It's like he was there just to please the people looking for continuity. "Maria is in NY, so is Billy, they must see each other." Because of course, NY is a small town. Following that logic, I'm surprised she didn't run into Lonnie and Rath.

Okay. List of people you shouldn't trust: Guidance counsellors. Congresswomen. Record Execs.

Jim is back on the employed list!!! Yay!! I bet Kyle is happy, even if Jim's not. "Did you have to drop my name?" Sure, Michael. You keep telling yourself that. *lol*

That thing with the light and the footprint was a neat trick.

Last time we heard, Agent Stevens had Liz's dress. I assumed it was in a vault somewhere in the FBI's special unit in Washington. Did Nasedo have a garage sale when he put a stop to the unit? Did the former special unit agents go into pharmaceutical research? Did they think that by studying the dress they would get a vaccine against gunshots?

Do I sound bitter or sarcastic this morning? Gee, why is that, I wonder. Feel free to insert a "Max-can't-be-dead" here at any moment.

"Do you think they know you're an alien?" Think you could have said that a little louder Jim? With all the cameras in the place, if they didn't know before, they sure do now!! *lol*

Did the guys in the spacesuit steal Michael's file from school or Mr. Evans' office, or is there just one picture of Michael Guerin?

Up until the last 5 minutes of the episode, I cared what happened to Maria in New York. I really did. The last 5 minutes (insert a "Max- can't-be-dead" here) changed that somewhat. I can't bring myself to care. It just seems so unimportant now. But I had this whole theory on that storyline, so here's the bottom line. Maria going back to Roswell and refusing to sell out is a way the writers found to have Majandra sing songs that are not hers and still feel like she's keeping her artistic integrity. I think it sounds a little harsh on paper, but it's a good thing. I just can't express it very well right now. I'm only a notch above "Fire bad. Tree pretty."

Okay, Eileen? Yes, you, blonde chick from the Growing Pains? You have no idea, and I mean ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what you're talking about, so just shut the hell up, okay? (I apologize if my Defender of Max side is coming out a little strong today. Feel free to insert my new mantra pretty much everywhere at any time.)

For the record, I'm totally digging Spy-Max's look. Black turtleneck. Yummy. Excuse me while I get the mop to take care of all the drool.

Jesse, you supreme idiot. And that's all I have to say about that. Oh, except maybe: if you die and Isabel ends up with Kyle, well, that's life.

Now, see what they made me do? I just "don't care" about Jesse. I usually don't "hate" Jesse. That's what happens when you kill my all-time favourite fictional character. ("Max-can't-be-dead")

"Oh no, Valenti is shot! Let's turn someone else into an alien!!" ;) Seriously, not that I think it would have stopped him in any way, but I wonder if the thought crossed Max's mind.

How come there were no flashes? One theory is that there hasn't been any flashes of any kind since they moved to UPN. Another theory is that Max got flashes from Liz and the kids, but not Kyle or Jim. It's the "Valenti wall of protection of privacy against prying alien minds!!"

"A girl was shot." "Liz." "Kids were healed." "In Phoenix." Geez, Max, stop giving her all the answers, this isn't a pop quiz!! Or is it a not-so-clever way to recap for those who don't remember what happened before (since ratings show there are no newbies)?

The surveillance photo in the hospital in Phoenix, we never saw that in the show, right? It was only in the book, or am I just really confused? Now that I think about it, they just took that book, sorta rewrote it, and did what they did to Max. Mmph.

Some very nice (not to mention gorgeous) alien just saved your husband, weird things start happening and you LEAVE??!!! This is the kind of people Max got hurt ("Max-can't-be-dead") saving? I know he did it mostly because they had a gun to Valenti's head and Michael and Isabel were still somewhere in there too, but still, a little thank you for giving all your life force to save my husband, maybe?!

And if things weren't so grim, my little dreamer heart would be ecstatic that Liz felt what happened to Max. It's great in an extremely depressing sort of way. Liz has my vote for "most likely to bring Max back to the living". And please, someone find the Max version of Grandpa 1935 so he can have the same DNA. As Carrie pointed out to me, it's kinda hard to drool over someone's soul. ;)

I will now join you all in the healing circle. And if I start again with the shaking of the head and the "Max-can't-be-dead", just slap me silly. ;)

Valerie