In the mirror you will see
me
reflections of me
like the reflections of smoke in the mirror
Chakotay slowly stirred and ordered his alarm off. He felt groggy, but good, relaxed...tears sprang to his eyes when he remembered why he felt so relaxed, what he'd done to achieve such a state. After leaving Tom, he had sat on his couch and stared at his message board. He wanted to send Tom a letter of apology, but somehow it seemed like the wrong thing to do. How do you apologize after you've just rapped someone? He had cried for hours, sitting there on his couch staring at his message board and trying to think of words he could use to make things better until he had fallen asleep. Now Chakotay sat up, still on his couch and his eyes darted to the message board. He half expected a letter from the Captian notifying him of his court-martial and solitary confinement on charges of sexual assault. Or at least a message from Tom telling the commander how much he hated him and warning him that if he came near him again, he would press charges. Or something. But nothing was there, the board completely empty. That however couldn't last long; he knew how badly he had hurt Tom and expected that the man had gone to sickbay and then to bed. He didn't doubt however that Tom would say something to the captian or the EMH would have already and Janeway was brooding over how to handle him. In a moment of panic Chakotay momentarily considered taking his own life quickly before they could get to him. He began to hyperventilate and quickly got up and replicated a glass of water and a very mild sedative.
Calmed, Chakotay was thinking a little clearer. He would face what came, and would not take the coward's path out of this. Cleaning himself up he headed for breakfast, praying he wouldn't see Tom even while he knew he would; if not at breakfast, then on the bridge the next day.
Tom pulled his head out of his pillow. He had something akin to a hangover, but knew that the pain in his head-unfortunately-had nothing to do with alcohol. He somehow managed to force his stiff aching limbs into motion and climbed out of bed, retrieving his medical tricorder. His head wound had healed fine, but that didn't mean that it wasn't going to hurt. Just like the rest of his body. Sighing, he inched into the bathroom and ran a hot bath. The doctor had had one installed for him last month when Tom told him-in confidence-of the beatings, though he wouldn't reveal names. The EMH had sighed heavily and given in, swearing under his programming never to reveal the information to anyone before deciding to at least make it as easy on Tom as possible. He had provided Tom with a first aid kit, untraceable medical rations so he could renew the supplies when necessary and the greatest of all things; the bathtub and soothing oils.
Moving carefully so as not to upset his aching head, he turned the water on and plugged the button when it was warm before rummaging through the little cupboards above it for an appropriate oil. Ten minutes later, easing into the tub carefully, Tom finally decided to check the time.
"0430hours." He groaned and steeled himself for a very long day. Maybe he would be able to sleep for a little longer after his muscles were relaxed a little better?
It was the shivers that finally woke him. Tom sat up quickly and in agony slid down into the cold water when the motion shoot pain through his battered body.
"Computer, time?" He asked, carefully running his hands over his face.
"0716hours" Well at least he had slept. Though he didn't really want to, his growling stomach and mounting shivers drove him out of the water. He stepped into the shower and let a stream of warm water run over him and beat the healing oils into his protesting body.
Moving carefully, he dressed in a lose pair of jeans and a black silk Chinese shirt before stretching and walking around his room a few times and finally leaving for the mess hall, intent on something resembling breakfast.
Tom saw Harry immediately and waved to him and B'elanna who had been sitting just out of his line of sight. Infecting something like normalcy into his expression, he gathered his breakfast and after a quick good morning to Neelix, he moved to sit next to them.
"So do we have a new couple on the ship?" B'elanna asked quickly. Tom smiled mysteriously and shrugged.
"I don't know, do we?" B'elanna glared at him.
"Fine, keep your secrets, flyboy." Finishing her coffee she left for her duty shift, leaving Tom and Harry to have 'a little boy chit-chat' as she was fond of calling them.
"So...did you tell him, or see him...or anything?" Harry asked as soon as the chief engineer was out of hearing range. Tom made a non-committal gesture. "Tom! You know you can tell me this kind of stuff." Harry persisted. Tom relinquished with a sigh.
"I told him...but...I think he needs time to think it over. If I were him I wouldn't trust me either." Harry gave him a sympathetic look.
"So...what did you do?"
"I brought him to my palace suite-the one in China-for a vegetarian diner and then we went out on the balcony and talked." Harry smiled deviously.
"*Just* talked. And with that huge bed out there and everything, you just talked?" Tom glared at him.
"Chakotay's not like that. Yes, we just talked. I told him where the palace came from and how we used to go there-my family and I, and then I told him that I loved him. That was it." Harry pushed his tray away and adopted a dreamy look.
"If someone had done that for me...I don't think I could have handled it, I would've been in tears before they even got to the 'love you' part. You're such a hopeless romantic. If Chakotay doesn't see what a wonderful person you are...he's a fool." Tom laughed softly to hide his sudden sob.
"Yah, a real fool..." he whispered softly, but Harry was still too far off in dreamland to notice.
"And the setting couldn't have been more perfect...was it night or what?" Tom laughed again, this one genuine.
"Night. Mists rolling through the trees, full moon, scattered clouds, soft breeze." The pilot confirmed.
"You're a wonderful programmer, Tom." Tom hid a blush and coughed a little.
"Now, cut that out, you! I have a bad-boy reputation to keep up you know. I wouldn't want anyway to overhear all that mushy stuff."
"Aw, I just thought you could use a compliment."
"You just wanted to see me blush...." Tom muttered darkly. Harry laughed and reached across the table to take Tom's cheek between his fingers.
"You're right." He laughed, then removed his hand and smiled softly at his friend. "You should do it more often. You blush real pretty." Tom blushed that much harder and made a hissing sound at his friend.
Chakotay saw Tom the moment the pilot walked in though he didn't seem to notice the Commander. Tom gathered his breakfast and sat with Harry Kim and B'elanna Torres one table away from Chakotay. He shifted slightly in his seat so he could see Tom without the pilot seeing him and listened to the conversation. He expected Tom to complain about Chakotay's treatment of him and in response, he expected the duo to get either not believe him and dismiss it, or believe him immediately and set off for the captian. However, neither happened. B'elanna got up and left after some good-naturally teasing and Harry and Tom continued the conversation.
"I told him...but...I think he needs time to think it over. If I were him I wouldn't trust me either." Chakotay felt tears jump to his eyes. God, he was a jackass. He listened for a little while longer and let Harry's comments really wash over him.
"If someone had done that for me...I think I could have handled it, I would've been in tears before they even got to the 'love you' part. You're such a hopeless romantic. If Chakotay doesn't see what a wonderful person you are...he's a fool." /I'm such a fool.../ He thought, realizing that in his distrust of the pilot he really hadn't stopped to admire what Tom had actually done for him.
"You should do it more often. You blush real pretty." A spark of jealousy and a pang of sheer pain assailed his heart when he looked at Tom and realized that he really did blush pretty. In fact the man was pretty, beautiful even. He felt suddenly overwhelmed when he thought of what he had done to that beauty. Needing badly to do something, he stood, drawing the duo's attention. Harry missed Tom's pained look, but Chakotay didn't. He walked around the pilot and put a hand on his shoulder.
"I need to talk to you for a moment, Tom." Harry winked at him and Tom pulled a face at his friend as he stood to follow Chakotay out of the mess hall. They walked in silence and it wasn't until they reached the turbo lift that Tom spoke.
"I'm sorry." He said quickly, looking at his feet.
"For what...?" Chakotay asked in confusion just as the turbolift stopped and they were joined by the captian.
"Headed for a little R&R, boys?" She asked. Chakotay carefully slid an arm around Tom's waist and nodded. Tom smiled brilliantly at her and she returned it before stepping off on her own deck. Alone again, Chakotay dropped his arm.
"Tom...*I'm* sorry...for what I did last night. It was out of line and I'm not going to try to make excuses. You have every right to go to the captian and get me court-martialed, I won't stop you." Tom smiled at him.
"Why would I do that. It's okay, what you did last night. Really, it's fine." Chakotay felt his heart leap and he was suddenly happy and sad all at once.
"Would you join me for dinner tonight?" Chakotay asked softly, keeping his distance though he very much wanted to hug the man or kiss him or both. "Just dinner." he said before Tom could even answer.
"I would love it."
"I will see you then." Chakotay took Tom's hands in his and kissed them softly. He was surprised and shocked to see tears in the pilot's eyes. Tom waved him away when he tried to apologize and stepped off on Harry's deck.
"I'll see you tonight, Commander."
"Chakotay." The big man corrected holding the door open. Tom smiled softly.
"Chakotay." He amended, slowly turning and practically running to Harry's quarters, barely thinking that the ensign might not be there.
Chakotay swallowed hard as the lift door closed again. He called for a halt.
"I don't deserve him..." He sobbed to the air. It was wrong that the man would accept his apology so quickly. He should've had to get on his knees and beg for it at least. But then again, Tom always had been understanding and forgiving, though no one seemed to notice. Chakotay sure as hell hadn't until that moment. Yet still, he as a Commander should have the responsibility and personal honor to go to the captian himself and tell her what Tom wouldn't.
"Just give me a chance..." he pleaded with no one in particular. Himself maybe, or some obscure and gracious god. "Just a chance...I'll make it up to him and it will be right. It will be right..." But would it?
It seemed that luck was on his side as Harry opened the door a few seconds after Tom rang the bell. He rushed into the room quickly, brushing past Harry in a flurry of motion, all his pain forgotten for the moment. Harry laughed and shut the door before turning to look at his ecstatic friend. Tom was *really* happy. A first.
"Ohmygodharryyournevergonnabelieve...!" Harry grasped Tom by the shoulders and shook him softly.
"Slow down and speak Common, I don't understand Tom-gibber!" Tom laughed, his face flushed.
"Chakotay just asked me to dinner!" Harry's face did a flip and fell a little before he brought it up again.
"Where?"
"In the turbolift." Tom answered quickly.
"You're having dinner in the turbolift?" A look of sheer confusion crossed the pilot's face.
"Of course we're not having dinner in the turbolift...oh! I don't know...maybe I should have asked him, huh?" He blushed and Harry shook his head.
"Aw, Tomas Eugene Paris, you are so in love..." He found that he was remarkably sad saying it, but he pushed the feeling aside and forced himself to be genuinely happy for his friend.
"Stop that! You're making me blush again! You know, you're the only one that can do that, it's not fair..." Tom grumbled. Harry grinned broadly.
"Paris to Chakotay." Tom called into his com badge, sticking his tongue out at Harry.
"Chakotay here."
"Sorry to interrupt you Commander..."
"Chakotay." Came the miniaturized voice of the Commander. Harry's eyebrows raised and Tom grinned at him.
"Chakotay, I was just wonder when and where we were having that dinner?" There was soft chuckle from the other end of the com.
"How about Sandrine's at...1800?"
"Sounds good, see ya' then."
"Looking foreword to it. Chakotay out." Tom giggled like a school girl and Harry couldn't help but join him.
"I haven't seen you this happy in a long time." Harry commented suddenly.
"I haven't been this happy in a long time. He makes me happy, Harry." Inexplicably, Harry felt tears well up in his eyes, but hid them for his friend's sake.
"How about a game of chess, Tom?"
At exactly 1800 hours, Tom walked into Sandrine's. /So maybe some people are exactly on time./ He thought with some amusement. The club was deserted except for a few holographic patrons at the counter. Sandrine greeted him happily and pointed over to a corner with a wink. Tom sighed in relief and followed her finger to a dark corner. It had actually been sectioned off with a partition. Curious, he approached the little makeshift room. He knocked quietly and Chakotay appeared immediately. Smiling, he placed his hands over Tom's eyes and led him around the wall.
"Surprise." He whispered, uncovering Tom's eyes. Tom placed his hands over his mouth and smiled behind them. "How's this for romance?" Chakotay asked. Tom wiped his eyes and walked over to the checker-clothed table.
"Pizza..." he whispered wanderingly. The little room had been set as an old maltshop, the small table was tall and surrounded by two stools, clothed in the traditional checkered tablecloth, two pieces of pizza on the table and a large old fashioned malted milk between them with two straws in it.
"You like pizza?" He asked finally. Chakotay shrugged.
"First time for everything. Do you like it?" Tom nodded, bitting his lip to keep from giggling.
"You're a true romantic..." He said finally. Chakotay shrugged again.
"I try." Now Tom did laugh and Chakotay led him to one of the tall stools.
The Commander decided that pizza wasn't bad, but he wasn't going to commit it to his regular diet.
"This is good, though." He commented and Tom couldn't tell if it was the malted milk or being so close to him that the Commander was referring to; neither could Chakotay for that matter. The pilot decided not to ask, and not to hope. Two hours later, Chakotay was walking Tom back to his room.
"I had a really nice time...the best time I've had in a long time, to be honest. Thank you." Tom said, shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other.
"Tom...about last night...I'm really serious, you can report me to the captian..." Tom placed a finger over Chakotay's lips.
"It was nothing, it was fine, really." Chakotay got the distinct impression that it was fine because it happened often.
"Tom..." The pilot seemed to sense his question and interrupted him.
"It's fine, don't worry about it. I'm not angry, okay. I love you." He stroked Chakotay's cheek, and the commander felt suddenly angry, uncomfortable and guilty all at the same time. Tom seemed to sense this also and dropped his hand quickly.
"Good night...Chakotay..." he said carefully, palming his door and waiting anxiously for Chakotay's reaction. The commander had a sudden urge to slap the infuriating pilot but stilled his hand and nodded.
"good night." He said instead. Tom took a step toward his door, then turned carefully.
"Can I see you tomorrow?" He asked quietly, his muscles tense as if *expecting* Chakotay to hit him. There was that sudden fury again that Chakotay couldn't understand and he came close to actually slapping Tom, but averted his hand to his hip instead.
"Alright...when and where?" Tom smiled tentivly.
"Holodeck two...1800? I'll put a reserve on it and if it isn't open I'll contact you okay?" Chakotay nodded. "So, I guess I'll see you on the bridge tomorrow..." Chakotay simply nodded again and suddenly pulled Tom into a kiss. Nothing tender, but a passionate demanding kiss. Tom opened his mouth compliantly and braced himself against Chakotay's chest. The commander released him reluctantly, startled by his sudden arousal.
"Go to bed, Tom. Sleep well. I'll see you tomorrow..." He managed. Turning, he headed for the turbolift.
"Oh my god!" Tom spun to face Harry and B'elanna who were in the corridor and had apparently witnessed the whole scene. Hopefully not all of it, though.
"I guess we do have a new couple aboard don't we...?" B'elanna said slyly. Harry came up to him and hit him playfully across the arm.
"Jesus heaven, Tom! *That* was a kiss!" Harry declared. Tom blushed a bright red and B'elanna teased him about it for a minute.
"I've got to get to bed, you guys, I'm exhausted. I'll see you tomorrow."
"After a kiss like that, I'm surprised you're sleeping alone!" B'elanna teased, but she said good night and pulled Harry toward the turbolift.
Harry sighed and set his head heavily on his fist.
"What's the matter, Star Fleet?" B'elanna asked, pushing her tray away.
"Nothing." Harry said slowly. B'elanna was quiet for a moment.
"So, I wonder what Tom's up to tonight?" Harry made a deliberate attempt to look innocent. He shrugged. "Maybe he's up for a game of pool?" She asked, equally innocently.
"Um...pool? I don't think he would...no, I don't think so..." She smirked.
"We could always swing by his quarters on the way to Sandrine's and check...unless of course you think he would be...indisposed..." She had him now. Either Kim fessed up and told her exactly where Tom was, or he went to Tom's quarters with her and risked catching him...indisposed. Harry twisted his face into his best impression of a glare and pushed his own tray away.
"Maybe we'll do just that." He said with a conviction he didn't feel. He really didn't want to walk in on Tom and Chakotay or catch them in the hall or anyway have to come to terms with the fact that his best friend was in love with his first officer. But he wouldn't show anything like that to B'elanna of all people. She raised an eyebrow at him and stood. Taking a discreet breath, Harry did the same and they exited the mess hall, headed for deck six.
They were coming to the corner that would bring them in sight of Tom's room. 'please let them not be here...or in the room...' Then he looked over at B'elanna; the Klingon had a tendency to just walk in. He amended his mantra. 'please let there be a lock on the door, please let there be a lock on the door...' He swallowed hard and closed his eyes as they rounded the corner. Tom and Chakotay were standing just outside the pilot's quarters. Tom had one hand on Chakotay's cheek and was smiling sweetly. B'elanna stopped him dead and they stood silently watching as the couple exchanged a few words. Tom abruptly dropped his hand to his side and his gaze to his feet. It was an innocent enough exchange; they had been talking and Chakotay had embarrassed the pilot...nothing big. Tom turned away carefully, tense as if expecting something as he palmed his door open. Chakotay said something as well, but his back was turned to his secret audience and they couldn't see his face. Tom smiled tentively, shyly..like a blushing bride, then he asked a question and Chakotay answered him, fist moving up to his hip. Tom beamed and said something else. Chakotay may have responded or not, but all Harry saw was the Commander suddenly pulling Tom into a forceful, passionate kiss. Harry's head reeled. He had the sudden urge to turn and run, but B'elanna's hand on his arm steadied him. Chakotay released the liplock he had on Tom's face and turned suddenly before practically running to the turbolift. Harry was close to feinting, his knees trembling and stomach turning loop-de-loops. B'elanna looked at him sideways, saw his condition and propelled him foreword toward the turbolift.
Because it would look something odd indeed if Harry Kim and B'elanna Torres walked past Tom Paris without so much as a word, B'elanna slowed her pace.
"Oh my god!" Harry said a little too loudly when he realized that B'elanna meant to stop and talk to him.
"I guess we do have a new couple aboard don't we...?" Harry pulled himself together; he had done this a hundred times before, he could do it again. He made a half-hearted attempt to slug Tom across the shoulder.
"Jesus heaven, Tom! *That* was a kiss!" He declared. Tom didn't notice that his friend's voice cracked half way through 'kiss.'
"I've got to get to bed, you guys, I'm exhausted. I'll see you tomorrow." Tom responded, and he sounded it too.
"After a kiss like that, I'm surprised you're sleeping alone!" B'elanna teased. Harry groaned softly. 'don't plague him to come along...' he pleaded silently. "Good-ni-ight..." she sing-songed before pulling Harry down the hall toward the turbolift.
Harry slumped against the wall gratefully, starring blankly into the space in front of him.
"Lift halt! Are you homophobic, Harry?" B'elanna asked sharply. Harry choked out a strangled laugh. "I wouldn't think so...Tom is a know bi after all..." She was contemplative for a moment. "Which would then indicate that you were...aroused?" Harry might have been able to come up with a response, but he didn't have to. B'elanna launched herself at him, on leg sliding in between his and making a bee-line for a caress over his groin. Harry choked again and held her firmly away from his groin as he was far from being aroused. She laughed triumphantly. "You are aren't you!?" Harry laughed nervously, his blush absolutely genuine.
"Uh...well..." He tried to think of something that would get this warm, forceful package of Klingon out of his lap, but B'elanna was just that much more persistent for it. He could say he was flat-out gay, but she would see through that. However, the lift started moving again as someone had called it from deck five. B'elanna moved off of him for the time being, but she had that look the one that said 'you're not getting away' and 'be afraid' in one go. They got off on deck five, passing the security ensign that had originally called the lift. Harry made an attempt to get to his own quarters, but B'elanna grabbed him and pulled him forcefully into her quarters.
"You're not getting away that easy Star Fleet." She informed him, already unzipping his uniform. Harry caught her hands.
"B'elanna what are you doing?" B'elanna made an exasperated growl at the back of her throat.
"Are you seeing anyone?" She asked sharply.
"What...? No...but, B'elanna, we shouldn't..." She gleefully returned to her task and Harry caught her hands again.
"What's wrong Harry? Your aroused, so am I. It's just sex among friends...I'm not asking you to marry me or anything..."
"That turned you on?!" Harry interrupted.
"Yes!" She snapped and forcefully propelled him toward the bedroom. Harry would eventually give in and by that time he would be aroused despite himself. Latter he would lay in B'elanna's arms and muse that it felt so much better to release into someone's body rather than his hand, before falling asleep.
Chakotay called for deck four, his voice strained as he leaned against the railing, hoping desperately that no one else would get on the lift. How was he going to explain the full hard on that was creating a proud tent in the front of his pants? He straightened and looked down at himself.
"Treacherous little monster..." The lift stopped suddenly and captian Kathryn Janeway stepped on before he could still his mouth.
"What's treacherous, Chakotay? No mutinies on my ship I hope...?" She laughed. Chakotay smiled nervously and quickly placed his hands in front of his groin while Janeway called for the bridge.
"No...none on your ship...just a few on mine..." He muttered under his breath, so softly that Kathryn barely heard him. She quirked an eyebrow at him and stifled her laughter, waiting until Chakotay had exited the lift with a polite good night before bursting into a few controlled moments of hysteria.
Chakotay hurried to his quarters and the second he got in the door he began ripping his pants off. With a frustrated groan, he fell to his knees, fisted his erection and pumped furiously. He didn't normally do this in his living room, in fact he usually waited until he was in bed or in the shower with a level three security lock on his door. Now however, he wanted release and he wanted it now. Upon reaching a powerful climax, Chakotay slumped to the floor and almost immediately fell into an exhausted sleep. The last thing he thought of was, 'If anyone exercises my open-door policy tonight, they're gonna get an eyeful.' An hour later when he finally dragged himself off the floor and into the shower, he would remember that he had called Tom's name during his climax and would wonder at this new development.