Leanne: I do not want to answer questions of a sexual nature here openly on this page. I would be happy to answer you privately by email if you email me - I will answer you back pretty quickly. But not here on this page. Also you could try Loveline's advice forum, they could come up with an answer for you via the web, I am sure. Good luck.

Ask me questions now, I am ready and waiting!!! Here are the responses to the questions I was asked in January...

Recently, Alexis ((age) under 18 (visit) yearly) asked a question. She asked:
Well Emilie my problem is pretty dumb, but I have to ask it. See... well... let me give you a little background before I begin... Me and my brother go to different schools. I go to a private school but he goes to a public one. Anyway... I'm a year older than him, my brother that is. My brother and this guy I totally have the hots for are in band together and when they were getting there band unifroms I met this guy, who I'll call "Chris", anyway his parents were getting the band uniforms for everyone and I met "Chris". So we were talking while my brother was getting his uniform and everything so for about an hour and a half and it was cool. We talked about people we know becuase he had gone to private school, but then he started talking about people he used to like and couldn't get with. Why he told me this is beyond me, but anyway we still talked and it was cool. Then I didn't see him at my brother's school for a long time and come to find out he has cancer and was in the hospital so I go to see how he is and we talkfor another 2 HOURS!! And eventually he talls me about these girls he used to like, like I really care. I could understand that maybe he doesn't like me, but he told my brother that he thought I was "really hot". So what's up?? I just don't get it. Chris and I are in the same grade so age isn't a thing, but what is his problem? Is he setting up some sort of block to show that there are other girls or what?? I really like him and my family is going to move in about a month so him and my brother won't go to the same school so I won't see him that much. But I wish I knew how he felt becuase I'm confused. What should I do? Should I tell him how I fell or what?? And what should I get from when he tells me about the other girl??
Please help. :( -Confused

Emilie's answer:
I don't think any question is a dumb question besides the one that goes unasked, as the saying goes. Thanks for taking the time to ask the question and wait for the answer (sorry that it was a little bit of a wait.)
It's possible that Chris doesn't think of you as more than a friend and that's why he's talking to you about other girls that he likes. It's also possible that he doesn't think he could be involved with you, and that's why he's not making any efforts to come on to you. Your best bet would be to ask him to do something with you, such as see a movie (if he's out of the hospital by now.) If he says sure, he likely has an interest and you can keep things going from there. If he refuses, back off - he's probably not interested.

Recently, Lauren ((age) 19-24 (visit) monthly) asked a question. She asked:
I was 16 when we had our son. We have now been together for 2 and a half years. I love him with all my heart. I moved in with his family so I could go to college. I am not an easy person to live with. They kicked me out. Now he says he doesn't want anything to do with me. I think it is because of his mom. I also think they are trying to take my son away. What should I do. I worte them a note asking for a second chance. I love the guy and my son so much. I don't want to loose them.

Emilie's answer:
Where are you living now, since you're not living with your guy & his family any longer? Is he the same age as you?
He is now saying that he wants nothing to do with you - and you wrote him a note asking for a second chance. Did he respond? Did he sound like he might want to work things out? If he sounds positive, do your best to be on good terms with him AND his mother, since he is still living with her. Look for another place the two of you could live, because it's always difficult to share housing with a family member, especially someone ELSE's family member. Perhaps you and he could share housing with another young couple, that would save on some bills... Do you have custody of your child right now, or does he? I would put going to college second and saving your family first right about now. You might want to get a job so that you can help with the bills - perhaps that would help him and/or his mother (if you must move back in with her) feel a little better about you in general. Good luck, and if you need some clarification, feel free to ASK Emilie again.

Recently, Chris ((age) 25-34 (visit) weekly) asked a question. He asked:
Dear Emilie,
My question is about my fiancee, to whom I'm to be married in 6 months. In the time we have been together, she has telephoned or sought out every guy she's ever had a serious relationship with(that makes 4, beside me). One, ex, by the name of Rob, just sent her a Christmas card in which he wrote 'I'll always have fond memories...'..she says she's going to call him and thank him. I suggest she not call this one, because of his history...when she broke up with him, years ago, he threatened suicide...when he found out she was dating me, he called her names and agin became suicidal...he calls our apartment sometimes, and hangs up when I answer(busted him on *69 twice in the past 6 months)...Also, the last time she visited him, he turned off her alarm clock so she'd miss her plane and begged her not to leave. I really don't want her encouraging him, and am afraid a call from her in reply to his letter will just encourage him more. So, Emilie, what gives? Why does she call her ex-beaus?
She's very upset with me, because she says I'm being controlling and, I quote"trying to change who she is" by having her not call these guys...she cnstantly refers back to last year, when I gave her an ultimatum to get of the drugs or I would leave her. She says that I was controlling there, too, and now that she submitted to that request, I'll do it for the rest of our lives. Am I insecure? Is she obsessive about past relationships? Help! Thanks,
Chris

Emilie's answer:
If I were you, I would postpone the marriage for quite some time. There's a few reasons I would suggest this. (And I don't want to even get started about the drug use except to tell you that it is NOT controlling for you to suggest to someone that they become a healthy person not addicted to any illegal substances! This is NOT an unreasonable request!)
It's possible that your fiancee feels that commitment is closing in on her, and that's why she's keeping in contact with her exes - she's afraid something's going to fail with you, and if she keeps them close, there's a chance she could go back to them. Putting off the wedding date will accomplish her feeling that she doesn't have pressure over her to commit, and perhaps she will just let the relationships with the exes fall away. Of course, there's also the possibility that there will be another result, but I'll get to that in a moment.
Another reason why she may be holding on to the relationships with her exes is that she's having some self-esteem issues and want to keep feeling good about herself by having her exes tell her how much they would love to still be in her life. This is not a healthy situation for you, her exes, or for her. This should definitely be totally resolved before you marry her, so that would be an excellent reason to put off the wedding date. Suggest to her that the two of you get counselling together, because you both have issues to work out. That way she doesn't feel like she's personally under attack. Don't marry her 'til this gets worked out.
There's a possibility that suggesting to her that both of you get therapy, and/or putting off the wedding date, will cause her to be so angry that she will not want to marry you at all. That's ok if that happens, because she may eventually change her mind. She may not, and that's ok too - you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with someone who's that inconsiderate of your feelings and doesn't want to work things out in a way that's best for BOTH of you!
Good luck!

Recently, Kristen ((age) under 18) asked a question. She asked:
Emilie, I really like this kid in my school and he knows I lke him but every time I go to talk to him I just walk away because I don't know what to say. Do you have any ideas what I should tell him?

Emilie's answer:
Do you have anything in common with this guy? Do you both go to football games, or are you in the same art class? If you share a class with the guy, it should be pretty easy to start a conversation with him - talk about the teacher, the homework, other classmates, etc. Remember that the first few times you talk to him don't have to be centered around you declaring your undying love for him! That would likely scare him away anyway. So start out by talking about something you have in common, and if he likes you, he will probably ask you out. If he doesn't, you could casually suggest that perhaps the next time the team plays, you two could meet and sit next to each other, if he's free. Leave an easy way out for him and understand if he doesn't want to, or can't, do what you ask right away. Keep in mind that the best basis for starting a relationship is a good frienship, and the best basis for a good friendship is having things in common with the guy.
Good luck!

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