Recently, Brianne Ward ((age) under 18) asked a question. She asked:
How do you not be prude?

Emilie's answer:
I am not sure what you are asking here. It might be helpful if you told me what your definition of prude is. My little sister Ashlee told me that with her and her friends it means someone who doesn't want to kiss other people. I myself know an entirely different definition (someone who is accused of not "putting out," which in our society is a very loaded definition for women). I would not say it's entirely bad to be accused of being a prude. What that means to me is, a person is being pressured to do things she doesn't want to do by being called a mean name, and the person sticks to her morals and doesn't do these things. I don't see anything wrong with that. So I guess my answer is: Why would you NOT want to be a "prude"?

Recently, (wishes to remain anonymous; I'll call her "J") ((age) 19-24 (visit) yearly) asked a question. She asked:
Emilie,
My story is long and complicated, but I'll try to summarize it. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years. About three years ago, we each had our own set of credit cards. Well, he used his and mine, saying that he would pay it off. Everything was okay, until his mother made him start paying "rent" and he could not pay, so I had to either file bankruptcy or go to credit counseling. I went to counseling and am now paying a lump sum every month, for at least the next two years. He will not discuss this issue, he said that for three years, he paid for everything we did because I did not have a good job, so he considers it even now. As far as he cares, I could break up with him, but it would do me no good. This does not seem right. I started counseling because of this issue, and my counselor suggests looking into making him pay through the court system. But, I still have feelings for him and he's always been there for me. Then, this past September, when things were not okay between us, I kissed two other guys. I am sure part of the reason was fear of committment and the other resentment because of the money issue. I still have feelings for him.
What should I do?

Emilie's answer:
The legal difference between what he says you did and what he did: you made no commitment to pay him for all the things he paid for during those three years. He DID commit to you to pay back your charges, and has not done so. And now your credit is screwed up because of him... that's not fair, and it's not legal. You CAN take him to court, you have a good case. That's what I would suggest, too. You may still have feelings for him but sometimes you have to go with your head instead of your heart - your heart may tell you this guy is a winner, but (I hope) your head tells you he's a big-time loser. MY head certainly says that! Do you really want a future with this guy who obviously has no concern for your financial well-being? It starts out with him using your credit and your credit cards and it very well could turn out with him using a lot more... Be careful, and take his butt to court! He deserves it and so do you!

Recently, Matt Smith ((age) under 18) asked a question. He asked:
Well, I am quite a novice when it comes to dating and stuff, so maybe I'm making this whole problem up. Anyway, I went out with this girl for about a month like back in October, she was what you would probablly consider my first girlfriend. But ever since then it's like I have a hard time getting myself in to another relationship. Serveral weeks ago, I went to the movies with this girl I had known for a few months. After that, she never really showed much intrest so I gave up (but we still sit across from each other and talk quite abit). The other day I got the guts to sit next to this girl on the bus that I liked. It didn't go great (but not terrible either), yet I still feel like there isn't any chance there. So now I'm trying to figure out what is going on? It's like I'm depressed about this whole situation--not being able to start a spark or least keep one for any length of time. Do you have any suggestions about what I could do to improve my chances?? There must be something that I'm doing wrong like when I first talk to the girl or go out with them? Or am I making this all up? Thanks for any suggestions Emilie!

Emilie's answer:
Don't feel depressed! It's hard to date, especially if you are the guy and all the pressure is on you to do the asking! Try not to be self-conscious. Any girl you want to date, just ask her, and if she says no, who cares? Ask someone else! My best advice to you is: be yourself. Don't try to impress her by acting in a way that is not true to yourself. She'll find out eventually. And, if she doesn't like you for who you are, don't waste your time with her! Move on to someone else. Good luck!

Recently, confused in colorado ((age) 25-34 (visit) daily) asked a question. He asked:
What's the best way to show the woman that I love that she means everything to me? I am not talking about chocolates and flowers - what I mean is, how can I express to her my emotions and thoughts?

Emilie's answer:
Good question! I believe there is a slight difference between making someone happy and showing her how much she means to you. A good way to express how much she means to you is of course to make her happy, (such as giving her flowers or chocolates if she wants those things) but there are many other ways. If you are artistic, by all means create something special just for her. That says a lot! Write her a poem of love, or compose a song for her, or get a really great card and write your own special message inside. Surprise her by holding her hand or hugging her. Tell the whole world how much you love her, in front of her, as long as she's not the type who gets easily embarrassed and it will mean a lot to her that you care so much that you want no one to be ignorant of your love for her! Just sit down and tell her. Call her and tell her. Write secret notes for her to find and put them in her lunch or her purse or whereever she'll find them later! Ask her what you can do to please her... all of things should make a very happy woman who knows exactly how much her man cares!

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