Recently, Vanessa ((age) 19-24 (visit) daily) asked a question. She asked:
Emilie's answer:
Recently, Don ((age) 25-34 (visit) weekly) asked a question. He asked:
Emilie's answer:
Ask a question and be one of the first to be answered!!!
I am 24 years old, and I'm friends with this guy who is 17. The problem is that I like him quite a lot, and I even asked him if it bothers him that I'm so much older than him, well he said 'sort of'. When I asked why, he said because people talk and stuff, but I said that no matter what you do, or what age you are, people will still talk anyway! I got pretty fed up when he still kept kissing me anyway, so I told him that I don't care if the age difference bothers him, because I'm not going to let it bother me, and I don't care what other people think of it! Then he agreed later on and said "Who cares what they all say! Who's gonna talk anyway?!" Well at the end of the night, I asked him if the age difference still gets to him, and he said that we should go out one night, so I told him I'll call or he can call, whatever. He is a super-sweet guy, so much fun to be with. So I guess I want people's opinions on this: Is it so wrong for a 24 year old girl to like a 17 year old guy? There wouldn't be a problem if he was 24 and me 17, so why should there be a problem now? Tell me what you think?! By the way, I'm in Australia and the legal age here is 18, not like 21 in the U.S.
I believe the issue is not whether it is legal or not, and it's not an issue of what OTHER people think - the issue is what he thinks and what you think. You two are ultimately the only two people who are significantly affected by a relationship with each other, and you are affected in two ways:
So it comes down to two things. First: are both of you prepared to deal with the potential flak you will get from others? You will be accused of "robbing the cradle" and "forcing him to grow up too soon" and subjected to society's unfortunate double standard with regard to women dating younger men. He will be teased also. Second: are the two of you both ready to be in a relationship with each other? It sounds like he is giving you mixed messages. He is telling you that he is able to handle it, he's kissing you when you are trying to talk to him, he's telling you he's not sure if he can handle it. Is this the way you want to be treated? If it is abnormal for him to treat you this way and this was a one-time issue, and you truly like him & notice he feels the same... GO FOR IT! Don't let other judgemental people get you down. They are not in your relationship; you are. They can say whatever they want to, it shouldn't bother you if you are secure and happy. Is it wrong for you to want to see him? Not if you don't think it is. Don't let me or anyone else tell you what is right or wrong - decide that from what your heart tells you. Good luck! I hope that answered your question!
We had been dating( Long Distance) for about 2 years, and it seems like anything that I do is wrong, or at least misinterpreted. I keep hearing references to the "The Rules" and I even bought the book so that we would theoretically be on a level playing field.
I care very much for this person and her son, and tried to help her at every turn, sacrificing much in my life to help her and her little boy. But I really don't feel any appreciation for what I have done. I even went to the trouble of buying a car for her (hers was worn out, and she was supposed to make half the payments, guess what, that never happend, and I have been paying for the car since day one.)
I feel that she has just been going along for the ride, and our relationship did not really progress much past dating. She has been a single mother for 4 years, and never been real affectionate, aside from the basic hugs, etc. Always saying how she hates kissing, etc. So I respected her wishes and never pressed the issue
Well, we had a fight, and she said that she did not want to see or talk to me any more. I took her at her word, and did not try to contact her. After about a month, I got a call, and she wanted to know why I did not try to call her. She got upset when I told her that I did as she requested, that we not see each other any more. This made her more upset, and accused me of being gay. Nothing could be farther from the truth. That really hurt.
Anyways, I am planning on getting the car back in about 2 weeks, as it is in my name, but I don't want to leave her totally with out a car, and I have one that is not great but better than nothing. I am willing to loan her a car til she can get on her feet. I plan on asking her to pay the insurance on the car, but nothing more. Am I being stupid to pursue this issue, or should I just be an SOB and just get the car and move on and not worry about her any more.
Wow, Don.... I find it ironic that your last sentence would allude to the possibility of you being an "SOB" because your whole story is full of details about how more than generous and more than fair you have been with this woman and her son. It sounds like you entered what you thought was a caring, equal, relationship with feelings coming from both sides but it seems it suddenly became apparent to you that you were the only one acting in a caring manner. You gave her a car, you took care of her, you respected her when she said she wanted some time apart (and don't even get me started on how unfair it is for her to say one thing and mean another) and now you are just trying to recover, cut your losses and get on with your life. I don't blame you for that one bit, and I don't think you would be a jerk to take *your* car away from her and NOT give her your other junker. It seems this woman is well skilled at using people and getting her way so I wouldn't be at all surprised if the second your back is turned she's already got a new sugar daddy to fund her another car. Now I understand your compassion, and find it admirable, but you're really in a position right now where you need to move on, and don't give her your stuff. She wasn't kind to you during the relationship (from how you describe it), she called you names after the relationship ended because you couldn't read her mind to understand "don't call me" REALLY means "show me you love me and violate what I asked you to do." and if worst comes to worst she can go on welfare or get a job that pays enough to have a car. There are lots of busses and alternate forms of transportation out there in the eventuality that she can't get her own vehicle.
Now I remember you saying that you read a book for her, "The Rules", and I have a suggestion for you as well. This recommendation is NOT AT ALL a judgement of your intelligence or who you are as a person; it simply is a suggestion I believe you will benefit from, to help keep you from getting hurt in the future. Please read "Ten Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I read the comparative book for women, "Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and it not only helped me but I believe it would also benefit many other women and it comes highly recommended by me as well. Good luck, Don.