Ask me questions now, I am ready and waiting!!! Here are the responses to the most recent questions I was asked...
Recently, Rose ((age) 35-44 ) asked a question. She asked:
Emilie's answer:
Recently, Lillian ((age) under 18 (visit) daily) asked a question. She asked:
Emilie's answer:
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Should I stay or should I go?
I'm married 15 years and have 2 children. He's a good father but a lousy husband. I have a part time job. I am not happy. Is it better to stay for my children's sake or move on even though it will be difficult at first. Well, that's the $1,000,000 question.
What are your thoughts?
Rose, this is a very difficult question and there is no easy answer. I am sure that you are aware that when you ask a person for advice, you may get a very opinionated answer, that could be far from the "right thing to do". So I guess I am just trying to warn you in advance that I am pretty sure my answer is very opinionated, and I am not sure it's the "right answer."
When I first got your email I asked around to a few coworkers of mine to see what they thought the answer should be. Every single one said "Stay with the guy for the sake of the kids!" That was not my first reaction.
My first reaction was, "Rose is the person in the marriage. Her happiness is very important. Not only that, even if she stays in the marriage for the sake of the kids, her husband's and her relationship is highly visible to these children and if there is no love there, the children will see it and be just as affected by that circumstance as they would by a divorce. Perhaps she needs to leave this guy."
That was my first reaction. Then I thought about it a little more. Why is he a bad husband? Does he neglect your emotional needs or dismiss them? Does he not listen to you? Do you suspect he's cheating? I think I need a little more detail to tell you specifically what you should do, and you are welcome to "ask me again" if you want some more detail. What I can say for now, though is this:
You are only working a part time job right now. I am assuming that unless you are independantly wealthy or you have an extremely unusual job, the earnings from this job couldn't support your two children. So, you would have to move to a full time job and look into daycare for your kids if you were to seperate from your husband. Is that what you want to do? Consider this carefully.
Also, is your marriage at a place where you feel it is UNFIXABLE? By that I mean, are you POSITIVE that he has done something unforgiveable, such as have an affair? Or is it perhaps just in a place of stagnation where it's getting a little boring? If your marriage is unfixable, I believe I would have heard that in your tone from the question you sent me. If I am wrong, please correct me. But it sounds to me that perhaps there are things wrong, perhaps even major things, but they can be fixed. Is your husband willing to go to counselling with you? Would he be more likely to go to counselling if you threaten to leave him and take the kids if he won't go? I am not saying that you should resort to threats, but if nothing else works....
My suggestion is to go into counselling with your husband. Discuss your frustrations with a professional who has heard it all before. Let this person help you to figure out how to save the marriage so it's good for you AND the children. That way everyone turns out happy.
I hope that helps you and if you have further details to share with me, or if you want more help, don't hesitate to email me or Ask Emilie another question.
Well, I have a guy friend that i used to be pretty close to,
but now i don't know. We would talk about alot of stuff,
but at the beginning of this year he started acting differently
and alot of girls like him. He likes alot of girls too, but
it seems like he never has time for me nemore. NOw we hardly
talk and he's just too busy flirting with everyone else.
Well Emilie, my question for you is, should I hang in there
and still try to talk to him? Or should i ignore him and
let him think it out? Thanks for your time :)
It probably depends on what you want from this guy in the long run. It sounds like you think of him as just a friend, and you are worried that your friendship is jeopardized by him going out and being more concerned about being a playboy than keeping your friendship going. Do you have other (male or female) friends to help you through life? What I am asking is, is this guy your only friend? If that's the case, I would definitely suggest telling him that you need him around a little bit more and you need him to take time away from hitting on anything in a skirt to be your friend. Either that, or maybe get a little closer friends with some of your acquaintances. If he is not your only close friend, count more on your other friends for attention. You totally have a right to feel left out, by the way, and to tell him that his activities that are not including you in his life hurt you and make you feel like your friendship isn't very strong. Perhaps that will make him wise up and start paying attention to being your friend again.
On the other hand, if this guy is a potential love interest of yours: forget it. He's not a good prospect for that. He's way too busy hitting on other people to consider letting you in to that side of his life.
I hope that helped a little bit, good luck with the guy!