Recently, dillon ((age) 25-34 (visit) weekly) asked a question. He asked:
DEAR EMILIE
Iam a 34 year old male who has been married for 14years
i would like to have your advice on my problem here
here it is my family has been telling me since i got married
things about my wife things like she is a bad mother,
that she prefers girls to men the list gose on and on
none of that can be proven it has put a strain on our
family we live in spitting distance of most of my family
for one reason i am the head of our family business
i have an older sister who keeps things stired up with
my parents who are in ther later years it even got down were
are kids are debating allthe rumors it realy has been
a sad year for me

Emilie's answer:
Dillon:
I didn't see a question in what you asked me but I will try to respond. Why is your family getting involved in your marriage? Is there any truth to what they say about your wife? Why would they be more likely to know what is going on in your marriage than you are, when you are the person who is actually married to the woman?? IS your wife a bad mother? If not tell your family to butt out. Even if she is tell your family to butt out and you personally, work with your wife to better her skills. Maybe there's a class she can take that will improve things. But it's none of your family's business. Why are they starting rumors about her sexuality? Again, that's none of their business and if your marriage is working out well (and in fact even if it's not) you need to tell them that YOUR MARRIAGE TO YOUR WIFE IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS AND THEY NEED TO BUTT OUT! Unless of course you are going to your family in the first place and asking their advice for problems and that's how they are getting their "info" about your wife. That's not a good idea. A marriage is often troubling, sure, but running to your own Mommy/Daddy/Sis/Bro every time Wifey does something that displeases you (or catches you in an argument you can't win) only gives your family, who of course has a little bias towards you ANYWAY, a bad feeling about the woman you married. That's not cool. It's not their place to judge her. If you recognize this behavior within yourself, do your best to stop it ASAP. It's not fair to your wife, or in fact your family, since it sounds like you are pretty unhappy about their behavior. Only represent your wife in a positive way when you are talking to your family; it helps them to see her that way too.
As for your children becoming involved in debating these rumors: how did the kids hear in the first place? If it's another relative you MUST be firm with that relative and make it clear that these topics are NOT eligible for discussion with your kids EVER in the future. You should even tell this to a child who is a cousin or such. Talk to your children as soon as possible and let them know that these rumors about their Mommy are unfair and totally unsubstantiated: made up! Help them to have pride in their mother, your wife, and make sure they know how much you love her and how sad it makes you that people talk about Mommy that way.
Tell your sister to stop spreading rumors to your parents and if she has issues, she needs to confront you PRIVATELY, and in fact, if she's so worked up about your life, she could probably benefit from getting a social life herself so she has something else to think about besides spreading rumors...
Good luck and if you have any other concerns feel free to Ask Emilie another question.

Recently, Sherry ((age) 19-24 (visit) weekly) asked a question. She asked:
What are some of the stereotypes of older women dating younger men? What do you think of older women dating younger men versus older men dating younger women?

Emilie's answer:
I didn't know any stereotypes myself so I asked around with the people I work with and this is the response I got:
she's rich - "something wrong with her" - doesn't like older guys or they don't like her - that's gross - "how stella got her groove back" - the woman is less mature - based only on physical attraction - insecure - teaching, initiating, breaking in the young guy...
I know that there is definitely a social stigma against a woman dating a younger man. It's not at all as widely acceptable as an older man dating a younger woman. I personally don't think that's fair and both genders should be able to date older or younger people without facing a social stigma but I know that it's out there and not easy to change. A lot of women are accused of "robbing the cradle" when dating a younger guy. That's not fair to her, or to him, since he could be a very mature guy for his age. Age really shouldn't matter! I have two close friends who are a married couple that have been together for seven years, and the female is about two years older than the male. They relate to each other just as well as my husband and I relate to each other and he is nine years older than me. In both situations there is an atypical age difference but it doesn't make a difference because of the particular people involved are compatible with each other.
Now, I do know a case in which age DOES matter and this is not a case where there is discrimination based on gender. If there is a couple and one of the people is under 18, it is illegal for the couple to engage in sexual activities whether it's the male who is underage or the female. It's called statuatory rape, and it's illegal for a good reason. I won't go preaching as to why unless you are really interested (if so Ask me why I am for laws against statuatory rape and I will tell you why) but it's an important law not to break. You are not exempt as an overage female dating a minor male - think of the case in Washington with the teacher and the teenage kid... Be careful if this is the case with you. If you're truly in love with a minor, and he's truly in love with you, there's no reason to rush to a sexual relationship. If it's real love, it can wait 'til he turns 18. And if it's not real love it's not worth risking hard time in jail, is it?

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