Recently, Shannon ((age) under 18 (visit) yearly) asked a question. She asked:
Emilie's answer:
I am completely in love with my best friend. He is what I've
always thought of as my perfect guy. I've never felt this way about anyone. He feels the same way about me, but there's a few complications. A few weeks ago, he and his girlfriend of about one and a half years broke up. They had a really bad relationship and fought constantly. Also, he's a senior and leaving for college way too soon. We've talked about this and both of us really want it to work. We've decided to take it extremely slow and see what happens. Is this too complicated to work and should we just continue being friends? Or is there a chance? I really need some help with this. Thanks.
If you really want to be in a relationship with this guy, there's nothing anyone else can say or do to stop you. What this issue basically comes down to is kind of using your head vs. using your heart. Your heart tells you that this is the right guy for you, that you love him, that he loves you, and you are both willing to work things out. Your head tells you that he is leaving soon, he just got out of a bad relationship & could be on the rebound, and that it might hurt your friendship. There is no easy way to resolve conflicts of the mind and heart, so I have a suggestion for you that could help you to come to that decision.
You would likely benefit by making a list of benefits vs. drawbacks of entering a relationship with him, and then comparing the items on each side to see which side has more worth. I have provided a preliminary example below:
Recently, Rueben ((age) 19-24 (visit) yearly) asked a question. He asked:
Emilie's answer:
Recently, ?? no name entered ((age) 19-24 (visit) yearly) asked a question. He asked:
Emilie's answer:
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I am in a relationship with someone for reasons that I am not sure of. I have feelings for her, but I am extremely concerned over her welfare. She has had a very bad life. Her mother died a year ago from cancer and her father has a restraining order until she is 18 because he sexually abused her when she was 12. She has had numerous sexual partners and is excessively permiscuous. I am the only person she has ever been in a relationship that wasn't primarilly physical. I care for her very much, and have dealt with a lot of emotional backlash from her, but the emotional strain is getting to be too much. She has a knack for attracting scummy people. And puts it to good use by doing
excecively stupid things. Not trying to sound proud, but I have this feeling that I am the only person that can save her. She has no friends. I am just about her only friend. She tells me everything, which I am glad, but the truth is terrible. There are more details to this situation, but I did not want to take up too much space. This is something of great importance.
Have this fear of being a teenage cliche.
If you can offer any suggestions, I would be greatly appreciative.
I am so pleased that your girlfriend has someone like you in her life. That is so loving and giving of you to continue to be in a relationship with her, especially since it sounds like it can be difficult at time. I have a suggestion for you. There is a book called "Allies in Healing : When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused As a Child, a Support Book" by Laura Davis, which I feel would be particularly helpful to you in understanding what your girlfriend is going through, and aiding you to help her better. It also comes in a books on tape version if you are interested in checking that out.
That's my best suggestion to you; I am not sure what else you are looking for. I would definitely say, "Keep up the good work!" by continuing to be there for her, and to listen to her, and to base your relationship on non-physical aspects. You have no idea how helpful that is to her, simply to have someone to hear her out and be there for her on a daily basis! Any other questions? (Take up as much space as you want next time!) Ask me another question. Good luck!
i broke up w/ my gf about a month and a half ago. we go to
colleges that are pretty far from each other. i know it is best that we are not together, but i can't stop thinking about what/how she is doing all the time.
any advice on how to get on w/ my life?
Go out with friends. Distract yourself with lots of fun, new activities. Try to meet new women. There's a lot more "fish in the sea" to distract you! Good luck.
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