- The |Re-Focus| - 02
"Reason can always be distorted by strong emotion Sebastian, you know that".
"So What are you saying mother".
"You're not being logical. He is your father. Knowing him, something very serious must be going on, if he's reaching out to you.
That man is stubborn as a mule, I should know, I was married to him for all of those years".
"I've got nothing to say to him. Ever since he told me I was dead to him, I've embedded it into my head that I have no father".
"Maybe that's a good thing then Sebastian. Don't say anything. Just listen ...".
| It's a pointless battle. Obviously my feelings aren't relevant. My father wants to speak to me, and all of a sudden, I'm
supposed to jump and go running to him. I can't lie, apart of me is curious as to why he would reach out to me after all this time.
The other part of me could care less.
"I don't know mother".
| she sighs. I already know why. I can't help it.|
"Sebastian, as much as you hate to admit it ... you're just like your father you know that".
| I'm just like my father. |
"Hearing it from your mouth, I guess it must have some sort of truth to it huh. Can't say that it's something that I'm honestly proud of".
"P
ersonal feelings aside, just talk to him. Okay? Do it for me ... please Sebastian".
|Dammit, she's hitting my soft spot. My mom knows that she's my heart, and that I'd do anything for her. She was always able to use that
against me in order to get me to do the things that I didn't wanna do. Even when I was younger ... in order to make me eat my peas. Yuck.|
"Okay mother, I'll see what I can do. Things are pretty busy for me around here, but as soon as I find a little bit of down time, I'll get in
contact with him".
"That's my boy. And Sebastian ..."
"Yes, mother".
"Please, let me know how he's doing".
| I could hear a hint of sadness in her voice. |
"Will do".
"I love you".
"I love you too mother".
| I disconnect the call, and recline in my chair deep in thought. To this day, I don't understand how my mother remained as strong as she
did. I don't understand how she maintained her composure, or even a firm grip on her sanity for that matter. I know for a fact that things
were tough for her. We were wealthy, but of course with wealth, for most there comes a loss of privacy.
Always under the public eye, having the media and paparazzi constantly prying into your business, at times it can be
overbearing. |
| Now that I really think about it, I can only imagine the pain that she felt. The frustrations of Constantly reading in gossip columns that her husband
was with this person or that person. His infidelity laid out for all to see. A blatant mockery of their vows. |
| Yet she stayed. |
| She often said
it was for me, but I don't believe that. My mother doesn't believe in holding grudges. She believes that every man is deserving of forgiveness.
I doubt she would have ever left him had I not told her that just because one has been forgiven, that does not necessarily mean that they deserve
to hold the same place in her life as before. |
| That was the night I got injured. |
| She was the only parent that showed up at my bedside that night. |
***** ***** *****
| A beam of light infiltrated my room through the blinds. Yet the world still seemed so very dim. A million thoughts ran through my mind,
a storm of emotions welled up in my being. One feeling summed it all up in my heart. |
| Helplessness. |
| A million test had been run on me, I listened
as the doctors chattered and made their early prognosis. I wanted to feel what they were saying, but I knew for a fact that I was still going
through the stages of denial. I heard, but their words and thoughts made no sense to me. How could this happen to me? What had I done to deserve
this? Carol's hysterics and constant crying was a reminder that something was terribly wrong. |
| It's only temporary I told myself. |
| At any moment,
I'd get right up and walk out of here. |
| It's only temporary. |
| I would be able to feel my legs again soon, wouldn't I? It never really hit me that I'd possibly never be able to walk again. I didn't care
what any doctor had to say. I had no intentions of being paralyzed. My spirits couldn't be broken that easily. |
| The door creaks, and I hear someone slipping into the room. The sound of hindered sobs and gasps are heard, and I close my eyes. I hear her whisper my name. |
"Oh my God Sebastian ..."
| Her heels click against the floor as she makes her way to my bedside. I open my eyes and see her hovering over me. A tear slides down her
cheek, and splashes onto mine. I smile. She cries.|
"You're here".
"Of course I am baby".
| There is a silence as she ran her fingers through my hair, eyes still watering like hose. |
"I take it, that he is here as well then".
"No ... he isn't. He had business to attend to at home".
| A smirk appears on my face. |
"I didn't really expect him to be. He's probably at home now with one of his whores, glad for some time alone".
| My comment temporarily startles her, causing her to raise her hand to her mouth. |
"Sebastian, don't say such things".
"Why run from the truth mother".
"Can we not talk about this now Sebastian".
| Silence on my end. Thinking. Why can't she just see. |
"Fine. As you wish mother".
| She moves to the corner of the room and takes a seat in one of the chairs. She says nothing, and neither do I. The silence is speaking
volumes. And that's when she said ... |
"Sebastian ... sometimes it's easier to run from the truth ... than it is to walk away from love".
| I tried to open up and understand where she was coming from. But I couldn't. |
***** ***** *****
"And I still don't. But at least she smartened up after that night".
| Rising p out of my seat, I stretch, and place the phone back on the receiver. |
"He can wait ... I've got more pressing issues at hand".
| I'll deal with my father later. Right now, I have to get ready for Mexico. No, as a matter of fact, I'm ready. I'm going to catch Chris Extreme and Jimmy Luciano
sleeping. I'm going to walk out victorious. Extreme has already stated that he doesn't feel that I belong in the match. That the only reason
I'm getting a title shot is because the SIN talent pool is shallow. I find it quite funny, because he fails to apply that concept to himself.
The shallow talent pool is the only reason he gets as big of a push as he does. |
| Chris Extreme has no talent, He has nothing to offer. |
| Vulgar laced cheap thrills is all that he provides. |
| Where I'm from ... we call that prostitution. |
| A Sin Wrestling Hall Of Famer. Mr. Immortal Legend Status. And little old me. Not taking anything from anyone, but ... |
"I kind of like my chances".
| How can I not? At this point in time, I've got a purpose. I have reason. Luciano is too worried about Samson to be worried about anything
else. Chris Extreme still remains irrelevant. I haven't really made an impact on SIN Wrestling yet. It's not a secret, however
I plan on changing that soon. Very soon. It all starts in Mexico. It all starts with Jimmy Luciano and Chris Extreme. |
| Going through my bag once more, double checking. Making sure I have everything. Once I see that everything is there, I zip up my bag.
Oh shit ... almost forgot. I quickly unzip the bag, and begin to rearrange the items a little bit. Yup, gotta make sure I have some room
for the lust title since it is coming home with me you know. Zipping the bag back up, I lift it off the floor and place it onto the bed. |
"I'm ready to go".
| But are you? |
| We'll see. |
|