Things We'd Like to See on Company Motivational Posters:

 

1)        If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

 

2)        It's only unethical if you get caught.

 

3)        The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

 

4)        Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done.

           Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

 

5)        Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

 

6)        If you think we're a bad firm, you should see our rivals!  (We suck less!)

 

7)        Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

 

8)        We put the "k" in "kwality."

 

9)        If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.

 

10)        Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

 

11)        A person who smiles in the face of adversity ... probably has a scapegoat.

 

12)        If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos ... then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.

 

13)        ABANDON ALL HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE ...

 

14)        We make great money!  We have great benefits!  We do no work!  We are union members!

 

15)        Two days without a Human Rights Violation!

 

16)        Your job is still better than asking, "You want fries with  that?"

 

17)        We are Microsoft.  Resistance is futile.

 

18)        Plagiarism saves time.

 

19)        If at first you don't succeed - try management.

 

20)        At least you're not being rectally probed by aliens.

 

21)        Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

 

22)        This can't go on for ever, even the Third Reich only lasted twelve years.

 

23)        Never quit until you have another job.

 

24)        TEAMWORK ... means never having to take all the blame yourself.