Disclaimers: This story contains reference to lesbian subtext. If you are under 18, you only have permission to read this if a parent is standing there reading it with you. Also, the characters Xena, Gabrielle, and related hangers-on are owned by MCA/Universal and are used without permission. (Ares and Callisto are still copyrighted by the greeks, as far as I know.)
Universal Plug: Universal runs better theme parks than Disney. Check out their Terminator 2, Back to the Future, and Hercules & Xena attractions when you visit!
Introduction: In Xena Quest, a fan of Xena Warrior Princess traveled through time and space to enter the Xenaverse. After a series of mishaps, Ares was deported from Xena's world, and Joxer was installed as the new God of War. Xena Quest is set after the episode "King of Assassins". Xena Quest II is set just before the episode "Maternal Instincts".
Gabrielle rustles slightly against her, making Xena smile. For two hours, Xena has remained absolutely still to savor the embrace of her sleeping companion. She has watched the wet loam around them mist and steam as the sun broke, causing tendrils of fog to begin forming on the vale. For two hours, Xena has sat braced against a fir tree, lying under a blanket with her arms wrapped around Gabrielle's nude form.
Xena nuzzles her nose against the bard's neck, smiling to herself. Normally she would be up at five minutes before dawn, like a water clock. She would have scouted out the camp, tended to Argo, searched for a fresh water supply, and hunted breakfast for them, all by the time Gabrielle would rub her eyes and sit up. But not this morning. No, the chill of the morning fog was just cold enough to balance the warmth of Gabrielle's skin against her, and she reveled in it.
Who would have thought that someone like you could soothe this savage warlord's heart, Xena mused to herself. Always restless, always roaming. Where would my life be now without you? In a palace, in a chieftain's hut, or dead in an unmarked grave.
She lifted a hand off her bard's breast to gently stroke her hair.
Yet here, now, she thought, there's nowhere I'd rather be than with you, huddled under a blanket against the damp morning cold.
Xena could feel Gabrielle's heartbeart begin pounding louder through her own chest. Her rate of breathing began to rise, and Gabrielle finally awoke, letting out a soft yawn as she gathered in her surroundings.
"Did you sleep well?" Xena said to her ear.
"Uh Hummmm-" Gabrielle murmured. Her thoughts were a jumble as she groggily settled out of sleep, vaguely aware she was out in the open countryside. She gathered that Xena was behind her, and her back felt very warm. She decided to move around a bit. No clothing, she thought to herself, a smile dreamily spreading across her face. Hey, I kinda like this...
"Xena..." she said, as Xena put her arm back around her chest.
"Yes...?" Xena drawled.
"Mmmmm... I wish we didn't have to get up." the reddish-blonde whispered to her. "I could go the rest of the morning lying here with you like this..."
"Uh huh." Xena responded, puckering her lips off to the side. Gabrielle wriggled her own arms around Xena's, hugging herself firmly against the warrior.
"Uh, Gabrielle. I've got to tell you something."
"Yes?" Gabrielle dreamily asks.
"I've got to go pee." Xena deadpans.
Gabrielle does a bemused smirk and raises her eyebrows, dropping her arms and pushing their blanket aside.
"-Sigh- Fine." Gabrielle says belatedly as she prepares herself and clambers unsteadily to her feet, feeling a distinct chill as she separates herself from her bedmate.
She turns around awkwardly, as Xena rises as smoothly as a feather that is wafting in a breeze. How does she do that? Gabrielle ponders, nearly losing her balance as needles of sleep shoot through her legs.
Xena grabs her leather undergarments and begins putting them on while walking.
"I'll be back with breakfast." Xena curtly calls over her shoulder. "Be ready to eat when I get back."
"You can count on it!" the bard responds with forced enthusiasm.
As stolid as ever... Gabrielle frowns as she watches Xena flick her Chakram up as she leaves. Why do I always have to be the poetic one around here? She thinks in consternation as she drops her blanket and looks around for her clothes. I guess at heart Xena just isn't a very expressive person, she decides as she shakes the pine needles out of her underwear.
"VERY DISAPPOINTED!!!" the Sovereign shouts, his voice echoing off into nothingness.
"Will you knock it off?" Ares growls, as the Pool of Infinity ripples beneath him. "Next time we'll arm wrestle for best three out of four, okay?"
"It's not that." the Sovereign sighs, struggling to rein in his temper. "It's that I hate having a crippled arm just because Hercules injured his in his latest stupid adventure."
Ares allows himself a small grin as the pool's image coalesces into that of a blonde girl. "Well at least he's learning to dance."
The Sovereign almost goes into another rage at that. He and Ares had recently watched through the pool as the widow Twanky gave Hercules dance lessons. This is truly a punishment worse than all the fires of Tarturus! he thinks to himself, grimacing at the thought.
"Look!" Ares cries out. "Come here!"
It's a struggle not to bop him in the head for ordering me around, the Sovereign simmers to himself as he walks over to peer down in the pool.
He sees a little blond girl standing at the edge of a cliff, where it looks like a rope bridge had once stood.
"That's her..." Ares growls. "The darkness that threatens both my dimension, and yours."
"She doesn't look like much a threat." the Sovereign scoffs, only to widen his eyes in surprise. There is a blast of heat which erupts out of the ravine, blasting the little girl back. A gout of flame spills onto the cliff and changes into the form of a beautiful blonde woman.
"Priestess Callisto..." the Sovereign notes.
"Yes, Callisto." Ares agrees. "I don't know what she plans to do with her, but I'm sure I won't like it."
Concentrating, Ares begins calling to the pool again. "Strife...Strife... C'mon Strife, hear my thoughts..."
The pool ripples and distorts again, this time forming an image of a skinny guy in a black leather outfit with dozens of ridiculous straps all over it. Strife is busy picking his nose.
"What a moron." the Sovereign says disgustedly.
The horseman speeds through the village of Poteidaia, nearly clipping an old beggar's cart as his horse turns a corner.
"Sorry!" he yells as the beggar curses behind him. He slows his mount as he approaches a large building, one of those new-fangled three-story jobs. What'll they think of next? he thinks to himself as he brings his horse past a long line of women.
Tethering his horse, he passes through the long line, apologizing all the way through, and being met with angry glares as he skips past all of them. What are they waiting in line for? he wonders, and it is then he sees the large hand-painted sign.
Pictured on it is a smiling man who looks very dishonest, with the caption:
A brunette is still painting the sign, and standing next to her are two men.
"I-I still don't like the idea of my face being published everywhere." Salmoneus groans. "Is that really necessary?"
"Trust me." Ogami soothingly intones. "This is called 'brand recognition'. We want to connect your face with the product. When people think 'feminine hygiene', they'll think of your face!"
"Well..." Sal relents. "Alright, but did you hear from the suppliers? If these women don't get their product we could be-"
"Ah Ah" I cut him off as I motion to my lips for silence. "If they found out we only have enough tampons in stock for half of them," I whisper, "they'd string us up right here in the courtyard!"
Salmoneus blanches at that, as we turn to a new arrival. I recognize the guy, he's one of the messengers in my employ.
"Greetings, sirs... and madam." The messenger adds, smiling at the pretty woman painting the sign.
"You have a report for me?" I ask, eyebrows raised.
"Yes, sir. It's-" he begins as I wave him off.
"Let's discuss this inside, shall we?" I say, my eyes roving the area as I conduct him into our business office.
He hands me a scroll, and I unfurl the papyrus and read the lines. News that I dreaded, but that I knew would come.
"A treaty will be signed between the Centaurs and the humans..." I whisper as I close the scroll up unfeelingly. I thank the messenger and give him his severance pay. I won't be needing his services again.
Grimly clutching the scroll, I go out back to my private forge, the one I had built with all the money I've earned. I unlock the door and enter a forge like no other in existence. Opening a red lacquer display case, I take out a single Katana and a bag of throwing stars. Pocketing the bag, I draw the tempered steel blade from its scabbard.
"It's time." I say to no one in particular as I study my reflection in the naked blade. Then I stop admiring my blade and gulp. "What am I going to tell my girlfriend?"
Joxer reclines back in the hot tub, an enormous grin on his narrow face. He puts one arm around the shoulder of the woman to his right, and then to his left. Xena cannot help herself as she passionately scrubs his chest, as Gabrielle begins vigorously rubbing his ear with a sponge.
"Joxer, are you sitting on the soap?" Xena asks, concerned.
"Joxer... Joxer... JOXER!!"
Joxer is jolted awake by a painful sensation on his godlike ear. Someone is pulling it! As Joxer's eyes painfully roll over to where his head is being pulled, he realizes that the person pulling his ear is-
"Gabby!" Joxer wheedles, as Gabrielle releases his ear, her hand splashing back into the water.
"What the--?" Joxer mumbles as he looks around. He is sitting up to his chest in water, in a hot tub, with Gabrielle on one side and Xe-
"Owww!!" he yells as Xena painfully pokes him in the side.
"Joxer!" Xena nearly screams into his ear. "What is going on?! One minute we're eating breakfast, and the next--What are you doing?!"
"I-uh, um-a, I can explain..." Joxer stammers as he starts to stand up. Gabrielle grabs him by the shoulder and sits him back down again.
"Please!" Gabrielle says very quickly. "I don't want any more surprises right now."
"Oh yeah," Joxer realizes, looking down. "Sorry."
"Well?" Xena snaps, her eyes ablaze with sapphire fire.
"Well you see," Joxer begins, "I was dreaming, and uh, sometimes my dreams come true." And then adds wretchedly, "I haven't really learned to control my powers yet."
"Joxer," Xena says as if reciting a eulogy, "You are going to get us out of this tub so we can continue this fascinating conversation, and-"
"Alright-" Joxer begins, but is grabbed by Xena.
"No! Listen to me very carefully." Xena continues. "You are going to get us out of this tub fully dry, and clothed, or I..." she paused significantly, "will help you become a mortal again. Got it?"
"Got it." Joxer gulps as he closes his eyes and...
"It worked!" he exclaims as they appear in the temple of the God of War. Xena is relieved to find herself in her battle armor, and Gabrielle is suitably attired, although, as she reaches up, finds flowers in her hair. She looks at Joxer.
"Sorry. Couldn't help it." Joxer giggles, and then corrects himself, attempting to stand tall and look like an imposing god.
"Something's very wrong here..." Gabrielle says, looking him over as she throws down her flowers. "You're not at all like you were when Aphrodite charmed you."
"No?" Joxer asks rhetorically. "So... what are you saying? Are you saying I should be more like Ares?"
"No!" Xena shouts without thinking. Then she regains her composure. "It's just... Aren't the other gods helping with your training?"
"Nah... They're busy fretting about some 'great darkness'. But Strife's been helpful."
"Strife??" Gabrielle looks down her nose at Joxer. "Joxer, don't you realize what he does, the suffering he causes?"
"Aww, that's just his job." Joxer explains. "Underneath he's not so bad."
Gabrielle and Xena exchange looks, and Xena says "Well Joxer, we must be running along now..."
"No, wait!" Joxer exclaims, running to his throne. "I've been practicing my powers. Wait'll you see this!"
"Joxer, I really don't think that's a good-" Xena pauses as Joxer waves his hand, and a full orchestra appears. An orchestra of young reddish-blonde women.
Joxer shrugs as a conductor's baton appears in his hand. "Sorry, Gabby. It's easier when you only copy one person. Now... -Ahem!-"
Joxer clears his throat and waves his baton, as the Gabrielle orchestra prepares their instruments.
A lively theme starts up from the musicians, and the real Gabrielle hugs herself to Xena in fright. "Xena, hit my points, please!"
As Joxer appears ready to sing, Xena responds, "Not until you hit mine first."
He begins:
"Ha Hah!" Joxer concludes, waving his orchestra away to nothingness. "Whadda ya think?"
"That was lovely, Joxer." Xena icily responds. "Would you be so kind as to do us a favor and send us to Ogami... Right now?" she adds, smiling sweetly.
"Will do!" Joxer jovially responds. "Bye Gabby!" he adds as he waves his baton at them.
"What do you mean you're going away?" the brunette in bed next to me says, her voice breaking.
"Pookie, I don't want to..." I attempt to soothe. I knew this wouldn't go over easy. "But I have important work to do!"
She looks up at that.
"People will die if I don't act," I continue, reaching for her hand. "and I must attempt it, even if it may mean my life."
"Why don't you leave the heroics to Hercules or Xena?" she whimpers. "She's the hero you would prefer to be with, isn't she?"
"Xena has nothing to do with my decision." I pause. "Alright, she has everything to do with my decision, but not in the way you think."
"Really?" she asks, smiling in that pretty way of hers.
"Exactly." I respond, clasping her hand harder. "I'm sure if she were here, she'd wish me to do the same thing."
"Then if we don't have tomorrow," Lila softly notes as she strokes my chin, "let us have tonight."
"Tonight." I agree as I lean forward to give her a kiss, the first of many.
My lover and I are bludgeoned with falling bodies, and for a moment I lose my bearings. "Assassins!" I shout.
My girlfriend pushes off her assailant, only to shout "Sister!"
"Lila!" Gabrielle cries. Then she turns to glare at me.
"What are you doing with my sister?!!" she yells as I push Xena's thigh off me.
"Is this a trick question?" I ask.
Suddenly someone begins banging the floor from below.
"Hey!" a gruff voice yells. "Keep it down up there!"
"Xena, don't take this the wrong way," I ask, "but what are you doing in my bed?"
But before Xena can answer:
A massive horse appears before my bed and crushes my table instantly with its weight. Argo lands on the floor with a deafening crash. Thank goodness the floor held, I think as I look back at Xena.
"I-It was Joxer." Xena says in embarassment, looking at Lila. "I asked him to take us to you, and he did."
"You're not implying I made a poor choice in making him a god, are you?" I say indignantly to Xena. Argo neighs at me.
"I rest my case." Xena drawls, repositioning herself on my bed. "You've got to change him back!"
"And just how am I supposed-" I begin, when suddenly there's a pounding at the door, and it swings open.
"Ogami, are you alright?" Salmoneus says as he peers into the darkness with his lamp. "What's going on?"
Then his eyes bug out as he takes in the view. "Xena?.... Gabrielle?..." he says in disbelief as his head turns, "and Argo???!"
Argo whinnies at him.
"Salmoneus, I can explain!" Xena says quickly, getting off the bed.
"No, No!" Sal waves his hands. "When you get to my age, you've seen it all. I don't want to know. G-Good night!" he says quickly, slamming the door as he exits.
Xena and Salmoneus laugh with each other, as Lila picks up a box and begins opening it before an interested Gabrielle.
"It's a gift from the gods!" Lila enthuses as she takes an object out of the box. Gabrielle takes the white cylinder and looks at it skeptically.
"What is it?" Gabrielle asks. Lila looks around conspiratorially and, motioning Xena over, begins whispering to them.
I look at Salmoneus and nod confidently. He looks back at me, worried.
"We're supposed to put it where??!" Xena says out loud, but Lila shushes her and looks our way. They engage in more whispering.
Gabrielle smirks and says, "So? You'd put anything in there.", glancing over at me.
She and Lila begin arguing quite loudly like sisters do, and Xena looks helplessly at me. I motion her over.
"One of my men brought me this, it might interest you." I say as I hand her my scroll.
Xena reads it and smiles, nodding to herself. "It does indeed." She walks back to Gabrielle, who is still arguing loudly.
"Well at least I am like the rest of the girls of the village!" Lila digs, raising her eyebrows suggestively.
Before matters descend into violence, Xena takes her bard by the shoulder and leads her away from her sister. "C'mon, we've got to get some provisions if we're going to get there in time."
"Anywhere else is fine with me..." Gabrielle hotly responds as she goes outside.
Xena stops at the doorway and turns back to Lila.
"Put me in for a regular order." Xena eagerly requests, thanking Lila and taking the box from her as she leaves.
Xena and Gabrielle are long gone, and I hug Salmoneus as I prepare to depart as well. "You've been a good friend to me, and I'm going to miss you." I manage as I shake his hand.
"Miss me?" Sal asks, "Aren't you coming back?"
"I'll level with you, Sal." I sigh, "It's pretty much a suicide mission. I probably won't be coming back."
"You'd do all this for Xena, huh?" he asks, already knowing the answer.
"Her... and others." I add, reaching around my pack for a scroll. "Here."
"What's this?" Sal asks as he takes the scroll.
"I am entrusting to you the future of the known world. It is the next phase in our mission." I add mysteriously as I shake the dust from my shoes and set off for the Centaur village.
Salmoneus watches the strange warrior depart. When Ogami is out of view, he unfurls the scroll and reads it. Then his brow crinkles in puzzlement. "Wings?" he asks.
"Hurry Gabrielle!" Xena shouts as she slows Argo. "Get on now!"
Gabrielle uses her staff to pole vault onto Argo behind Xena. This time she manages to grab hold of Xena without losing her staff. That took some practice, she thinks, as she grabs hold of copper and leather.
"Yah!" Xena spurs Argo, guiding the horse towards a rock face which cuts off the meadow.
Gabrielle looks nervously behind her. "It's gaining, Xena."
"Don't worry." Xena chides, "We'll make it in time."
Xena is true to her word. Argo reaches the shelter of the rock overhang just before the downpour starts, raining huge drops of water on the grassy plain.
They both get off their mount, as Gabrielle involuntarily shivers from the cool wind gusting at them from the heavy rain. I've always loved the rain, Gabrielle thinks as she hugs herself. Then she gets a knowing smile on her face.
Xena strokes Argo to calm her down, and decides to get some food from her saddlebag. It is then she notices Gabrielle taking off her top.
Keeping her back to Xena, Gabrielle unhitches her green floral-print top and lets it slip off her chest. Reaching down to her waist, she undoes her battle skirt and lets it fall to the ground. She turns around unconcernedly as she leans over to slip her underwear off, stepping out of them. Frowning in consternation at her boots, Gabrielle sits down on her skirt to ease them off. Grabbing hold of one boot, she glances up to see Xena's reaction, and gasps.
Xena is standing there watching her. She is holding her armor, leather, undergarments and boots in a neat pile, and she's also wearing a smirk.
"Having trouble with your boots?" Xena asks as she drops her pile of garments. "I can help you out of them." She innocently adds.
"I'll bet you could." Gabrielle says under her breath. She gets both boots off and stands up.
"Stay here." She asks Xena, holding up her hand as she steps out of the shelter.
Xena watches her bard walk out onto the soft grass as she turns to face the warrior princess. She watches the drops of rain land and coat her, forming larger and larger droplets until they begin cascading off her. Xena watches raptly as trickles run down Gabrielle's breasts, and make little trails along her toned belly. Gabrielle flutters the rain out of her eyes as her hair darkens with the accumulating rain, matting her locks down around her neck and shoulders.
Gabrielle smiles at her as she sees Xena's reaction. "Aren't you going to join me?"
"Just admiring the view." Xena coolly responds as her eyes trail below the bard's belly down to her thighs and her soft golden triangle. Unable to watch anymore, Xena steps out into the rain.
Without a word exchanged between them, the warrior approaches the bard and embraces her around the small of her back. Xena's hands slide along Gabrielle's wet skin down to her bottom, and as she cups her cheeks, brings her pelvis against hers.
"Ooo... Nice." Gabrielle grins wickedly as Xena smiles implacably at her. Xena got that smile whenever she was going to demonstrate a new technique of Lao Ma's, and Gabrielle felt her nipples grow hard as Xena pressed her belly completely against hers.
Xena lifted her hand off her lover's rear only to tilt her chin up, raising the bard's mouth to hers as they joined in a kiss. Xena continued kissing her partner, beyond friendship, beyond romance, and right into a full-blown rain of kisses as the water splashed lightly down their bodies.
Gabrielle wrapped her fingers around Xena's wet hair during this onslaught, waiting until she felt ready, ready to pull Xena's head down, down to her chest. Xena reciprocated the bard's desire, running her tongue down the gentle slope of Gabrielle's breast, only to take a light pink nipple into her mouth and nurse on it.
Gabrielle gasped at the sensation of her lover's lips on her chest, as Xena knew how to use her tongue in just the right way to make it tingle. Gabrielle wanted to keep her mouth there for just a few seconds longer, but Xena was already moving downwards again, popping butterfly kisses down her toned abdomen. When Xena reached her navel, she stuck her tongue right into Gabrielle's belly-button, eliciting another gasp from the bard as she had her navel tasted.
Xena took her tongue out of her companion's navel, and grinned up at her with a glint in her eye.
"Don't stop there..." Gabrielle lazily sighed. "Keep on going..."
"Keep on going where?" Xena prompts, her eyes narrowing suggestively.
"Down..." Gabrielle intones seriously. "Down."
"As you command, my Queen." Xena whispers as a raindrop falls right into her mouth. She tastes it and swallows it.
Gabrielle lifts her gaze to the foggy sky above, as she feels Xena grasp her hips. It is then she feels her cool breath just above her thighs.
Gabrielle gasps as the awaited shock runs through her body.
"So now what?" the Sovereign asks dejectedly.
"Now we wait for Strife to present my plan to the other gods." Ares says in that low growl of his. He raises his eyebrows. "That was fast."
Ares watches as a flickering light rises from the ground. A figure forms as the light fades, a man with weary eyes.
"It is good to see you again, Ares." The figure says, his voice quavering.
"Who in Hades' name is that?" the Sovereign growls, pointing his finger.
"Who are you?" Solan asks the young girl. She sure is pretty, he thinks.
"She who sits at the right hand of her father's throne." Hope intones as she raises her hand towards Solan. He jerks involuntarily. "And you are beneath it."
Solan feels his neck fill with overwhelming pain, so much pain that he can barely move. "W-What are you doing?" he manages, struggling for breath.
"Crushing your throat." Hope solemnly intones. "The more I close my hand... the tighter your throat gets. When I close it, you will die."
Solan realizes the truth in her words, as he feels his life fading from him. He locks eyes with her as he goes down to his knees.
Suddenly Hope finds herself picked up from behind, breaking her concentration.
"You are a very naughty girl." I admonish, grinning as I hold Hope up by her shoulders.
"That is why I sent her to Kaliapus' hut, where she would be safe!" Gabrielle cries in anguish to Xena. How could Xena think of poisoning my daughter? Gabrielle thinks to herself in horror. Then she is taken aback by the change in Xena's expression.
"You sent her to Kaliapus' hut??" Xena repeats intensely, her eyes watering. She shoves the bard aside as she runs through the doorway.
"Get your hands off me." Hope softly intones.
I stop smiling.
Xena races to Kaliapus' hut and is almost at the double doors, when she senses something. In less than a quarter of a second, Xena sidesteps the doors and lands off to the side. It is then that the doors explode outward, and hurtling through their fragments is a man.
"Hoof!" I exhale as I land on my back. "Shit, that little girl can hit..."
Xena looks from me to the doorway, and I follow her gaze. Standing there is Hope, but she doesn't make any move to attack us. Instead, she puts her hand to her forehead as if weary and fades away, teleporting, I guess.
Xena recovers in an instant, and charges into the hut to find Solan slumped on the floor.
Gabrielle arrives now, and after we exchange concerned glances, we both go into the hut after her.
Xena is cradling her son like an infant. He jerks suddenly, coughing. Xena pats him on the back, and both of their eyes are watering.
"Ogami, what the hell are you doing here?" Xena snarls at me over her shoulder.
"I came here to stop Hope from killing Solan." I answer simply. "Looks like I got here in time."
I'm about to make a joke about disciplining your children at an early age, but then I catch Gabrielle's expression. Oh boy, I think, here comes The Rift.
"No..." Gabrielle moans, shaking her head. She seems to slump into herself, and I move to catch her. I do, and she waves me away, saying she's alright.
"Xena..." Gabrielle begins, pleading, "Xena, I am so sorry..."
"We'll talk about it later." Xena sighs. "Right now, I'm just glad Solan's alright."
"Well, not for long..." I offer. Aren't I the party-pooper?
"You mean you knew about this all along and didn't tell me?!" Xena shouts, inches from my face. I step back a bit.
"Hello?" I say, holding up my hand and stroking it with my other hand. "You see this? It's flesh and bone. The only weapon I have against a God is surprise, nothing more."
Never one to give an inch, Xena simply turns her glare away from me and growls "Now we don't even have that."
"Wait a minute!" I exclaim. "What we need against a god... is another god. Joxer!"
"Who's Joxer?" Solan asks, looking to Gabrielle. She rolls her eyes up to the roof, which is where a light suddenly flashes.
"You called?" Joxer says, appearing several feet above the floor. He drops rather unexpectedly, and then clambers up, red-faced and embarassed at not acting god-like.
"Can you help us, Joxer?" Xena asks, helping him up.
"You bet. How?" he asks, happy to be of service.
"This is my son, Solan." Xena says gesturing at the boy, who looks up at her like a shot. "Can you take him with you to Mount Olympus, right now?"
"Can do!" Joxer exclaims, walking over to the boy and putting his hands on his shoulders. Solan looks around nervously.
"Now hold still..." Joxer advises, "I've almost got this right."
Solan looks at Xena, his eyes wider than they've been all day. "You're my mo-!" but is cut off as he and Joxer vanish.
"Now there's one less thing to worry about." Xena sighs, craning her neck as Gabrielle soothingly rubs her back.
"Great." I chime in. "Now all we have to do is defeat Callisto, Hope, and Dahak, and we can call it a day!"
"He abandoned me!!" the Sovereign shouts, beating his fists against the rock face in rage.
The robed figure then does something no one who values his life would do. He places his hand on the Sovereign's shoulder.
"I'm sorry you never knew your father." Zeus slowly says. "While Hercules and I have had our differences, I've come to be very proud of my son."
Ares glances up sharply at him, as Zeus kindly meets his gaze. It's like trying to comfort two five-year olds, Zeus shakes his head to himself.
Joxer begins plucking his harp, trying to decide on a melody. Artemis sure took a liking to Solan, he muses as he tunes a string. It is then he notices Strife appear.
"Strife!" he beams. "How ya doin'?"
"Oh, the usual..." Strife demures, "Plagues and mayhem, you know."
"Uh huh." Joxer frowns, remembering what Gabrielle had said.
"Say, you got a minute?" Strife innocently asks.
"Sure." Joxer yelps, jumping off his throne.
"Sheee-Yiiii!!!!" Xena shouts as she flies out of the cave mouth, as falling boulders eject a cloud of dust behind her.
Gabrielle runs to help her up, as I gaze on in approval. I don't understand how a rockslide can trap a god like Callisto, and I'm not going to ask, either. Maybe there's something about that cave temple that prevents her from teleporting. No matter.
"All proceeds according to plan." I smoothly intone, "But now the future blurs for me. Everything I know as happening depended on Ares being here. Now what do we do?"
"Don't follow you out?!" the Sovereign asks incredulously, crossing his arms in a threatening manner.
"That's right." Ares continues, unblinking. This guy is obviously used to having people cringe before him, he thinks to himself . "If you do your part, you can return to your realm."
Not deigning to respond to the former God of War, the Sovereign turns to the only other person who is here with them between worlds.
Zeus returns the gaze of the brutal ruler who looks so much like his son. A swirling vortex of light and energy opens behind Ares.
"Go!" the Sovereign shouts to Ares, resisting the overwhelming urge to follow him.
Zeus and the Sovereign both watch the former God of War turn and jump through the swirling vortex.
Xena lashes her fingers out almost too fast for the eye to see, releasing the pressure points of the robed cultist before us. He shudders as he takes in a breath.
"Gaul?" Gabrielle repeats. "That's almost a fortnight away."
Xena hauls the guy up and stares daggers into his eyes. "You tell Dahak that I'm coming for him. You got that?"
He nods nervously as she shoves him away, and he takes off like a rabbit.
"Great." Gabrielle nods her head in mock approval. "You had to let him know we're coming, didn't you?"
"I've always favored the full frontal assault." I pipe in, shrugging.
"From what you've told us," Xena snarls, pushing past us to Argo, "splitting me and Gabrielle up was part of Dahak's plan. I want him to know that we're both coming for him."
"Swell." Gabrielle accepts, turning away with a dark look in her eyes.
Xena watches her walk off, and seems to decide something. Then she walks over to me.
"Ogami," she begins. "I appreciate your helping us, but I'm going to need a little time with Gabrielle right now. Could you leave us alone for a couple of hours?"
"Sure." I agree. As Gabrielle walks out of earshot, I decide to ask, "Xena, was she... raped... by Dahak?"
"What would you call her violation by that monster?" Xena asks, each word scraping out of her mouth.
"I-I knew she had been magically impregnated by Dahak." I stammer, "And had delivered Hope in a matter of days... But is that-"
"Yes, it was." Xena cuts me off, her face aswirl with malignance. "That was rape in my book, and I'm going to make him pay for that. But right now, I have to try and talk the woman I love into going back there again."
"I understand." I add gravely. "I'll see you later. And good luck."
I begin walking through the brush, deciding to visit a looted cairn that we passed. Archeology in the ancient past can be so much fun, I think to myself. I've only taken a dozen steps, when all of a sudden, I feel a hand land on my shoulder.
I turn, and gaze right into a dark face I never thought I'd see again.
"We need to talk." Ares snarls as his eyes flare, and we vanish.
"Do you think I would have made a good mother?" Gabrielle asks, looking plaintively up into Xena's eyes.
"Oh, tsh..." Xena instantly responds, hugging the bard to her. "Gabrielle, I can't think of anyone who could raise a child better. I know I'm certainly no role model."
"There's just so many things I wanted to do with her..." Gabrielle trails off, the sadness in her heart nearly breaking her. "I wanted to teach her about our lives, and how to live right. And share stories with her."
"Gabrielle, if you have a child someday, I'm sure you'll be able to do all those things with her... or him." Xena comforts. "But you must realize that Hope has not the slightest part of you in her. She is completely part of her father. She is not your child!"
"I think I realized that when I saw what she had done to Solan..." Gabrielle says somberly, adding, "I just wished... things had turned out different, Xena."
"For what it's worth... So do I." Xena adds warmly, brushing a tear out of the reddish-blonde woman's eye. "I, for one, would love to raise a family with you someday."
Gabrielle's eyes widen in wonder, locking her with her gaze. "Wh-What did you say?" she asks haltingly. Xena reaches out to stroke her cheek.
"Sorry I got side-tracked, ladies." I announce as I walk into Xena and Gabrielle's camp.
Xena immediately gets up, surprising Gabrielle as she dumps her off her lap. Her sword is in her hand in an instant.
"Where did you go?" she asks suspiciously.
I toss my katana to the ground. "There's been a change in the game plan, folks." I respond jauntily, walking up to her naked blade without concern. "Allow me to fill you in."
"Death to the unbelievers!" a shaven-headed man shouts to his followers. They all scream a weird sort of war cry as they charge us from all directions, running in their burlap robes.
Xena cuts the first one right down his chest, exposing bone and viscera. He crumples with a gurgle as Xena is forced to block the attacks of two more. She disarms one foe (literally), as the other gets a high kick to the face.
"Ahhh!!" Gabrielle cries out as she mashes a cultist's fingers into his mace handle. She hears another trying to approach her from behind, and whirls on him. Exhaling forcefully, she hits him three times with the end of her staff, cracking his sternum, collarbone, and breaking his nose for good measure.
"Seejah!" I cry as I sidestep a running cultist. He runs right into the tree behind me, as geysers of his blood jet onto it as he falls. The cultist to my side swings his curved sword at my head. I viciously block his attack, cleaving his sword in half with my katana. In my peripheral vision I see four of his companions running to assist him.
As he stumbles in his follow-through, I bring my blade up and down in a slash, carving his face in half. He dies noisily as I reach into my bag and whirl to face his friends.
They scream in varying degrees of agony and surprise as my throwing stars embed themselves all up and down their bodies. "Stick around." I advise in my best Arnold Schwartzenegger impersonation.
Xena decapitates the battle leader with her sword, covering her in jets of blood as his body falls in two places. Xena turns away from the bloodbath to see that three cultists are coming up behind Gabrielle, and hefts her Chakram up as if weighing it.
Gabrielle hears the Chakram spang off the large boulder behind her, and turns to look, just in time to see it cut through one throat, then another, and still another, changing course ever so slightly each time it carves through flesh. She shudders and turns away from the display as it wings past her.
The Chakram snaps back into Xena's hand before the first cultist hits the ground, and she grins in satisfaction. She watches as Ogami dispatches another, and the only cultists still alive are the ones that Gabrielle hit, but didn't kill.
I pant wearily to myself for a bit before rejoining my companions. Wiping the sweat off my forehead, I sling every drop of blood off my blade and sheathe it.
"Now what?" I ask Xena.
"Time to die, fools." a girlish voice calls from atop the menhir.
I look up at the boulder just in time to see Hope gesture at us, and then everything goes black.
I awaken slowly, and only because there is an enormous pain in my jaw. My mouth feels all wet inside, and I fish around with my tongue until I find the obstruction and spit out a tooth.
"On your feet, maggot!" an extremely ugly man in burlap says to me, lowering his mace. I gradually become aware that two others are holding my arms and propping me up on my feet.
"Who are you..." I say woozily. "The first dentist?"
"Silence, unbeliever." He warns again. "Dahak does not need his victims to still have their tongues when he devours them!"
That's a comforting thought... I think to myself.
I sway unsteadily as his assistants guide me through a torchlit corridor, looking distinctly medieval. No, I'm in ancient Gaul. Dungeons haven't been invented yet, I think vaguely to myself.
We enter a large chamber, which looks like a very well-stocked dungeon indeed. Ringing the chamber is a circle of about two dozen burlap-robed cultists. Off to the side I am relieved to see Xena and Gabrielle chained to the wall, alive. In the center is an altar, where I'm sorry to see Joxer is chained to it. How did he get here? Behind him stands Hope, and behind her is a hole in the floor from which issues a pillar of fire that extends all the way to the vaulted ceiling.
"Dahak." I whisper as I am led through the ring of acolytes to the altar. The flame seems to swirl for a moment into dark eyes and a mouth, but then they waver away in the chaos of the fire.
The cultists holding me release me roughly, leaving me standing next to the prostate Joxer, who is sweating bullets (although they haven't been invented yet). To my astonishment, a cultist comes up and gives me the sacrificial dagger I last saw in "The Deliverer". Nice craftsmanship, I think.
Hope steps close to the other side of the altar. "I don't know who you are... But I know you care for these women. You will cut this pathetic fool's throat, or I will have the women killed here... now..." she adds in that monotonous inflection of hers.
I heft the dagger and weigh my options. I don't have many. I decide to stall for time. "Why him? Why is he chained to your altar?"
"Because he's an innocent." Hope smiles for the first time. "And his blood will complete Dahak's entry into your puny world."
I look at Xena. She shakes her head violently "No!", but her mouth is gagged. I then look at Gabrielle, but only briefly. Her face is filled with such anguish that it makes me hurt.
I look at Hope, who is smirking confidently. Doesn't she know that in two thousand years this whole sacrificial get-up will be a cliché? "Aren't you going to tell me your evil plan?" I ask, still stalling.
"Kill him." Hope commands. "Your attempt at a diversion will not be successful."
"Sorry, Joxer." I say, looking down at him. "You're about to learn one of the disadvantages of Nepotism", causing him to crinkle his eyebrows in confusion.
One of the acolytes coughs behind me. I lower the dagger to my side.
"Go on!" Hope urges. "What are you waiting for?"
"This." I say simply.
Gabrielle watches through dreary eyes as the acolyte behind Ogami lowers his hood. It is Ares! He viciously thrusts his hand out, and she expects to see a bolt of death impact into Ogami, but instead, his hand holds-
The Chronostone!! Xena thinks in recognition of the fabled gem. She watches as a solid beam of green light from the gem passes through Ogami, and into Dahak.
Dahak roars in disapproval, as Hope steps back uncertainly.
I feel the pulse from the Chronostone slam into me, wriggling free the chronotons from my own body, and slamming them into Dahak. I then do what comes naturally. I give Dahak the finger.
"We have a saying in my time," I shout over the growing din. "Up yours!"
I watch as Dahak writhes under the onslaught. Soon I will be home, I think to myself. When the last chronoton is freed from me, I will-
Gabrielle gasps as Ogami vanishes completely, the dagger he was holding clattering to the floor. She watches in fascination as Ares continues pouring the energy out of the Chronostone, and into Dahak.
Hope screams as she and Dahak suddenly snap like a whip and contract together, and then they are gone.
The Sovereign watches eagerly as another vortex opens up. At last! he exults to himself as he dives through it, and back into his own dimension. Simultaneously, the vortex erupts a writhing blue and white cloud, and closes up. At the other side of the floating cliff, another vortex opens, emitting a red and yellow cloud before closing as well.
The two shapes seem to stretch and pull, struggling against some force, but it is no use. The energy clouds are brought closer, and begin swirling together into a tornado. Unearthly screams erupt from the morass, finally being drowned out over the roar of their rotation. The clouds spin together faster and faster, until they glow white and explode in a million streamers of cold and fire.
A lone figure watches from the cliff, lowering his hood as the flickering remnants of both Dahaks, one from the Sovereign's realm and the other from his, fade away to nothingness.
"Eminently satisfying." Zeus chuckles to himself, teleporting away in a flicker of divine radiance.
Xena dismounts Argo to hug Solan to her, pulling Gabrielle into their embrace as well.
"That's right, kiddo." Xena comforts as she holds her son. "We're family now, and nothing's going to come between us!"
"Thanks... Mom." Solan adds uncertainly, smiling at her. Xena releases them both from her hold, and they resume their walk to Amphipolis as she guides Argo beside them.
"Gabrielle?" Solan pipes up.
"Yes, Solan?" she responds.
"Can I call you Aunt Gabrielle?" he asks, searching her expression.
"Oh, I don't know about..." Gabrielle says, trailing off as her eyes find Xena's, who is watching her with anticipation.
"Yes." Gabrielle decides. "Yes, you can call me Aunt Gabrielle. Just make it Auntie, okay?"
"Okay." Solan nods, skipping up along the road ahead of them.
Xena waits until he's a good distance ahead, and then speaks to her bard.
"Auntie Gabrielle, huh?" she notes with a raised eyebrow. "And how are we going to explain that to my mother?"
"We won't have to," Gabrielle answers, "if we make a stop at the Temple of Artemis before we get there."
"The Temple of Artemis?" Xena asks, perplexed. "Whatever for?"
"Well, we can't have your mother know that we're living in sin, can we?" Gabrielle brightly asks.
Xena stops and turns to her bard. "Are you- Are you proposing to me, Gabrielle?"
The bard nods, blinking and breaking into a nervous smile.
For a moment, Xena stands in shock, mulling over what the blonde woman before her is asking.
"I-I thought you'd use more words." Xena stammers in a soft voice.
"Some moments are best without words." Gabrielle responds, green eyes meeting blue.
"Then let the last word be... Yes." Xena breathes as she leans forward to kiss her wife-to-be.
Finally, at long last, everything was right in her world.