[Episode Two : First Game / A Guide
to the Nether World]
[Opening Theme “For Real”]
Narrator And so, to prevent the resurrection of
the grand demon Gyumaoh, the Most High Merciful Goddess sent Sanzo, Goku,
Hakkai, and Gojyo to India, far to the west.
[Scene Change / the jeep travels along a large desert]
Gojyo (cracks open a beer) Goddamnit,
this one’s hot. Goku, get me another beer.
Goku Get yer own beer, jerkoff!
Gojyo Okay, you’re gonna get me another
beer, or I’m gonna take this can and shove it up yer whiny little ass, ya got
that?!
Goku You just try and it and see what
happens to ya, shithead!
Gojyo Oh yeah?!
Goku You’re just looking for an excuse
to touch my ass, aren’tcha?
Gojyo [A/N Notice how Gojyo hesitates for a beat before responding? XD!]
Sanzo (irritated) Please...
Gojyo You little fag! Don’t project your
fantasies on me!
Goku All right, that’s it! Pull over,
I’m takin’ him out!
Sanzo (angrily) (vein throb) Your little
unrequited love affair is starting to get on my nerves. Get a room!
Goku/Gojyo (comical look of disbelief)
Hakkai (aside) Good move there, ah, Sanzo.
Sanzo (obviously pleased, with a little
smirk) I thought so, thanks.
Hakkai Oh my. Awful quiet back there, guys.
Are you making out?
Gojyo (sullenly) Shut up, Hakkai.
Goku Yeah, shut up.
[Scene Change / Heaven, residence of the Merciful Goddess]
Buddhisatva /(thinking) West, and east. Each has become
disturbed. To where the sun rises... and beyond where it sets./
Jiroshin (the sound of a door opening. Se opens
hir eyes [violet]) I have a report from the Sanbutsushin. It has finally
happened.
Buddhisatva The motions for which began long ago.
Jiroshin Pardon?
Buddhisatva (closes hir eyes. an image of Goku sitting on
[Title: First Game]
[Katakana: A Guide to the Nether World]
[Scene Change
/ a village at night fall]
Goku God, this food is awesome!
Girl (blink, blink! [eyes: burgundy])
Goku Hey, you H2O asshole! Gitcher hands off, that’s mine! Give it back!
Gojyo (taunts Goku with food) Come on!
Goku Come on, jerkoff!
Gojyo Yep, that’s it!
Goku Give it!
Gojyo (chuckles) Get it!
Goku (growls!)
Gojyo Jump!
Goku GIVE IT!
Gojyo Good boy!
Sanzo (vein throb, hand over face)
Hakkai (eating, doesn’t seem to even notice
the other two)
Gojyo (simpering, baby voice) Yeah,
that’s a good boy!
Goku Give it, give it, give it, give it,
GIVE IT!
Sanzo (out comes the paper fan – THWAP!)
GOD, give him his damn chicken and order your own!
Girl That poor little guy!
Sanzo (fist raised threateningly overhead,
pulling back sleeve) And you quit being an ass!
Hakkai Aw, don’t feel sorry for him. By the
way, are you the magician in the kitchen?
Girl Yes! Do you like it?
Goku Wow, you’re amazing! I’ve never
eaten this good in my life, ever! I mean it! Thanks!
Girl (embarrassed – blush!) Oh!
You’re – welcome. I’m glad you like it.
Sanzo Yeah, yeah, right, the food’s four
stars. [A/N Not five? Sanzo’s such an ass.
^-^!] How’s the demonic clientele acting lately?
Gentleman [eyes: red] What’s to say? They’re scum.
Always were. (split screen of families in the background. the screen blacks out
to demons tearing humans apart as he speaks) One day, they started acting like
their true nature – ugly. Killed ten people in our town. Then they just
disappeared.
Sanzo /(thinking) So they congregate,
attack, then the group leaves. Someone calls them, but to what gathering place?
It’s like a summoning that grows louder, and they follow it./
Girl (tearfully) I wish every demon
would just disappear! What they’ve done... the things they’ve done... They’re
monsters. All of them monsters!
Gentleman Houmei...
Houmei (runs from the room in tears, sobbing)
Gentleman I’m sorry. One of those killed was a dear
friend of hers.
Goku (looks genuinely distraught)
Gentleman Will that be all?
[Scene Change / outside porch, upstairs]
Hakkai Too many crimes... The human’s die,
the survivors grieve. They grow angry. Who could blame them?
Sanzo They don’t know the real reason for
what’s happening. It justifies their prejudice.
Gojyo They’re just humans. They’re stupid
and judgmental. What’s the mystery?
Hakkai Their prejudice might not threaten
you, but Goku and I have to wear these little restraints, and not everyone in
town may look at it as just fashion.
Gojyo Huh. Speakin’ of him, where is
monkey boy?
Sanzo Eating our doggy bags. You can bet
on it.
[Actually, he’s
on the ground floor outside, chopping wood for Houmei. Hakkai turns to watch
them from the veranda.]
Houmei Thanks for the help. You’re sweet.
Goku No problem. Sanzo’s fat butt means
I get a lot of practice.
Houmei I’ve had to do everything by myself,
since... Ekitoku...
Goku Ekito?
Hourmei (turns away) We’ve known each other
since we were kids. (split screen of demons rending humans apart in the
background) (tearfully) He was killed... by a demon. (Houmei screaming the
background – probably from witnessing Ekitoku’s death or what remained of him
afterward.)
Houmei (turning back towards Goku) (angrily)
Humans and demons should never have been living together in the first place!
It’s not natural! Just look at everything that’s happened! (steps forward) You
agree with me, don’t you, Goku?
Goku You know, I uh, I don’t think... I
mean... (obviously backed into a corner. he glances up to where the other three
are sitting, and all of them are watching him. Gojyo’s waving, Hakkai’s got a
hand to his chin in thought, and Sanzo’s watching from the corner of his eye.
He looks back to Houmei)
Houmei They’re evil. Disgusting. We should
find a way to kill every last one of them! Don’t you think so?
Goku Um... (finally looks away) Yeah.
[Scene Change / stairs of inn]
Goku (climbing up stairs)
Hakkai Goku.
Goku (looks up)
Hakkai You didn’t tell her anything, did
you? I don’t know if she’d handle it all that well.
Goku I hear that.
[downstairs,
some one is chuckling rather evilly]
Goku (sarcastically) Aw, great, the
carnival’s in town.
Gojyo Ohhhhh, yeah.
Sanzo (unreadable/suspicious look at group
downstairs)
Gojyo (groping motions) I’d like to show
a coupla those little carnival hotties what kind of action’s going on under my
big top.
Hakkai (blows whistle) Too much information!
Stranger (turns and smiles up at group on the
landing)
Sanzo (startles slightly)
Goku The hotel’s booked, preacher-man.
But I had the foresight to book a coupla vacant singles, so you can say thank
you now.
Sanzo (deadpan) Thank you, now. I say we
all stick together tonight just in case the local demon contingency gets antsy
and decides to go for a
Goku (yawns)
Gojyo (sarcastic) I can’t wait.
Hakkai (smiling way too much) It warms my
heart to see all of us getting along with each other so well. Good times.
[Scene Change /
Yaone I have news, Lord Kougaiji. Movement
in the east.
Kougaiji I know. Don’t worry about it. I’ve
already sent someone to take care of the little matter.
Yaone Dispatched assassins. I’m impressed.
Kougaiji (looks up at Rasetsunyo [eyes: violet])
/(thinking) I’m doing this for you, mother. Don’t worry – I’ll release you from
this spell. I promise./
[Scene Change / inn rooms]
Gojyo (not asleep, laying on side and
staring out window)
Hakkai (looks to be asleep)
Goku (sprawled over bed, on hand up his
shirt, snoring; obviously asleep or faking real well)
[in kitchen]
Houmei (doing dishes)
Gentleman Houmei, Let me get the rest. You go on to
bed.
Houmei Oh, I’m almost done.
[lights
suddenly go out behind her; there is a sound of pain]
Houmei (turns in surprise/panic) (gasp!)
[Scene Change / Sanzo’s room]
Sanzo (lying on side with back to door,
seemingly asleep. His robes are peeled to his waist)
[door opens,
and stranger from downstairs enters.]
Stranger (He flexes his hand and his fingernails
lengthen. [eyes: red] He stands above Sanzo and prepares to strike with his
claws)
Sanzo (grabs the man by the wrist before
he can hit)
Stranger (attempting striking with his free hand)
Sanzo (leaps out of bed and drop-kicks the
assassin.) (cocks pistol)
Demon (hits the ground face first) Bastard,
I’ll kill you!
Sanzo I don’t think so. (gun aimed at
demon) Pointed ears, a symbol shaped birthmark. I’m gonna go out on a limb here
and say your blood pumps a little bit darker than mine. Do you know what this
is?
Demon A banishing gun.
Sanzo (is pinning the demon down with a
foot on the demon’s lower back. He has the demon’s turban in his right hand,
gun in his left.) Well, it looks like word’s starting to get around. You guys
are a little more organized than I thought you were. Alright then, if you know
what this is then you know what it can do, right?
Demon (growls)
Sanzo You’ve got ten whole seconds to tell
me who’s violated the forbidden tenant and who’s responsible for this bloody
little uprising.
Demon (growls)
Sanzo Wrong answer. (fires and misses the
demon’s head by only a few inches)
Demon (screams) You said ten seconds! That
was only two!
Sanzo I suck at math. Now tell me.
Demon I swear to the Goddess I don’t know
who’s behind this! I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’m just following
Kougaiji’s orders, I don’t know anything!
Sanzo (eyes widen) /(thinking) Kougaiji...
Gyumaoh and Rasetsunyo’s son... But when they put Gyumaoh down, Kougaiji was
supposed to be sealed away. In
Demon You sure you want to waste all this time
trying to figure it out?
Sanzo (eyes widen again)
Demon By the time you put it all together
your friends will be dead. That is, if they’re not dead already.
Sanzo Look, you’re being too generous. In
assuming I care about their safety, that is. They can take care of themselves.
I don’t really need to worry about - !
[threads
appear and knock Sanzo’s gun away]
Woman I suppose you should be less concerned
with your friends, and spend that time worrying about yourself. (she has Houmei
tucked under one arm, standing on a large spider web in a distorted portion of
the room.)
Sanzo (small gasp at seeing girl) Houmei!
Woman I understand you’re heading west. [A/N How can she talk with her tongue
sticking out of her mouth like that?] Well, there’s been a change in plans.
For you, and your friends. Now you’re going south!
[Scene Change / Gojyo’s room]
Gojyo (lying in bed – looks like he’s
finally asleep)
[knock knock
on the door. Door opens]
Gojyo (sighs) Go away...
Woman (standing in doorway) I was hoping for
a little warmer welcome. Get room in that bed for two?
Gojyo (now sitting up in bed) Yeah, I
think I can fit you in. [A/N Note that
Gojyo is barefoot in this scene.]
[something
breaks in another room]
Gojyo A little noisy next door...
Woman (leans in close to Gojyo) Not nearly
as noisy as it’s going to be in here. (leans to his ear) I can get pretty loud.
Gojyo (smirk!) Not a problem. But I gotta
ask you a favor. Can you maybe trim those nails a little bit?
Woman (super long nails tangled up in
Gojyo’s hair) (slight gasp!)
Gojyo (grabs her by her wrists and socks
her one in the belly)
Woman (squeal!)
Gojyo (gets up and pulls out a cigarette)
Woman How did you know? I was told you’d be
too busy trying to get laid to figure out who I was.
Gojyo Sweetheart... when it comes to my
women... I’m picky.
[Scene Change / Hakkai’s room]
Hakkai (chuckles) That’s pretty lame. You
did everything but knock over a vase to let me know you were coming.
Gojyo (ducks into room) Hakkai, you alright?
(barely avoids stepping on the head of the demon Hakkai took out.) (vague noise
of disgust) Mine was a little better looking at least. [A/N Notice he took the time to pull on his boots before checking on
Hakkai? Also note that Hakkai is barefoot in this scene.]
Hakkai Whatever. Did you check Sanzo and
Goku?
Gojyo Goku’s next door. We check on him
first.
[a crashing noise,
and a demon is thrown through the door of the room next door. Gojyo and Hakkai
run out to see what’s going on]
Hakkai Are you alright? Goku! [A/N Guess he had to pull his shoes on fire
before going to check on Goku..]
Goku (lying upside down on his bed, arms
and legs wrapped around his pillow) Uhhhh... I’m fine... I had the weirdest
dream...
Hakkai (twisted smile) More like... a
nightmare, my friend.
Gojyo (eye twitch) (disbelief) He did
this in his sleep? That’s bullshit.
[Scene Change / Sanzo’s room and the web]
Sanzo (Has his arms tied up above him,
spread eagle. Mrrow!)
Woman I have to tell you, no one has ever
escaped from the Dark Spider Clan. Not even priests, I’m afraid.
Sanzo (leaning against the web)
/(thinking) Black magic. Illusions. I should have seen her coming a mile away.
I’m getting lazy./ (strains, but can’t move very far)
Woman Stop struggling and be a good boy. And
I just might let this girl live.
Sanzo You hurt her, you die.
Woman Hmmm. (socks Sanzo good on the back of
the head. Looks like it hurts.) (chuckles)
Sanzo (GLARE)
Woman Such spirit. Seems wasted on a human. Legend
has it if you consume a priest of high virtue you’ll live longer. Perhaps one
ranked as high as Sanzo could provide life everlasting, give or take a decade
or two. (takes Sanzo’s chin in hand) To human women you must look very
handsome, but to me, you’re dinner.
Sanzo (smirks) Up close like this you look
different. Uglier.
Woman (pissed!) I’ll destroy you! I’ll tear
you into such tiny little pieces you won’t ab-!
[something
tears the threads binding Sanzo’s arms, and the woman makes a sound of distress]
Gojyo (the blade of his weapon withdraws
into his staff) I’d rethink the menu, honey. That dish is a little sour.
Hakkai I think she’s bitten off more than
she can chew.
Goku (YAWN!) [A/N All three of them apparently decided to get dressed before coming
to Sanzo’s aide, and that must have taken a few minutes for Goku. Such friends,
eh? XD!]
Sanzo If you’re looking for a thank you,
keep searching.
Gojyo Wasn’t really planning on it. But
wouldja like a little help taking her down?
Sanzo (straightens, his robes back around
his shoulders) The more the merrier.
Woman Go ahead and try it. I’ll slit your
little friend in two before you take a step!
Hakkai (abruptly appears by her side) Hmmm!
Woman (gasp!)
Hakkai (snatches Houmei away from her)
Sounds like a challenge to me!
Woman (growl!)
Hakkai You’re too slow, lady. And now that
we have your bargaining chip, how ‘bout you just surrender and give up?
Woman (demons appear around her, and she
points to the group) Kill them all!
Goku Come on! I’m ready to end this
bullshit ‘cause I’m sick o’ looking at yer ugly ass! (growls and attacks,
taking down a demon with one hit)
Gojyo Nice job there, monkey boy.
(brandishes weapon, posing as his blade strikes another demon) Almost as nice
as mine.
Hakkai And now, my turn. (takes out another
two demons with a kit blast, Houmei in his opposite arm)
Woman I’ll kill you all one by one - !
Sanzo (shuts her up with a strong right
hook, knocking her to the ground) Well is that it? Huh? (raises eyebrows)
Haven’t you had enough?
Woman Oh, I’m just getting started. (her
skin darkens, and she beings to morph)
Sanzo (surprised) Oh shit!
Hakkai (equally disturbed) She’s changing.
Woman (becomes a really nasty large spider that
has no business being able to fit into a room as small as Sanzo’s to begin
with.)
Goku Ewww. That’s gross.
Gojyo (grinning) Yeah, kinda hard to tell
which one of her is uglier.
Spider (spits out strands of webbing at
them)
Goku (immediately wigs out) Gawd, this
is nasty get this shit off me!
Sanzo (speaking over Goku) Her power are
increasing now that she’s changed into another form.
Goku (still ranting under Sanzo’s
statement) C’mon guys this is really really gross! C’mon, uhhh!
Houmei (chooses this moment to wake up and
gasps at the sight of the giant spider)
Hakkai Wow, you’re awake. Bad timing, my
dear.
Houmei (screams!)
[a gun is
fired, hitting the spider in one of its many eyes. the woman behind the spider
screams, and the webs are cut off]
Goku We’re free!
Hakkai (dropped Houmei, and she’s climbing
to her feet)
Gentleman (standing in doorway, Sanzo’s gun in his
hands) Houmei!
Houmei Dad! (runs to the older man and hugs
him) Oh, dad!
Sanzo (is he smiling because he’s pleased or
has a twisted sense of humour?)
Gentleman (hands gun butt-first to Sanzo) I believe
this belongs to you.
Sanzo (reaches for gun) Well, I guess I
owe you a finder’s fee, then.
Spider Woman Oh, you’ll pay! (she’s clutching her
left eye, blown out by the gun [up until this point, her eyes looked gray, but
in this scene they are violet]) You’ll all pay! (she morphs back into her
spider form) (she turns to the fallen demons)
Sanzo (spreads his arms in front of Houmei
and her father, trying to block their view) Houmei, don’t look at it! [A/N That sounds really nasty out of
context...]
Spider (eats other demons, even though the
demons are still screaming and trying to crawl away)
Houmei (stares)
Goku Oh, gawd, she’s eating her friends.
Houmei (stares)
Hakkai She’s healing her wounds by consuming
their power.
Spider (the bullet wound begin to steam,
healing)
Houmei (still staring, in obvious shock)
Gojyo (smiling; he seems to be enjoying
this) She likes to eat men. She really is a spider.
Spider (strikes out at Houmei, although
she’s still behind Sanzo)
Houmei (stares, too deep in shock at the
sight to react)
Spider Come here, little girl!
Goku Back off! (he blocks the blow with
his staff)
Houmei (finally reacts) Goku, no!
Spider Stop it! Why do you insist on
protecting them? They’re weak! You are of my kind; we are the same!
Houmei (clutches her father, staring at
Goku’s back) (gasps) What? /(thinking) That can’t be... He... he can’t be... /
(leans forward) Goku... She’s lying, right?
Goku (still holding back the spider’s
strike) Wh, uh.... well, uh, she... she’s kinda on the level on this one.
Houmei So she’s telling the truth... Liar.
You liar! How could you lie to me, knowing how I feel?!
Goku (turns away from the spider) Don’t
say that, Houmei!
Houmei Get away from me! You monster!
Goku (gapes at her, but is distracted by
the spider. Nevertheless he misses the blow, and is sent bowling.)
Hakkai Goku!
Gojyo (attacks with a battle cry, but is
sent flying as well)
Spider (attacks again, driving forward
towards Houmei and her father)
Goku (lunges forward, blood flowing over
his face from under his coronet) Everybody get back! (His staff expands,
probably to brace on the walls of the room to help hold back the spider’s attack)
Spider Stop this madness and join forces
with me! We can rule the world with Gyumaoh forever!
Goku Not interested! And stop looking at
them like they’re different or we’re better! We’re all the same, all of us.
Well, except for the little fact that they cook better than I do.
Houmei (little startled gasp; she thinks back
to when Goku complimented her food)
[Flashback / Kitchen, earlier in episode]
/
Goku I
mean it! Thanks!
/
Houmei Oh, Goku...
Goku A little help here! Come on, you
guys!
Sanzo (standing off to the side while Goku
battles the spider) Hakkai, you take care of Houmei and her father. Gojyo, you
help Goku. Buy me some time.
Gojyo Done. (stands there a second with
Hakkai, anyways. No hurries, here.)
Sanzo A seal. (twisted smile) Let’s take
her down.
Goku (jumps away from an attack) Bring
it on, spider lady!
Gojyo (finally getting in on the action)
You know, Houmei and her dad run a really nice place here... except for the
pest problem.
Houmei Who are you? (speaking to Hakkai) What
are you?
Hakkai (arms crossed, standing guard in
front of Houmei and her father) Houmei, the demons throughout the land aren’t
doing these terrible things for the thrill of it all. Something is making them
act this way. Some of them, anyway. You’re young; be careful of blanket
judgments.
Sanzo (busy whispering/chanting the sutra
– I caught the word ‘kingdom’, but that was it.) (the sutra winds its way
around the spider, holding it in place)
Spider (makes sounds of distress)
Gojyo Now’s your chance, man. Go get her!
Goku It’s about time! (he attacks,
extending his staff) Now maybe she’ll get my point! (he impales the spider with
his staff)
Spider (screams and dies, exploding into
dust)
[Scene Change / next day, morning. outside of inn]
Gentleman Leaving so soon?
Hakkai (behind the wheel of the jeep;
everyone else is seated in the jeep along with him) Yes. We have a long way to
go.
Goku (looking a bit depressed) I guess
Houmei isn’t coming to see us off.
Sanzo (smiling slightly) Probably not. Not
after what happened yesterday. (thinks back to Houmei’s reaction to Goku being
a demon)
[Flashback / night before]
/
Houmei (arms
wrapped around herself) You’re a liar! How could you do this to me, knowing how
I feel?! Liar! Liar!
/
Goku (looks teary eyed!)
Houmei Goku, wait! (her eyes are lowered, but
she’s holding out a gift to Goku)
Goku (looks genuinely pleased) Hey,
you’re here!
Houmei (refuses to look up at him.) It’s not
much. Just a little something to say I’m sorry. Goku, please forgive me if you
can. I’m sorry, I was wrong about you. Do you forgive me?
Goku (reaches out to take the gift)
Yeah!
Houmei (blushes, surprised)
Goku (pleased smile) Thank you!
[The group
drive off down the street]
Houmei Father... I was so wrong... Do you
think the others will be able to forgive me?
Gentleman Of course. But not until you’re able to
forgive yourself.
Houmei (teary eyed)
Gentleman It’s hard to accept those who are
different from ourselves.
[Flashback / when Goku was protecting Houmei from the
spider]
/
Goku And
stop looking at them like they’re different or we’re better! We’re all the
same, all of us!
/
Houmei (tears fall. Sob.)
Gentleman (said as the scene pans over the
countryside) Maybe one day... we will all be able to live as brothers.
[Scene Change / out on the road with the group]
Sanzo (to Hakkai) You know what this
means. They know what our plans are.
Hakkai Stop the resurrection. And this
Kougaiji guy – seems like we’ve got enemies being freed and resurrected all
over the place.
Goku I’m just saying; yeah, that chick
was good.
Gojyo Yeah, this stuff isn’t bad.
Goku Hey, get your hands off! This isn’t
for you!
Sanzo (SIGHS) I’m sorry, I can’t
concentrate.
Gojyo Like hell it’s not! (teasing Goku
with the food again) She gave it to all of us!
Sanzo (vein throb) (pointing to the two
fighting in the back seat) Not with those two morons in the back.
Goku No she didn’t, she gave it to me!
Gojyo Jump! Jump monkey boy!
Hakkai I try to ignore them.
Goku (couldn’t make out what he said
before this) She thinks you’re a jerk!
Gojyo Come here, boy!
Sanzo Really. How’s it going?
Goku Hand it over!
Hakkai Not so good.
Goku Give it back, shithead, that’s
mine!
Gojyo Y’know, you’re a real selfish pain
in the ass.
Goku AHAHAHAAH! Suck it!
[Closing Theme “Tightrope”]
[Next SAIYUKI]
Goku Okay, this is bullshit! There’s no
meat, there’s no fish, we have to bring our own beer. This trip is getting
worse and worse! Last time it’s a hotel crawling with demons, this time it’s a
bunch of stuffy monks! I dunno what’s worse: what’s in here, or what’s out
there.
Gojyo Shut up and tell them the title!
Goku His God, My God. Happy? (The
katakana say “Where the Gods Are”)
Gojyo Delirious.