Point 1: This is my story. Take it for what you will.

I've always been a mama's boy, the perfect child. I didn't like to get dirty. I didn't like to do anything that could hurt me. I never talked back. I said my prayers everynight. The biggest problem my parents had with me was getting me to eat all my dinner. My dad had a picture of me on his desk at his 9-5 job. And it wasn't just a picture of me smiling. It was actually me. I was that perfect little boy in the picture... everyday. But everything must come to an end.

Point 2: Everyone needs to feel special and important. Everyone.

When I was 14, I began to change. I was extremely religious. A fucking Bible-thumper. It's not like I had anything else to do. No friends, no life. God cared. He was going to send me into hell if I "became" gay, but He still loved me. But destiny had it that one day, the Christian chatrooms turned into M4M chatrooms. And then my life began to change from innocent and naive to corrupted and wise. But the wisdom didn't come until recently.

Point 3: Think with your heart if you insist, but you'll pay.

At age 14, which quickly turned into 15, there wasn't a room where 50 gay people from the same city could gather at one time. It was IRC, and there were only 20 people in the room, and they were scattered all over the state. It seemed like I was the only one... until John, a 23yo, appeared one day. I talked to him on the phone for three days, several hours each time, before I met him. Talking to this other male who was interested in me felt phenomenal. I told him I loved him. I can't say that anymore... to anyone.

Point 4: Never under-estimate the power of denial.

Luckily for me, the movie Titanic was playing when I met John. If I told my mom I was going to see that movie, then I had a good four hours to do whatever I wanted. Thank God for long movies. Each time I saw John, I told my mom I was going to see it again. I must have seen it 6 or 7 times, if you asked my mom. I had John wear a hat when meeting my dad (mom and dad divorced when I was a baby). "John's a senior this year; he's 18." Yeah, right. They never knew about it.

Point 5: Exposure is one of the best forms of education.

As you probably guessed, the affair with John lasted but a short while. A 23yo wasn't compatible with a 15yo, can you believe that?! Over the next few months, I came upon a great enlightenment. Shortly after I met an 18yo from St. Louis, my family went on our yearly vacation, this time to Florida. It just so happened that Gay Pride was going through at this time, and many of them were staying at our hotel. Imagine a 15yo boy waking up one morning, walking outside, and seeing 30 or so half-naked gay boys in the swimming pool. What a wake-up call!

Check back occasionally as I add more to the story!