The Raven A Spoof by Keiko Narrator: *clears throat* A-hem. "Once upon a..." Tasuki: Hey! Those are my lines!! Narrator: I know! But I am saying them because they are MY lines! You have lines too!! Tasuki: Oh... Narrator: Ok! "Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,- While I nodded, nearly drinking..." What?! It's napping! Not drinking!! TASUKI!!! Tasuki: Hehehehehee... Kei: Baka! Why the heck did you mess with the script! I hafta get a good grade on this! It's fer school!!*whaps Tasuki* Tasuki: Ow...ehehee... Kei: Keep reading, Mister Narrator-person-lady. Narrator: Fine. I'm re-reading it so it makes sense. "Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore-, While I nodded, nearly NAPPING*glares at Tasuki*, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door." *Tamahome's in the background listening to the Pokemon rap. Tasuki hits Tama with his tessen* Tasuki:*looks around and mutters* Tis some visitor, tapping at my chamber door; Only this, and nothing more. Narrator: "Ah, distincly I remember, it was in the bleak December, And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. Eagerly I wish the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow From my books surcease of sorrow,-sorrow for the lost Rei..." ANOTHER CHANGE?! TASUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!! Tasuki: What? Since I was the main guy, I thought I'd change a few things. Keiko said she didn't mind. Kei: Cuz you tied me up and tortured me until I said alright!! Narrator: Oh fine. "Sorrow for the lost ReiRei- For the rare and radiant maiden whom Suzaku"?? What?! Tasuki: I also changed that too. Narrator:*sweatdrop* Fine fine..."Sorrow for the lost ReiRei,- For the rare and radiant maiden whom Suzaku named ReiRei,- Nameless here forevermore."*drinks some water* Narrator: "And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain Thrilled me,-filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating," Tasuki: "'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door,- Some late drunken bandit entreating entrance at my chamber door; That it is, and nothing more." *yells towards the door* Kouji! Beat it!! Kouji: Oh fine...I was just looking for Mitsuki.*sighs* Kei: She's in the back with the lighting! And don't you dare go back there! Kouji:*drunk grin* Okie dokie smokie!! Narrator:*clears throat again and everyone shuts up* "Presently my soul gew stronger; hesitating then no longer," Tasuki:sounds scared*"Sir, or madam. Truly your forgiveness I implore; But the fact is, I was drinking, and so gently you came rapping, And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, That I scarce was sure I heard you."- Narrator: -"Here I opened wide the door; Darkness there, and nothing more." *sighs* Geez, long poem. What the heck is it about anyways? Kei:*pulls out a mallet and whacks the Narrator* Dumby! Get on with the story!! Narrator:*sighs again* Fine..."Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there, Wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before; But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token, And the only word there spoken was the whispered word 'ReiRei!'" *mutters*(That makes no sense at all...) "This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, 'ReiRei!' Merely this, and nothing more." Narrator: "Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, Soon again I heard a tapping, something louder than before:" Tasuki:*looks around*"Surely, surely that is something at my window-lattice; Let me see then what thereat is, and this mystery explore,- Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore,- 'Tis the wind, and nothing more."*mumbles* Stupid lines... Narrator: "Open then I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, Inn there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore. Not the least obeisane made he; not an instant stopped or stayed he; But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door,- Perched upon a bust of Pallas, just above my chamber door,- Perched, and sat, and nothing more." Kei: *drinks some sake* Keep going... Narrator: "Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling. By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore," Tasuki: "Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou, art sure no craven; Ghastly, grim, and ancient raven, wandering from the nightly shore, Tell me what thy lordly name is on the night's of Plutoniam shore?" Narrator: "Quote the Raven," Tamahome: I'm an ogre! Not a raven!! Narrator: Fine, sorry. "Quote the OGRE," Tamahome: "Stupid fanboy." *creepy grin* Tasuki: What?! Why you stupid...OBAKE-CHAN!!! Tamahome: Don't call me that!! *Both turn SD and they start to wrestle* Kei: Two things that annoy me!! 1. People who won't listen!*whacks Tama* And 2. Stupid bandits who won't stop flamin` people!! Narrator:*sweatdrop* Are you three done?*the three nod* Ok, let me continue. "Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to here discourse so plainly. Though its answer little meaning, little relevancy bore; For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door, Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust of his chamber door, With such a name as," Tasuki: Obake-chan!*whack* Ow... Tamahome:*balancing on the door top* Uh...heh..."Nevermore, stupid fanboy!!" Narrator:*sweatdrop* *mumbles* Baka obake-chan...*starts to read again* "But the raven, sitting lonely *Tamahome pulls out a small Miaka plushie and cuddles it* on the placid bust, spoke only That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour. Nothing further then he uttered,-not a feather then he fluttered,- Till I scarcely more than muttered,". Tasuki: "Other friends have flown before,- On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.". That was so hard to say. Narrator: "Then the ogre said," Tamahome: "Nevermore, fangboy!!" Tasuki:*flames Tama again* Baka obake-chan!! Narrator: "Startled at the stillness, broken by reply so aptly spoken," Tasuki: "Doubtless, what is utters is its only stock and store, Caught from some unhappy master, whom unmerciful disaster Followed fast and followed faster, till his song one burden bore, Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore,- Of 'Nevermore,-nevermore!'" Tamahome: "Nevermore, fangboy!!" Kei: Obake-chan! Not yet!! Tamahome:*sweatdrops* Whoops... Narrator: *continues to read* "But the ogre still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling, Straight I wheled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door. Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous ogre of yore- What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gauunt, and ominous ogre of yore- Meant into croaking," Tamahome: "Nevermore, fangboy!" Narrator:*sweatdrop* It's just "Nevermore!" not "Nevermore, Fangboy!!" Get it right, Obake-chan!! Tamahome:*SD and has tears in his eyes* Quit calling me that!! My name is Tamahome! Kei:*gets a latter and pats Tama on the back* S`ok, Tama-chan. Tamahome: Atleast ONE person is calling me...Hey! I'm not a cat!! Kei: I know! But it's such a cute name fer ya!! Tamahome:*mumbles something and continues to balance himself on the bust of the door* ... Narrator: "This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core; This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease and reclining On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er, But whose velvet violet lining, with the lamplight gloating o'er, She shall press-ah! Nevermore!" *whining* Is it over yet?!?! Kei: No! Keep reading! You are almost done!! Tasuki:*realizes that there's an audiance* What?! Why are all those people out there?! Nuriko:*yells from where he's sitting* Go Tasuki! You guys are doin` great! Hotohori: I would have made a better lonesome person that Tasuki. Houki:*hits him* Shush! Mitsukake and Chiriko:*sweatdrop* Soi:*laughing* Nakago:*seeming a bit confused* Are they talking about me? Are they making fun of me? Suboshi: No, Nakago, they aren't. You're just mad that Keiko-sama dyed your hair pink. Nakago:*blue chi surrounds him* You're right. I'll get him after the play. Amiboshi: N-Nakago! Keiko-sama is a GIRL! She may look like a boy, but I swear she's a girl!! Nakago: Oh...you're right. But she has short hair and wearing boy clothing. Suboshi: She feels like it... Nakago: Oh...*gets hit by Kei's shoe* Ow! Kei: SHUT UP DOWN THERE!! WE ARE TRYING TO FINISH THIS PLAY BEFORE YOU ALL FALL ASLEEP!!*turns to where ever the Narrator is* Continue, please. Narrator: "Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer, Swung by seraphim, those footballs tinkled..." It's footfalls! Not footballs, who changed it?! *glares at Kei* I bet you did it! I know you like to play football! Kei: Go on! Narrator:*mumbles and continues* "-those footfalls tinkled on the tuffed floor." Tasuki:*tries to sound annoyed* "Wretch! Thy God, Suzaku, hath lent thee,-by these Nyan Nyans he hath sent thee, Repsite,-respite and nepenthe from the memories of ReiRei! Quaff, O, quaff and this kind of nepenthe, and forget this lost ReiRei!" Narrator: "Quote the Ra...er...Ogre," Tamahome: "Nevermore, flame boy!!" Tasuki: Oh! I see now that its changed to flameboy, eh?? Well then! LEKKA, SHINEN!! *Tamahome's a fried ogre* *clears throat* "Propget! Thing of evil!-prophet still, if ogre or Nakago!" Hehehee...Nakago's a devil ya know. Trying to kill Yui then Miaka And kissing Tamahome. Hehehehehee...*gets hit by Kei and continues to say his lines* "Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchantet,- On this home by horrow haunted,-tell me truly, I implore,- Is there-is there balm in Gilead?-tell me,-tell me, I implore!" Narrator: "Quote the Ogre," Tamahome: "Nevermore, flameboy!" Tasuki: "Prophet! Thing of evil!-Prophet still, if ogre or Nakago! By that heaven that bends above us,-by that Suzaku we both adore, Tell this soul with sorrow laden, if, within the distant Konan, It shall clasp a sainted maiden, whom Suzaku named ReiRei, Clasp a fair and raiant maiden, whom Suzaku named ReiRei!" Narrator: "Quote the ogre," Tamahome: "Nevermore, flameboy!" Tasuki: "Be that word our sign of parting, ogre or Nakago!" *pretends to shriek, but sounds like a cat* Meow! "Get thee back into the tempest and the nights Plutonian shore! Leave no red plume as a toke of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken!-quit the bust above my door! Take thy hand from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!" Narrator: "Quote the ogre," Tamahome: "Nevermore, flameboy!" Narrator: "And the ogre, never flinching, still sitting, still sitting On the pallid bust of Pallas, just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon that is dreaming, And the lamplight o`er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor, Shall be lifted,-nevemore!" *cheering* WOOHOO! WE'RE DONE!! I AM SO LOSING MY... Eek! Kei:*looks at Tasuki, who's past out* Guess all them odd words were to much fer the guy... Hotohori:*walks up to Kei* Next time you do somethin` like that, call me. Thanks For Listening to this story!! All the characters except the Narrator, Kei and Mitsuki are all copyright of Yuu Watase, Pioneer, and other people whom I didn't mention. "The Raven" is a poem by Edgar Allen Poe, and the spoof was thought of by Megan Mariah Dykeman. She had no help and plans to put this on her webpage for other Fushigi Yuugi fanatics can read and laugh. Maybe they will even want to read The real version. Who knows. It's their choice. Sayonara!!