[[poemz]]


[just a 13 y/0 child]

It aint very 0ften that i truly laugh 0r smile
y0u think its crazy, cuz im -just- a 13 year 0ld child
maybe it aint th0 cuz y0u d0nt really kn0w
y0u d0nt see what my life is really like
y0u d0nt see my pain
y0u d0nt see that right n0w
i have n0thin t0 gain
y0u d0nt wanna see what i put up with
my life aint been n0thin but hell f0r tw0 years,
since i waz in the 5th
y0u d0nt g0tta clue 0f what y0u put me thru
y0u may say y0u care
but i kn0w y0u really d0nt
y0u say y0u`ll alwayz be there
but i kn0w y0u w0nt
i kn0w y0u lie and d0in that t0 me makes -me- cry
why can't y0u see it hurts s0 bad?
can't y0u see itz why im s0 sad?
0r maybe y0u`re glad, i feel what i d0
in this messed up life, anythung c0uld be true
living in a hateful w0rld, feelin s0 much shit,
h0w c0uld i n0t be a little screwed up,
dealin with it?
y0u may n0t see the purp0se t0 what im sayin,
0r maybe y0u d0nt care,
s0 imma just quit delayin,
d0nt tell me y0u care when y0u d0nt,
d0nt tell me y0u`ll always be there,
cuz i already kn0w y0u w0nt
d0nt b0ther lying t0 me,
cuz it just hurtz me m0re,
and why in the w0rld
w0uld y0u wanna d0 -that- f0r?


[imp0ssible]

If i started cryin, If i dare,
w0uld they n0tice, w0uld they care?
t0 let it 0ut, let them see, sh0w tha truth,
what's inside 0f me, w0uld they understand?
w0uld they try?
c0uld they see the reas0nz why i cry?


[fallin]

fallin s0 hard, s0 quick f0r y0u
never felt s0 many feelingz f0r s0me0ne
s0 fast, s0 s00n
l0st in h0w y0u make me feel
i cann0t help but smile
havent smiled s0 much
in such a l0ng while
y0u make me crazy
but thatz 0kay.
i w0uldnt wanna feel
any 0ther way
fallin s0 hard, s0 quick f0r y0u
never cared ab0ut s0me0ne
s0 much, s0 s00n


[n0thing i can say]

deep d0wn Inside, Im empty.
n0 sense 0f c0nfidence,
i d0nt kn0w whats right,
its 0ne big fight.
everyday i fight a war.
Im n0t winning, my wh0le w0rlds spinning.
my lifes slippin away fr0m me
and therez n0thing i can say,
theres n0thin y0u can d0 either,
the pain just w0nt g0 away.
my heads filled with c0nfusi0n,
thingz i cant figure 0ut,
theres s0 much anger,
and s0 much d0ubt.
s0 many questi0nz in my mind,
but the answers i cant find
Im gr0wing weaker by the day.
theres n0thin left f0r me t0 say.
deep d0wn Inside, im al0ne,
all my em0ti0ns and pain cant be sh0wn,
i hide it and al0ne i fight it.
when my pain appearz,
it c0mes 0ut as tears.
y0u l00k at me and ask "what's wr0ng?"
I cant let it 0ut s0 i lie,
i say im fine, but inside i want t0 die.
Im dfraid 0f t0m0rr0w,
afraid 0f it bringin m0re s0rr0w.
Its hard trying t0 make it thr0ugh everyday.
maybe im crazy,
but the pain just w0nt g0 away.


[fighting the tearz]

fighting tha tearz is bec0ming s0 0ld,
i feel s0 al0ne helpless and c0ld.
n0 0ne kn0z what g0es thr0ugh my mind
y0u`re 0blivi0us t0 what y0u`ve d0ne t0 me
and as f0r what i g0 thr0ugh y0u`re blind.
Why is it s0 hard f0r me t0 stay happy?
Why cant thingz be fine?
Everythingz s0 c0nfusing is this life i live,
in this w0rld 0f mine.
The pain keepz gr0wing, and itz making me weak
s0 many questi0nz as t0 why i feel the way i d0
and all tha answerz i seak.
even if i get 0ne g00d reas0n, why n0thing stayz '0kay',
i`d m0ve 0n still dreading tha next day
s0metimes, i w0nder why we have t0 feel pain,
all it d0es f0r me is drive me insane
i d0nt kn0w h0w t0 deal,
these w0undz w0nt heal
pe0ple keep digging them deeper
s0metimes i cant even cry, it hurtz that much,
everyday i begin t0 hurt m0re,
theres n0thing left f0r me t0 clutch
n0 0ne kn0wz h0w i feel inside,
there`s been s0 many times i`ve tried
t0 make it g0 away
but fighting tha tearz, is h0w i remain.


[numb]

its feels as if my heart is s0 heavy
yet it feels empty
my hurt is c0ncealed behind the fake smile i wear
s0metimes i feel like
my wh0le b0dy is c0nsumed with despair
faithless is what i have bec0me
my spirit is sl0wly dying, as my seams c0me und0ne
this hateful w0rld keeps me belligerent
its pe0ples mindless games have made me
indifferent
but, i feel s0 numb
such a strange sensati0n it is
s0metimes, i cl0se my eyes
and it even seems like bliss