B. Jean Spears
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new techniques
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dangling participles
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My name is Britney Jean Spears. Yeah, I know, it's an unusual name for a boy but my parents were upper class and waaaaaay out of touch.

I am a writer. Unfortunately, there's not much of a market for anything other than television gameshow scripts and travel-adventure articles these days. The stuff I do get published rarely appears under my name. Most of my stuff

This site is my attempt to set the record straight. My primary antagonist is a street tough from New Jersey named
Lee Klein. Lee Klein couldn't get laid at an armadillo convention. I've been to many armadillo conventions and I GOT LAID PLENTY OF TIMES! Any armadillo will tell you.

When you receive emails touting links such as
"See Britney naked/nude/disrobed/trying on Halloween costumes!", realize that 80% of these links are going to be to me, are going to take you to pics revealing the real me and my real, true-to-life adventures with a misshapen penis, as well as stories detailing my struggle to maintain a certain humane level of satisfaction for the eighteen supernumerary nipples located randomly about my body. Such are my struggles; such are my webpages.

Congregate, salivate,

p.s.  Where's Waldo? ? ?  He owes me money for: (VOTE BELOW)
Like... oops!
   UPDATE: Feb. 2006   Staying home with the baby gives me more time to answer emails so the Yahoo! email is back up. Write me, fans!!!
(I'm especially interested to know what Sagarin Ratings are.)

March 2006: Just heard from
my best friend from
High School
, the one who taught me how to smoke
and cuss like a Texas Republican!
"Invectives the Lord taught us"
... and a complete list of NCAA athletes He will favor in the coming year...
textual waffle
an update on my
hysterical pregnancy
photo gallery
take the poll
begin to dream
start a discussion
in a Chevrolet
word collage by
Sid Phyllis:
A biblical perspective on