Guidelines in Giving Advice to Your Friends
Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said:
"Each one of you serves as a mirror to his brother. hence if you see any fault in your brother, eliminate it." (Tirmidhi)
[Before giving advice, verify your information and its sources]
ALSO: Make sure your intention is right
Try to understand the situation and the conditions that led to a person to do what he did. Give the benefit of the doubt to the person. Don't assume you know exactly what he or she was thinking, etc..
Even if he or she is doing something wrong [or did something wrong], don't judge him or her [i.e label them as either 'good' or 'bad]...it's not your place. Everyone , good or bad, makes mistakes.
Give indirect advice to the person instead of being direct.
Help your companion understand; Don't just give the rules and laws [i.e.: Don't say: 'HARAAM HARAAM!!' 'THAT IS SO WRONG; OH MY GOD YOU ARE GOING DOWWN" and then think that you are 'enjoining good and forbidding evil'.] We are all human beings with humane feelings and character. We are also not stupid. Make your companion understand; give him the 'whys' and reasons if you can. Follow the example of the Prophet who was kind, understanding, and used reasoning.
Sometimes you can try to put your advice in a question form requesting him to give you an advice for such a situation when it happens. Let him give you advice, the recommendation and the answer.
You should advise someone in privacy , not in public (In public it may insult them). Also, keep their secrets and show them that you can be there if they need you...even if you don't want to be close, you can still be a friend.
Don't think that you are always right, or your understandings of Islam is the only true understanding.
When you give advise to a person, remember his feelings, his age, his dignity, and his honor -Don't insult any of that.
Put yourself in his or her position and ask yourself how you would like to be advised.
Try to be soft, compassionate, loving, caring, and understanding.
Don't be a lecturer, you have to 'Give and Take'. Listen and talk; win him- don't lose him.
When you try to advise someone to do something, make sure you try to apply it to yourself. If you advise a friend to stop a bad habit, make sure your trying not to do it. Practice what you preach.
If you feel that there is an important point missing, please just e-mail it to me so I can get it up here!!
islamicwayz@yahoo.com
Many of these pieces of advise are from:
Friday Khutab by Ahmad H. Sakr