So Many Chances. . .
Every morning I should say Alhamdullillah. Alhamdullillah. Not because I have another chance to show the world who I am. Not because I have another chance to have more fun. Not because I have another chance to see and love the ones that are so close to me. I mean, you can and should be thankful for that. But why should we REALLY say Alhamdullillah every morning?
Every day...Every single day that I awaken from my short death, I have another chance. I have another chance to live up to the word Muslimah..to LIVE up to the word Mu'minah. I have another chance to show Allah (SWT) how much I love Him. I have another chance to act in the way Allah (SWT) wants me to. I have another chance to SHOW Allah (SWT) that I will sacrifice so much for Him. I have another chance to SHOW Him how much He means to me; to show Him (SWT) that every desirable thing in this world is NOTHING; that My desire is to Please Him, To Worship Him, To Love Him. I have another chance to show Allah (SWT) all of this. I have another chance to be the best Muslimah in the Eyes of Allah (SWT). I'm sixteen right now. For about three years I've been accounted for. For three or four years I had all these chances and they were all to be written and recorded on my right side..by my right angel. For three or four years (Let alone my whole life] I woke up every single day with a chance. With the greatest chance any human being..dead or alive..could ask for. With the chance to show Allah (SWT) how much I really love Him, how much I, a humble and tiny human being, can sacrifice for Him (SWT), the Creator, the Fashioner, the Greatest, the Most High.
I say astaghfarAllah because I am so wrong; because I am ashamed. Because for more than a thousand days [3yrs]-- I woke up with the greatest chances in the world. I threw the chances away. Every single day I threw them away. I bow my head down in shame. He [SWT] gave me so many chances. And every day was worth so much. So far, He (SWT) blessed me with Five THOUSAND eight HUNDRED and FOURTY days to awaken to. He blessed me with 24 hours in each and every one of those days; 1140 minutes in each and every one of those days; 68,400 seconds in each and every one of those days. Disregard all the seconds and minutes; every hour of my life , I could've said SubhanAllah or Allahu Akbar just ONCE. I have everything; I have a computer; I have my own room; I have a bed, a desk, light, school, books,I have perfumes, I have shirts, I have clothes, I have every single thing any person could ask her. I could have given ONE quarter a day. JUST one quarter. Not even a dollar or two or three a day ..which is no big deal. Instead, I gave nothing. Oh ,occasionally, yes, I was never greedy and I did give. But I look at how many chances He gave me, How many days He (SWT) gave me..and that compared to what I gave is like nothing. Yes, I glorified Him (SWT)..many times. But I look at how many minutes and hours are in one day..and all these chances compared to what I've given Him [SWT]..it's like nothing. He is the Greatest and the Most Important to me. But , I bow my head down in shame. I wouldn't say this except if it were the truth..BUT it seems like I've done more for my sister; my brothers. It seems like I did more for my mother and father. I've done more for my friends. I bow my head down in shame. Allah (SWT) gave me so many chances. . . To show Him my Faith. I bow my head down in shame.
I often wonder..how can He (SWT) forgive us ? Us-Humans? How can He forgive ME? I've given my friend so so much; but she wouldn't forgive me for something simple that I did. Ya 'Allah!! I've given you so little..yet when I disobey you and do something BIG wrong, you INSIST [in the Qur'an and sunnah] that you will forgive me....if I just ask. All I have to do is SINCERILY ask. Allahu Akbur.
He (SWT) gave me so many chances. SO many. Yeah, in life, many times, we'll have a chance to do something great and we'll miss it. It happens once or twice..maybe three times, five,ten..maybe. But I woke up five thousand eight hundred and fourty days. Every single minute, I was breathing. Every single minute, my mind, the human mind..which is smarter and wiser than any other animal‘s, worked perfectly. I threw away so many minutes, so many chances. I bow my head down in shame. What if I don't wake up tomorrow? What if I don't have another chance? What am I going to say..‘Ya 'Allah , why couldn't you give me one more chance?’ I'm not going to say that-I have no right..I may beg for another chance..but I highly doubt I will say 'why didn't you give me more chances'..because He (SWT) gave me enough chances, He (SWT) gave me..so..much. I was the stupid one who did not make use of all these chances. He (SWT) is so great. He deserves so much from me. He gave me so much. He EVEN gave me so many beautiful blessings. He gave me so much and gave me so many chances to show Him that I was thankful and smart. I had so many chances to show Him (SWT) how much I loved Him; to show Him that I will act in the way He wants me to; to show Him (SWT) that I will sacrifice so much for Him; to show Him (SWT) how much He (SWT) means to me. So many chances.......and I threw so many away.