The role of the husband in making his wife happy is no less important than the wife's role in the happiness of her husband. The husband's role in assuring the hapiness of all his family is an essential one, since he is responsible of runing all its affairs; and therefore it is only natural that he would also hold the responsiblity of leading his family towards the goals that were ordained by Islam. And as such, these goals could only aim for the good, the happiness and the stability of all the members of the family under the wisdom and prudent leadership of the husband.
In this context, the wife should receive a great deal of this happiness being a major partner and an essential pillar whose harmony and accord play a vital role in helping the husband assume his responsiblities. In fact, for a man to perform his duties towards his wife and ensure her happiness, it indicates that he is a man of a high standard, and proves that he can stand up to his duties.
Contrary to the teachings of Islam, men have failed in most Islamic societies, and at various times, to treat women with the apprectiation, and honor they deserve; not only as wives but
as mothers, sisters, daughters and workers, despite the fact that the aggression women face as wives is more vigorous than what they have to suffer of as relatives. Since a father or a brother would he hound by blood relation to feel sorry for his daughter or sister, while her husband, being a stranger, would treat her with excessive harshness and cruelity, aided by social norms and traditions.
It seems that many factors have helped in creating this phenomena such as:
- Many religious texts and judgements that have been misunderstood, and that urge the
women to obey men, they also appear to mean that women are inferior to men. In this respect, it should be emphasized that these texts were completely misinterpreted and that those who misunderstood them have neglected all the other texts that provide for the woman's honorable and decent position Islam calls for.
- Social norms and traditions that are inherited from pre - Islamic backward societies, which are still very strong and active in the tribal societies. Such societies view the women as a marginal being whose only purpose is to accomodate the men's needs.
- The tendency of those who are strong to oppress the weak: Although such a tendency is not confined to conjugal relationships, it tends to be more painful in these relationships, for the husband will be dealing with his wife in private, in a situation where he alone is the judge of his actions, amid the blessings of the society, and its indifference to the woman's sufferings.
It's a pity that such a primitive tendency, such an animal instinct, is found even among Muslims.... And the reason is probably, that it could not be dealt with, by abiding by the juristic judgement alone.. but with the spirit of friendship and moral obligation as well.
This is the sad reality of the Muslim wife in most Muslim societies that we find ourselves eager to change. For we ought to save the Muslim family from the sphere of arbitrary hegemony, into the realm of man's responsible and just moral authority.
The more a Muslim husband makes sure that his wife is happy, the more he avoids the numerous troubles that are caused by his unwillingness to make his wife happy or his inability of doing just that. In this respect, those are the elements we consider that they are necessary to ensure a happy conjugal life:
To pay the dowry and all the financial commitments that are provided for in the marriage contract.
- Husbands in Muslim societies do not usually give this issue the attention it deserves. They believe that as long as they are living happily together, the wives will not insist on receiving their rights. The husband would then tend to use the wife's money. not paying attention to the fact that they are not legally his, and therefore he has to ask her permission first. Yet, the ugliest forms of harsh treatment are the ones a man resorts to when he is bored with his wife and decides to divorce her. He would then try to hurt her in various ways, so that she would agree to leave her dowry and save herself. Such an act is not only unlawful but also immoral. The Holy Quran states:
"0 ye who believe It is not lawful for you forcibly to inherit the women (of your deceased kinsmen), nor (that) ye should put constraint upon them that ye may take away a part of that which ye have given then, unless they be guilty of flagrant sinful act. But consort with them in kindness, for if ye hate them it may happen that ye hate a thing wherein Allah hath placed much good". Nissa' : 19
"Then, when they have reached their term, take them back in kindness or part from them in kindness, and call to wit-ness two just men among you, and keep your testimony upright for Allah, whoso believeth in Allah and the Last Day is exhorted to act thus. And whosoever keepeth his duty to Al-lah, Allah will appoint a way out for him". Divorce: 2.
Finally, an atmosphere of tension and trouble does not make violations of the right of others lawful acts.
This includes a decent and adequate level of living, whether in housing clothing or food, that takes into consideration the social conditions and backgound of the woman and not the husband's financial situation, as evident from the judgements of many of our jurists. But if, the husband has set a previous condition stating that his wife should endure all the sufferings they might meet in their life, then its the wife's duty to be patient and loyal.
It is clear that the Islamic Shariat (divine law) would not have been concerned in such a matter if it did not have an inpact on the happiness and psychological stability of women.... It has provided for ensuring that the woman would live almost the same life she used to live among her parents if not a better one. Imam El-Rida (A. S.) had touched on this subject, reminding Muslims that it is desired that a finacially capable husband should ensure "decent level of food and housing for his family: Those who are prosperous should be generous in providing food and housing for their families".
A man has to fulfill his wife's sexual needs to protect her virtuousness. He should have sexual intercouirse with her at least once every four months, for he may have to travel and to attend to his business, which might lead him to be away from his home for various reasons. The Islamic law has also defined how many times constitute the maximun. Therefore, if the couple abide by these regulations, their sexual life will follow a natural and a normal course as long as the husband's sexual ability is not impeded by any psychological or physical unfitness....
Needles to say that most conjugal troubles are a result of the husband's sexual selfishness, who usually does not care about his mate's emotional and sexual needs, and tends to satisfy his own needs only. To ensure the happiness of both parties the husband should:
1 - Prepare himself for his wife, by making sure of his general outlook (cleanness, and perfumes.... etc).
2 - Attend to his wife's needs and make sure that he satisfies them.
3 - Broaden his sexual knowledge, so that he would know how to act in such a critical matter, of which ignorance has caused many tragedies and misfortunes.
We mean by this, that the husband should not violate any of the laws that define the relationship between men and women. He should not hurt his wife whether verbally or physiclly, by cursing or beating her or committing any of the unlawful acts. Being someone's wife does not mean that she is to be deprived of all the rights that Islam had given her as a Muslim woman. On the contrary, a Muslim husband should be more committed to respect his wife's rights, since they are bound together by love and affection.
It is a pity that due to the previously mentioned reasons, that created social conditions that made it easy for a man to neglect his wife's and family's rights, such a relationship that ought to be based on mutual love and respect, is not the dominant pattern in Muslim societies. Muslims ought to try their best to abide by the Islamic Shariat rulings regarding women, to create a happy family and a happy and pious society.