By: Sheikh Muhsin Atwi
Source: Noor Al Islam
It is natural that conjugal problems are one of the main problems the Islamic society is suffering of and one that is theartening of becoming a chronic impediment that there could be no solution for.
If this is largely due to the people's unawareness, and to their refrainment to abide by the legal and moral restrictions Islam has set to organise the relations among them, such problems are bound to become more acute,in the absence of a just ruler who would settle their differences and solve their major problems, especially when they are amidst an economic crisis that is the root of all other social and moral hardships.
What is said about Lebanon is also true at least with respect to the other Islamic and Arabic countries. For enthusiasm to marry does not emerge except when the means of providing for a decent and respectable life are available. Of these means, the most important, and probably the only one, is the financial abilities including the ability to pay the dowry and buy the furniture and pay the rent. Therefore, the declining economic situation in Lebanon as welI as other countries, is a direct cause of many bachelorhood cases. And this is but common sense.
The solution should be based on the following various levels:
Firstly: The state should create jobs for all who are able to work, and this should be executed through the adoptation of an economic plan that satisfies the needs of the people and enables them to take care of their worldly life. If the government fails to achieve. this goal, it is the people's duty to demand for a solution and take part in solving it. They should also exert pressure on the regime to force it to assume its responsibility
On the other hand, inventors and capitalists have a major role to play in helping the state to achieve this goal of economic revival.
Such a goal, being a very demanding and difficult one, cannot be attained unless the government deals with it as a very important issue that requires special care and attention and takes a lot of time and effort to be achieved.
Secondly: The Islamic society should practise a degree of contentment that responds to the economic hardships. It should disregard the traditions and the social norms that our youth are no longer capable of doing, and which would rather be a burden that could not be relieved except at the expense of their vital interests. For it is not important to hold to a moral prestige, that is based on unrealistic considerations at the expense of the realistic and logical aims. Such an attitude would mean that we have given precedence to personal considerations and neglected the social and public interests. It is rather shameful that the Muslim public and those who care about the welfare of the society should allow such arbitrary traditions to undermine the basis of social happiness that every-body is supposed to be seeking.
Thirdly: In this context, the dowry is considered one of these obstacles. The higher it reaches the more our children will feel the weight of the heavy burden they have to endure to save it. Therefore, we believe that although it is probably an essential and decisive requirement for marriage, it certainly would be an indication of tolerance and facilitation to lessen it, for it would relieve those who are seeking marriage from a heavy burden and would consequently allow them to make use of the money they have saved to address other demands.
Therefore, we have to study the issue of dowry profoundly with respect to the following aspects;
Firstly: Islam had urged Muslims to keep the dowry at a minimal level. For as an indication of the woman's wealth, a woman who demands a small dowry would be demonstrating her contentment, nobility and disinterest in worldly wealth. It also proves that she is of the kind that is aware of the true value of marriage and its basic fundamental values, as well as her desire to ease up things and make do with what is available. All these are commendable traits that are desired in a good wife. That is why it has been related by our sacred tradition: "The best wives among you are those who ask for the least dowry".
Secondly: We notice that there are many women who do not wish to accept the dowry and they have based their position on the following two considerations:
A: Some women feel that they trust their would be husband in such a way that it makes no difference whether there is a dowry or not. Such a view is noble but nonetheless unrealistic. For although the dowry does not constitute the only guarantee for the future happiness of the woman in her married life, it is in fact very important for her future. Moreover if the women trusts her husband to be now, his emotions might change in the future. The love might lose its warmth, and even his behaviour towards her might change. In addition, the problems of raising their kids and providing for them, as well as what one might face at work may aggravate these problems and threaten the stability of their marriage.
We should not, therefore, underestimate the importance of the dowry due to such optimism that leaves no room for any wise caution.
B: Some women consider the dowry a means of buying the woman, having been subjected to the influence of some of the liberal ideas that invade our culture. Such a view has led a group of people to call for the abandonment of the dowry being one of the manifestations of demeaning the woman's pride and dignity. In fact such an attitude is essentially a psycholgical decision that would be manifested in a certain act, and therefore it could not possibly be what Allah the Just and the Merciful has intended it to be.
Rather, it is due to the fact that a woman for the most part of her life is unable to provide for herself. She leaves her parents' home without having any money that she could resort to either in emergencies, or when she feels she wants to buy something for herself. She might even find that she does not get along with her husband and wishes to divorce him and lead a life on her own. In this situation she would obviously need a certain sum of money to start with. That is how the dowry would act as a guarantee that would enable the women to get on with their lives. even after they have been divorced.
For this reason Islam has underlined the importance of paying women their dowries and not deny them their rights in this respect:
"Do not take form her the dowry you have given her even if it be a talent of gold. That would be improper and grossly unjust" [AI-Nissa-20].
The women is about to go through an adventure in which the dowry is the only means that could help her face its dangers. So do not underestimate the importance of the dowry and leave the women to their fate.
On the other hand, true feelings are not separated from the tendency of giving. Kings and ordinary people alike have exchanged gifts as a means of expressing brotherhood, friendship, gratitude, love... e.t.c. It seems that the husband who feels happy and grateful when a woman accepts to share his life, wishes to express his gratitude by paying her a dowry. This also happens during the couples' marriage, when a man would offer his wife a house, a piece of jewelry, or a piece of land, as an expression of his appreciation for her devotion and as a reward for all the effort she made in providing comfort for him and his children, especially when we know that Islam does not oblige the women to serve their husbands and raise their children.
In conclusion, we say that although the dowry is an expression of appreciation of the woman a man has chosen, it should not become a hamper that would prevent our sons and daughters from holding to their chastity in a world full of sins. We should all adopt a realistic view regarding this issue that would be befitting for our future in accordance with Allah's Will Who wants our society to remain an unadultered, pure and clean one.