Okay, so last time I started griping and bitching about William Saroyan and maybe you were wondering what was so bad about him. Well, besides being a terrible writer, he is also an international jewel thief! Now, long before anyone realized that Saroyan was behind these jewel thefts, they were simply Mysteries. To be specific, they were 'I'm So Fat' Mysteries.  Now what exactly does 'I'm so fat' Mysteries mean? It means the four greatest crime fighters of all time. The greatest mystery solving team since Scooby-Doo. Who are they? William Shakespeare, George Bernard Shaw, Ray Bradbery and Gerald Durrell. Unfortunatly, with great author-detectives, come great author-criminals. Their two major nemises are William Saroyan and Edgar Allen Poe.  We take you now to a mystery that is very close to being solved....

Shaw: "Shakespeare, get over here! The reverend is dead!"
Shakespeare: "Dead?!"
Shaw: "Yes, murdered. This is his wife"
Wife: "Oh dear, I'm so surprised"
Shaw: "Ma'am, you should call the police"
Wife: "Roight"
Shakespeare: "Excuse me?"
Shaw: "She said...roight....Why, that's no woman at all!"
Shakespeare: "Saroyan!"
Wife: (pulls of mask) "That's roight, it's Saroyan! Minions! Get them!
(Chubby gold demon-cherubs come out of nowhere and surround the detectives)
Saroyan: "So long suckers!"
(Swings off on a shot of webbing as his themesong plays in the background)
"Saroyan, Saroyan
Does whatever a sorrow can
Spins a web, web of lies
Catches thieves, just like flies
Look out!
There goes the Saroyan!"
Shaw: "After him Shakespeare!"
(Shakespeare presses button on his shirt and white,puffy collar shoots out of his shirt.  It begins spining around until Shakespeare takes off like a helicopter)
(Bradbery and Durell come out of nowhere)
Shaw: "Saroyan's getting away!" (Turns around and finds himself face-to-face with Poe)
Shaw: "AHHH!! He's so creepy!"
(Bradbery writes something down with his 'magic pen' and suddenly a spaceship appears beside him. He gets in and takes off)
Durrell: "Carry me my animal friends"
(A flock of birds comes down and grab hold of his shirt. They begin taking off, and Durrell's shirt rips off)
Durrell: "What the..."
(Squirrels run out and begin tugging at his pants)
(Shaw runs outside and gets in a car)
Shaw: "For the love of god Bradbery! You could at least give me a car with wings!"
Bradbery: "No time Shaw! I have to finish this story....and suddenly, the ruum began to come through the veldt..."
Poe: (appears beside Shaw in the car) "Hello"
Shaw: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
(Freeze Frame)

And that's just the beginning of this zany mystery.  Tune in next time when you'll hear Shaw say "There is hallway after hallway full of ugly, ugly children!"

Next time, On Shakespeare...
Poe: "Would you like some of my ham sandwich?"
Shaw: "AhhhhhhhHHHhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"