Part 22
When Jack entered the house he did so quietly enough but Philip still heard him. His heartbeat quickened as he turned to see his good-looking lover step down into the darkened room. With the light behind him he had the advantage of being able to see Jack in the blue glow from outside. Even in the odd light he looked handsome. His hair was carelessly tousled and he wore a turtle-necked black top and beige pants. As he approached Philip in the corner of the room, he held his hands out to him.
Phil smiled and captured the hands in his own. As Jack stepped up to him he wrapped the joined hands around behind Philip then he leaned down and planted the softest, most chastened kiss onto the younger man’s awaiting mouth.
Their hands squeezed and released throughout the kiss until Philip finally let go of the touch and slipped his hands up along Jack's arms and onto his neck.
Their kiss grew a little hungrier - lips parting but remaining soft and tender. Phil’s fingers scratched the surface of Jack's neck lightly as he gripped for more control. The colonel’s hands, which had rested on the hips since the separation, now slipped around to the pert backside where he gently squeezed, lifting his lover onto his toes and making him moan softly in his mouth. Jack moved his hand to cup the bearded throat and he slowly pushed them apart.
Wetting his lips as he smiled up at the taller man, Philip whispered, “Welcome home, hun.”
Jack's eyes traced over the features in the weird light. Intimately he mapped the upturned face then he placed a soft kiss on the tip of the nose as he said, “You’re right! Love the atmosphere in this place already!”
Philip smiled then he felt Jack's hands slip down his arms to find, and entangle with, his own.
“This,” Jack told him with a quick flick of his eyes around the room, “is a great idea.”
Philip grinned then tilted his head slightly as he touched his fingers to the thin lips. “Thought you’d approve.”
“How are you feeling? Everything checked out okay then?” Jack asked, kissing the fingertips lightly then chasing them slightly to capture them between his lips.
Philip chuckled deeply as he watched Jack suck tenaciously in his fingers. Lifting his chin slightly, he said, “I’m fine. Stop fussing!”
“I fuss. So sue me!” Jack shrugged. This made Philip’s smile broaden and he laughed again.
“I love you for fussing, but you needn’t. Doctor said I was so okay it was scary!”
Jack's skepticism showed as he arched his brow. Philip’s nose crinkled slightly as he grinned and looked down, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth.
“God you look damn sexy in this light,” Jack said, his voice a little shaky as he slipped his hand into the soft, black curls. He gripped the back of Phil’s head then angled the face so that he could reach it in another kiss. Phil’s response was gentle at first then it grew more needy as he smeared small, dry pecks over Jack's lips, chin then tip of his nose. Breathing heavily, he rubbed his bearded cheek against Jack's soft face and he whispered, over and over, “I love you so much.”
Jack's large hands gripped the narrow waist easily and he pulled back away, looking deeply into the misty brown eyes. “You okay?”
Phil smiled and bit his lips together as he nodded. “I just hate it when we fight. Why can’t we always be like this?”
Jack curled his index finger and ran it down the beard, over Phil’s Adam’s apple then tucked in under the high turtle necked top to skim the soft skin inside. “Because life’s not an ideal. And fights are inevitable.”
“Ah, my Jack. Forever the realist!” Philip went onto tip-toes and kissed the tip of his nose.
“Would you have me any other way?”
Grinning madly, Philip widened his eyes slightly as he shook his head. “Never, not in a million years!” They kissed gently again then Phil pulled back and patted his hand against Jack's firm pec. “Oh, thank you – for the basket. You really are sweet!”
“Oh, good. It came.” Jack looked around as he scratched his cheek.
Philip indicated to the basket on the hearth then they went over and sat either side of it.
“The message blew me away.”
“The message? Why?” Jack asked, looking through the contents.
Philip picked up one of the boxes of Belgium chocolates, opened it and then put one in his lover’s mouth. “The names on the card,” Philip told him. “You didn’t hide either of them.”
Jack swallowed then his lips parted as he mouthed the word, “ah” while nodding. Philip picked out another chocolate but Jack captured the hand, seized the sweet and reached over to put it between Philip’s lips instead. With a sharp suck, Phil dragged it into his mouth, and then he laughed wantonly as he chewed the chocolate, watching Jack's expressions closely.
“I believe you’re envious of a chocolate, “ he teased.
Jack reached over and pressed two fingers against Phil’s lips. “I’m jealous of everything that gets to go past these lips of yours.” His voice was low and deep, and his gaze hot as it traveled over every inch of Phil’s face.
“Well, play your cards right, Colonel O’Neill…”
A miniscule change came over Jack's face. Suddenly he shook his head rapidly and sighed as he said, “Let’s not go there.. Not tonight, babe.”
Philip frowned at the sudden change in his lover’s tone. He straightened up and said, “Huh?”
Jack shook his head, pressed his fingers to Phil’s lips before reaching over and kissing them tenderly. As he sat up he cast his eyes in the direction of the dining room as he asked, “What’s for dinner?”
“Steaks,” Philip said, a little coolly. Jack turned to face him and there was a look in his eyes that Philip read as disappointment. Sighing, the young man pushed himself up to his feet then looked down at Jack. “Don’t worry, love. I didn’t cook them.” He started to head out of the room and Jack remained where he was and watched him go. He closed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair, scrunching it up into his fists as he growled once more.
*
The kitchen door squeaked as Jack pushed it open. He walked up and captured his thin lover around the waist, planting soft kisses onto his small ear. “I love you.”
Philip patted the arms wrapped around his waist as he said, “Yeah, I know. And I also know I can’t cook for shit, so,” - He turned and looked back at his mate - “ So I got take out. Shrivers, actually.”
Jack smiled and kissed the small spot behind Phil’s ear that always made him weak in the knees. The younger man responded with a throaty moan as he leaned forward, pressing his butt back into the groin behind him. He felt the way Jack's body moved away from the touch and that shook him a little. Turning slightly, he whispered, “Go and sit down. I’ll do this.”
Jack released him then said, “If you’re sure.”
Trying to keep his tone light, Phil quipped, “You’re underfoot, Jack. Beat it.”
The older man shrugged then ran his hand down the long, black mane before him. He kissed the back of Phil’s head then left the room.
Shakily the young man tried to gather his emotions and rein them in. He realized that they needed to talk, but the thought of having to do that – to expose all the hurt, pain and anger that they’d both suffered with for the past few months, unsettled his stomach. Wiping his trembling hand under his nose, he quickly went out to the dining room and saw that Jack was still standing, leaning to light the purple candle.
“That, ugh, that came in the basket,” Phil said in a quiet voice as he pulled Jack's chair out for him.
Turning to look over his shoulder, Jack nodded then sat down, assisting Philip with putting the chair in.
“Table looks great,” he said, picking up his napkin and shaking it out before putting it in his lap. Phil said nothing but rubbed his hands over Jack's shoulders then down his upper arms then back onto his shoulders again. He turned and went back into the kitchen and spent the next few minutes flittering in and out of the room, first placing to glasses filled with red wine on the table, then the bottle, then he returned with the plates. Picking up his own napkin, he shook it out as he slipped himself down onto his chair.
Jack was sipping the wine and smiled at him appreciatively. “Thank you.”
“What for?” Philip jested as he looked at the food on his plate. “For *not* cooking?’
Jack smiled. “That too. It’s just as well I love you for your other talents, baby.”
Philip rolled his eyes then said, “What other talents?” When he saw the twinkle in Jack's eyes he sighed and muttered, “never mind, I’m sure I can guess.”
Jack shrugged laconically. “Bet you can’t.”
The young man looked up and tilted his head. “You sure about that?”
Rubbing his tongue over the dry spot on his bottom lip, Jack stared into the assured gaze. With a deliberate nod, he said, “I’d steak my steak on it.”
A twinkle appeared in the Cimmerian eyes as Philip looked down at his plate, finding some solace in the fact that his lover was at least making a joke. With a long pronged silver fork he started to push the vegetables around his fine china plate. “With such a high wager, then I *must* be wrong!”
“Depends on what you were thinking..” Jack said casually as he lifted his glass of wine to his lips.
“Does sex have anything to do with this?” Philip tried to look strong, but inside he was trembling badly. He always feared discussing this topic and, judging by Jack's reaction in the kitchen, it was a topic long overdue for discussion.
“Ah-” Jack arched his right brow then shook his head. “No, actually” - He put his glass down again - “It doesn’t.”
Philip kept his head bowed as he nodded. He’d thought as much. After a painful silence he tilted his face and asked, “Is that because I.. ugh.. *we* don’t..” He couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence; instead he rubbed a shaky hand across his eyes and lowered his gaze from Jack's calm stare.
Jack reached out and covered the hand lying limply on the tablecloth, and then he brought the joined hands up and kissed Phil’s fingers firmly. “And even if we never do again – it doesn’t matter. Not anymore.”
“You don’t mean that!” He stammered in amazement.
“For crying out loud, of course I do!”
“Why? I mean… well, how come?”
“After a few months, there has to be more to a relationship than just sex, Phil,” Jack announced, almost pompously. The young man’s face screwed up slightly as he tried to work out where he’d heard that before. Jack gave a sharp shrug then told him, “A good friend of mine once told me that.”
“Daniel?”
Jack smiled and squeezed his lover’s hand. “You!”
“Me?”
“Yeah! Believe it or not, I do listen to you.. Occasionally!”
Phil quickly lowered his face and shook his head. “Oh god, why do you love me?” He mumbled then, taking his own time, he blinked away the trapped tears before looking up. With a faltering smile he added, “With all the shit I put you through, can you answer me that? Huh, Jack?”
Bringing the hands back to his mouth Jack held them against his lips as he said, “I’ve never been too bright…?” Philip was still a moment then his shoulders started shaking. Jack smiled when he realized he was laughing and he added, “And I’ve got this thing for you.. I’m not sure why really…”
The artist chuckled now and brushed away his tears with his free hand. Rolling his head back he looked at his lover. “You’re an ass, Jack.”
With a nonchalant shrug, Jack kissed the long fingers then sucked on the knuckle of the index finger as he mumbled, “Yeah but I’m your Jack ass… “
Philip blurted out a loud laugh then he clapped his hand over the joined fists. “Thank God!” He reached over and tenderly kissed Jack's lips repeatedly. He knew how much Jack enjoyed smaller, moist, noisy kisses sometimes and by the moans emanating from him right now, it was clear that Phil was certainly pleasing him.
As they reluctantly surrendered each other, Philip combed his hand through Jack's gray mane and whispered, “I love you, Jonathan. Heart, mind and soul…”
Jack's mouth parted slightly as he inhaled a quiet, shaky breath. Growing suddenly serious he gripped Phil’s face in his hand as he whispered back salaciously, “Baby, you have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear that again – said like you *really* mean it.”
They kissed rapidly – needfully – then Jack eased back away. The dark eyes blinked rapidly as Philip looked down. “I’m sorry.” Tossing his fringe out of his eyes he shifted to meet Jack's gaze once more.
“So am I,” Jack told him.
“But I’ve always really meant it, hun. Please believe that. It’s just.. I..I get scared, that’s all.”
Jack gave a gentle nod before he squeezed Phil’s hand and said, “So do I.”
Blinking again, Philip rolled his head to the side and shrugged. “I guess you do.”
“But why don’t we go through this – whatever’s to come – as partners? I want to be more than just your crutch, Philip. I need you to talk to me, to tell me what’s right and what’s not right for you..”
“I’ve been trying, in my own way.”
“It hasn’t been good enough,” Jack told him bluntly. When the hurt brown eyes looked at him he added, “I need straight up, okay? I don’t need implication or innuendo. I want facts.” With a sharp shrug he added, “I’m a pretty basic guy, baby. I work oh-so much better in the realm of facts..” He smiled now, trying to relieve the stricken look on Phil’s face. “I don’t need fantasy. I don’t need you pretending things are okay just to spare me!”
The young man swallowed past the lump in his throat. “You sure you really want to know?”
“Would I be sitting here if I didn’t?”
The dark eyes rolled and Philip pursed his lips together as he looked away. Reaching over Jack cupped his chin and brought the face back around. Defiantly, Phil kept his eyes diverted.
“Look at me.”
Philip blinked then settled his eyes onto his lover’s gaze. Jack nodded and said, “I’ve got something to tell you.”
“What?”
“Yesterday.. something happened that made me realize that nothing else matters anymore. Whatever it takes to get back what we had – I’ll do it,” Jack said, waving his hand around. Philip’s mouth parted but he said nothing. “I want to wake up with you in my arms, baby..” He watched as Philip rolled his eyes so he quickly added, “and I’m willing to play by your rules..”
“My rules?” The dark curls bounced off Phil’s shoulder when he tilted his head slightly.
Looking him straight in the eyes, Jack said, “No more sex.”
“What?” Philip stammered then frowned. “What?” He asked, a little less high pitched this time.
“Like you said yourself, there has to be more than sex. … I think we have that.”
“So do I.” Philip reached his hand up and touched it to the one still cupping his cheek. His eyes scanned every inch of Jack's face then he asked, “What happened yesterday?”
Jack dropped his hand from the face and tucked his napkin across his lap once more. “We, ah, we almost lost Daniel.”
“Oh God!” Philip cried out softly. “How? When?”
“On a mission – but he’s okay now,” Jack hastened to add. “We got him fixed up..”
“I only saw him last night.. He looked fine..”
Jack frowned. “Last night?”
Dismissively, Phil nodded. “So what happened to him?”
Jack closed his eyes and shook his head. “I can’t tell you that baby. But, believe me, he’s.. he’s fine.. Had the day off work today, but he’s okay.”
The younger man was totally bewildered. “You make this sound like an everyday occurrence, Jack! Daniel almost died!”
“I know. But I also know he’s going to be fine! The whole thing got me kinda thinking..”
“About?”
“You.”
The dark lashes fluttered as Philip looked down into his lap and nervously adjusted his napkin.
“I thought I was okay with all this, babe, but I’m not.”
Philip frowned and tilted his face. “What’s that mean?”
Jack reached for, and picked up, his hand. “I’m pretty set in my ways, Philip. I don’t go much for change.”
Philip’s eyes scanned the room teasingly, but he said nothing. He didn’t need to. Jack understood the action perfectly. “Yeah, well as you can tell, I’m not big on changes.”
“You’re a man who knows your mind, Jack. That’s very appealing.”
“Cut the crap. I’m a pig-headed, stubborn old.. grouch – at times.”
“Jaaack,” The name was drawn out. “How many times do I have to tell you – you’re not old!”
His lover grinned at him. “Yeah, thanks!”
Philip smiled then brought their joined hands up to kiss Jack's knuckles. The colonel watched him then caught his breath as Philip lightly licked each of the knuckles in turn. Soon he was sliding his tongue between the curved fingers and Jack was finding thinking difficult.
“You were saying?” Phil’s breath was cool against the wet skin.
“I agh.. I .. I wanted to ask if you’d move in here…” Jack breathed out loudly then said, “with me.”
Philip stopped abruptly then looked up to meet Jack's muddled gaze.
“Move in?”
The colonel nodded. “Sure would stop all that ‘call me when you come home’ crap. We’d never have to worry about ‘catching up’ again!”
Philip carefully laid the hands on the tabletop as he wrapped his hand around the back of Jack's head.
Though laughter, he said, “Oh god, Jonathan.. what *am* I meant to do with you?” Jack raised his brow and Philip gave a soft laugh. “Yeah, I know the answer to that one – anything I like..”
Turning his head to kiss the inside of Phil’s wrist Jack said, “But no sex. That’s it, its over, Zip. .Zilch..”
“Nada?” Phil said in disbelief.
“Nada,” Jack reaffirmed. “Just like giving up smoking – you gotto do it cold turkey.”
“Yeah but Jack,” Philip said seriously, “I still crave a cigarette every now and then.”
“But you don’t have one, because you know you can’t.”
“But I also don’t sit around with one between my lips either.”
“By that you mean?” Jack tilted his head.
“I gather you mean for us to share a bed. What about in the mornings? For as long as I’ve known you, hun, you’ve woken up hard.”
“So? We’ll learn to ignore it..”
Phil laughed then rubbed his face as he growled. “I sleep in a separate bed from you now because I can’t ignore it.” He pulled the hands from his face as he bemoaned. “The feel of you between my legs first thing in the morning.. God! It’s damn sexy..”
Jack smiled but shrugged. “Well, okay, let’s make a pact now then. If I wake up hard, stabbing at you – just ignore me. I won’t push you..”
Philip growled and rolled his eyes. “Please Jack..” He shook his head.
“Come on! Living together’s a natural progression..”
“Is it?” Phil frowned then pushed up from his seat as he paced the small dining room.
Jack leaned back in his chair and asked, “Isn’t it?”
“It’s not for me,” Philip said a little brutally, but honestly.
“Why not?”
“I’m not ready!” Philip shrugged.
“Now hang on,” Jack said, turning to face the pacing man. “We’ve been together nearly a whole damn year…”
“I know. It’s not *that* long really Jack..”
“Longer than you were with John before you moved in with him.” the older man said, lowering his voice and face.
Philip’s steps faltered and he stopped rubbing his face to look at him. “Is that what this is all about? If I say no to you tonight, you’re going to brood because I moved in with John when I was a damn kid!”
“No!“ Jack's head shot up.
Phil’s dark eyes flashed angrily then he clenched his hands into fists and he turned on the spot and growled, “All I’m asking for is a little time..”
“But why?”
“Because I am!”
Jack rolled his eyes then returned to his dinner. “Good steak..”
“Oh, Jack, please, don’t do this!” Phil pleaded as he sat down again.
“Do what?” Jack asked, unable to meet his eyes.
“This! Don’t be like this. We’ve only just stopped arguing!”
“For crying out loud, Philip! It’s fine! I’m *okay* with it! Let’s forget I even said anything!” he grumbled as he pushed some peas around with the silver fork. “It’s clear you don’t care..”
“Oh Jesus Christ!” Phil exploded as he threw his hand in the air above his head. “Of course I damn well care! This is not about how much I do or don’t care for you! Please, don’t make it about that.”
Patiently Jack took a deep breath then said, “Actually, I was going to say that you don’t care for the idea of moving in here with me, so let’s just drop the whole damn thing!”
Philip thumped his elbow onto the tabletop and leaned forward, scrunching up his fringe in his hand. Tugging on it hard to relieve the tension building across the front of his brain, he mumbled, “Asking for a little time doesn’t mean I don’t want to move in here.”
He looked up at Jack and saw the vacant stare in his eyes. With a frustrated sigh Philip got to his feet again and said, “Why do you men do this to me?”
“What *men*?” Jack asked, twisting in his seat to look at Philip by the back window.
The young man crossed to his chair again and straddled one corner of it, leaning down onto one hand as he said, “John.”
“Huh?”
“John. He once asked me something.. similar to this.”
“Similar? You mean he asked you to live with him? Which you did, if I remember correctly.”
Biting the inside of his cheek Phil looked down and said, “Actually we were already living together at the time.”
“Well, what did he ask you in that case?”
Lifting the dark eyes, Philip merely stared straight at Jack and let the other man come to his own conclusion. It didn’t take him that long.
“Marriage?” He stammered. “You telling me he *proposed* to you?”
Still chewing on the inside of his mouth, Philip nodded and lowered his gaze to the floor.
“Do you even believe in gay marriages?” Jack asked after a long silence.
“Yes, I do. Do you?”
Blinking, the older man shrugged then said, “Never given it any thought.”
Philip shrugged then mumbled, “I refuse to believe that making that extra commitment to the person you love can be gender based. It’s about the marriage of hearts and souls as much as it is about the body. Why can’t that be universally accepted?”
“Because it’s not,” Jack said with a sorrowful shrug.
“Well it should be. And you can’t tell me that two men in the same relationship wouldn’t want that level of commitment from each other that one man wants from his girlfriend. If men didn’t want to get married, there would be a hell of a lot less married people in this damn world. Look at you and Sara. Who proposed there?”
“I did.”
“Did you have to? Was Charlie on the way?”
“No,” Jack said with a shrug. “I just thought she was the one for me for the rest of our lives.”
Arching his brow, Philip said, “and do you regret it now?”
“Sometimes,” he said truthfully. “But not always.”
Philip nodded and lifted Jack's hand into his own. “I’m sorry hun. I didn’t mean to bring that up.. I was just trying to make a point.”
“Point was made, Philip..”
“Yes, but for a few short years, you and Sara gave each other the ultimate commitment. That has to account for something!? I refuse to believe that a relationship breaks up at the level of marriage any earlier than it would have had you not made the leap. It’s fate.”
“Fate,” Jack mouthed and rolled his eyes.
Philip squeezed his hand. “You were never destined to be with Sara forever. You *had* to come into my life.”
Jack tilted his head and stared into the dark brown eyes. “Had to?”
Nodding, Philip smiled as he told him. “Many years ago I met a clairvoyant and she told me that in one of my lives I would die of the Plague. AIDS is the so-called plague of our generation.”
“That’s it?” Jack asked skeptically.
“No,” Philip said. “She also went on to tell me that I would meet a man who would show me what it really meant to be in love. I thought, at the time, she meant John.”
Jack didn’t say anything, he merely pulled a face and shrugged.
“But I know now, it’s you. She said that the man would bring me from the brink of my darkest hole and he would show me light. I would die, she told me, in his arms, surrounded by my sanctuary, and at my happiest.”
“How can a dying person be happy?” Jack questioned.
“Because for many AIDS patients, Jack, dying is a release. It’s simple. It’s just hard on the ones we leave behind.”
The older man swallowed hard then squeezed Philip’s hand.
“You know,” the young man went on to say, “I think that maybe that’s why I tried so hard to push you away. Without you I would be miserable, but that would mean I wasn’t at my happiest either.” Kissing Jack's hand he said, vehemently, “I’ve decided that no matter how much time I have left, it’s not worth shit if you’re not sharing it with me…” He sniffed back his tears. Jack reached over and cupped the back of his head and carefully pulled the younger man off his chair and into his lap. Philip buried his face against Jack's throat as he cried softly. “See? So you’re my destiny, Jack.”
“Oh, really” the colonel was still skeptical.
“Absolutely! You’re meant to be with me until I die now.”
“Don’t say that.”
Philip shook his head then sighed. “It’s fate, Jack. And we both know I’m dying..”
“What ever happened to ‘living with HIV’?”
“Let’s discuss this another time, can we? My head’s about to explode.”
“Philip!”
“Jonathan!” Philip chuckled infectiously, making Jack smile. Then he grew serious and said, “I promise you. We’ll discuss it another time. Just.. not now. Just know that I do love you!” He hugged him tightly.
“I know, baby, I know,” he cooed quietly as he petted the black head lightly. Pushing Philip back, he looked into his eyes and suggested, “Let’s take this to the fireplace.”
Philip smiled then stood, holding his hand out to Jack. They wrapped their arms around each other’s waists as they headed to the living room.
“So, that was a no on the moving in here, wasn’t it?” Jack asked a little playfully.
Philip shrugged and said, “Let’s put it this way, Jack. I want you to move out of here. Let’s get a place together somewhere – just the two of us. You won’t need to bring much furniture,, I already own a lot of it..
“Okay, Okay!” Jack laughed and sighed. “I get the damn point!” He grinned as he growled. Phil knelt before the fireplace and then snuggled back against Jack when he settled onto the floor behind him. Their hands toyed together as they continued to talk.
“Seriously, I just don’t see the point in uprooting my life at this stage, hun. Part of it is that I don’t want to leave Graham, he’s my brother and I love him a lot. Part of it is that I’m settled where I am.” Jack nodded then kissed the tip of Phil’s ear.
“Believe it or not, I fully understand.”
Turning to look at him Phil said, “Good.” Jack cupped the back of the turned head and then they kissed tenderly – small, quick, soft and moist – and slowly, very slowly, Jack laid Philip onto the hearth rug, then he cuddled in next to him as they continued to kiss, cuddle and caress each other throughout the evening.
****************
End of part 22
Stories on this page are the property of Nessessitee and Slida. Please do not copy these without the written permission of the Author. All Rights are acknowledged for MGM, Gekko and Stargate Productions as to the Copyrights of the characters within this story and no infringement on the copyrights are intended. For the Bombshells Series the character of Philip Simmons is entirely the creation and intellectual property of Nessessitee and Slida.
While the performances given by RDA and MS help to fuel the author's desire to write for their characters in a niche that she feels is present on the actual show, the portrayal of their characters in loving relationships in no way reflects the Author's opinion of the men's private life, nor should it be construed in that manner.