Part 35
Daniel rubbed the sleep from his eye before he slipped his glasses into place on his nose. He tugged on the tie of the blue silk kimono he was wearing to tighten it as he pattered in bare feet towards his front door. The buzzer went again - as impatiently as before - and with some exasperation Daniel finally reached the door and swung it open quickly. Straightening up suddenly, he casually hooked his arm against the edge and stared at his caller. Standing on the threshold was Jack O'Neill, dressed in a cream colored cable-knitted sweater and dark pants, and wearing a look of abject surprise on his face as he gazed back at his rumpled friend.
"Oh," Daniel said, sounding a little surprised himself. The older man frowned as he ran his eyes up and down the silk kimono. He quickly checked his watch then looked back into Daniel's eyes.
"Not calling too early?" He asked, hovering on the front step in case Daniel told him 'yes' and to go away.
"I guess that would depend on the time," the younger man said, stepping back and holding his arm out in a sweeping gesture for Jack to enter the apartment.
Holding his arm up as he passed him so that Daniel could read his watch face, Jack said, "Guess that would depend on your perception of 'early'."
Daniel was surprised to discover it was past eleven already. He followed Jack along the small hallway, almost walking into the back of him when the other man stopped so suddenly in his tracks. "What?"
"Err, Danny? Am I interrupting something?" Jack asked, pointing to the dining room table, still housing the remnants of an intimate dinner for two. He looked back over his shoulder at the man behind him.
"No," Daniel said, managing to purse his lips together as he stepped around his friend and went to the table to start to clean away the mess. Jack stood on the other side of it and watched him carefully as he, too, stacked dirty dishes on top of each other and followed Daniel into the kitchen with them.
"In the sink is fine. I'll get to them later," Daniel mumbled, with certain dismay. Jack carefully placed his stack in the deep sink as he watched Daniel head back out of the small room. With a growing frown, Jack followed him.
"No offer of coffee?" He asked, trying to make a joke of it.
Daniel, standing down in the sunken living room, held his arms wide as he shrugged before sitting on his two-seater sofa. Jutting his hand towards the kitchen he told him, "You know the layout in there. Help yourself." He covered up his thigh with the flap on his kimono as he crossed his legs.
Jack squinted one eye slightly then shook his head and skipped down the two steps into the living room. "It can wait."
Daniel placed his elbow on the back of the sofa and leaned his temple against his slightly fisted hand. "Until I'm ready to make it?"
Paused in the action of sitting beside him on the tiny seat, Jack gave a wry grin and said, "Something like that."
Daniel sighed and lifted his glasses from his nose, rubbing at his tired eyes once more. He blinked a few times, stretched his eyes wide then blinked again before slipping the frames back into place. Jack watched him with a level of curious amusement. "So," he said once the blue eyes resettled on him. "How's it all going?"
Adjusting his temple against his fist once more to avoid the arm of his glasses, Daniel shrugged wordlessly.
"Got your fourth yet?" Jack asked, unsatisfied with that response. He tried to appear nonchalant as he fiddled with a small white spec of lint on his dark pants.
Daniel watched the action for a moment then said, "No, not yet.." He slotted his eyes in Jack's direction. "Maybe Hammond's hoping you'll be back."
Jack closed his eyes then rubbed his thumb and forefinger into them. "I'm not a desk jock, Danny.."
The anthropologist straightened his head and flexed his fingers as he said, "Well, I know that.. Jack.." He looked briefly as his hand then lowered it into his lap as he dragged his knee onto the sofa, wedging the bent leg between himself and Jack's thigh.
"I'm banned from stepping through that gate.. What good would I be as your forth?"
Daniel pulled a face as he shrugged. "I don't know." He sighed and whether it was because he was uncomfortable with the sitting arrangements or if he just needed to give himself some space, he rose to his feet. He wandered across to his piano, standing and tapping his finger on the highest note a few times. Stopping and tilting his head to look out of the glass patio doors he said, disconsolately, "Maybe it's just me that wants you back there."
The older man shook his head. "Not gonna happen." Getting up he stepped around the coffee table then went to his friend's side. Exchanging glances briefly Jack chose to look out of the patio doors this time while Daniel lowered his chin and looked down at his piano. He went back to tapping the high note then sat on the piano stool, running his fingers across the keys.
"Didn't know you could play that thing," Jack said absently before looking down at the long fingers hovering over the keys.
"I can't," he confessed without looking up.
Jack nodded then told him, "You should learn."
"Probably." Daniel reached and lowered the lid before turning to look at his friend. "You didn't come here to tell me I need piano lessons. What's wrong?"
With a nonchalant shrug, Jack said, "I'm thinking of taking off for a while.. Just me and Phil.."
Daniel's brow knitted momentarily then he said, "Go where?"
"Well, he can't fly so I thought of hiring a Hog and just heading out of here.." He glided his hand towards the horizon then dropped it to his thigh as he looked at his friend and said, with a small smile and shrug, "See how far we get.."
"Hiring a bike?" Daniel said, pursing his lips together then shrugging. "That's a great plan, Jack," he added, unconvincingly.
"Oh come on! Imagine how cool it would be! Just him and me, and the sweet countryside.."
"And what happens when he gets ill?"
Jack's enthusiasm waned before Daniel's eyes. "He's already ill."
Fluttering his lashes, Daniel tilted his face and said, "I'm talking about really ill.."
Beaten, Jack took a large breath then told him, "He hasn't got long, Danny.."
The younger man closed his eyes, tilted his head up and turned away slightly as he covered his face with one hand. Jack stepped up behind him and looked at his hands clasped before him. "He's got cancer.."
Daniel quietly sighed then nodded as he lowered his face. "Todd told me."
"Todd?"
"He.. knew.." Daniel said, realizing that Jack didn't know that Todd knew before he did. "Oh, I'm sorry."
"Anything else that this Todd can tell me about my partner, do you think?"
"Jack, I'm sorry. He was here last night for dinner and he told me that .." Stopping himself, Daniel's eyes clearly told Jack he was withholding something.
"If you're talking about him losing his job, I know. Probably not before 'Todd' did.." Jack said, stomping over to the other side of the room. Pointing to the table, he asked, "Dinner?"
Daniel rolled his eyes and said, "It was a disaster."
"Why?" His friend was suddenly concerned.
Daniel shrugged and came to sit on the coffee table again; this time not taking care to ensure his kimono didn't gape. The split revealed his thigh right up to the hem of his matching blue boxer shorts. Jack looked at the golden haired thigh a moment - oddly noting how 'healthy' and white it looked - before diverting his eyes. Daniel, oblivious to this, leaned down with his head in his hands and grumbled, "It's too complicated."
With his eyes still averted, and realizing that he was probably the 'cause' of the complication, Jack's mouth tightened into a tight line after he said, "I'm sorry."
"Not as sorry as I am!" Daniel said, sitting back and leaning on an out-stretched arm as he straightened his leg out. The two friends looked at each other a moment then Daniel asked, "What about you?"
Jack frowned as his eyes scanned his friend, lounging in what might have been construed as a 'seductive' pose if the situation wasn't what it was. "What about me?"
"What happens when you get sick?"
"Aw, come on, Danny. Don't you see? This is easier!"
"For whom?" Daniel exclaimed before thinking that through.
Jack frowned. "Everyone, I should think."
"I don't," the anthropologist said then stammered, "I mean, what about when you..you...?"
"Then I'll deal with it myself," Jack told him quickly.
"But how?" Daniel's brow knitted tightly as a bemused smile flittered across his features. "You'll... you'll need a nurse or some kind of carer..." Suddenly the young man stopped when he saw, by the look in Jack's eyes - the look that clearly told him that Jack would never let himself get *that* far. Closing his blue eyes a moment, Daniel thought back to the first mission they went on - Abydos. He recalled how Jack was back then, someone who willingly went on a suicide mission because he couldn't cope with the loss of his son anymore. The anthropologist berated himself now. How stupid had he been? Jack was planning to kill himself, probably right after Philip died. Unless.. unless.. he intended euthanasia for the two of them. Being a Black Ops person, Jack probably knew at least a hundred ways to gently kill his lover...
"Jack?"
There was a look in Jack's eyes that told Daniel not to ask too many questions.
"Oh, no, no, no!" The stricken man went on regardless, shaking his head. "No, Jack!"
"It's better this way..." the older man tried to explain.
"Not for us... For those of us you leave behind."
Jack gave a wistful smile, and said, clearly reminding him that he was dying anyway, "I'm going anyway, Dannyboy..."
Tears stung the back of Daniel's eyes but they didn't fall, they just tingled in his nose and caused him great discomfort. "You can't." But he saw in Jack's eyes that he clearly could and fully intended to. Weakly, Daniel asked, "You don't mean Philip, too?"
"No!" Jack said quickly. "Hell, no! I'll take care of him."
Daniel stared at him hard, then sniffed as he looked around before getting up off the coffee table. He crossed his arms across his chest, hugging himself tight as he moved to the patio doors.
"Daniel, understand this. I don't want you to go through that with me."
Shaking his head, Daniel turned slightly but then couldn't face Jack so kept his eyes averted to the swords on the wall behind him. "Don't rob me of this.."
"Rob you of what? Of cleaning up my sick? Of wiping off my ass because I'm incapable of doing that for myself anymore?" Jack's voice cracked.
Daniel's gaze snapped onto him. The miserable blue eyes shimmered with unshed tears as the controlled voice told him, "Of having you in my life just that little bit longer!"
Jack's head rolled back slightly as he closed his eyes. "Daniel."
"I'm sorry, Jack. I know I'm being selfish but I can't.. I can't let you walk out of my life like this. Not knowing what you're going to go through.." His words faltered as he choked on his suppressed tears. Biting his lips together he ran a hand through his hair then let it rest at the side of his neck. "Not when you look so healthy. I have to go through the next few months, years, wondering if you're still out there, or if you're.. you're.. down the bottom of some damn ditch with a bullet in your head.."
Stepping up to him Jack tried to wrap his arms around his friend's shoulders and pull him against his chest but Daniel pushed him away instead and stepped backwards, holding his hand out between them, shaking his finger at him.
"Come on Danny, for crying out loud! I don't want you nursing me. I don't want you seeing that... that.. stuff! I want to go out with my dignity intact.." Jack's brown eyes flashed as he clenched his jaw in frustration and suppressed pain.
Daniel looked up at him, his eyes rimmed in red now. He could see Jack, all alone standing on some cliff face somewhere, perhaps a small box in his hands that would house the remains of Philip - or not. In his imagination it was a gray day, wind howling and Jack was alone on the ridge. Just him and the bike.. and a gun...
Shaking himself from that image Daniel stared and said, "I don't want you dying alone-"
Jack gave a deep, back-of-the-throat growl as he stepped over to him, this time successful in pulling him towards him. Gripping him around the head and one hand on his shoulder, Jack told him, "This is easier!"
Daniel's lips twitched and his nose flared as his eyes finally spilled the tears.
With a heartbroken sigh, Jack shook his head and said, "Danny, I don't want to be a burden..."
Daniel, clutching up the back of his friend's sweater in tight fists, was adamant; "You wouldn't be. I want to take care of you, Jack.."
Jack pulled back slowly, looking intently into the watery eyes. In his own eyes was sheer regret. He regretted putting Daniel through this pain now, and mostly, he regretted that he couldn't let him do that - to care for him. Through his tears Daniel said, "Jack, you're the only friend I have in this whole damn world that I really care about..." He sniffed harshly and said, "You're my family."
Jack smiled sadly then pressed their foreheads together. "What if I promise to send postcards?"
"Not good enough," Daniel whispered back, cupping his hands around Jack's jaw and ear.
Lifting his face, still in the embrace, Jack brushed his thumb across the tear-stained cheek. "I'm sorry."
Closing his blue eyes Daniel turned and stepped away; sucking in a loud breath he shoved his hands onto his hips and looked up at the ceiling. Without another word he stomped out to the patio, standing out in the warm sunshine with his face to the sky and allowed the heat to dry the tears in sticky, itchy tracks down his face. Jack remained in doors, watching him.
*
After what seemed an eternity, Daniel turned and headed back into the apartment. He'd been out there so long that Jack had made himself a cup of coffee and was sitting on the sofa again.
Blinking to make his eyes adjust to the light change, Daniel removed his glasses and put them on the coffee table as he sat side on to Jack, his knee lying across his best friend's thigh.
Jack looked at him a long moment then shook his head. "Don't say it."
"I have to."
They held an intense stare a moment then Jack shrugged, flung his hand and said, "Go on then."
"First, I'm sorry."
Rolling his eyes, Jack sighed, nodded then said, "Knew that was coming!"
"You have to understand where I'm coming from Jack. You're healthy. Fine - go away with Philip but you can't stay away. You have to come back."
"Why?"
"Because there's alternatives!" Even though they were the only people in the room, Daniel lowered his voice when he said that. The implications, therefore, were not lost on Jack. "The Nox can help or the Tok"ra.."
"Me? A snakehead?" Jack scoffed then shot Daniel a look that clearly told him that if Daniel were any other man he would have ripped him a new orifice for that suggestion.
"Think of it this way, Jack. You can make sure they're honest with us. Be on the inside.." Daniel said, working his eyebrows to add to his conspiratory tone.
"Be a snake head?" Jack dismissed it by screwing up his face and shaking his head. "I don't think so, Danny.."
Clamping his eyes shut, Daniel stammered with frustration as he said, "Just think about it a moment, will you?"
Jack lifted his eyes to the ceiling then squinted them, then shook his head from side to side comically, then said, "Yup, thought about it. The idea still stinks!"
"God, you are obstinate!" Daniel yelled, clamping his hands into fists.
"On my better days," Jack retorted.
"I'm trying to save your life here, Jack! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
The dark brown eyes moved slowly across the flushed cheeks then into the frustrated gaze. "Not while the man I love is dying, no."
Closing his eyes slowly Daniel rolled away from Jack and got to his feet. Covering both hands over his face, he blindly stepped around the coffee table then gave a loud sigh as he dropped his hands and looked to the ceiling. After a moment he turned and stared straight back at Jack. "What about after..?"
"I didn't just hear that, did I?"
"Listen to me!" Daniel crept forward, sliding onto the coffee table and holding his hands, almost in a pleading manner before Jack. "You and I know there's not a damn thing we can do for Philip, and believe me I've thought of it!" What he didn't add was that his thoughts were not just for Jack, but for Graham too.
Jack sighed and nodded as he leaned his elbow onto his thighs and sat forward. "I've thought about it, too. The only thing Hammond might agree to is a Tok'Ra host, and - well I lose him that way.. but-" Jack sucked back his breath then covered his face, unable to confess that he didn't know what was worse - letting Philip die or letting him become a Tok'Ra host - at least it was some kind of life.
Daniel sighed because he knew the pain Jack was facing. If Philip became a Tok'Ra, Jack would lose him anyway. Daniel also knew Jack felt the same way about the 'sharing a body' deal as he did - it was only half a life, and would Philip really want that?
As Jack's weary eyes lifted to meet with Daniel's intense gaze, the anthropologist knew clearly what Jack was thinking 'surely half a life is better than none... or is it?' Reaching his hand out, Daniel rubbed his friend's hunched shoulder.
"I know."
Shaking his head, Jack looked down again, this time reaching his hands to the back of his head and tugging on his short gray hair as he growled deeply. "I keep going through this in my mind!"
Daniel squatted before his friend now and looked up into the tormented eyes. "Jack, this is a very hard thing to consider - but of all the scenarios I can think of it's the only one I can imagine the General agreeing to. I also know it would mean the end of your relationship with him.."
"Do I have the right to put our relationship before his life?" Jack's voice sounded like a statement but his eyes were clearly questioning Daniel.
The younger man shook his head and shrugged. "I don't know. It's a very tough decision. Perhaps, if you seriously want to consider it, you should talk to Graham, see what he thinks."
Jack closed his eyes slowly then sighed. "My head hurts!" He said, sitting back on the sofa and rubbing his thumb and finger into his eyes.
"I'll get you some aspirin," Daniel said, getting up to go to the bathroom.
*
A few hours later the two men stood leaning against Daniel's balcony as the younger man, who was now dressed in a dark gray sweater and denim jeans, told him about the disastrous date from the night before.
Shaking his head, Jack looked out across the city view and said, "Who the hell *is* this Todd?"
Daniel shrugged, and then sighed. "Certainly not someone I'm going to get entangled with."
Jack looked at him a moment, catching then holding Daniel's gaze until the blue eyes looked away.
Turning to lean forward over the balcony edge, Daniel said, "So you were telling me that Philip knows.. about your test results. How did he take that?"
"Surprisingly well," Jack said with a shrug. "He's suspected something for a while now, so I guess it's taken the edge off.. Still, he tells me he'll never forgive himself.."
"It wasn't his fault," Daniel said then shot Jack a quick look. "Was it?"
"No," Jack said, shaking his head. "I was there, too."
Daniel half-closed his eye as he looked away. Despite that stating the obvious, it was still too much information for him.
"But I've got to tell you something, Danny. Philip really surprised me with his observation skill. Man like that should be in the damn forces!"
Daniel rolled his eyes then watched the traffic go down Mainland Street.
"Well, I didn't think you'd agree with me.." Jack mumbled.
Daniel snorted then folded his arms on the ledge and leaned right over. "Make a good Tok'Ra then?"
Jack shuddered, and then to change the subject he observed his friend leaning over the balcony and enquired, "Overcome your height problem, Daniel?"
"Not really, just doing this doesn't bother me," he said nonchalantly leaning right over. Jack shrugged.
"Yeah, right, whatever," he said, looking down at the small people below them. Suddenly his head went dizzy and he stepped away from the edge. Daniel turned to watch him.
"Are you okay, Jack?"
Holding his head, Jack shook himself. "I'm fine.. I .. I just.." He peered over the edge again and started to feel light-headed once more. "I think.. I'm developing a height problem.." He frowned.
Daniel looked at the balcony fence then back at his friend. "It's probably something else," he said, carefully assisting Jack back inside. "I'll call Janet."
"No, Danny, don't," Jack said, lying back on the tiny sofa. "I'll be right."
"Well you can't lie there, Jack," Daniel said, looking at his legs hanging over the edge. "Come to my room."
Jack rolled off the sofa and then stumbled along behind Daniel to the bedroom. The bedding was all mussed up but Jack dived headfirst into it without stopping. Daniel had gone to close the curtains at his balcony doors, plummeting the room into darkness. Jack sighed heavily.
"That's better!" he groaned, and then flopped his arm out across the bed towards where Daniel was sitting on the edge.
"Sleep a while, see how you feel when you wake up."
Jack nodded then his fingers stretched to touch Daniel, swiping at his denim-covered butt. "Thanks," he sighed then rolled his head the other way and fell asleep. Daniel got up slowly to leave him to sleep in peace.
*
Once he returned to the living room he picked up his phone and dialed Jack's number. The voice at the other end sounded thick and breathless. After a brief exchange of pleasantness Daniel wasn’t sure, but he could have sworn Philip was crying.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked the forlorn sounding man at the other end of the phone.
‘Yeah. I’m just tired. I guess I fell asleep.’
Unconvinced, as he could clearly hear Phil’s sniffling, Daniel pressed on, “Well I just called to tell you that Jack's here and he’s fallen asleep..”
‘Oh God!’ Philip started wailing at the other end of the line, leaving Daniel very confused. Finally, after a few long moments, Philip seemed to catch his breath and then confessed, sobbingly, ‘I’ve been so worried about him. I had no idea where he was. I thought he’d done something stupid.’
“Stupid? Like what?”
‘You know.' There was another long pause then finally Philip said, sounding somewhat annoyed, 'Come on Daniel, I *know* you know. He’s got it too..’
“It?” Daniel was unsure of the tone in Philip’s voice when he told him that.
‘It. The damn disease..’
There was a loud hiccup at the other end of the line and then things went strangely quiet, like Philip had pushed the mouthpiece against a pillow or a cushion. Listening closely, Daniel was sure he could hear the sound of frustrated growling and crying. With his stomach churning he waited until Philip picked up the phone again.
It took a while but he did and when he spoke again his voice was thick with tears. ‘I have to go. I’ve got something on the boil..’
“Philip. Listen to me. I’m worried about you..”
‘Forget me. It’s Jack you should be worried about!’
Screwing his face up, Daniel hated hearing the desolation in his friend’s voice. But when the pathetic wail from the other end pieced through the silence - Daniel's stomach lurched.
‘Oh God, Danny.. I’ve *killed* him…’
The line went dead and Daniel jerked his phone from his ear then looked at it before putting it down. Quickly he dialed up Sam’s number.
‘Carter.’
“Sam? It’s Daniel. Look, I really need you to come out here. Will you do that?”
‘Everything okay?’
“Fine. But Philip's really upset and I need to go to him straight away. I'm not sure what he's capable of at the moment.."
'Why? What happened?'
"Nothing. Much. Look I just need to go to see him but I can't leave my apartmentneed you here please!"
'Sure, but why?'
"Jack's asleep in my bed and I can’t leave him alone..”
‘Whoa! What was that?’
“Jack's in my bed.. oh! No.. No.. not like that! He was visiting me and he went light-headed and then fell asleep.”
‘Daniel, why didn’t you call Janet immediately?’
“Jack said not to!”
‘Like you’ve listened to him before…’
With teeth clenched in frustration, Daniel snapped, “Look, Sam! I really don’t have time for this. Can you get over here right away? Bring your key and let yourselves in. I have to go now!”
‘Okay. We’re out the door now!’
“Thanks! I’ll call you if I need you.”
‘Sure. Keep in touch!’
He put the phone down and quickly went to check on Jack before rushing through to his front door, grabbing his keys on the way out.
End of part 35.
Sorry this took so long in hitting the lists.. RL can be a bitch at times, eh? Thanks to those who wrote asking after me and the fic J I really appreciate the concern! Ta! Slida
Stories on this page are the property of Nessessitee and Slida. Please do not copy these without the written permission of the Author. All Rights are acknowledged for MGM, Gekko and Stargate Productions as to the Copyrights of the characters within this story and no infringement on the copyrights are intended. For the Bombshells Series the character of Philip Simmons is entirely the creation and intellectual property of Nessessitee and Slida.
While the performances given by RDA and MS help to fuel the author's desire to write for their characters in a niche that she feels is present on the actual show, the portrayal of their characters in loving relationships in no way reflects the Author's opinion of the men's private life, nor should it be construed in that manner.