Part 37
It was hours later when the front door flew open and a very agitated Jack O'Neill scurried inside the darkened house.
"Philip!" He called, racing to the top step to see the living room empty and the fire dying slowly. The brief relief he'd felt as he drove towards the house and saw Daniel's car parked in the curb, indicating that they were at least still here and not somewhere - say hospital instead - didn't last long as he hurried into the silent house. "PHILIP!"
Daniel came around the corner, holding his hands up and signaling to Jack to lower his voice. Jack sighed with relief when he saw his friend.
"Where is he?"
"I've just got him to sleep!" Daniel said over the top of Jack's question.
"Sleep?" The older man frowned and looked down towards the hallway leading to the bedrooms. Daniel was standing without his sweater on now and was tugging down the sleeves of his shirt. Jack noted the beaded perspiration on his friend's top lip and forehead.
"Did he need the steamer on?"
Often when Philip was finding it hard to breathe he preferred to settle with the steamer on in his room. It always made Jack feel sticky as the moisture in the air settled heavily around them. The walls of Phil's room showed faint scars of moisture down the wallpaper and the damp air had damaged some of Philip's artwork. Still, using the steamer helped him with his breathing and Jack withstood the discomfort of the heat and moisture in order to stay with Philip until he slept. Now Daniel showed the classic hallmarks of having spent time in the room with the steamer on. His shirtsleeves were rolled up past his elbows. His shirt was undone to the third button and his hair and face were damp.
"He was ... distressed.." Daniel told him cautiously. Jack growled and nodded, then stepped past him to go to the bedroom and check on him himself.
Daniel continued to tug his sleeves down then he collected his sweater from the back of the chair in the dining room and pulled it on over his head. While in the process of doing this he heard Jack come back.
"What happened?"
"When?" The younger man frowned. "Now? Or when I got here a few hours ago?"
"Both?" Jack said with a shrug.
"Ummm," Daniel said, pushing the sleeve of his sweater up his forearm. "When I got here he was..." With a tilt of his head he chose his next words carefully, "very upset."
Jack sighed and rubbed his tired face. "Go on."
Rubbing the back of his ear with his thumb, Daniel said, "Um.. we .. we talked about how he felt about you having HIV now.." He stopped and quickly glanced at Jack, seeing his reaction out of the corner of his eye. "Jack, he's.. really... distressed about that."
"He told me he was okay with it."
Shaking his head Daniel said, "He's not. He’s coping with so much at the moment. AIDS, Cancer, the loss of his job, the huge guilt he feels for infecting you…”
Hissing through his clenched teeth, Jack said, “That wasn’t his fault.”
“I know!” The younger man tilted his head then said, as he tossed his hand towards the bedroom, “But *he* feels guilty!”
“Well, he damn well shouldn’t.”
Daniel shrugged and crossed his arms as he waved his hand towards the bedrooms again and said, sarcastically, “Well, gee, which one of us is going to go in there and tell him that then?”
“Oh, for crying out loud,” Jack muttered.
Daniel quickly raised his brows then twisted at the waist to glance behind him before turning back to meet Jack's gaze.
Jack gave him a dull stare as he said, “Care to throw any of that TLC for him my way? I woke up – in your bed – without a clue as to how I got there. I came out to ask you and Sam and Janet were kissing on the sofa and after almost falling to the floor when I spoke to them, they told me you were over here instead because there was something wrong with Philip.”
The younger man cringed now then sighed as he gripped the bridge of his nose, dislodging his glasses slightly. “Sorry, Jack.”
Raising his hand to scratch at the back of his head, the colonel growled softly as he shrugged. “Aw crap. Forget it. I’m glad you came here. Is he okay? I mean, apart from the guilt and all that?”
“I’m worried about him.”
Jack nodded. “That makes two of us, Danny.”
With a frown the younger man bit the inside of his bottom lip before asking, “What's his memory like?"
"Huh?" Jack frowned.
"He told me that he sometimes forgets things. He'd forgotten you'd told him you were going out today. "
"I told him that - twice - this morning," Jack growled, sounding despondent.
With a sigh Daniel continued, "Well, he said he fell asleep and when he woke up the house was empty. That's basically what the problem was." Realizing that his next words would cut Jack badly, Daniel lowered his voice as well as his face as he said, "He told me he walked around, calling out for you but couldn't work out why you weren't here."
Jack's jaw slackened slightly then he caught his breath in the back of his throat as he said, quietly, "Holy...!"
Gnawing on his bottom lip, the anthropologist looked up and said, "I'm sorry, Jack."
Rubbing his hand over his face, Jack growled as he turned and went into the kitchen. With a flutter of his eyes, Daniel followed him and stood beside him, his head resting against the cupboard as he watched Jack mechanically prepare the pot of coffee.
"He didn't remember?" Jack asked, without lifting his head.
"No, apparently not."
Shaking his head, the older man reached for the coffee cups from the drainer then turned to his friend. "So what happened after that?"
"Um, well, he said that as soon as I called he remembered that you'd said you had a few things to do, but by then he was already so worked up. I didn't think he sounded that great over the phone, so I was already concerned. But when he hung up on me.."
"He hung up on you?"
"He told me he had something on the boil..." Both men looked around but there were no pots or pans. That didn't surprise Daniel though; he didn't believe him at the time either. Taking a deep breath, the younger man went on, "Jack, when I told him I was worried about him, he told me that it's you I should worry about. He.. He said he's killed you.."
Jack's features screwed up seconds before he covered his face with his hands. He growled loudly then threw his hands down and sighed as he turned to look at the man beside him. "He told me he was all right with this.."
"Well," Daniel told him as gently as he could, "Apparently he's not."
Sucking in a deep breath through his nose, Jack nodded then occupied himself with pouring the hot coffee into the cups. As he passed Daniel's over his hand shook but both of them ignored that. Instead he watched as Jack pulled the sugar container from the cupboard, scooped out two spoonfuls of sugar then closed it and put it back away – all without noticing the altered label. Daniel simply took his cup and followed his friend into the living room.
"When I got here, he didn't answer, so I was about to start looking for an open window.."
Jack was rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. "I've always got a spare backdoor key tucked into my blades in the garage..."
Daniel knew where he meant. Jack kept his inline skates in the garage for the impromptu game of street hockey. Since Kawalsky's death, however, he rarely played anymore, but the whole kit still sat in the garage, gathering dust and cobwebs. Once or twice they'd even attempted to play, but Daniel was no good on skates and Jack feared for his own life when he let Daniel hold a Hockey stick.
Jack got up and started re-stoking the fire. Daniel went and sat beside him on the hearth, waiting quietly as his friend worked.
"I don't want to go through this Danny," Jack admitted quietly. Daniel nodded and reached out to touch his friend's shoulder. Looking up, Jack's eyes were dull and listless. "Do you understand that now?"
With another nod, Daniel told him he did.
"I know that there are - alternatives.." Jack caught his breath and looked at his friend a long moment before looking away. "But will you do me a favor? Can we not talk about it again? It only makes me angry that I can't save him."
"I understand," Daniel told him gently and squeezed his shoulder. “But know this. Philip said that if there was ever anyway of relieving you of this – he would do it!”
“He said that?”
“Almost as if he knew there was.”
Jack screwed up his face then shook his head. “He can’t know. Unless Simmons..”
“Graham wouldn’t have!” Daniel said definitely. Arching his brow at the look Jack gave him when he protected his ex-lover, the anthropologist said, “He’s not an idiot, Jack!”
“He gave you up..” The colonel said then closed one eye as he shrugged and looked away when Daniel looked at him incredulously.
After a few moments of awkward silence, Jack asked, "Did you neb Philip?"
Surprised by the change of topic, Daniel took a moment then nodded. "Yes. He’d been laughing and suddenly he couldn’t stop coughing."
With a deep frown Jack settled onto the hearth beside Daniel. "I didn't know you knew how to that."
"He taught me."
Jack leaned forward onto his knees then stared at his clasped hands. "Ah."
Daniel leaned forward too, and looked at his friend. "I'm a quick study, Jack."
Turning to meet his eyes, Jack said, "So it would seem."
Both men looked up when they heard the sound of coughing from down the hall. Jack got to his feet and by the time he'd reached the steps, Philip was near the dining room. "Hey, baby.." He said with a smile as he leapt up the three steps and wrapped his arms around his damp lover.
"Hi.." Philip said breathlessly then saw Daniel in the living room. "You're still here?"
"You weren't asleep long," Daniel told him. Philip frowned.
"Felt like I was asleep forever. What's the time?"
"A little after eight," Jack told him. "Are you hungry?"
"No."
"I'll get going," Daniel said, coming up and lifting his jacket from the hook behind the door. Jack looked at him then nodded.
"Thanks. For.. well.. you know.."
Philip mumbled thanks as well and Daniel gave them both a small nod and a smile then opened the door and left the two of them alone. Jack turned to the pale man in his arms and looked at the straggly hair then at the lifeless eyes.
"You should have a bath. Would you like that?"
Philip blinked his eyes shut as a sign of agreement then allowed Jack to guide him back towards the bathroom. As they walked together, Philip mumbled, "I feel so tired today."
"You didn't sleep well last night. We'll make sure you're more rugged up tonight."
"I enjoyed lying naked with you though," Philip said with a smile as he looked at his taller lover. Jack smiled as he carefully guided Philip to sit on the closed toilet seat.
"I enjoyed it too. Maybe I should just buy a radiator for the bedroom." He reached over and started the bath.
Philip began to unfasten his own shirt as he said, "That could work. If the room was warm I'd have less trouble I guess."
Squatting as he swirled his hand through the water to ensure the heat was evenly distributed, Jack nodded. "Sure. What say we go tomorrow and buy one?"
Philip smiled slightly. "Good plan. Oh, and we have to go to the library. I've got to get my stuff from there."
With a frown Jack asked, "What, you didn't go in today?"
"Today?" Philip frowned then his face screwed up as he remembered that he'd planned to do that. "I guess I fell asleep and forgot about it. Damn, we really need to get my stuff out of there, before..."
"Before?" Jack arched a brow.
"I know this sounds horrible, but," Philip sighed then shrugged. "I'm not sure I really trust Todd anymore. He's been a friend for years, but, I don't know, there's something that isn't sitting well with me at the moment." Then in a dismissive tone, he added, " Actually it's probably not even his fault, I guess I'm just screwed up!"
"Well, maybe you need to go with your gut instincts on this one, baby."
Philip looked at his lover a moment then tilted his head. "You don't like him, do you?"
"I don't know him. But if Daniel doesn't like him and you aren't sure about him, that's good enough for me!"
Phil's mouth dropped open slightly. "Daniel doesn't like him? When did that happen? Todd's besotted with him?"
Sucking in a deep breath Jack merely shrugged then said, "Well, according to Daniel Todd's not someone he's going to get involved with."
"That's a pity."
"Whoa, back up," Jack said with a confused laugh. "Two minutes ago you said you didn't trust him, now it's a pity that Daniel isn't interested in him?"
Philip rolled his eyes. "Don't mind me, love. I'm just.." He shook his hand beside his head to indicate that he was a little screwed up at the moment. “Too many painkillers, I think!”
Jack smiled, a little sadly, and got to his feet, gently easing Philip to his feet also.
"You can stop worrying about Danny and his love life and that will be one less stress on your mind."
Philip smiled up at him and said, "I should just concentrate on my own love life."
"You could do that," Jack quipped with a smile and then leaned down and kissed Philip's lips gently. Stepping back the younger man switched off the overhead light, and the only light in the bathroom was the filtered lamplight from the bedroom. Philip felt more comfortable about taking his shirt off and even allowed Jack to carefully help him undress.
When he was completely naked he turned and placed his hand on Jack's chest. "Join me?"
"In the bath?"
"Yeah," Philip smiled shyly then shrugged. "If you want to."
Jack didn't need to be asked twice. He was already tugging his sweater off over his head as he stood on the backs of his shoes and kicked them off. Philip went into their bedroom and collected up some candles and the portable CD player before returning to the bathroom. He stopped in the door and looked at his lover, standing completely naked in the bathroom. A smile filled his face as he passed over the candles to Jack and then, as he watched him set them out and start to light them, he ran his hands across Jack's chest and stomach, enjoying the feel of the hair against his palm.
"God, you're so damn sexy, Jack O'Neill."
With a wanton smile, Jack turned and kissed Phil's lips quickly. "So are you." He pulled back and saw the spark of passion in the dark eyes. As they remained with their eyes locked Jack lit the last of the candles, filling the small room with the aroma of strawberries. Philip then hit play on the CD player and soft music wafted from it as Jack turned to face him better. Cupping the bearded face between his hands, the older man pressed his nose against Phil's as he whispered, "I love you."
The cold hands trailed up Jack's spine until they reached his shoulder then Philip slipped them out to grip the sturdy arms. "I love you, too." He tilted his face and reached up to meet Jack's parted lips. Slowly they explored each other's mouth then they pulled back and the younger man sighed softly. Jack held his hand as he gingerly climbed into the hot bath then he quickly rolled a towel up and placed it at the end of the bath before stepping in himself. He carefully eased himself into the water, parting his legs for Philip to sit in front of him, leaning back against him.
In this position Philip could lay his arms along Jack's wet thighs and knees as if they were arms of a chair, and then he leaned his head back against the firm shoulder. Rolling his face to nuzzle against the unshaven throat Philip gave a soft moan as the aroma and soft music created a peaceful haven for them.
Jack tilted his face to kiss Phil's cheek then he settled back, letting his head drop back against the rolled towel behind him. They both lay in the dimly lit room, enjoying the CD that Jack had made for Philip containing all the younger man's favorite songs and music. Right now the Maria Callas song from the Opera they'd played on their first night together was on, and the aria seemed to lift the two of them a finger's breadth from the ground and hold them suspended in the tranquility of the moment. After the song had finished, Philip rubbed his hand over Jack's wet calf as he asked, "What do you fear, Jack?"
"Huh?"
Turning as best he could to look back at his lover, Philip asked the question again. Jack thought about it a moment then raised his brow.
"I'm not too sure. What do you fear?"
"Dying alone."
"You do?"
Philip nodded. "Sometimes when I'm alone and I can't breathe I start to worry that I'll be alone at the end.... That scares me more than dying does."
Jack swallowed then leaned forward; the sound of sudden swooshing water filled their sanctuary. With a kiss against the damp cheek, Jack assured him, "I won't let you die alone."
Philip blinked then looked at him. "What about you, though?"
Jack brought his hand up to stroke the upturned face with his thumb. "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me, okay?"
"I have to worry about you. Daniel told me you were okay about this, but I don't believe that."
Jack closed his eyes a moment then sighed as he touched his thumb to the edge of Phil's eyebrow. "Did Danny tell you that he's offered to care for me?"
"He did?” Phil asked with surprise, then relief flooded his voice as he said, “No, he didn't say that."
"He has."
"Will you let him?"
With a defeated sigh, Jack gave a shrug then nodded. "I won't die alone either, baby. Don't worry about that!"
Phil's eyes misted up then he gave Jack a brave smile as he reached up and kissed his mouth gently. "I'm sorry," he whispered against the dry lips.
Gripping him and pulling him back for another, longer, kiss Jack finally let him go and then said, "Listen, this isn't your fault. I don't want you thinking that anymore. You're not to blame. It was an accident and I don't hold you responsible for it, okay!"
"How can I not be responsible?"
"Because you're damn well not! It is.. as you say, my ‘fate’! It’s probably written in some goddamn stars someplace, I’m sure! So stop thinking about it in terms of blame, baby. It's happened and now we live with it. I'm in good health at the moment.."
"What about today!" Philip argued. “Daniel told me you were dizzy. I’ve never noticed your headaches making you dizzy before.”
"Janet thinks I might have a middle-ear infection, that's all! She's going to see me tomorrow in her rooms and I'll get some antibiotics and it will go away and you'll see, everything will be okay again."
"You have to be careful!"
"Philip!" Jack said as he clenched his hand slightly. "I know! Okay? You can come with me and hear it for yourself if you want to. But I don't want you worrying about every little sniffle I get from now on! I'm going to be fine. It's you I'm concerned about!"
"Just a middle ear infection?" Philip asked. Jack smiled and kissed the tip of his nose.
"Exactly. So, stop fussing!"
Philip sighed and leaned his head onto Jack's chest, enjoying the strong beat of his heart. While he listened he tangled his fingers with the hairs on Jack's chest then every now and then he'd shift to plant a small kiss on Jack's chest before settling down against him again to enjoy their peace and tranquility while it lasted.
End of part 37
Stories on this page are the property of Nessessitee and Slida. Please do not copy these without the written permission of the Author. All Rights are acknowledged for MGM, Gekko and Stargate Productions as to the Copyrights of the characters within this story and no infringement on the copyrights are intended. For the Bombshells Series the character of Philip Simmons is entirely the creation and intellectual property of Nessessitee and Slida.
While the performances given by RDA and MS help to fuel the author's desire to write for their characters in a niche that she feels is present on the actual show, the portrayal of their characters in loving relationships in no way reflects the Author's opinion of the men's private life, nor should it be construed in that manner.