Part 5
Daniel stirred in the still hut, slowly growing aware of his surroundings. He sat up carefully, unsure what it was that broke his sleep. Looking around the room he could see the bulk of Teal'c's body in his bed and the small outline of Sam’s in hers. Jack's bed was empty. Daniel threw back the cover, made of platted matting, and got up out of bed. He crept out of the hut, keeping a cautious eye on Teal’c as he passed him. On the bottom step he stopped to put his boots on, leaving the laces untied. Then he got up and looked around, eventually making out the faint shape of someone sitting near the beach on a large boulder. Cautiously he made his way over there and soon recognized Jack, sitting on the hard rock, staring out across the moonlit water. As he approached, Jack turned to look at him.
"What are you doing up?" He whispered.
"I could ask you the same question," Daniel said, also in a whisper. The colonel shrugged.
"Just couldn't sleep.." They looked at each other a long moment then Jack turned to stare out across the water again.
"Ah huh," Daniel said, sitting beside his friend on the rock now. "Neither could I."
The moon reflected off the still water before them, casting eerie gray shadows over the place. Jack nodded wordlessly. After a few short moments of silence Daniel dipped his head before asking, "So, you never really answered my question earlier."
Jack's head tilted slightly but he still didn't turn towards the man beside him. Instead a sheepish smile crept across his tight mouth as he asked, "What question was that, Daniel?"
Wetting his lips, the younger man dragged his knees to his chest and folded his arms across them, then tilted his head towards the colonel. "By that tone, I'd say you already know."
With a wry grin Jack said, a little testily, "You don't give up, do you?"
With a jerk of his head, a sort of shrug, Daniel said, "One of my more endearing qualities, I believe.."
"You believe-" Jack said, nodding then he gave a genuine smile as he looked out at the water again.
"One of them," Daniel muttered, brushing his hands together to wipe off some dirt he'd picked up off the rock.
Jack sighed as he lifted his face to the stars, and Daniel could see he was squinting his eyes as if he was trying to work out the right words to say. Jack took a few moments then finally turned his face to Daniel and said, "Things... are not ... good at the moment." The anthropologist's brow rose, creasing his forehead, but before he could say anything Jack continued, "And I have no idea why."
With a slight roll of his eyes, Daniel said, "none?" He managed to make it sound a little like he couldn't quite believe that.
Jack looked at him for a long moment then wordlessly looked away as he shifted his leg, straightening it across the rock they were sitting on. He still had his elbow resting on his other knee and leaned forward to scratch his chin with his thumb.
In a desolate voice, he told the anthropologist, "Actually, you know for once, I really have no clue!"
Daniel leaned forward, resting his chin onto his folded arms as he stared out at the water. "Is he sick?" He asked after a short silence.
"No," Jack said with a sigh. "Well, not that I know of.." The older man inhaled, almost as if he was about to say something else but he just sat back against the cliff face behind them and rolled his head back, his whole demeanor telling Daniel that he'd thought long and hard about this - and very little - for quite some time now.
Daniel looked over his arm at his friend.
"What?" Jack asked, not bothering to look at him.
"What what?" Daniel asked, raising his brow once more.
"You tell me.." Jack said, and then tilted his head to see his friend.
Daniel scratched his thumb along his jaw as he said, after a little stammer-growl, "well, it seemed you were going to say something.. else.."
"No, I wasn't," Jack said.
"Sure?"
With a sharp shrug, the older man said, "Sure."
Daniel tilted his head then slowly wet his lips as he stared at his friend. The colonel sighed and said, "For crying out loud, Daniel!"
"What?"
"It's not something I find easy to do, Okay?!"
"What's that, Jack? Admitting to having feelings?" He drew back a sharp breath and said, tartly, "sure must be hard having to admit to having feelings!"
"I'm not like you!" Jack snapped.
Daniel's mouth dropped open then he slowly tilted his head to the side as he asked, "What's that meant to mean?"
"Nothing," Jack barked.
"Yeah?" Daniel challenged him.
Turning to look him straight in the eye, Jack said, "Yeah!"
"Right!" Daniel said quickly, pushing himself up off the rock. Instantly Jack reached out and grabbed him around the wrist, stalling him. Daniel looked down into the upturned face, and saw, despite the shadows, the need in Jack's eyes to keep his friend there. Wordlessly Daniel settled himself back onto the rock beside him and waited.
As he rubbed his face harshly with his hands, Jack growled then said, "I've always found it hard to .. discuss .. things.."
"I know, Jack," Daniel said, his voice low but reassuring. He reached out and patted his friend's hand that was still tightly gripping his wrist. Jack seemed to realize this at the same time and suddenly let him go. Dragging his knees to his chest again, Daniel waited patiently for Jack to find the words.
"What I meant was that you find this kind of thing easy to do."
"Actually, no I don't," Daniel said, but waved his hand at Jack to encourage him to keep going.
Sighing, the colonel said, "Easier than 'me' then."
Rolling his eyes as he nodded, Daniel told him in a hushed voice, "I guess I just accept that I have feelings and I allow myself to express them. We were brought up differently Jack, and this kind of thing is something we're polar opposites about.."
"You just said you don't find it easy either," the older man broke in.
"And I don't," Daniel said, scratching his thumbnail across his chin, "But I 'allow' myself to express it - however hard it is. With you," he said, holding his hand out to Jack, "you can't do that. It's probably why you're in the Military and I could never be..."
Slightly insulted, Jack jerked his head back and said, "Just because I don't wear my heart on my sleeve.."
"Neither do I!"
"Yeah, sure.." Jack muttered.
Daniel snorted with indignation, "Just because I'm not anal like you.."
"I'm not anal!" Jack said indignantly, lifting his head back to look at Daniel.
"Jack, you're the most anal man I've ever met!"
"Jesus Danny! If this is how you treat friends God knows what you're like with your enemies.."
"I don't care about my enemies, Jack.." Daniel said then the two men stared at each other a long moment. In a low voice the younger man said, "I do care about you though."
Jack gave a soft, "Huh!" Then he turned is face away again. They were silent a long while then Jack looked at him once more. "You care about me?"
Daniel swallowed then nodded before bowing his head and rubbing his hand over the surface of the rock for a distraction.
Jack gave another soft, "uh, as he looked out across the water. After a long silence he said, "Still .. can't do this.."
Daniel nodded sharply. "Okay, okay Jack." He reached out and patted his friend's arm. "Just know that if you do need to talk.. I'm around, okay?"
Jack nodded then he jutted his thumb over his shoulder towards the hut, as he said, "You know, I think I could probably sleep now.." He stopped talking with a loud, exaggerated yawn and stretched.
Daniel lowered his chin to his chest as he gave a slight, sad smile. "Sure."
The colonel slipped himself off the rock then turned back to the hut. "You coming?"
"No," Daniel said as he reached back onto outstretched arms. "I think I might.. Um,.. stay awhile.."
Jack twisted from the waist to look at the moonlit sea then back to his friend. He paused a moment then said quietly, "night, Danny. Don't stay up too late, we've got a big day tomorrow.."
The anthropologist nodded. “The second day of Rites. The Day of Choosing.”
“Yeah,” Jack said as he watched the ripples distort the moonlight. “The day that the youth of the village choose their life-mate.”
Daniel lowered his chin to his chest, then tilted his face and looked straight into Jack's eyes. “Interesting ritual-”
Jack tilted his head then nodded. “Sure.” They were quiet again then Jack said, “Well, goodnight.”
“Night.” The younger man watched the moonlight on the water now as Jack walked away. With a heavy sigh Daniel leaned forward and placed his chin on his folded arms then he tilted his head and closed his eyes slowly.
*
He woke when he felt something brush his body. Jerking violently, he turned to see Jack on the rock beside him again.
"You don't do that on watch, do you?" Jack asked, as he settled in beside him again.
"Do what?"
"Switch off like that? If I was the enemy we'd all be dead."
Daniel smiled wistfully. "So, you'll never sleep on missions again, huh?"
Jack looked at him unable to judge if he was joking or not. "Who says I did before?"
Daniel chuckled softly. "I share a tent with you, I know you sleep!"
"Are you saying I snore, Daniel?"
"It's one of those common ground things that Philip and I can relate to.."
"So, you talk about me with him?" Jack asked, suddenly serious.
The younger man scratched his brow, as he said, "No. Not really."
"But he does talk to you?" Jack asked quietly. Daniel crinkled his eyes as he looked at Jack.
"We talk a bit."
"And all this," Jack swept his arm around the surroundings before looking back at his friend, "was what? Has he asked you to talk to me?"
"No!" Daniel said quickly then shook his head. "No, nothing like that. I don't need him to tell me there's a problem. I can tell by looking at you."
Jack sighed, and then screwed his face up as he looked at the moon above them. "Why do I get the feeling you know what's going on better than I do?"
Daniel swallowed and shook his head. "He doesn't talk to me like that, Jack. He respects the relationship you and I have. We discuss other things, but we do not talk about your relationship.”
"So if he doesn't talk to you who does he talk to?" Jack asked quietly. Daniel shrugged.
"I have no idea."
They were silent a long moment then Jack confessed, "I'm scared for him, Daniel." The younger man remained silent and that prompted Jack to turn to look at him. "Does it violate your friendship with him if 'we' talk about it."
Daniel shook his head. "I'm 'your' friend, Jack."
The colonel blinked then looked down. "I think he's sicker than he lets on."
Daniel nodded then leaned closer so that they could lower their voices. "Why's that?"
"He's closing himself off from me. I know that I haven't been home much, but when I am.." He said, scratching nervously at the side of his neck, then he continued, "He's not eating, he stays up later than me every night that I'm home.."
Daniel wondered what that meant in relation to their intimacy. With a soft cough he asked, "Is he drawing?"
Jack shrugged, then said, "I know he's reading a lot. He's got all these holistic health books he keeps his nose stuck in. I think.." He lowered his face.
"You think he's deliberately avoiding you?"
Jack sighed heavily then nodded. Wordlessly Daniel bit his lips together then looked out across the water. He turned his face to Jack as he hugged his knees to his chest a little more. With a deliberate roll of his eyes he asked, "In.. every aspect?"
Jack looked at him and saw the rapid blinking, realizing that Daniel was not overly comfortable with all this. It made the colonel appreciate what he was doing.
"No," he said then shrugged and then muttered, "we.. still.. you know.. but it's not that same."
"Oh!" Daniel sat back a little, surprised by that answer. Jack noted the surprise and added, "He still.. umm.. with.. me but.. I don't get to.."
Daniel jutted his chin slightly as he tried to piece together the muttered sentence. Once he thought he had it, he said, "Ah," with a nod.
"And I miss it," Jack said, sighing heavily. Confusion crinkled Daniel's face.
"Sorry?" He realized he was wrong somewhere. He was under the wrong impression about their sex life, obviously.
"I don't get to return.. anything.." Jack said awkwardly, shrugging heavily. Daniel's brows lifted high.
"Oh! I see," he said nodding slightly. Then he turned to look at Jack again. "Never?"
The colonel shook his head.
Frowning, Daniel asked, "At all?"
Jack shifted uncomfortably on the rock, as he rubbed his hand over his mouth. "At all," he said in a soft, defeated voice.
Daniel wet his lips slowly then sighed. He wasn't quite ready for so much detail and wasn't sure how to react.
"I miss it," Jack said quietly then turned to meet Daniel's wide-eyed stare.
"I .. ah.. I guess you would.." Daniel said, nodding then frowning self-consciously.
"Imagine how you'd .. you know.. if Teal'c started to.." the older man's voice trailed off.
"Not let me return the favor?" Daniel offered, trying to ascertain whether he was fully understanding this stilted conversation properly. The other man nodded. It was as good a description as anything.
Jack held his hand out to Daniel as he said, "Well, you two have been together as long as Phil and I. How would you feel?" The suddenly the colonel held his hand up in placation, "Not that he's, you know, failed me. Ever! He's .. been.. well.." the voice trailed off again. Daniel was biting his lip and nodding beside him throughout the awkward declaration.
"I see.." He mumbled.
With a self-conscious shrug, Jack said, "I mean, how would you .. cope? If Teal'c only wanted.."
Nodding, Daniel finished the sentence in a mumble, "wanted to give and not receive?"
Jack stared at him a moment then nodded and shrugged. "Precisely."
The younger man caught his breath as he jutted his chin in the air slightly. Blowing out a huge lungful of air now, he said, "Well, actually.. Jack.."
"You think I'm wrong feeling like this?"
"No, no, no," Daniel said quickly then rubbed his thumb along his throat a moment before admitting, "Teal'c and I are no longer together, so.." He gave an exaggerated shrug.
"Huh?" Jack looked dumb-founded.
Daniel screwed his nose up as he gave a shy smile, then he tilted his head slightly as he said, "We.. um.. we cooled things off about a month ago."
The colonel was totally surprised. "You did?"
Daniel caught his breath as he gave a half-hearted smile then nodded. "Yeah, we, we did."
"Huh!"
"We're still good friends, close friends... but we-"
"But you're not-?" Jack made a crude gesture with his hand that made Daniel frown.
"No," the anthropologist said, shaking his head. "No, we're not."
Wordlessly the colonel looked across the water again, seemingly mesmerized by the light twinkling on the water's surface. They sat in silence for a few moments before Jack turned back to him.
"Can I ask who decision that was?"
Blinking rapidly, Daniel tilted his head slowly then said, "It was pretty mutual, really." He frowned then looked across the water again. Jack stared at his profile then he looked away as Daniel started to tell him, in a quiet voice, "We started to get on each other's nerves, I think." He lowered his face and Jack wondered if the decision was completely mutual or not. "We discovered we had no time to ourselves. We've constantly been on mission after mission and then we discovered that when we came home and were alone, all we did was dissect the mission, discuss how it went and what might have gone wrong or what made it good. We never seemed to find anything else to talk about, I guess.." He ended the sentence there with a large shrug. Jack nodded but said nothing. With a wistful smile, Daniel added, "we just wanted some time apart, I think. It never really settled into a normal relationship, if you know what I mean?"
Jack nodded then inhaled deeply. He did. Suddenly something Philip had once said to him one night as they were discussing his previous relationship came back to Jack.
//After a few months Jack, there has to be more than just sex. John and I were compatible on so many levels.//
Was this what was happening between them, too? He swallowed and wondered if Philip wasn't so much shutting him out but that they were becoming less and less compatible.
He was drawn from that thought as Daniel said, "So now you know. We wanted to keep it private."
"You succeeded. I had no idea!" Jack said and watched his companion shrug.
They were quiet again then Jack asked, "So how are you coping?"
Daniel shrugged then bit his bottom lip as he smiled. "I cope."
Jack nodded. "Doesn't it make things hard? Being with him and knowing you can't.. be .. with him?"
The younger man shook his head. "No."
"No?" Jack raised his brow in surprise. Daniel shifted on the rock to face him more.
"Jack," he said cautiously, "Is this about you and Philip again?"
"Huh? No! I'm talking about you and Teal'c.."
Daniel gave him a smile that clearly told Jack that he knew better. The colonel sighed. "Well, okay, sure, I find it hard that he gets to dictate everything .. When we can and can't.. you know… And he gets to give it to me but I can't even hug him back half the time, because just touching him makes him freeze." Jack stopped suddenly then stared at Daniel, who was staring straight at him. "I'm sorry," he said bluntly.
The younger man blinked. "What for?"
Jack got up off the rock and went to the water's edge. Daniel slipped himself off the rock and joined him. "I kinda went OTT on you then, huh?"
Daniel smiled as he patted Jack's shoulder. "It's fine. That's what you need."
Jack put his hands on his hips and inhaled deeply as he raised his face to the night sky.
"Tell me something," Daniel said. "Do you love him?"
Jack looked at him a moment then gave a quick, sad smile before looking up once more. Daniel swallowed and bowed his head. "Good."
Jack shifted his eyes to look over the bowed head beside him. "Danny?"
The younger man looked up. "Just.. don't let him push you away, okay?"
Jack frowned. "What do you know?"
"I know he's scared. He hasn't told me that, but I know it. And I think he'd rather push you away slowly, try to make you hate him, than let you stay with him if he's sick.."
"So, he 'is' sick?" Jack asked, lowering his face again. Daniel shrugged.
"I really don't know. I probably wouldn't tell you if I knew but as it is, I can say that I really don't know."
"But you think that's what he'd do? Push me away?"
With a heavy shrug, Daniel said, "It seems to be their way."
Jack toyed with the dry patch on his bottom lip as he watched his friend carefully, realizing that Daniel was speaking from experience here. By observing his friend's reaction, Jack wondered if this was part of the reason the relationship with Teal'c didn't succeed. Daniel was still hurting from Graham.
After a few moments of silence, Daniel scratched at the back of his neck before twisting back towards the hut. "I think I'm ready for bed now," he said quietly. Jack watched him a moment longer then nodded.
"I'll join you," he said. Daniel stopped and looked at him then smiled when Jack rolled his eyes. It didn't need to be said that Jack didn't mean that as it sounded. Together they headed back to the hut, both emotionally drained and ready to fall into a deep sleep.
*************
End of part 5
Stories on this page are the property of Nessessitee and Slida. Please do not copy these without the written permission of the Author. All Rights are acknowledged for MGM, Gekko and Stargate Productions as to the Copyrights of the characters within this story and no infringement on the copyrights are intended. For the Bombshells Series the character of Philip Simmons is entirely the creation and intellectual property of Nessessitee and Slida.
While the performances given by RDA and MS help to fuel the author's desire to write for their characters in a niche that she feels is present on the actual show, the portrayal of their characters in loving relationships in no way reflects the Author's opinion of the men's private life, nor should it be construed in that manner.