Part 52
Back at the apartment Graham watched as his brother started to gather his things to go home again. It had been hours since their encounter with Todd on the street and since then Philip had been very withdrawn.
Now he moved around the tiny apartment, gathering things he needed into a bag then he tossed the bag on his shoulder as he looked at his brother.
Graham got up from his chair and crossed to him. "Are you sure you're okay to drive?"
Inhaling a deep breath through his nose, Phil nodded.
"I've no problem with driving you home."
"No, I need my car. I'll be fine. I'm just a little tired but I'm okay."
Graham pushed his hands into the back pockets of his jeans as he nodded. "Well, is there anything else you need?"
"No, I think I've got all I need, for the time being."
Graham walked with him to the door. "Thanks for coming around."
"Yeah, I should do it more often," Philip said, in a far away voice.
Graham reached for the doorknob then said, "Look, when you get home, why don't you write that email to Todd? Tell him how you feel.."
The vacant brown eyes looked at Graham. "How did you know that I was thinking of doing that?"
The older brother smiled. "Because I know you."
Philip thought about that a moment then nodded. "How could I have done that to him? He was a friend."
Graham opened his mouth to say something then reconsidered it. He chewed his bottom lip then said, "Philip, despite the misunderstanding about the job, which I kinda believe he had nothing to do with now, things could never have really continued between the two of you."
"Why not?"
"Because he was in love with you," Graham told him flatly.
Phil's eyes widened and he wondered if he'd over heard Todd's proclamation on the pavement. "Did you know before today?"
A wry smile creased the older face as Graham nodded. "It was pretty obvious."
"Oh," Phil said absently. "I didn't notice.."
Graham shrugged. "Well, that's because you were kinda preoccupied with someone else."
Philip closed his eyes and growled. "God, what a mess!"
"It's worked out now though. Todd's going to make it, where ever he goes, he's just that kind of person."
"But we were his friends..." Phil sighed despondently.
"Yes, we were. And we had some really great times, in the beginning, but we’ve all drifted apart. It can’t have been easy on him, feeling the way he did for you and knowing that he couldn’t get what he wanted from you..”
“Geez, was I so blind?”
“Not blind, no. And he obviously made an attempt to cope by dating Daniel..”
Now Philip screwed up his face and growled. “Oh God, I feel so badly about that too.”
“Because of me?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Well, don’t. I care enough about Daniel to want to see him happy.”
With weary eyes Philip said, “You mean to tell me it wouldn’t have eaten you up inside to see the two of them together?”
Graham didn’t say anything to that. He just shrugged then twisted the doorknob. Philip took that as an answer in itself and reached over to hug his brother. "Thanks for being my rock!"
"Think nothing of it," Graham laughed as he lightly patted Phil's back. He pulled back and looked into the dull eyes. "You sure you're okay to drive?"
Philip nodded slowly, then blinked sluggishly as he stepped through the doorway.
*
Phil's car idled at the stoplights. He rested his elbow on the ledge of the window and rubbed his eyes with his fingers. Sighing heavily he blinked and then rubbed his eyes again. His vision had been blurry all day and he put it down to the new medication, to fatigue and to the whole emotional roller-coaster he’d been on that day, from the disaster in bed with Jack that morning, to the discovery that Todd had always been secretly in love with him.
The young man pressed the middle finger of both hands into the small indent of bone in his eye socket. The pain was excruciating but it somehow relieved the other, more sever, ache in his eyes. He was tooted from behind and looked up, seeing the light was now green. With a small wave to the driver behind him he crunched his car into gear and took off, the car lurching across the lights. The impatient car behind swerved around him, the driver yelling obscenities at him and asking where he'd gotten his license. Philip slammed his brakes on and pulled to the side, this time pressing the heel of his hands into his tired eyes. He squinted as he looked down the road and realized, for really the first time, that every thing was a little hazy - and had been that way a while now. He might have wondered if there was some kind of house fire around the place had he not recalled commenting to Todd earlier about how dull the lighting had been in the library. He blinked again then held his hand up in front of his face.
"Shit," he said on a soft expel of air. He knew what this meant. He'd have to talk to Janet about it, get some tests, but if he was honest with himself, he already knew what she was going to tell him. He closed his eyes and thought for a moment. Things had been growing dull, little by little. It was so gradual that he'd never noticed it, but now, as he held his hand out in front of his face again and focused on the surface he realized he couldn't even make out the dark hairs that he knew were there. Biting his top lip he started his car once more, deciding that he wasn't going to lose it out there.
As he past along the street he tested his memory. He was sure that house was bluer. That mailbox redder. The leaves on the old tree gently bowing over the road were pale when they used to be the richest green, reflecting all of Mother Nature's beauty for the world to see. Only, Philip realized, he wasn't seeing them.. not like they were... not like he knew them to be. They were dull, almost gray.. The artist felt the tears build at the back of his nose as he concentrated on the road. Suddenly a ball bounced out from between two cars. Philip's instincts kicked in, he stepped on the brake then when he saw a small, blond girl gaily chase onto the road after it, he swerve this car, almost side swiping a parked vehicle, in his desperate attempt to miss the child. His car skidded to a halt with a gut-wrenching sound. The girl stood frozen to the spot in fear as his car nosed towards her, brakes locked. Instinct again told Philip to ease off the brake then reapply, and the car nose-dived, instantly stopping within a feet of the pretty five-year-old.
A near hysterical mother ran out and scooped up the child then turned towards the car. Philip didn't know what to expect then his driver's door was suddenly pulled open and a man stood beside him. Without time to react he felt himself engulfed in the arms of a very grateful father, words whispered over and over of thanks - for his fast reactions, for his ability to stop in time, for not hitting his little girl. Soon the man pulled back and Philip, still dazed by it all, stared at the family by his car. They asked if he was all right and he must have told them that he was. The little girl, now with big watery blue eyes looked at him and smiled. He felt himself tremble from the very core of his body to his fingers, which vibrated against the steering wheel slightly.
The emergency was over and the family moved away, back into the safety of the house. The ball, forgotten against the curb, remained there for another day while Philip started his car once more and slowly eased off down towards Jack's place.
*
He hoped Jack would be home and hadn’t decided to go out visiting someone; he wanted to fall into his arms and just stay there for the entire night! What a day! He felt shattered. Easing his car up the drive he was pleased to see Jack's jeep parked there still. As he began to apply his brakes he felt a hard and sudden thump, then jerked forward, his head slamming against the dash.
"Holy shit!" He cried out when he’d finally stop being thrown about. Slightly dazed he sat back in his seat, now aware that he’d hit something and he’d hit it hard! "Holy!" he peered through partly slotted eyes to see what he'd hit.
"Oh, shit!" He said shakily as he saw Jack's car hard against the crumbled front of his hood. "Oh.. No.. No .. No.." he said as he unclipped his seatbelt. a jab of pain seared behind his right eye and he clamped his hand over a rising bump on his forehead.
Suddenly his door ripped open and he half slid, half fell in to the strong arms. "Jack!" he sighed then his head rolled and landed against the firm shoulder.
"Wake up.. Wake up!!" Mr Kravofal lightly patted his face. The dark eyes slowly rolled open.
"Jack? Oh!" He said, trying to straighten himself up.
"Are you okay?" Asked the concerned neighbor, his eyes lifting to the bump on Philip's forehead. "You hit your head!"
"Don't touch me!" The young man stumbled back from him, tripping slightly but gaining his footing before he fell. Touching his hand to the tender spot he was relieved to see that there was no blood.
"You are hurt!"
"There's no blood?" Phil asked, turning his head this way and that for the other man to check.
"No."
"Good!" the weary artist said as he reached over and slammed his door shut. Together they went to the front of his car and saw the damage.
"Jesus! Jack's going to kill me!" He mumbled.
"He will not. You are not hurt?" Kravofal asked again.
Shooting him a quick glance, Philip said, "No, I'm .. I'm..."
Had the neighbor not caught him, Philip would have falling right into the rose bushes as he fainted.
Kravofel heard the sound of keys falling to the ground and he carefully maneuvered himself to reach and pick them up. Half- carrying, half-dragging the young man, who was partly stirring now, towards the house he asked him, "which key?"
"Blue," Philip mumbled, meaning that the house key had a blue tag on it. The neighbor hitched him up on his hip and deftly located the blue eye with his thumb. Inserting it into the lock, he pushed the door and it opened wide. Loud, classical music assaulted their ears now as Kravofal dragged Philip to a dining seat then reached out and slammed the door shut.
"Kitchen?" The older man asked. Philip jutted his thumb over his shoulder towards a closed door and Kravofel disappeared into the room.
Jack appeared at the end of the hall, dressed in nothing but a towel around his waist. He approached with caution until he saw Philip doubled over on a chair.
"Philip?" He ran to him now, squatting to get under the downcast face.
"Oh Jack! I .. I..."
"God, what the hell happened to you!?" Jack said, angling his face to get a good look at the bruise in the light.
"Jack, get dressed!" Philip hissed.
"Dressed? Babe..?" His eyes focused over Philip's right shoulder at the man halted in the doorway. "Oh, for crying out.." Jack mumbled beneath his breath as he slowly rose to his feet, aware he was now only, desperately, clutching a towel around his waist.
"I'm sorry!" Philip moaned and closed his eyes as he leaned his elbows onto his knees again and covered his face.
"Hello!" Kravofel said, holding up a bag of frozen beans. "Fillipe hit his head!"
"I see!" Jack said then looked down at Philip. "How?"
"I hit your car!" Philip winced.
"My car?" Jack spun around and took a step towards the front door.
"Jack!" Philip called to stop him. "You're naked!"
Jack looked down at the towel, then up at Philip then over to Kravofel. "Shit!" he muttered as he took off down to his bedroom.
Philip sucked back a deep breath then started coughing as he leaned back in his chair, supporting his back against the edge of the table. The other older man came into view now as he passed over the bag of beans.
With a less than enthusiastic mutter, Philip took the offered bag, and then he chanced a glance at him.
Kravofel looked down and with a knowing look in his eye he said, "No. Not your papa!"
With a tentative smile edging his lips, Philip said, "no, he's not."
The neighbor tilted his face as he said, "You are like my son!"
"I am..?" Philip frowned slightly then his face lit with realization. "Oh," he said with a nod. "Am I?"
Kravofel smiled then nodded. Jack tore through the house, hopping as he rushed to pull his other boot on before he hit the first porch step. Philip looked at the neighbor then reached out and touched his hand.
"Thank you."
The older man jiggled their hands in some kind of shake then said, "You take care of that head of yours, no!"
Philip nodded and said, "I will."
Kravofel gave him a slight wink and left, hitting the garden path as Jack exploded with "Sonofabitch!" Bending to look at the damage the sighed, "He didn't even brake!" Then he straightened up and threw his hands in the air as he said, again, "He didn't even damn well brake!" Turning on the icy path he hurried back into the house. Mr Kravofel climbed the low fence adjoining the properties and went back to his garden.
*
"What the hell happened?" Jack asked, his voice a lot softer and calmer then Philip anticipated it would be. He'd heard the screams from outside as Jack appraised the damage.
"I don't.. I just.." Philip shook his head as he lowered his face. "I'm so sorry hunny!"
Jack squatted then looked up at him.
"The car is repairable. I want to know why you didn't brake? Did you slip in the snow?"
Shaking his head Philip said, "No. In fact, I'd only just avoided hitting a little girl who ran in front of me as I was coming down Elk Drive..."
"Whoa!" Jack said, holding his hand up. Squinting one eye slightly he now only held two fingers up as he said, "What the hell are you talking about?"
Philip rolled his eyes and started to explain, everything - even the slowly vanishing eyesight.
*
It wasn't the way he wanted to spend his only other down-time day but they had no other choice. Jack sat in the chair besides Phil's as Janet checked his eyesight. She switched off the tiny torch and then looked at the older man and pursed her lips. Jack knew that meant the news wasn't good.
"I can see you well enough to know that that's not a good sign," Philip muttered.
Janet looked at him then said, "I'm sorry, Philip. You're right. There's some optical nerve damage from what I can see, and some cusping on the back of both eyes. I want you to visit an ophthalmologist for a more accurate assessment," she said as she turned towards her desk and found a referral form pad. Philip's hand inched out and found Jack's, resting on his knee. The older man clasped the hands together and Philip dragged the joined hands into his lap as he sat forward a little.
"But the news isn't good?" He said, understanding the failing eyesight was a common side affect of AIDS.
"You may need glasses.." She said, as hopefully as she could. Philip swallowed then sat back and this time Jack sat forward.
"There's nothing else he can do? It's not just a side effects of the new drugs he's on?" Jack asked.
"Well, as you no doubt know, we changed Phil's drugs the other day and they might be contributing, but-" She held her hands wide and shrugged.
"It's not likely?" Jack asked, afraid of the answer.
She shook her head. "The extent of Phil's damage is too severe to be brought on by the new drugs."
"I've been noticing it for a while," Phil admitted, then looked at Jack and shrugged. "I just haven't wanted to say anything."
The older man nodded then looked at the Doctor again. "So, there's no drug to stop this?"
Janet shook her head. "I'm sorry, but no."
Jack was about to comment further but he felt the squeeze by his lover and looked at him instead. Philip's faint smile almost screamed at Jack to not discuss this further. With a slight nod, the older man sat back as well. Janet looked up as she passed the referral across.
"I'd suggest getting in to see him as soon as you can. The earlier you can get the glasses, the easier it will be on you."
Philip nodded as he tucked the note into his top pocket of his shirt then he stood, reaching with his free hand to collect his jacket from the back of his chair. Janet caught sight of the joined hands briefly, but directed her gaze at the back of Philip's head instead.
"How are the new meds going?" she asked the man with his back to her now.
Philip didn't bother to turn around. Instead he mumbled, "It's only been a few days," as he stared at the door. Janet looked at Jack who shrugged again.
"Well, so no side affects then? Headache? Nausea? Depression?"
"Not really," Philip said, but Jack was nodding in the background. Janet believed him more than the downcast man.
"Well, you be sure to tell me the minute you start to feel at all unsure of anything your taking."
Philip gave a sharp nod then turned and said, "Thanks Doc."
She gave him an affectionate smile. "Sure." As he left her eyes trailed over to Jack. He got up from his seat, gave Janet a warm smile and then followed his lover from the room.
<end of part 52>
Stories on this page are the property of Nessessitee and Slida. Please do not copy these without the written permission of the Author. All Rights are acknowledged for MGM, Gekko and Stargate Productions as to the Copyrights of the characters within this story and no infringement on the copyrights are intended. For the Bombshells Series the character of Philip Simmons is entirely the creation and intellectual property of Nessessitee and Slida.
While the performances given by RDA and MS help to fuel the author's desire to write for their characters in a niche that she feels is present on the actual show, the portrayal of their characters in loving relationships in no way reflects the Author's opinion of the men's private life, nor should it be construed in that manner.