Part 68
Jack hesitated a moment by the front door to ensure that the car pulled out of the drive and went on down the road, and only then did he believe that he was going to be alone with Philip for a while. Inhaling a deep breath he skipped down the steps into the living room, checked the fire then turned towards the sofa where Philip was propped up against a mountain of pillows, a clear green mask over his mouth and nose which pumped Atrovent into his failing lungs. Quietly Jack got to his feet and went over to the edge of the lounge. The black eyes fluttered open and the edges creased, as if Philip was smiling at him.
"Hey baby," Jack said as he dropped to a squat beside the reclining man and watched how the eyes did not track him at all. One of Phil's hands lifted slightly off the quilt across his lap and Jack reached for it. Only then did Philip look down in the direction that he realized Jack must have been in. As he reached across the small body Jack placed a light kiss on Philip's brow. The dark eyes closed once more and the young man seemed to drift back off to sleep again while Jack remained squatted beside him, waiting for the medication to run out.
Once it had, he gingerly lifted the mask off Phil's face, ruffling up the thick beard as he tugged the elastic away. He ran the back of his curled index finger down the coarse facial hair as he mumbled to himself, "Should shave you."
"No," came the soft response.
Jack smiled. "Hey, I thought you were asleep."
The dark eyes fluttered open and they seemed to turn towards Jack. With great exertion, Philip asked, "Al'wys t'lk.. me.. wh'n .. sl'p?"
Jack smiled. That was the longest sentence he'd heard his lover say in days. Stroking his fingertips across the brow he said, in a playful whisper, "Best way to win an argument against you!"
Phil shook with a laugh that erupted into a violent cough.
"Right. No more jokes," Jack commented to himself as he reached for the bucket beside the sofa. He eased Philip over onto his side and the young man coughed up the thick mucous gunk from his lungs.
Jack closed his eyes as he lowered the bucket onto the floor then he placed the towel across it before wiping the damp washcloth across Phil's parched lips. He twisted and picked up the cup of water on the coffee table, carefully touching the straw to Phil's lips. They parted slightly to allow the straw in then the young man sucked back a small mouthful before spitting out the straw.
"Want anything else?" Jack asked as he put the cup down.
"No," came the breathless response.
"Okay, scoot up," Jack said, waving his hand to indicate for Philip to sit up. The ill man could neither see Jack's action, nor did he have the strength to sit himself up, but that didn't matter. Jack had placed a hand between his shoulders and cautiously pressed him up into a sitting position so that he could climb onto the sofa behind his lover and cradle him in his long legs. Carefully he eased Philip back against him, allowing the waif-like man to rest back against his chest.
"Comfy?"
There was a soft grunt, which Jack took to be affirmation so he pressed his lips against the cool temple and whispered; "You sleep. I'll just lie here and adore you."
A soft shake through Phil's body indicated that he'd laughed at that comment, and his trembling hand ran up Jack's thigh sluggishly, resting on the slightly bent knee.
"Yeah," Jack mumbled, "You think I'm joking, don't you?" He kissed the temple lightly. "But I'm not." Philip sighed languidly at the tender embrace.
*
Daniel checked out the contents of the packet of biscuits as Graham ambled along the aisle behind him. "What about these?" The older man asked.
The numb black eyes lifted to take in the pack being held out to him then Graham shrugged. "Don't care.."
Daniel arched his brow as he turned the corners of his mouth down and said, "Okay. We'll get them then," as he put the packet into his basket. Graham shivered and Daniel frowned. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just cold," the lieutenant said dismissively as he shivered and rubbed his arms.
"We can go back again, if you want to?"
"No," Graham said with a shake of his head.
"You're obviously not feeling well," the concerned man whispered.
Graham's black lashes fluttered as his eyes closed. "I don't want to go back.." he said, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Grae.."
"Look, Dan-" He gave a sigh before meeting Daniel's worried eyes. "I promised Phil.."
The golden brow furrowed. "Promised him what?"
"That I'd give him and Jack some time together.."
That news surprised Daniel. He bit the inside of his mouth as he turned towards the boxes of fruit bars beside him. "So, you're not here because you wanted to be alone with... me.." He said, his brow twitching as he tried to swallow down his disappointment and occupy his mind with scanning the contents of the fruit bars.
Mumbling under his breath Graham said, "I know this is going to come out wrong, but no." He lifted his gaze as Daniel swivelled around to look at him. "Phil wanted some time alone with Jack..." He gave a sharp shrug.
Daniel looked puzzled. "I was in the room with you. I didn't hear him ask this? In fact," he said arching his brow slightly, "I haven't heard him speak much today at all."
A tired smile creased Graham's face now. "He didn't ask. I just knew so I asked him. He just nodded."
"Oh." Daniel's lips formed the word for a moment then he gave a soft cough as he tilted his head. "Mysteries of brotherhood, I guess."
The slightly shorter man looked up into Daniel's eyes. "Spend enough time with someone and you pick up stuff like this. I used to know when you wanted me to shut the hell up and let you read your books.."
A smile of remembrance tugged at Daniel's pink lips. His eyes softened as he looked down into the dark gaze. "I can't imagine wanting to read a book while I was with you.."
"You did. Lot's of times actually.."
"What was I thinking?" Daniel laughed softly.
Graham lifted a pack of fruit bars off the shelf and dropped it into the basket. "Knowing you? A thousand and one things at once - and all about saving the world." He jerked his head and they started off down the aisle together again.
*
Jack had sat in silence, listening to the sound of the wood crackling in the fireplace as he monitored the slowing breaths and constant coughs of the man within his arms. Janet had warned him that right towards the end the medication would be nothing more than a placebo - one that might help soothe Philip's anxiety but would be incapable of alleviating the build up within his lungs. Now Phil lay in his arms, breathing extraordinarily loudly and convulsing with soft but exhaustive coughs. Whenever he settled between attacks Jack felt slight twitches throughout Phil's body. He wondered if they were merely a reflexive action or if Philip was in some kind of pain, and as he knew that he'd recently administered the high dose of Morphine to him - he hoped it wasn't from pain.
It occurred to him that it might be wise to call in Janet, but he had to remind himself that this was it - the way Philip wanted to go - and calling in medical intervention at this stage was only going to prolong the misery for them all. Besides, Philip was a DNR on his Living Will so there was really little Janet could do for him anyway. Instinctually Jack's lips brushed the cool temple as he lost himself into his thoughts again.
As if he'd sensed his partner's trepidation, Phil spoke. "Y'kay?" He asked in a weak, trembling voice.
"Yeah," Jack said, as he tightened his hold a little more. "Just enjoying being alone with you, that's all."
A deep, low growl from the base of Phil's throat indicated his appreciation of the fact as well. "F'n'ly," he whispered back then he added, "Wait'd."
"Well, we've got a little over half an hour left. What do you want to do?" Jack asked in a teasing tone. A slight smile tugged Phil's lips but Jack didn't see it.
"St'y," was all the ailing man said as his hand rubbed Jack's knee weakly.
"I'm not going anywhere, baby!" Jack reassured him with another cuddle.
After a slight pause Phil said weakly, "I am.."
Jack's brow furrowed and he tilted his head to look at the profile of his companion. He saw how pallid Philip had become, and how dark the circles under his eyes had grown. His lips were unbelievably dry now and split, the dried red blood between the cracks looked almost vibrant against the pale skin.
Suddenly Jack realized what he meant. 'Waited', that's what he'd said. Had Philip waited for them to be alone before he'd allowed himself to succumb? Jack shook that thought from his head as he stared at the closed eyes. Was Philip as aware of what was happening as he was? He instinctually tightened his arms around his lover, now too scared to let him go for fear that it would be the last time.
Sucking in a shaky breath he turned his face so that he could press his partly opened mouth against the salty-tasting skin. // Too soon! //
*
Daniel placed the items onto the counter and handed over the money to the girl serving him. His thoughts, though, were on the man who was waiting outside on the bench, bent so far forward that his head was almost between his knees. After that brief burst of companionship at the fruit bars Graham had fallen back into his own thoughts, a place where Daniel could not follow him. His expression had become severe again as he furrowed his brow while thoughts churned through his mind.
The anthropologist's stomach lurched as he pondered about the past few days, of all of Sam's hard work to try to make the outcome of this whole tragedy a different story, but it hadn't happened. Despite her gallant efforts and despite Hammond's assistance, in the end Sam just didn't have the time she needed to change Philip's fate.
As he gathered up the change his cell phone rang and instantly Daniel's throat constricted, fearing the news. Graham's head snapped up and he watched as Daniel fumbled with the bags in order to answer his call.
"Jackson." The blue eyes met with Graham's and they held tight as the lieutenant took the bag out of his arms and walked alongside of him towards the car.
"What's that? I'm sorry I can't hear you that well, you're breaking up?" Daniel pulled the phone from his ear and shook it then he put it back to his ear once more. "Who is this? What did you just say?"
*
Jack tried to console himself by the serenity of the situation, at least. If Philip was about to die, it was done the way they'd both imagined it - in the privacy of his house and in each other's arms. He looked out the large window then down at the man who had his head rolled back against his shoulder as he panted for air. Lightly his finger traced down the profile then came to rest against the parched mouth. With his other hand he reached out, picked up the remote for the stereo system and turned up the volume on the c.d. that - he just realized - had been playing all day since he put it on earlier. It was a special c.d. - one that he'd made for Philip with all the young artist's favorite songs and music on it. As he increased the volume the soft strands of "Air that I breathe" filled the room. Jack considered the irony of this song - and how Phil had always regarded it as 'their' song - yet it was about surviving on nothing but air. Over the sounds of Phil's ragged gasps, Jack listened to the words.
If I could make a wish I think I'd pass
Can't think of anything I need
No cigarettes, no sleep, no light, no sound
Nothing to eat, no books to read.
After the first few lines Phil's eyes fluttered open and he looked up.
Making love with you has left me peaceful warm inside
What more could I ask ?
There's nothing more to be desired
The older man stroked his arched throat while the song continued on, softly, in the background:
Sometimes all I need is the air that I breathe and to love you
All I need is the air that I breathe yes to love you
All I need is the air that I breathe... you're all I want
"Love you," Jack whispered into the small ear and Phil blinked his eyes slowly in acknowledgement. Gently Jack tilted the face towards him and reached to press a kiss onto Phil's mouth. As he pulled back he looked down at the face, covered in small red patches of dried skin, but still so very beautiful. The blindness hadn't robbed the eyes of their gorgeous color, nor had the ebony lashes changed - they were still long enough to curl against the cheek whenever Phil looked down.
Phil gasped loudly, the air wheezed into unforgiving lungs, and the whole frail body shook with the effort to breath before convulsing into another coughing spasm. Tightening his arms around his ailing lover, Jack closed his eyes and kissed Phil over and over, suddenly feeling an overwhelming rush of tenderness and love for him.
*
"Why the hell didn't you tell me!" Graham yelled as Daniel drove home frantically through the slippery streets.
"I wasn't allowed to!" The agitated anthropologist yelled back. "Hammond had us sworn to secrecy!"
"I can't believe this!" The lieutenant said, slapping his hand against the edge of the car door.
"Oh, and here was I thinking you might be happy with this news!" Daniel snarled, clearly annoyed at his partner.
"Happy with the news?" Graham spat out a bewildered scoff. "This is so left field, Daniel, I'm not sure how I feel. It's come out of nowhere!"
"Not really! Actually! Sam's been trying for days..." Daniel said then cursed under his breath as the car skidded around the corner and slipped across the black ice until it slammed into a shoulder of snow. The whole car shook sideways as it came to rest against the white wall.
"Jesus! Christ! Daniel!" Graham said as he looked out the window at the edge of snow they'd just slammed into. Daniel tried to start the stalled engine again.
"That was an accident," Daniel said through clenched teeth as he willed the car to start again. Finally the starter stayed on and the engine roared to life once more.
"You're going to get us both killed," the younger man groused as the car pulled away from the snow.
"I thought the argument was about trying to save a life," Daniel muttered under his breath.
"You tell me that Major Carter's been secretly working on using the Goa’uld healing device on human's and now is going to try to heal Philip - and I'm not meant to be surprised by that revelation? How long have you known about this?"
"Only a few days. Hammond assigned her to it the morning I put in for leave.."
"Why?"
"I don't know.."
"I meant why did you put in for leave?"
"It was the day before yesterday. I wanted time off to be with Jack.." He blinked then added, "And you.. of course.."
"Of course!” Graham snorted, “Only we weren't together then.."
"No. But I still cared.. as a friend.."
Graham rolled his eyes and stared out at the passing scenery. After a few moments of silence he shook his head and said, "Why did the General do this.. What does he care if Phil dies?"
Daniel looked at him briefly then back at the road, towards an oncoming car. In a little voice he said, "I don't .. think it really had anything to do with Philip - in particular. I think it was because Hammond realized that he'd lose Jack.. and .. me.. when Philip died.." Daniel squinted his eyes against the glare of the oncoming car's lights.
"Lose you?" Graham flinched as the other car sped past them then he relaxed again.
Daniel shrugged as he said, "Look, the issue here is that Sam has made this healing device work on a human - finally - and she tested it on Major Lewis' broken arm tonight.."
"It's fixed?"
"Apparently."
Graham squeezed his eyes shut tightly as he reached fro the dashboard and dug his fingers into the black dash. "She can fix Phil?" He swallowed down the rising hope as he looked at the driver. "I mean, *really* fix him?"
Daniel's eyes drifted from the road to look at the desperate man beside him. "I'm hoping so at this stage," he said honestly. They held the gaze a moment before Graham flinched as lights from an oncoming car lit his face again.
"Daniel!"
The anthropologist had already swerved the car from the approaching one.
"They're gonna meet us here, right?" Graham asked, his voice low with hushed enthusiasm now.
In a more patient tone, Daniel told him, "They were on their way when Sam called. That's why I had so much trouble hearing her - she was still at the mountain. They'll be right behind us!"
*
Sam stared at the small device in her hands as Janet drove them wildly to Jack's house.
"Holy Hannah.." Sam breathed out nervously. Janet reached across and squeezed her lover's thigh.
"You'll be right, Sammy! Just concentrate.."
"Janet, I feel sick.."
"You've got no time to feel sick-" The Doctor said gently. "But from what Daniel told me I'd say we've got a few hours to play with. So, at least you won't be rushed and you can take your time and concentrate. Just like you did with Major Lewis."
"That was just a broken arm and it felt like my insides were coming up through my mouth by the end of it. I didn't get that after I healed Cronos.."
From the back seat Teal’c said, "As we have discussed before, MajorCarter, Cronos was a Goa'uld with a symbiot which assisted the effects of the healing device."
Sam looked over her shoulder towards the man in the back. "I suppose you're right. That would explain why I had no trouble healing him that time but haven't been able to do it since!"
"I think it clearly explains why that happened," Teal'c said, as he lifted his chin slightly and looked out of the side window.
Janet squeezed her worried partner's leg once more. "And remember, you had no emotional attachment to Cronos, but you do know Major Lewis a bit, maybe that's why you felt sick."
"And I don't know him nearly as well as I know the Colonel.."
"So you'll probably be a mess by the end of it, but you'll get through it, Hunny. I'm sure of it!" She gave her lover a reassuring smile.
The smile on Sam's face waned though. She wished she were as certain as Janet seemed to be. "I guess I know how you feel whenever one of us comes back from a mission all messed up."
A gentle smile creased the doctor's beautiful face. "You betcha!" She looked briefly at her then gave her a wink as she added, "Especially when it's you!"
Sam stared at the hand device again. "When we watched Kendra use this on Cimmeria it looked so easy!"
"Always does.."
"God, Janet. What if it doesn't work..?" Sam sighed and rubbed her worried face as she looked at the profile of the woman speeding them towards Jack's place. "What do I say to Jack if it doesn't...?"
"O'Neill will understand that you tried everything within your power to help him."
"Besides," Janet said with another reassuring smile. "It will! Think positively, darling!"
"Oh god!" Sam groaned as she stared out of the window. Janet squeezed the warm thigh again.
*
"I just don't understand?" Graham muttered, more to himself than to the driver as he continued to ponder the extraordinary news. He reached out and gripped the dashboard while Daniel skidded the car around another bend and the whole vehicle travelled sideways again until Daniel regained control of it. "What the hell made the General do this? Take this kind of risk?"
Daniel stopped chewing the inside of his lip as he said, "He didn't want to lose Jack."
"What are you talking about? Lose you? Lose Jack?"
The older man hastily said, "You knew that Jack had retired.."
"Jack had - yes. I didn't know *you* went with the package.."
Daniel rolled his eyes. "I don't. But when I insisted on time off to be with the two of you I think Hammond just.. well, he got things a little wrong I guess.."
"So what you're saying is that he thought the two of you would go off together..?"
"No. No, no, I'm sure he didn't.." Daniel said as he frowned and wondered if Hammond *did* actually think that, especially after the display with Teal'c in the briefing room. He groaned quietly as he felt heat rise up his throat.
In a somewhat terse voice Graham said, "So he's basically done this - utilized his power at the SGC because of.. Jack?"
Daniel's ears were burning now as he steered the car into Jack's street.
"Hammond considers Jack too great a resource to lose. He knew that when Philip died Jack would leave the program and *he*-" Daniel paused to turn into the drive, "-would be minus his most valuable team player."
Graham met his eyes coldly. "And his most treasured Archaeologist?"
Blinking quickly Daniel sighed and said, "I doubt I factored into it. I'm ... I'm not sure what he thought."
"I think it's pretty damn obvious.."
"Then he was mistaken," Daniel said patiently as he stopped the car in the drive. He switched off the engine then looked down at the hand brake as he pulled it on. "Just like you were.. remember?" He turned towards Graham now.
The younger man stared at him then his eyes shifted to Daniel's mouth in the odd light spilling from Jack's front porch. In quiet voice he confessed, "I'm sorry. I just.. I.."
Daniel saw him fighting for words so he smiled gently as he said, "It's okay."
"No it's not," the younger man sighed sadly. "I'm useless at this kind of thing.."
Daniel shook his head and looked out of his window. "No, don't say that.."
"Of course I am! I ruin things then I run away.. I would have left ages ago if Philip wasn't so settled."
Daniel's hand reached out and stroked the dark shadow adorning Graham's chiselled cheek. "I'm glad you stayed," he whispered.
The cimmerian eyes scanned all of Daniel's face. With a faint smile he whispered back, "And I'm glad you never intended to leave with Jack.."
Daniel smiled. "Never.." The car seat creaked beneath him as he reached closer to nudge his cold nose against Graham's hot cheek. He pulled back as he felt Graham remove his glasses for him then place them carefully onto the dashboard.
"Why don't we wait here for the others?" Graham asked in a low voice as he rubbed his face against Daniel's nose again.
The golden brows arched high. "You're not in a hurry to get in there?"
Graham's eyes shifted to the house then back onto his partner's face. "Not much we can do until Major Carter arrives. And Phil did want some privacy with Jack.." He gave a slight shrug as his eyes trailed over the anthropologist's handsome face. "And I wouldn't mind a few minutes of privacy with you-"
"Oh? That sounds good to me," Daniel said as his lips skimmed the bristled face until they reached the small pouty mouth.
<End of part 68>
WARNING: Part 69 contains Character Death.
Stories on this page are the property of Nessessitee and Slida. Please do not copy these without the written permission of the Author. All Rights are acknowledged for MGM, Gekko and Stargate Productions as to the Copyrights of the characters within this story and no infringement on the copyrights are intended. For the Bombshells Series the character of Philip Simmons is entirely the creation and intellectual property of Nessessitee and Slida.
While the performances given by RDA and MS help to fuel the author's desire to write for their characters in a niche that she feels is present on the actual show, the portrayal of their characters in loving relationships in no way reflects the Author's opinion of the men's private life, nor should it be construed in that manner.