Part 80
Jack walked into his bedroom as he ruffled the towel through his short gray hair. He paused beside his bed and picked up his watch, strapping it around his wrist as he glanced down at the still unmade bed. He bent and straightened out Philip’s pillow, sliding his hand over the softness to smooth out the creases. A wan smile twitched at the corner of his mouth as he straightened up. He unlatched the towel around his waist and stepped over it as he went across to the drawers. His mood was still pretty somber, but at least his head had stopped thumping from the headache that had gripped him since his abrupt early morning wake up call.
Philip had phoned a little before five am. His voice was the epitome of control as he explained the dream that had callously awoken him – for the third night in a row. Disappointment had filled Jack as he listened. He really thought they’d made headway tonight – in more ways than one – in that tiny bathroom but it seemed that it hadn’t shifted the embedded fear from Philip’s subconscious. He didn’t let on his disappointment though, as he listened to how upset Philip was while he explained the feelings of falling out of control, and the residual fear of confusion upon awakening.
Jack had insisted that he come right on over but Philip had halted that thought, reminding his partner that his sudden appearance in the middle of the night might look a little suspicious. Jack had groaned at that commonsense comment and fallen back onto the pillows as he covered his face with his hands and continued to listen to the voice of reason at the other end. Still listening, he rolled onto his side and gathered Philip’s pillow to his chest and inhaled the faint aftershave from the material.
He allowed his lover the time to talk and interjected with a grunt or affirmation when he thought it absolutely necessary. Even in his befuddled state of drowsiness Jack recognized that Philip never talked like this when they were together. Perhaps they always found something else to talk about – or perhaps they were both avoiding the subject, Jack couldn’t be sure. Now Philip didn’t seem lost for words. Now he sounded strong, clear headed as he tried to ration the events that happened to him a few days ago. He asked only a few questions of his quiet partner that required an actual verbal response from him – one was if Jack was annoyed that he couldn’t get a handle on this. The answer was a resolute ‘No’ from the other end of the line. The other question was if Jack knew a way to explain the miraculous event to those that knew him to be dying less than a month ago. Jack assured him that they’d discuss it when he got out of there but until that time there was nothing to worry about. That they’d sit together, in front of the fire or in the bed, or at the dinner table, and work through the best explanation they could. Philip seemed appeased by that suggestion – even showing a glimmer of interest in the fireside option. Jack had smiled for the first time in their conversation. He rolled over and propped himself up onto his elbow and smoothed his hand over Philip’s pillow like he used to caress the young man’s hirsute chest.
By the end of the conversation a lightness had returned to Phil’s voice. Gone seemed to be the fear and worry. He told his paramour that he thought he could get back to sleep now and he was sure he wouldn’t have that nightmare again. Jack reminded him that he’d made that promise earlier and Phil’s soulful sigh reverberated down the line. The young man mumbled something about having to let it all go and then told Jack he loved him before the line went dead.
The colonel pulled the phone from his ear and stared at it. An unusual, unsettled feeling washed over him and for a moment he couldn’t pinpoint it. Then, as he rolled onto his front to put the receiver back on the cradle a cold shudder ran through him. He thought about the last telephone conversation that he’d had with Philip that had ended so abruptly. He was at work and Philip had phoned him to talk to him while he relieved himself of the first hard on he’d had in months. Jack’s skin quivered as rush of gooseflesh lifted across his back. He snuggled into Phil’s pillow a little more and tried to console himself with the thought that Philip was alive and – for all intents and purposes – well but his stomach still groaned and his hair started to shift, standing on end on top of his head.
Jack clenched his eyes closed as he felt an immense rush of grief fill him, then his eyes shot opened again and he looked at the ceiling through a blur of tears. He allowed himself the moment of sorrow then he pushed up out of the bed and went to the bathroom. He wasn’t going to get anymore sleep and whether it looked odd or not, Jack was going to go to the hospital to be with Philip.
*
Jack entered the hospital room and was surprised to find it empty. The bed was a ruffled mess of sheets, testament to the nightmare, no doubt. The easel by the window housed a charcoal sketch that was only partially started and there was a clump of clothes on the floor, Jack recognized them to be the outfit that Philip wore last night. But there was no Philip in sight. Then Jack heard the sound of the shower running in the small bathroom and smiled as Phil’s voice, singing a song Jack had heard him sing quietly as he sketched before, wafted from behind the closed door.
He placed the items that were in his hands onto the table over the bed. One item, a blue helium-filled balloon bobbed above the bed, tethered to a small weight that sat on the table. The other gift Jack decided to put on the chair then he laid his jacket over the small box and went to the easel by the window. The day, which promised to be a lovely late winter’s day, was still dawning outside. The dark sky was streaked with an orange cloud and the roads all glistened from the night’s rain. Jack could feel the cold radiating through the glass and briefly studied the reflected room before him as he listened to Philip’s singing:
“There’ll be no knock on the door
I’m total pro
That’s what I’m here for
I come from downtown
Born ready for you
Armed with skill and it’s frustrations and grace, too..
He smiled to himself and felt a little disappointed when Philip stopped singing. Jack liked to hear him sing, not that Philip had any real talent in that area but to Jack, the sound of the hushed, deep voice always soothed him, made him feel like he was ‘home’ whenever he heard Philip sing while he sketched. It had been too long since he’d heard that – Philip hadn’t sung in a very long time.
The water turned off next door and Jack slid his hands into his pant pockets as he eased himself around to rest his shoulder against the glass. He wondered what Philip’s expression would be when he saw the balloon on the table – he was bound to see that first as it was directly in front of the door while Jack was slightly off to the side and against the wall.
The door slid open and Philip stepped out. As Jack has assumed, he stopped in his tracks and stared at the balloon. However, it was Jack who was lost for words when his lover turned towards him.
Philip stood before him, sans beard, and just stared back at him with wide, brown eyes.
“Fercryingout…” Jack hissed beneath his breath at the smooth-face man.
Philip looked more than a little nervous as Jack stalked over to him. He wasn’t sure if his partner was going to collapse or tackle him – the look in Jack’s eyes was not easy to gauge.
“When did you show up?” Philip asked as casually as he could considering he was much like a small animal being stalked by a ravenous beast.
“A few minutes ago.. When did this..?” Jack waved his hand towards Phil’s face.
The young man ran his hand over his smooth flesh as he said, “After the call.”
Jack continued to circle him like a predator around his dinner. Philip remained still and followed him as best he could with his eyes as Jack's eyes scrutinized the hairless jowl.
The older man’s fingers twitched at his side, eager to touch, to feel and to prove that this was no illusion. The thick, unruly black hair was finally *gone* and in its place was the young, handsome face that Jack had fallen in love with, many times since that first time, but none as hard and so fast as that first night he'd met Philip.
He'd almost forgotten the shape of his mouth, and the pink, plump lips that would be the envy of many women everywhere. The Cupid's Bow, so perfectly formed, was the spitting image of his older brother's mouth Jack now noticed, and when Phil smiled, shyly from all the attention, Jack remembered the dimples that had been hidden by the forest of hair for far too long. Phil's long, damp hair was pulled tight into a band behind his head so that it fell in a straight line between his shoulder blades. His body - thin but looking better than it had in many months - was covered in the familiar signature black clothing.
*THIS* was the Philip that Jack fell in love with. Externally, this was the image that had caught his eye in Daniel's apartment over a year ago. This was the man who, with a single look from under the dark lashes, could turn Jack's stomach into a quivering mess or his knees to jello. This was the man, they both knew it, that had the crusty old Colonel well and truly by the balls.
Jack stood facing the handsome creature and his hand twitched by his thigh once more.
"I hope you don't mind," Philip said in a low voice as he watched Jack's eyes dilate slowly. "That I dumped him."
"The beard?" Jack asked.
"That sick man.."
When Jack didn't answer that, Philip clarified it. "I flushed him away. He's gone. Never to return.."
The brown eyes traced across the flawless face then shifted to hold Philip's gaze. "Not all of him I hope. I happened to have been in love with him.."
"Not all of him... Just the parts you couldn't love," the younger man said, still in a low voice.
"Then you 'just' flushed the beard.." Jack assured him.
A smile tugged at the corner of Philip's mouth and Jack could actually see that this time. The lips, so exquisitely full and inviting, were drawn not so much in a smile of humor, but one less than a sneer as well.
"I flushed more than the beard.." the young man assured him in return. "We both know there wasn't much to love about him anyway.."
"You're wrong there," Jack argued quietly. "And I hope you retained most of him.."
Philip smiled again, this time his eyes crinkled with it, then he sighed as he tilted his head and said, "I think.. at least, I hope, I kept all the good bits.."
Jack smiled now too, meeting the honest eyes that beseeched him to accept him for who he was now. "I'm sure you did."
Philip held his gaze for another few moments; all the while his smile grew warmer and more genuine, until he was radiating a smile towards his lover. Jack returned the smile, even if his own was a slightly bewildered one. He'd wanted this to happen for so long that he could barely believe it now. His hand twitched as it came up to gently touch the slightly moist skin, cool and clammy from the moisturizer that was meant to sooth the enraged surface.
"Look okay?" The artist asked in genuine question.
Jack met the dark eyes then rolled his own eyes at that question.
"I'll take that as a Yes then," Phil said as he enjoyed the feel of Jack's fingers tenderly stroking his skin.
"A great, honking Yes," Jack said. Philip laughed and nodded.
"After our little talk this morning I thought about it all. I had to let him go. I realized I was the only one that could do that. No matter how many times you reassured me that I was going to be all right, I had to believe it from the inside. I had to break away from what I was before, so I went to the gym for about an hour and, while I was working the weights, I decided that I'd shave off the beard and - in all hope - wash that sick man down the drain with the whiskers."
"Must have taken a while."
"I cut most of it with the scissors then shaved the rest. It was easier than I thought and didn't hurt either, though my skin's a little tender.." He said as he touched his cheek in explanation. Jack's fingers lay over the top of Phil's fingertips and together they stroked the cheek. Their eyes remained in an intense lock as Jack's fingers slipped from the cheek then down the smooth throat to tug lightly at the neck of the tee-shirt Philip was wearing. The smile twitched on Phil's face once more. He could see that his lover was speechless. He bowed his head and laughed, then his eyes shifted towards the balloon on the table.
"That for me?” He asked. Jack turned towards the table then nodded.
"Yup," he said as he found his voice once more. He reached over and handed the single balloon to his lover. Philip chuckled as he looked up at it.
"Why?" He asked, as he tilted his head in question about the balloon. It was, in all fairness, an unusual kind of gift from Jack. The older man grinned and shrugged as he slipped his hands into his pocket.
"Just saw it and thought of you. It wasn’t easy to smuggle in here either!”
Philip looked over the shiny blue surface to his lover beyond it. “I’m sure it wasn’t.” He tilted his head then frowned slightly. "I remind you of a helium-filled blue balloon?" His deep laugh sent a shiver through Jack’s body. Then, as he turned and put the weight back onto the table Jack reached over and tapped the balloon hard, watching and waiting as it floated back gracefully to the place it had originally been - despite the bad knock it had just received. Phil also observed that then turned back to his lover.
"Yes," Jack said succinctly. "You do, baby." He cupped his fist over the edge of Phil's jaw and brushed his thumb over the smooth cheek. "Big time!"
Phil smiled, realizing that they were both thinking the same thing - that Philip had returned to the place he was originally - especially now. He leaned up and kissed Jack's cheek softly. "Thank you. I love it."
Jack stared into the close brown eyes. “You love it?”
Phil’s mouth twitched with a grin. “I love it.”
“I have balloon envy now.”
“You can share it with me.”
“Sure? I don’t want to intrude..”
“I’m happy to share my balloon with you, Jack..”
The older man’s mouth curled at the ends into a wicked smile. “Your generosity knows no bounds!”
“I’m generous to a fault. Unless it’s chocolate.” The artist went over to the window and picked up his charcoal piece. “You know, Jack,’ he said casually as he waved the stubby black coal in the air. “If you *really* loved me, you’d have brought me chocolate.”
“Symbolism doesn’t do it for you?” the older man asked as he tapped the balloon again. Philip watched it bob then he shifted his gaze onto Jack’s face.
“I’m all for symbolism. So long as it doesn’t stand in the way of chocolate.”
Jack stepped up behind the man sketching and resisted the temptation to slip his arms around his waist. He watched over Phil’s shoulder, as the blur became an image of the mountains outside of the hospital window.
He sniffed the air between them then bowed his head d took in a deep breath through his nose. Philip ‘s scent was a stronger version of the one on the pillow at home. “Hmmmm, You smell ‘good’.”
“It’s the aftershave you gave me at Christmas.”
“You still got that?”
The young man looked over his shoulder. “I haven’t used it in a while,” he said flatly then winked when Jack realized what he meant.
“Oh, of course!”
“Of course-” Philip nodded and returned to his sketch. Jack studied the face beside him then he snaked an arm around the flat stomach. Philip jumped as the body behind crushed up against his ass and back.
“Jack! What if the nurse comes in?”
“I’ll tell her I’m taking your temperature!”
The younger man snorted as he laughed then looked over his shoulder at his wicked lover. “Don’t tempt me!” He said as he shook his head.
“Tempt you! You’re the one that suddenly appeared out of the steamy bathroom with the face of an Adonis!”
“Hardly. My skin needs to see a tanning bed, to even out the tone. Very little light made it through that beard! I’m almost white!”
Jack made a dramatic sucking back noise then they both laughed. “You know what I mean!” Philip said.
“To be honest, the tone’s not that bad. You haven’t seen a lot of sun in the past few months, baby!” Jack dragged the backs of his fingers down the soft face.
“Arg! So now you’re telling me I look disgustingly pallid all over, not just where I had the beard!”
“I don’t know about it being all over. Care to step into the bathroom and allow me to check?”
“No!” Philip chortled.
“Sure?”
“I’m sure!” He glanced over his shoulder and shook his head while he laughed.
“If I gave you chocolate would you?” Jack asked in a suggestive tone.
“I know you - don’t you hang out on the street corner propositioning young boys with candy?”
“Not me. I only proposition Adonis’s with candy. I aim high!”
“Well keep aiming, buddy.”
Jack squeezed the body against his front once more and Philip gave a guttural groan. “How’s my aim now?” the older man whispered into the small ear.
“It’s good. It’s.. very good..” Philip moaned again as Jack rocked against him.
“You bet it’s very good. Come home with me and I’ll show you.”
Phil’s head rolled back and rested against Jack’s shoulder. “We have a little issue about a test.. if you remember?”
“Screw the test.”
“I thought you wanted to screw me?”
“I do.”
“So either your not fussy what you screw..”
“I’m fussy. I’m fussy..” Jack murmured, his lips brushed Phil’s ear softly as his hand ran across the firm, flat stomach. Slowly the hand inched down over the black jeans until it found the semi-erect groin. Both men groaned at the touch then suddenly Philip jerked his head away and straightened up.
“Jack, stop.” He said breathlessly. “I’m sorry. We.. can’t.. Not at this hour!” His eyes shifted to the door behind Jack. The colonel sighed then scratched the back of his head as he stepped away from the man by the window.
“I’m sorry too. I just.. forgot!”
“Where we were?”
“How handsome you are.”
A silence fell between them.
In a tight voice Philip asked, “You ‘forgot’?”
Jack winced then shrugged. “You’d hidden under that beard for so long.”
”Was it just the beard?” Philip wondered if Jack had lost his attraction to him in the final stages.
“Just the damn beard. You know I hated it, I didn’t hide that fact.”
“But what about me..? The rest of me?”
The older man stepped over to him and cupped his face in his hands. His gaze shifted between the soft, dark eyes as he assured him, “I never stopped loving you. Not once. Not one iota. *You* hated you. You hid from me. You didn’t have to.”
“I know that now,” Philip’s voice trembled as his eyes filled with tears. His chest grew tight as his heart swelled with love for his partner who never gave up on him. “I know..” He whispered as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. Jack sighed then released the face in his hands, grabbed Philip by the wrist and led him to the bathroom. He shut the door and then he captured his lover’s face once more.
As his thumb brushed the tears off the wet cheek he said, “Come home..”
Phil bit his lips together as he shook his head. “Not until I know..”
“That’s days away. I won’t touch you..”
The promise made Philip smile. “Like hell you wouldn’t. I’d be naked on the threshold!”
“No!” Jack said in playful indignation. “You’d be naked in the car on the way home. How we’d get you past old Kravofal though is another thing!
“You’d throw me over your shoulder..”
“Like a fireman..” Jack leered at that suggestion.
“Like a Neanderthal!”
“Neanderthal? Who are you calling a Neanderthal?”
“You like that word, don’t you?” Phil teased.
“It’s a good word. Wholesome word. Misused word..”
“You are very strange!” The young man chuckled.
Jack smiled and continued to stroke the upturned face. His smile waned a bit, as he grew serious for a moment. “And you are very good looking. Even in this light.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“It’s a compliment.”
Philip’s lips parted then he sighed softly as he searched Jack’s face. “Know what I’ve forgotten?”
“I’ll give it a go but I’m trying to kick the mind reading habit..”
Philip groaned and laughed. “I’ll give you a clue. It’s to do with kissing.”
“You’ve forgotten how to kiss?”
“Close,” the young man snorted then said, “I’ve forgotten what it feels like to kiss you without the bushy beard between us..”
“Oh! How I’ll miss that hair in my mouth.”
“I can always grow it again.”
“I’ll wax you in your sleep to stop that from happening!”
Philip chucked again. “Forget that. How about a sexy stubble?”
“That you’re allowed. Anything more than a two day growth and its razor time.”
“You hated the beard that much?”
“I hated the beard that much – and more!” He sucked back a deep breath as he smoothed his fingers over the soft cheek. “I’d forgotten exactly what your mouth looked like..” His thumb brushed the perfect bow on Phil’s top lip. “How sharp your jaw line is..” He smoothed the backs of his curled fingers from the chin to Phil’s ear.
“Stop admiring me already and kiss me!” Philip said with a soft laugh.
Jack wet his lips and shuffled a little closer. His hand cradled the face lovingly as he lowered his mouth. Tentatively the lips met then they pulled back to meet eyes before closing the gap once more. Philip moaned loudly as Jack’s tongue passed his lips then he wrapped his arms around his lover’s broad back and shifted his hip so that the front of their jeans met together.
The kiss was tender and passionate, filled with the same nervous newness that comes from a first or second kiss. Both men lost themselves until they had to pull apart for air. Phil’s hand slowly slipped around to cradle Jack’s throat as they straightened up again.
“Hmm,” the young man said with a huge smile as he licked his lips. “I’d forgotten just how damn incredible you were at that!”
Jack's brow twitched. "You forgot?"
The laugh that shook Philip's small frame was deep and husky. "Been a while since you kissed me like that, hun."
Jack's eyes scanned the face once more then he slipped his hand down the long ponytail of hair that ran down between Phil’s shoulders. "You look like you did the first night we met.." He said, as he trailed out the black hair in his hand.
"At Daniel's place?"
"I remember watching him step across your lap - his ass almost brushed your nose and you didn't even flinch," Jack said, still able to recall that image so clearly. "I thought the two of you were together."
Phil's gaze shifted from one eye to the other. He didn't want to go any further with this conversation. He didn't want Jack to recall how in love he used to be with the anthropologist. "Let's not go there.." He told him warily.
Jack mistook his reluctance to speak about it as some kind of admittance that he and Daniel *might* have been together. Uncomfortable memories of the nightmare that broke them up flamed in Jack's mind. Philip and Daniel had been lovers before Jack came along... Was this his way of finally confirming that notion?
"Why?" He had to ask.
The dark eyes continued to shift between Jack's puzzled gaze then Philip said, "You don't know why?"
"Have you ever told me why?"
"It was pretty obvious at the time, Jack."
"Was it?" The older man queried, as he grew more uncomfortable by the conversation. "Remind me.."
For a brief moment Philip was about to, but he clammed up and shook his head as he said, "It's not important anymore."
Jack grew wary of that response but didn't push him any further because at that moment the younger man cupped his hand at the nape of Jack's neck and eased him closer. "Not anymore.." he whispered against his lips before he closed the gap and pressed his tongue deep into Jack's mouth. Jack allowed himself to get lost in the kiss, enjoying the hands that roamed over his shoulders and back, and the soft grunts from the young man devouring him like there was no tomorrow. Not only no tomorrow but nothing sinister that the young man was hiding either.
With breathless gasps they pulled back and Phil, with eyes dewy from arousal, stared into Jack's eyes and said, "I love you."
A smile spread slowly across Jack's lips and caused the crease in his cheek to form a little deeper. "I love you too," he said as he captured the handsome face in his hands and then pressed small, tender kisses to the smooth top lip and chin. Phil's breath puffed gently through parted lips as Jack kissed his face repeatedly.
As the taller man straightened up he said, "We'd better get out of here, before we can't.." Philip nodded and pushed the door opened. He checked then stepped out, going over to the easel by the window. Jack also checked the room then stepped out. He caught out of the corner of his eye that Philip had to readjust himself in the pants as he stepped up to his easel. Jack pulled the box from under his coat and went back to Philip. He presented the gaily-wrapped box to his lover and gave him a wink. Philip frowned as he took the box then eased open the lid, almost giving a happy dance as he saw what was inside. Chocolates. And not just any kind of chocolate but ALL of Philip’s individually chosen favorites.
"Man, I love you so damn much!" He squealed then offered the box to Jack, who held his hand up to decline the offer.
“How about you and I go downstairs for some breakfast?”
“Don’t you have to be concerned about being seen with me out there?”
Jack shrugged. “I’ll risk it. Besides, it’s doctor’s orders. Come on!” He put the box down and grabbed Philip by the wrist. The young man pulled away.
“I need shoes on, Jack!” He laughed and went to the bed to sit down while he pulled on his shoes. Jack waited by the door then when he saw he was ready, he pulled on the handle and opened the door.
Just as he did that the nurse almost toppled into the room. “Oh! Colonel!” She squeaked as she was caught off guard.
“Listening at the keyhole Lieutenant?” He enquired.
She gave him a pleasant smile as she straightened her uniform. “I was about to push the door opened.”
“Ah!’ He said as he arched his brow then rolled his eyes when he looked at his lover.
“You need me to stay?” Philip asked her. She looked at the colonel then at the patient.
“If that’s okay. Doctor Frasier would like a few observations done. She’s thinking of letting you go home..”
“Today?” Philip frowned.
“Tonight or tomorrow, from what I can tell.” She busied herself with the equipment she’d brought in with her. Philip looked at Jack. The older man looked pleased by this revelation. The younger man, however, did not.
As the pretty nurse looked at him she said, “You’re Lieutenant Simmon’s brother, aren’t you?”
“Ah, yeah,” Philip nodded then smiled. “You know Graham?”
The nurse giggled then shrugged, but the fact that her ears went as red as her cheeks gave away some secret. From the door a loud sigh was heard.
“You’d better go without me, Colonel,” Philip said.
/Colonel?/ Jack arched his brow again. Since when did Philip call him colonel?
“Sure? I’ll get some blueberry pancakes for you?”
The nurse turned to him and Jack screwed his face up as he said, “Hospital food. Doc wants us to treat him to real food before he’s released back into the wild.”
The older officer perplexed the young woman but she said nothing, just nodded politely. Jack rolled his eyes again and Philip shrugged silently.
“I’ll definitely catch you up. This won’t take long, will it?” Philip asked the nurse beside him quietly.
She looked into his eyes, blushed more then stammered shyly, “No.”
Philip looked at Jack. “So I’ll met you there.”
Jack, too preoccupied with his hunger at that moment grumbled but left the room, unaware of the shy little glances the pretty nurse was making towards his handsome lover.
<End of Part 80>
Stories on this page are the property of Nessessitee and Slida. Please do not copy these without the written permission of the Author. All Rights are acknowledged for MGM, Gekko and Stargate Productions as to the Copyrights of the characters within this story and no infringement on the copyrights are intended. For the Bombshells Series the character of Philip Simmons is entirely the creation and intellectual property of Nessessitee and Slida.
While the performances given by RDA and MS help to fuel the author's desire to write for their characters in a niche that she feels is present on the actual show, the portrayal of their characters in loving relationships in no way reflects the Author's opinion of the men's private life, nor should it be construed in that manner.