Bombshells - Part 22 |
by Nessessitee |
Jack skidded to a stop outside Daniel's office. From the sounds of the banging inside he had a fair idea he knew where the young man was. He rapped his knuckles lightly on the door and stepped inside before being invited. Daniel looked up at him across the dimly lit office.
"What do you want, Jack?" He asked tiredly. The officer stepped inside shutting the door behind him.
"To talk.."
Daniel gave a scornful laugh as he shook his head, then he continued to move around the tight office, packing items into the box he cradled in his other arm.
"Danny.." Jack started softly.
"Don't.. okay.. Just... don't.." he said softly, putting the box onto the shelf and leaning down over it, bowing his head. "I don't need your empty apologies..."
"I'm not going to apologize," Jack said quietly. Daniel screwed his eyes shut as he remonstrated with himself for thinking that Jack had *any* real feelings - especially where 'they' were concerned. He felt the officer step in behind him and grip his shoulders in order to straighten him up. Daniel gave in and allowed Jack to pull him back and turn him to face him. Toes to toes and almost nose to nose, they stared into each other's eyes.
"I can't.. I can't apologize..."
Daniel nodded. //Good old Jack, the very same, right down to the last minute!//
"Nothing I say will make up for how I've treated you the past few days..."
Daniel blinked then nodded. //Well, that was true! //
"I.. I.." he heard the stammer growl deep in Jack's throat and looked up at his friend. Jack's eyes squinted and he felt the sting of tears in the back of his nose, and cursed himself for not being stronger. But, after all, his heart was breaking - which surprised him at this moment as he stared into the wide blue eyes.
Daniel's chest was heaving with his ragged breath. He'd run all the way from the briefing room, then as soon as he arrived in his office he set about packing his stuff away, while fighting with every fiber of his being against the flood of emotions welling within him. It was perhaps the emotional fight that tired him more than the physical had.
"Okay-" He gave a slight nod, "so you're apologizing without apologizing.." He nodded. Jack sighed.
"Aww.. Danny.." he said softly and with such bitter disappointment that the younger man felt a shiver down his spine.
The colonel felt lost too. How was he meant to handle this? In the past he probably would have kissed the man, but he didn't *want* to anymore.
"I'm sorry I didn't turn out to be who you wanted me to be, Jack.." Daniel's voice cracked a little on the last word. Their close proximity added to the impact.
The older man bit his bottom lip and shook his head, but Daniel continued, "I never thought of you *that way*, I hope you realize."
He managed to maneuver himself from between Jack and the bench now, realizing how close they were and finding the closeness disturbing considering the conversation. He went over to his desk and leaned back against it, his hands lying against his groin as he sighed.
With a soft voice he said, "When we were at your place, drinking beers and hanging out... I never *once* thought of you that way...."
Jack screwed his eyes shut as he tilted his head back.
Finishing off in a soft, disappointed whisper Daniel added, "You know, being gay doesn't mean you can't be friends as well."
Jack shook his head as he looked over at him. He saw the way Daniel's mouth trembled and knew he had more to say.
"And you were my best friend, Jack.." he said, unashamedly before moving away to his stool, trying to gather his emotions and thoughts together once more. as he dropped his head in his hands.
Jack felt his legs get numb. He wanted to move over to Daniel, but couldn't.
"Danny..." he said, calling quietly across the small room. Daniel sighed and picked up a book beside his elbow, then headed back to the box next to Jack with it.
"I wasn't disappointed..." Jack whispered finally as he stared at the profile of his friend beside him. Daniel raised his brow in disbelief.
"I wasn't.." Jack restated. Daniel nodded and bowed his head as he lent over the box once more. "And I wasn't angry that you were with Graham.." he said softly.
"You sure had a funny way of showing it then," Daniel muttered then he looked back at Jack. "Look, I understand. We've been friends for years and it came as a surprise to you, but, Jack, I thought you'd have been a little more *accepting*. I thought you'd be happy that I was happy. You were my *friend*..!"
He stopped then sighed and turned himself around to mirror Jack's posture against the bench. "I mean, what did you think? That I was after *you*?" He snorted incredulously.
Jack shrugged his shoulders. Had he thought that, things would be different now - very different!! Besides, what was *wrong* with that? Was it so preposterous?
Daniel misread the reaction. "Oh, god, why do people think that all the time about gay people? Do you want to bed every woman you're friends with? Sam? Janet?" He asked, his blue eyes flashing as his trapped tears caught the light.
"No..." Jack said slowly.
Daniel held his hand up to him and nodded. "See.. !! So why does discovering I'm gay threaten you so much?" he asked sadly.
Jack's shoulders went back and he gave his usual, "it doesn't threaten me..."
Daniel inhaled deeply as he nodded. //Like fun, it didn't!//
Continuing in a sad voice, Daniel said, "Yeah, you're an attractive man, okay! And at the start I think I did have a sort of crush on you.." He admitted candidly.
"You did? You just said...?"
The younger man nodded and smiled to himself. "At the beginning," then he turned and looked at Jack, his smile getting bigger, "but once I got to know you a little more, that went.."
"Oh?" Jack nodded, not sure if that was a compliment or not.
Daniel laughed softly at the expression on Jack's face now.
"So you see, those rugby tackles, those snow fights..?" He shrugged, "they were *just* rugby tackles and snow fights, Jack. Just two friends.. that's all."
So now Jack knew how Daniel felt about him at least. There would never have been a hope for a relationship by the sounds of it. But there did seem to be a glimmer of hope for their friendship.
The older man bit his bottom lip a little more. "I guess I've been a bastard.."
Daniel nodded. "Bit more than that, actually..." he said then gave Jack a small smile when the officer looked at him. Jack nodded. He deserved that.
"And I guess I owe you an explanation.." he shrugged.
Daniel crossed his arms over his chest and waited. Jack looked up into the crystal blue eyes, realizing that revealing his white underbelly was going to sting - big time, especially considering Daniel felt nothing more than friendship for him. At least he could smooth it out by telling his friend he wasn't interested *anymore*, that he'd found someone.. Someone very, very wonderful. Perhaps he shouldn't mention *who* just yet. Ah, back to that deception between them, yet again!
"When I say I wasn't angry that you were with Simmons, err, Graham," he stammered then swallowed before continuing, "well, that's only half true." Jack confessed quietly, toying with a small fossil he'd picked up off the bench. "I was jealous.." He swallowed hard then took a moment before looking up at his friend.
Daniel exhaled slowly. Then he nodded.
"Best friends do tend to get jealous when the other finds a partner, I know that," he said, pressing the tips of his fingers together. "I didn't come around as much, I guess," he said with another nod before sighing, "And I know we did spend a lot of time together, before Graham..."
Jack looked at his friend. How oblivious was this guy? He shook his head as he lowered his chin to his chest.
"Danny.."
"Look Jack, I'm sorry. Okay. To be honest, I never picked you for a jealous type." He waved his hand towards his friend then muttered, "I guess, maybe, I don't know you as well as I thought I did - in more ways than one!"
Jack looked at him, his eyes squinted slightly. "You know me better than anyone," he confessed candidly. Daniel held his gaze then pursed his lips as he raised his brow.
Hammond burst into the room and the two men jumped apart. With his heart pounding in his chest, Jack looked at the uptight General.
"Do I scrap this mission, Colonel?" He asked.
Jack swallowed then looked at Daniel. The younger man shook his head.
"Good, well then, might I suggest you get into the embarkation room and keep your minds on the job!"
As Jack looked at Daniel the younger man nodded.
Filing passed Hammond they both heard, "And sort out your private affairs - in *private*!!'
Jack's mouth dropped open. What the hell did Hammond imply there? Daniel must have thought the same as he turned and looked at the rotund man stomping along behind them towards the embarkation room.
When they arrived Sam lifted Jack's black vest up for him and Teal'c held Daniel's out to him. The two men slipped their vests on then caught each other's eye. Without a word they lowered their faces and fastened the clasps as the gate roared to life. Jack turned to look at Sam then Teal'c. Finally his eyes met with the bright shimmering blue one's of his best friend.
"Shall we?" He said to his team before stepping up onto the ramp, his hands holding his gun ready should they meet opposition on the other side.
Sam glanced at Daniel as she stepped past him. It was enough for her that he was still with them. Finding out what had happened between them was something that could wait until after the mission, or for a quiet moment tonight around the camp fire. Right now she settled the helmet on her head, fastening it as she stepped up the ramp and then grabbed her gun just before passing through the shimmering circle.
Daniel fidgeted with his pack as he stepped onto the bottom of the ramp. Teal'c assisted him with a twisted strap and the younger man looked at him with a small smile. The Jaffa lowered his face slightly.
"I will miss you, Daniel Jackson."
Daniel looked up at the wall Jack had just stepped through. Many thoughts went through his head then he cocked his head slightly before muttering, "Thank you, Teal'c."
He adjusted his helmet and headed through the mercurial wall. Teal'c arched his brow slightly before following him.