Jack sat up in his bed, watching the television. His feet were crossed at the ankles and he had a beer resting on his soft jersey covered thigh as he leaned back against a comfortable pillow. Philip entered the room from the bathroom, wearing nothing more than a bath towel wrapped around his hips. He rubbed another towel through his hair as he padded around the room. Jack watched his lover intently, smiling at the lithe body within the small white towel, made to look even whiter against the tanned Egyptian skin. He studied the 'Y' shaped back then, as Philip turned to the side he saw the halo of dark hair skimming the flat stomach in profile. As the librarian reached for his watch then secured it around his wrist, Jack watched the arm muscles bulge slightly and the chest muscles flex with the effort of attaching the wrist watch. He looked down at his own gray sweatshirt covered stomach. He was not flabby, that much was fact, but he was a long way off the washboard stomach that he used to have - before he grew older and took a year off to retire! One year without exercise sure could affect a guy! Then again, one week of aerobic exercise - the sexual kind - that they had been doing should have been enough to tighten any body!

Jack was the happiest he'd been in a very long while and he would have been happy to be holed up in his house with Philip all week, if the younger man hadn't insisted that he had to work everyday. While Jack missed him during the day he found things to occupy his mind - it was the two late nights that had him crawling the walls when Philip went home instead of coming to stay with him. It wasn't purely sexual though, Jack simply missed the younger man's companionship on those nights. He was able to finally catch up on some of the back log of paperwork he had sitting on his desk in his office at home though, which was a good thing. It wasn't what he'd prefer to be doing, of course, he'd *prefer* to be entangled with Philip, discussing *anything* with the intelligent young man. There didn't seem a subject that Philip couldn't debate seriously about, even understanding a limited amount of Military jargon and theories thanks to his bigger brother. In that way, he reminded Jack of Daniel, a lot! One of those nights Jack tried calling Daniel but there was no answer at the anthropologist's apartment.

And here it was, Saturday night and Philip was getting ready to go to a friend's party - without Jack. They'd discussed it on and off all day, but Jack wasn't ready to escort Philip to parties or anything just yet. He wasn't sure he was ever going to be ready to attend a party with Philip, but especially this one. Graham was going to be there, it was his night off and he and Philip knew this friend well. Philip also wanted to go as it was the same host for the party that Daniel and Graham got together at, and he thought his brother could use the support. Jack couldn't find that kind of logic and consideration so he smiled and told Philip to 'have fun', and didn't say another word about it.

Now he laid there in the comfort of sweat pants and sweatshirt, and watched his Adonis a while longer, seeing the faint outline of a six-pack on the firm body. It wasn't something Philip worked on though, it was just 'there', from years of lugging heavy books around and shifting shelves and things like that. Like everything on that man that Jack found sexy, it was another 'unconscious' thing. Philip didn't work towards it and he didn't show it off either. He just 'had' it.

"Philip," he said, then gave the 'come here' flick of his fingers when the younger man looked over at him. Philip took the towel from his head and dropped it to the floor as he crawled on his hands and knees over the bed to Jack.

He knelt over Jack's legs, then smiled as he said, "Jonathon."

Jack was going to speak but smiled instead. It always threw him with Philip said his real name, and there was something about the way he said it that sounded so sexy.

"You know I only call you Philip to hear you call me Jonathon!?"

Brushing his long fringe from his eyes, the younger man nodded. "I know."

Jack was fascinated with the way the muscles moved under the tanned skin, then he saw the tuft of clean, fresh dark hair under Philip's arm as he swept his hair off his face once more.

The colonel sighed lustfully. "Do you really have to go to this party tonight?"

"Yes, I really have to go to this party tonight!"

Jack's hands slipped up onto the towel covered thighs as he brought his knees up and cradled the kneeling man in the nook of his body. Philip nuzzled back against the jersey covered thighs.

Sitting up straighter, the colonel reached for the chest and covered it in light kisses. "If you stay home we could....." he said, gently biting the nipple and ring.

Philip's laugh made his chest vibrate against Jack's mouth. "And that would make tonight different ... how?"

Jack grinned and looked at him. "True!"

"Come with me," Philip said, his hands resting on the curve of Jack's stomach and waist.

"You know I can't," the officer sighed.

Philip gave a shrug. "I know, but it was worth a try,' he said. Jack crooked his finger and slipped it down the chest and onto the stomach in a slight zig-zag pattern. The trim stomach sucked in as the light touch grazed the navel then tucked under the top of the towel. Philip looked down then up at the dark eyes.

"Jack," he said sternly as the older man grinned at him.

"Yes Phil?" He asked, tugging the material apart slowly.

Philip gripped it into his fist as he sighed. "I don't want to reek of sex when I go there!"

Jack pouted. "You're no fun!"

Philip laughed then refastened the towel. "Not what you said last night when I let you tie me up!"

Jack groaned loudly, curling up to kiss across the smooth shoulder then up the side of Philip's neck.

"That's it! You're definitely not going to this party!" He said in between light nibbles of the warm flesh. Philip tossed his head back and laughed deeply.

"Sure," he growled as Jack kissed his arched throat repeatedly, "I'll just tell Graham that I couldn't come because the 'Colonel had me tied up back at his place'."

Jack's hands held the arched back as he moved to kiss the collar bone. "Damn!" He mumbled, his lips pressed against the warm, sandalwood scented flesh. Wrapping his arms around the gray head, Philip planted a kiss onto the hair as he laughed.

"I'm sure he'd understand!"

With dagger looks Jack look at his lover again. "Ya think?"

Philip chuckled and rubbed his nose against the tip of Jack's. "Oh, yeah, sure!" He placed a kiss onto the tip of the older man's nose then straightened up again.

"So when do I see you again?" Jack asked casually as he rubbed his hands on the towel covered thighs.

Rolling his eyes, Philip shrugged. "After work tomorrow? I'll come here if you like."

"Working on a Sunday!" Jack muttered scornfully.

Sucking a deep breath, Philip said playfully, "Yeah, how about that, eh? The Public Library being opened on a damn Sunday!"

The colonel looked at his mocking lover. "You know, I wouldn't put up with just anyone talking to me like that!" He said as he wagged his finger at Philip. The younger man bit it lightly then spat it out.

"But I'm not just anyone! Am I, Jack!"

Their eyes met and they grew serious a moment. "No, you certainly aren't!" The colonel said, lovingly smoothing his hand down the side of Philip's face then onto the arched throat as Philip closed his eyes and tilted his head back to enjoy the caress.

"Do me a favor?" Jack asked in a soft voice. Philip's dark eyes opened slowly. "Try to get some sleep. You're looking tired."

The younger man smiled and nudged the hand against his cheek. "I'm fine. I've had quite an active week though," he said, hoping to quell his lover's concerns for his health.

"If you come back here tonight, I promise.. I'll just cuddle you.." Jack said, curling his finger and stroking it down the dark cheek.

A hesitant smile flittered on Philip's lips. "Nice offer, but I might be late. It's better that I go home. I can always sleep at the office!" He added with a slight chuckle.

"Sleeping on the job? You'll get into trouble with your boss!"

Philip groaned. "Yeah, I know. He's such an ass too!"

"Yeah." Jack grinned. "A pretty good one too!"

Philip laughed then leant onto the curled chest. "Do you think about sex twenty four hours a day, Jack?"

"Hell, no!" Jack feigned insult. "Not unless you count dreaming as thinking and then... well... yeah okay," he joked, shrugging then joining in with Philip's laugh.

"You are insatiable!"

Holding his finger up, Jack shook his head. "Ah, no! I managed almost two years without sex, except that one time and I was drugged... so that didn't count!"

Philip frowned. "You were drugged then... what?"

"No, not as bad as it sounds really. I ate something I shouldn't have, and then .." he shrugged, "Then I woke up..."

"In someone's bed?"

"Yeah," Jack said, then scratched his eyebrow quickly, "Actually, *she* thought we were married, which was .. well.. impossible..."

"Impossible?"

"I'm married, remember!"

There was a flicker as the smile slightly ebbed from Philip's lips and eyes. The younger man shook his head then cupped his hand on Jack's cheek. "You live such a strange life!"

Rolling his eyes Jack just nodded. "It has it's moments! But, if it wasn't for that, then I've managed a few years of no sex, while you.." He said as he pressed his finger against Philip's nose, "Only managed a year...!"

"That was your fault though! I was serious about not having sex again, Jack," he said, his dark eyes staring deeply into Jack's.

The older man saw the intensity within them and grew serious as he nodded, "I know."

"But you showed me .. well.. you showed me how good it could be!"

The colonel frowned. "You make it sound like you never had good sex..."

"Jack, I've had more sex in the past seven days with you than I probably had in the last year of my relationship with John, let alone last year at all!"

// How could anyone resist this man?//

Jack shook his head. "God, why!?" The colonel asked in a quiet hiss.

Philip rolled his eyes as he kicked his leg over Jack's thigh and got up off the bed. "I guess he was getting it elsewhere, he didn't need me for that!" He said, going over to his bag and pulling out some clean boxer shorts.

Jack screwed his eyes shut tight. He'd forgotten that little detail. John had been having affairs, which is why Philip contracted HIV in the first place. Cursing himself mentally, Jack got up off the bed and went over to Philip, just as the younger man was removing the towel and tugging the shorts into place.

He gripped his shoulders firmly as he bowed his head and whispered, "I'm sorry."

With a shrug, Philip said coolly, "We were companions, I guess. We attended functions together, and we would spend Sunday mornings curled up reading the paper and discussing current issues... We talked a lot."

Jack mumbled, "Sounds like you needed to!"

Philip looked at him then gave a half hearted shrug. "After a few months Jack, there has to be more than just sex. John and I were compatible on so many levels."

"Except consideration. I don't believe you can justify that man's behavior towards the end..."

"No, and I hated him for what he did to me!" The dark eyes clouded. "I'd never hated anyone in my life up until that point, but I can honestly say that I hated him!"

Jack turned him around to face him again. Tilting the tired looking face up towards him, the colonel sighed when he saw the tears trapped in the lower lashes.

"I think he knew, towards the end of our relationship, that he was sick.. and I think he knew, even then, that he'd infected me..." The voice was soft and shaky. Swallowing hard, Philip shrugged then sniffed. "I sometimes wonder if he'd have ever told me though, if I hadn't walked in on them..."

Jack's hand cradled the wet cheek as his thumb brushed over the soft bottom lip. Shaking his head, he felt rage boil within him as he looked into the dark eyes of his gentle lover. "I could kill him myself.." the older man whispered hatefully.

"I'd rather he died slowly and painfully like..." Philip stopped abruptly then turned away and shook his head as he went towards the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Jack growled, scrubbing his hands into his hair as he bit hit bottom lip while staring at the door. Feeling a little shaky himself, he didn't know what to do as he stood staring at the bathroom door.

Suddenly Philip cried out loud, "SHIT!"

Jack raced to the door and went in. The younger man was staring at his throat in the mirror as blood trickled from a cut near his Adam's apple. Jack followed a droplet as it splashed into the hand basin. There was more bright red blood droplets on the white porcelain, and the razor, dropped haphazardly, sat in the drain hole.

"Ouch!" The Colonel cringed, as he moved to his other cabinet and got out his First Aid kit. Setting it onto the shelf, he flipped it open.

"What are you doing?" Philip asked, his eyes wild as he watched Jack search through the kit.

"Damn," the older man muttered under his breath before leaving the bathroom and going to the side table by his bed. Philip grabbed out some cotton wool and pressed it against the nick.

When Jack returned to the room he was pulling a glove on. Philip held the drenched cotton wool in his hand, his fingers covered in his own blood as he watched Jack move around him to stand at his other side.

"Come on, let's see it.." he said, indicating with two fingers for Philip to turn around.

"Don't be stupid Jack!" he hissed.

"Phil, I'm perfectly safe. Come on, before you bleed to death!" he said, not willing to listen to the arguments.

"Go to hell!" Philip said, then turned away, mopping up the blood himself.

"Excuse me?" Jack said testily, tilting his head slightly.

"Get out of here! Go on, Jack!"

"Philip!"

"Get _ Out_ Of_ Here!" the younger man screamed. Jack's eyes narrowed then he tugged the glove off before storming from the bathroom.

By the time Philip had finished cleaning up the cut, Jack was in the dining room, cradling a cup of hot coffee between his two hands. The younger man went into the kitchen, poured himself a cup and eased himself down into a chair opposite Jack's.

"Sure could use a cigarette!" He muttered as he lifted the cup and took a sip. He got no response from the man facing him.

They sat in stony silence for a long while, until Philip pushed himself up and headed to the front door. He pulled a jacket on and started checking his pockets before heading back to Jack's bedroom.

Standing by the front door with his bag in his hand he looked at his silent lover.

"Jack?"

He got an icy stare in response.

"Okay, well, I'm going now. I'll call you after work.."

There was still no response from the surly man. Philip yanked on the door and went out, letting the large front door slam loudly behind him. Jack hissed as he finally released his breath, keeping it held so that he didn't blow up at Philip for his stupid behavior. He remained staring at the door for a while, watching as lights flashed across the window, indicating that Philip had pulled out of the drive way.

Getting up slowly, Jack realized his head was starting to ache. Grabbing the aspirin from his bathroom, he noticed how everything was wiped clean and put away again, the kit was even returned to the cupboard where Jack had gotten it from.

He crawled into his bed, clicking the television off as he crumpled a pillow under his head, rolling onto his side and sighing heavily.

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